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/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL


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10225084 No.10225084 [Reply] [Original] [rbt]

Broken edition

>> No.10225286
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10225286

i saw a /fit/ male cosplayer walk around the convention center wearing a cheap looking Venom bodysuit

Other than that, the way the suit emphasized and hung around everypart of his body made me thirsty

>> No.10225294
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10225294

For some reason this memory came back to me
>be photographing at a convention
>see a nice cosplay
>"hey, can I take your picture?"
>"sure!"
>snap a few shots
>"cool, thanks!"
>"uh.. do you also want to photograph my friend?"
>look over to where she was gesturing
>right next to us is a girl I absolutely didn't notice, staring daggers at me
>her cosplay didn't look as good as that of the girl I was photographing, and she didn't look as good in general
>clearly this registers as me purposefully excluding her
>"uh, c-can I take your picture too?"
>a decisive, almost aggressive "no!" with a forced smile on.
This happened quite a while ago and I still feel pretty bad about it.

>> No.10225306
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10225306

> wearing a casual sweet coord to the mall for a nice day out with the husband
>see one of those awful kiosks where they try to rope you in with small talk to get you to buy their crap
>accidentally make eye contact with one of them
>salesman guy goes 'love your costume'
>shut him down with a 'it's not a costume, but thank you'
>he looks embarrassed and says 'oh its not? sorry...'
>smile and say 'its fine' and glide by without him getting to do his sales pitch.
> critical success

>> No.10225307

>>10225294
Don't feel too bad, people wanting your friend's picture but not yours sucks a bit but it's normal and she shouldn't have gotten pissy about it

>> No.10225492
File: 84 KB, 750x740, f03e8de4-45b3-42d9-b070-3da129f2622a.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10225492

>tfw pastel ap sweetfag
>tfw 170 cm

i'm skinny + long legged with a decently cute face but so many of my dream dresses are just too short on me that i can't wear them

>> No.10225495

When none of the ex's ever liked lolita fashion. That's fine, I don't need their approval.

New guy looks like Capt America pops out of nowhere dishing compliments/admiration/praises like it's free.
Tells me you're cute, cute, cute.

My mind: I don't need no validation from a hot guy! I'm not that easy!
Him: "I want to share food with you"
My heart: Take him home!!!

>> No.10225659

>>10225492
so 5' 6" - 5' 7"??? That's not that tall Anon. In fact that's the national average in America. I'm 5' 6" and my sweet AP dresses hit a little above my knees.

>> No.10225665

>>10225659
Avg in america is 5'4 actually, and for lolita purposes, above about 5'3 is tall

>> No.10225666

>>10225492

5' 6'' is not even that tall. You should be able to wear sweet just fine. Maybe don't wear heels if you are worried about it.

>> No.10225696

>>10225495
I need this in my life. My ex was critical of my prints because they weren't 'minimalist' enough for him. It's fine to not like it, but at every fucking opportunity he'd use it to point out what a great fucking artist he was because he was a minimalist and shame me for liking what I like.

>> No.10225718

>>10225666
Satan get behind me.
>>10225492
Wear heels, give no fucks, wear your skirts short, absolute territory or die.

>> No.10225723

>>10225084
>im bren

>> No.10225735
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10225735

>>10225495
Take him home gull. Please.
We're not supposed to derail the feels thread talking about boys, but he sounds so much better than any of your exes. I can imagine you're afraid of getting hurt. But please don't let that hold you back. He's probably just as scared. Go be terrified together, over a shared meal of good food.

>> No.10225768

>>10225084
>Want to cut out toxic friend
>Friend is in my comm
>Friend will definitely ruin my reputation if I don't do what she wants.

I know I am not the only one who is tired of her toxic bullshit but damn is it hard to get rid of her. Why haven't other people realized how terrible she is yet?

>> No.10225808

When I was 16, I started out as ita. I went through college, gained a lot of weight because of a mixture if circumstances. Through that time I learned a lot about lolita. Started buying brand as thinspo. I'm finally fitting in it and it makes me so happy. I'll never be a whale

>> No.10225837

>>10225768
People tend to believe the first version of events they hear about. If you think she'll try to spread lies about you, warn the people she'll send them to first.

>> No.10225844

>>10225837
This is bad advice
My friend is dealing with this right now, and this tactic has had the effect of isolating her. And it's not like she can move to the next smaller town over because the target makes a point to visit fairly often.

>> No.10225855

>tfw no tall rock 'n' roll lolita gf to leave me starstruck
Man, I got nothing but bad luck running after me

>> No.10225930

Is it just me or is the old school discord super weird. I just subsmitted a wardrobe pic to join and no response, nothing from mods, just insta banned.

I've seen the chick who mods it just not respond to people when they ask why they didn't get in, seems super weird to me. So cliquey. Anyone else have similar experiences?

>> No.10225945

>>10225930
You honestly aren't missing anything. Mod is paranoid about cgl, meanies and gossip (even though there's plenty of it in the server and they all lurk here anyway kek), you probably just tried to join in the wrong time.

>> No.10225954

>>10225855
that's me, but no thanks

>> No.10225959

>>10225930
No. It's easy to get in. Maybe your coord really sucked.

>> No.10225963

>>10225959
it wasn't a coord, I posted a wardrobe pic with a paper with my discord info on it. I mean it's not a big deal, I'm not heartbroken over it, just a little annoying. Also would someone be banned just for having a bad coord, even if it was lolita?

>> No.10225966

>>10225963
Reapply with proof that you wear the fashion. Like, send a picture with you wearing a coord. That's what you're supposed to do

>> No.10225979

>>10225966
in the rules they said you could send a wardrobe pic if you don't post on social media (which I don't- I also don't take polished coord pics that' aren't bathroom mirror selfies anyway). I am a freak about pseudonymity because I know people here can be very vindictive and hold grudges, and I don't want my identity to be associated with my online presence.

>> No.10225981

>>10225966
>>10225979
>>10225959

not to mention, they banned me so I can't reapply anyway. If this was the issue wouldn't they have messaged me rather than instabanning?

>> No.10225987

>>10225981
Anon isn't speaking from experience, otherwise they'd know good coords clearly aren't a requirement.

>> No.10226017

>>10225837
That doesn't work when dealing with a toxic person because they are likely way ahead of you. With toxic people you need to figure out they are toxic as a group and cut them out together. I have had to deal with one and she the moment she'd realize you were no longer trusting her she would turn on you and by the time you find out everyone would have already heard her talk shit about you behind your back. She would need other people to support her and group up. Then they'd have to spread it together.

>> No.10226032 [DELETED] 
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10226032

Tfw u bought a genuine day dream carnival. The price was surprisingly cheap.
It came with an un-repairable broken zipper and stain the seller didn’t mention. I’m way too in denial to throw it out though.

>> No.10226037

My friends bought me some super ita stuff for my birthday. I gotta wear it so I don’t hurt their feelings. It was super thoughtful to try and get lolita stuff. I am bracing myself to be posted on ita threads though and look like an absolute clown showing up to events.

>> No.10226041

>>10226032
Might as well try to fix it up as best you can.
If you succeed you got some brand for cheap and if you fail, it was already fucked anyway.

>> No.10226047

>>10226037
just don't take pics in it

>> No.10226048

>>10225768
If she’s toxic she will likely run a smear campaign. I’ve seen toxic queen bees get girls banned from their comm because someone saw them for who they really are. Toxic people are quick to get ahead because they are the most likely to be thinking in those terms.

>> No.10226050

>>10225930
Posting here is probably why you'll never bw let in. That or you weren't wearing anything old school in your photo, they stopped allowing modern coords.

>> No.10226080

>>10226050
did you even read anything I wrote? I didn't have a coord, I submitted a wardrobe pic like the instructions said you could. My wardrobe contains old school items, and if this were an issue then why would I be instantly banned rather than the mods reaching out for more pics/ clarification.

>> No.10226085

>>10226080
Are you lying about being banned

>> No.10226093

>>10226085
Oh my god I might be retarded. I went back to the invite link for proof of having been banned, and I can still access it. for some reason it disappeared from my list of servers and my application post was gone? Now I'm confused and I don't know what's going on. I definitely did not leave the server, and I was able to click in the welcome channel up to this morning, then the server tab just disappeared. I'm definitely able to access it now. Better luck next time I guess.

>> No.10226106

>>10225492
I feel this, I'm leggy long in the waist and 170 too, bodies sit high and dresses are up my thigh. I've embraced the underskirt. I can't do the short length, I just don't like it at all on me.

>> No.10226108

>>10226093
Just reapply anon.

>> No.10226110

>>10226093
it's called being kicked anon

>> No.10226117

Yo I’m sorry getting kicked or something with no explanation isn’t a good feeling.

And I’m short with almost no boobs and I still struggle to fit my chest in some lolita. Am I supposed to have inverted tits? Maybe my general torso width is too long but I cirtainly don’t have the build of like a swimmer.

>> No.10226119

>>10226117
Assuming you're non asian, you have a bigger frame/ribcage than asian girls even with flat chest, that would be why

>> No.10226136
File: 205 KB, 634x758, chavlita.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10226136

>>10225084
>As I click through the website where I order my dress
>I take a look at my cart, and realize there's nothing left.
>'Cause I've been hoarding and coording so long
>that even Misako thinks that my mind is gone.

>But I ain't never popped a loli that that didn't deserve it.
>Me be a comm bully, you know that's unheard of.
>Better keep lookin' regal, 'cause wear illegal
>replicas and you know you'll be posted on /cgl/

>I'm not a vendetta-chan, but when I see
>some shitty Hot Topic coord, I spill the tea.
>Girl, I'm the living doll all the lolis wanna be like
>Petticoat feeling right, in my Baby the Stars Shine Bright

>Been spending most our lives living in an ita's paradise...

>> No.10226138
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10226138

>>10226136
is this oh cee ?

>> No.10226139

>>10226138
Yeah, I just posted it to make my lolita little sister laugh.

>> No.10226173

>>10226139
Pretty good

>> No.10226176

>>10226136
Very nice! I'm inspired, so take my variation

>As I walk through my wardrobe, my sanctum til death
>I dig through my brand, and gotta wonder what's next
>Cause I've been hoarding and coording for so long that
>Even Misako thinks that my mind is gone

>But I ain't never post a hag that didn't deserve it
>Me be featured in a thread, you know that's unheard of
>You better look up cause the seagulls are out
>All these whales and cows think they fit brand clout

>I really hate to brag but I'm real cute
>Mana's mute, unlike him I got AP loot, fool
>Such a lovely wolf, my frill's my disguise
>Like at the meet, sipping tea, bidding sniped ya real time

>Been spending most our life ordering a brand whore's paradise...

>> No.10226205

Why do people who never come to meets comment they're not coming to a meet? If you want to interact with the comm, but can't do it in person, think of something to post on the comm page and chat with people there.

>> No.10226209

>>10226176
>>10226136
if only there was someone on this board that does voice-acting

>> No.10226223

>>10225696
Oh man, anon! That sucks, and there's no need for it! I'd be like 'hey, you're bringing me down nitpicking on my hobbies, can you show me the same courtesy I give you & your lifestyle choices?'
I know your feels, so's are meant to uplift you, not the other way round.

>>10225735
Thanks anon! Food brings ppl together and hope we'll work out.
As an observation I've noticed that this time, my lolita coords/wigs/heavy make were seen before the normie underneath, taking away any 'oh wtf is she wearing?' surprises later on.
Whereas the previous exes met the normie me before learning about the fashion, cue massive explanation of what lolita fashion is =/= trying to impress them or reason with them how it's a perfectly justifiable passion. So tired of all that.

>> No.10226237

>Be me
>Buys 2 babydoll cut jsks because their bust measurements are within mine
>One is at max 98cm bust by the seller
>Other one was purchased second hand by someone who said it fit them and they had a 41 inch bust
> I'm a ~80 - 86cm bust
>dresses don't fit right
>cries because i fell in love with them and they don't look right on me

idek how that works. if I'm practically 10 cm smaller than the max size on one and nearly 9/10 inches smaller on the other, how does it not look right even with a babydoll cut??? am I wearing the wrong bra?? should I wear no bra??? Should i give up and just hate having big boobs for this moment?? can I salvage this???

>> No.10226239

I want to try more revealing cosplays but I have so much cellulite. I've had it since I was 14 (and stretch marks since high school) and I know that no amount of diet or exercise will fix it. I just want to be able to show my butt/upper thighs without feeling like they look 40 years older than the rest of my body

>> No.10226240

>>10226237
you can wear a binder

>> No.10226241

>>10226239
there's "leg makeup" spray on things that will cover up both

>> No.10226242

>>10225954
Now you may have all you want, baby, but I got something you need

>> No.10226244

>>10226237
Have you tried wearing a sports bra or binder? Sometimes I have to to improve the look. Lolita is a boob prison

>> No.10226250

>>10226239
dance tights

>> No.10226258

>>10226240
>>10226244

I haven't tried a binder since I don't have one or have the money to get a proper one but i do have some sports bras i haven't worn in a couple years i could try.

it sucks cause i tried to google normie babydoll cut dresses on busty girls and found nothing. lolita truly is a boob prison.

>> No.10226271
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10226271

.I just don't know what to do with myself.
I feel like in a way that wearing Japanese fashion is fucking up my life. It used to not be so bad when I was 16-21 but now at 22 and 23 it seems like it has been a lot worse.
I wear fairy kei and other colorful clothes pretty much daily and before I would get a lot of compliments and some judgmental people but a lot more positives than negatives but now it seems like no matter what I am wearing as long as it is "cute" in any way or fairy kei looking it has been drawing all sorts of nasty attention.
Anywhere from people I work with calling me a kid and saying I look like a pedophile's dream to people I meet that I think are friendly turning out being two faced and between my natural peppy demeaner and my clothes thinking I am "fake" or superficial or that I look like a 7 year old and that they would be embarassed to hang out with me alone. This is even when I wear really toned down outfits like normal jean shorts but some colorful bracelets and a pastel t shirt!
I just don't know what to do. I love other forms of alternative fashion too but have always LOVED pastels so much and they really make me feel the most comfortable and really truly myself. Even my boyfriend finds me not physically appealing in any of my colorful clothes but deals with it because he loves me for what is inside instead.
I could stop wearing pastels but then I would feel like I would be hiding away what to me is a big part of who I am and a truly ingrained part of myself. I don't want so many nasty experiences with people and to embarass everyone but I also know if I changed my style for good and threw out my pastels it would be losing and hiding a part of who I am just to appeal to other people.
I am so conflicted and lost.

>> No.10226280

>>10226271
I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I wish I had more answers. It just really sucks that people think all these nasty things about you just because you’re wearing what makes you feel comfortable. Especially when it’s not hurting anyone else.

>> No.10226285

>>10226271
honestly, you just need to stop caring about others opinions and wear what you want.

>> No.10226289

>>10226271
at some point you just have to realize that what other people think doesn't matter. you're not living life for them, do what makes you happy

>> No.10226291

>>10226280
Thank you for your sympathy. It is difficult
>>10226285
Easy to say but it sucks when time and time again for the past year you think you really are friends with people and it turns out people you really had fun with and trusted or thought you connected with thought you were fake or were embarassed by you all along.
It is not like these are all random acquaintances and it hurts when it keeps happening after you have opened up to people.
I can't just not talk to anyone and be a recluse, I like interacting with people and having friends.

>> No.10226293

>>10226291
trust me, I was there too. but they aren't really your friends if they're talking shit and therefore their opinions matter even less. real friends will love you and accept you for you. I know it sucks, but you have to live your life for yourself and not for other people.

>> No.10226300

>>10226271
Have been there too, I especially relate to people saying I'm a pedophile's dream or pedo bait even when I wear normie clothes.

It isn't easy being visibly different desu. You either live kinda miserably doing whatever gets you the least amount of attention but being unhappy or live positively and happy with yourself even if other people take issue with it. A lot of times it's just an adult version of elementary through high school type bullying and gossip.

Those people aren't truly your friends if they can't accept you for yourself over something like fairy kei or clothes.

>> No.10226301
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10226301

I'm gothic by nature but i've been reading Alice in Wonderland related material and now I want to wear sax and a pinafore. It's an odd feeling. Kind of fun, but no wayI'm going to actually dress up like Alice. I'd never live it down.

>> No.10226307

i know this is taboo but I'm glad I lucked upon a boyfriend who finds me sexually attractive and cute in lolita fashion. i spent most of my life feeling like I'm ugly and unattractive because that is what other people would always say and now that one person finding me sexually attractive makes me feel happy in a weird way.

Now I am finding more things about myself, especially when I wear lolita to be sexy in my own way because it suits my personality, style and aesthetic but it feels wrong yet makes me feel good.

>> No.10226316

>>10226293
I have a couple close friends but I don't have the emotional strength to just be judged harshly or be thought of badly by such a huge percentage of people I interact with.
I don't want to live my life "for" other people but it sucks not to be able to even go out playing board games at your local card shop or out to karaoke and socializing without knowing so many people you are interacting with normally and being perfectly kind to are judging you or making nasty assumptions about you that they are not thinking of anyone else just because of your natural demeanor and your appearence.
You have to admit when someone you thought you got along with on a friendly level thought you were embarassing or a freak the whole time it bothers you even a little.
For me just it happening so much is compounding and I don't care too much about the individual opinions, but instead about the general social isolation/strain it is causing me to feel.
>>10226300
Yeah it is just a tough situation and I know there is no easy answer. I just will have to think hard about what I really want.
It just is ridiculous and even causes problems between me and friends of friends or a couple times my boyfriend's friends. They stand up for me and stop talking to the problematic person (without me asking to them to, I was told after the fact was settled when these happened) but it feels bad that something as simple as my slyle choices is causing things like this to happen in the first place and might even be straining some people close to me's relationships in addition to how it is just effecting me.

>> No.10226317

I’ve been wondering whether I should get a wig or run my natural hair with this cosplay, I’m pretty afraid getting a wig will look bad with my skin color

>> No.10226318

>>10226271
This life is fleeting, the ceaseless void waits for us all.
When you're a little older, no one you've ever met will remember what they said or did to you. When you are ready, people will demand and expect you to change less. The choice is yours if you'll hold onto bad memories, and your choice when you no longer hear their bleating.

Friendships are the passings of celestial bodies in the vast abyss, you keep a part of them and they a part of you, but it's a fleeting thing, choose to keep the good parts and discard their junk.

You are stardust floating on a speck, the light of the stars in the sky are finite, matter is finite, and so is the human soul.

Live for eternity in pastels anon, there is nothing for you in the eyes of miserable strangers.

>> No.10226332

>>10226316

The people who stood up for you are your actual friends, esp since they did it of their own accord. If you're worried about how it's stressing your friends, you should ask them directly, but chances are, they saw that toxic person for who they were and cut 'em loose. I've had to do the same when someone was shit talking one of my other friends and I told them to tone it down and knock it off. if someone is going to pretend to be friendly to you to your face, but then turn around and gossip to you or talk badly about you to mutual friends, they're (the gossiper) is the toxic person, not you.

it's understandable feeling bad though. however, how someone dresses, especially in something as innocent as fairy kei and pastels, shouldn't be so much of an issue people cut off friends because of it. 'Cause can you imagine?

"Sorry Cindy, I hate how Stephanie dresses, so I can't be friends with you anymore unless Stephanie starts wearing clothes I like or approve of for her to wear."

>> No.10226385

Lately I've been hesitant to wear any kind of J-fashion. There was some drama in my comm, so I've tried to stay away from anywhere that it would pop up. Normally doing this helps me mentally, but lately staying away has made my anxiety worse. I've been doubting if anyone likes me or they are just putting up with me. This leads to me being hesitant to even go to meetups or post in the comm. I got my meds adjusted so I've gotten better, but I'm still worried about the comm.

>> No.10226496 [DELETED] 
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10226496

how to get lolita/cosplay gf

>> No.10226523
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10226523

So, something happened a lot at the most recent con I went to that has never happened so frequently before
>"What are your pronouns"?
2 people asked me that, and several others asked my friends
just... why
Its so incredibly weird and awkward to me, and its never happened before. Is it just because of my slight androgyny or is it a new trend? One of my friends isn't even androgynous, so i really don't know why they'd ask her.
I don't get it and I don't like it.

>> No.10226524

I won my dream dress, I can’t wait for it to come in! It’s the first time in a while that I’ve actually been excited for a new purchase. I got it for significantly under what I was willing to pay too so it’s like a double victory.

>> No.10226531
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10226531

>>10226524
Congrats Anon! What's the dress?

>> No.10226547

>>10226317
natural hair looks bad and lazy 99.99% of the time, get the wig

>> No.10226564

>>10226523
It's just the new etiquette.

>> No.10226569

>>10226564
its awkward though. 99% of people its obvious if someone is male or female.

>> No.10226573

Con I was going to sent out an email saying they had a data breach and compromised the personal info of anyone who bought a badge already.

Just kill me

>> No.10226575

So ladies I’m rather new to cons only really started going because of my other hobbies and my love for them, but what is the best way to not fall into any traps with girls while I’m there. I’m just a simple dude trying to have a good time with friends, I don’t want to deal with any drama if someone approaches me

>> No.10226576

>>10226523
>>10226569
Awkward or not I understand it as a way of normalising the consent and active preference of your pronouns instead of just hoping people assume the right one. As a cis woman I just smile and reply her. They didn't ask because they were unsure. They asked because if they do this with everyone it won't be awkward to go through the "extra step" when encountering someone gender-special.

Don't think too much about it, it's all over in like 2 seconds. Only as awkward as you make it.

>> No.10226597

>>10226576
>I understand it as a way of normalising the consent and active preference of your pronouns instead of just hoping people assume the right one.
but why? Its entirely unnecessary. Like asking someone what their hair, eye, or skin color is. kinda obvious and really weird to ask.

>> No.10226604

>>10226547
Thanks, I’ll get the black wig and style it at some point

>> No.10226612

>>10226597
Because not everyone 100% passes or presents with what they feel comfortable being called. People who are trans don't just inject estrogen and wake up the next day with wide hips and tits

>> No.10226613

>>10226597
Genderspecials, anon. More and more people out there claiming to be the opposite sex or "nonbinary" despite doing absolutely nothing to pass and then screaming misgendering at anyone who calls them what they really are. You're not the only one who hates it but unfortunately they are becoming more and more accepted.

>> No.10226626

>>10226612
>People who are trans don't just inject estrogen and wake up the next day with wide hips and tits
well, yea, but they aren't the other sex until they do though.
>>10226613
>More and more people out there claiming to be the opposite sex or "nonbinary" despite doing absolutely nothing to pass
yea, I have one friend who says she is non-binary, but she is super feminine and i'm just like ????
I call myself androgynous and dress/act as such. Still think the pronouns thing is dumb.

>> No.10226636

>>10226626
>I call myself androgynous and dress/act as such.
Androgynous isn't a gender either, anon.

>> No.10226708

>>10226626
So trans people are supposed to wait 2-3 years before ever going by the pronouns and presenting as the gender they want to be just so you don't have to take 10 seconds to ask them first?
Alright snowflake

>> No.10226710

>>10226626
At cons especially, people might be crossplaying as well, so you can never really tell.

>> No.10226711

>>10226708
>So trans people are supposed to
no, everyone. Anyone who wants to be recognized as a certain thing has to actually be that thing before being recognized as such.

>> No.10226722

>>10226711
Alright snowflake

>> No.10226759

I’m fine with pronoun disclosure/requests up front. It signals them as transtrenders, handmaidens etc immediately so I can just ignore them without wasting any further conversation time. Politely, of course. Why is this even a problem?

>> No.10226800

>>10226711
wise words

>> No.10226808

>>10226711
trannies eternally btfo

>> No.10226815

>>10226575
What makes you think girls are going to be approaching you?

>> No.10226819

>>10226708
There are ways to change your appearance that don't involve surgery or hormones. If you dress fully feminine, have a feminine hairstyle etc and tell people you identify as male, you are dumb and not making any effort

>> No.10226828

I don't know why lolitas use cosplay when they actually mean low quality/cheap. I do both and cosplay is by far the expensive hobby if you don't buy the cheapest chink shit. Not to mention building a cosplay is more time consuming than throwing a coord together and there are plenty crazy people who make super detailed handmade costumes that are better quality than factory produced lolita dresses.

>> No.10227046

>>10226523
I've never been asked this specific question but I hate the fact that it might be reality one day. I'm female but have a pixie cut, so sometimes people call me "sir" from behind.

I much rather them misgender me because I can understand where they are coming from and it's just a mistake. Someone asking my pronoun is invasive and insulting. Just refer to me as you interpret me, please.

>> No.10227050

I miss cosplaying with my ex.

Feelsbadman

>> No.10227052

>>10226828

It's how cheap junk made it into the lolita comm originally -- itas bought "lolita cosplay" because it's cheap and "it looks almost the same" as brand. Bonus points if said person also decides to roleplay a "kawaii" persona at an actual meetup because they have actually confused lolita with some kind of roleplaying cosplay comm and think we all go to meets to nyan and do cringey animu shit.

Basically at this point if someone puts the word "lolita" and "cosplay" together it paints a picture immediately of some idiot weeb who didn't do their research, actually has no clue what lolita really is, and you're going to have to wade through a pile of shitty delusions to get them to understand anything. So it's a good shorthand to describe what you feel is wrong with the outfit, simultaneously implying both an outsider aspect and the cheapness aspect with a single word.

If it helps you any, the type of person who doesn't do their homework and tries to wear "lolita cosplays" to a meetup is unlikely to be the kind of person who puts in the effort for the really expensive cosplays.

>> No.10227067

>>10227050
I know that feel, man.

I miss showing my ex coords I’m working on. He was always so interested and supportive and I feel so lost on my own.

>> No.10227068

>>10227052
Then how can avoid that stigma? I am a lonelita who wears brand so obviously don't act "ugu kawaii" or anything. All my cosplays are handmade. But whenever I post any coord pics anon-chans go "reee cosplayer" and I have no idea why. I won't leave any of my hobbies just because.

>> No.10227072

>>10227067
My ex was the reason I got into cosplay too so it's extra sad to go to cons now.

>> No.10227075

Went to a local convention, had a good time but sad it's over. And by over I mean the con is done for good. It won't return next year. It wasn't any kind of money or attendance issues, apparently, but just the con head getting old and wanting to retire, and no one willing/able to step into their place. For the last few years it's been the only con I go to, so it sort of feels like this is the end of my con-going life. Getting old is depressing.

>> No.10227078

>>10227068

You're a lonelita, so basically we're talking about people passing judgement on your online content? Just keep them seperate. No crossovers.

Cosplay, fandom, dressing up all go on your cosplay account/fb/group/wherever you'd post your cosplays.

Lolita account/fb/group solely for lolita-only outfits.

Keeping them seperate means you show that you do at least know there's a difference between lolita and cosplay.

Additionally, while lolita and cosplay groups do overlap, there's still a huge amount of people who only do one and not the other, and there's also a large subset of lolitas who straight up do not like anime or cosplay at all. So if you muddle your content with too much cosplay there's a 100% chance you end up annoying that subset with your cosplay content, which is the point where they'll come here to complain you're a cosplayer and not a lolita.

So pretty much. Keep your lolita and cosplay content seperate.

>> No.10227096

>>10227075
go to another con

>> No.10227101

>>10226523
Why would someone being polite irk you lmao

>> No.10227141

>>10227101
ntayrt but in my experience it's because it just puts people in an awkward spot. it started as a way of not offending people that are trans but even trans people have expressed dislike in it because it kinda puts them on the spot so to say. most people would rather you just say she/him/they and they'll correct you if it's wrong rather than just being put on the spot like that.

>> No.10227147

>>10227078
nta but ain't that just tedious? like i can understand having two separate social media accounts but i really don't understand why it seems like lolitas are the primary interest group that gets mad about people having other hobbies. but it becomes tedious and almost like you're wearing yourself thin trying to manage two different social media accounts, esp if you don't frequently post either topic enough to keep them active.

people reee about lolitas having tattoos, they reee about someone doing cosplay and lolita, etc. but at that point you don't like what someone posts isn't the logical thing to just unfollow them?

>> No.10227150

>>10227075
Research and find a new con. Maybe take this as your cue to travel somewhere?

>> No.10227154

>>10227147

I mean, it's tedious to post in the first place. As a lonelita I don't even bother. A tree falling alone may not be heard but I'm perfectly capable of being a lonelita without needing to post about it online and then come whining that people talk about something I posted publicly online.

Anyhow, the question was from someone who wants to stop her lolita stuff being associated with cosplays, and the answer does that.

The morals and social justice of having to do it is a whole seperate thing entirely. You might as well roll that into the same issue with people complaining about cosplays being the wrong skin colour/bodyshape/size/height/face/etc, people mistaking that osumatsu gyaru for blackface, scars on cosplayers, thotty cosplayers, cosplayers that didn't play the vidya, etc etc.

>> No.10227156

>>10227068
This ’reee’ shouldn't be happening if your stuff is always properly tagged and you are a well dressed lolita who doesn't mix cosplay and lolita. What I can tell you is that most of my lolita friends cosplay but they are very careful about their tags, and they don't have problems like this at all. I don't have interest in cosplay and I don't have any problem just following their lolita posts via the tags.

>>10227078
NAYRT but this ’separation’ stuff is BS. I have several diverse hobbies plus a lifestyle blog, so I just tag and categorize everything well and correctly and don't do a lot of ’mixed’ posts, one topic is featured. People have no problem only seeing the parts of my stuff that they are interested in because they follow tags.

>>10227147
Lolitas here ’get mad’ over anything or nothing. Other places and real life, not so much. Anyone who thinks what he said here or even RC and similar groups isn't just venting and some kind of dramatic and kind of lame fashion theatre is naive.

>> No.10227196

>>10227156

"seperation" anon here. actually I thought I left it vague -- "account/fb/group/wherever", not strictly "seperate accounts". I did forget that tags existed for a hot minute there though.

I just got as far as figuring that if we have so many cosplayer-lolitas posting without drama, anon is probably the one leaking her cosplay into lolita somehow. So I just emphasised that the two are different hobbies with different readerships and need to be kept seperate. It's not like she wrote a highly detailed scenario, for all we know she's actively trying to promote her cosplay blog (or not) and wondering why no lolitas are following (or not).

>> No.10227209
File: 225 KB, 430x494, 1560177420482.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10227209

>con is in two days, really excited
>been keeping my face clean, moisturizing to avoid any bad breakouts
>no breakouts in 2 months
>woke up this morning with one of the worst breakouts in a long time
Why God, why do you want me to suffer like this?

>> No.10227236

>>10227209
God I feel this. EVERY fucking time. I’ve been working really hard to keep my skin nice and of course 2 days before an event I get an acne cluster on my chin.

>> No.10227300

>>10227209
>>10227236
Probably stress, lack of sleep and bad food/drinks

>> No.10227306

>>10227209
This happens to me before every event when I want to look my best. I guess my body can't tell the difference between happy excitement and stress because this has happened to me for years. Generally I have pretty good skin otherwise so at least knowing to expect it, so I try to take some photos in my coord or my cosplay in advance . And my make up skills have just gotten better.

>> No.10227307

>>10227046
exactly how I feel.

>>10227101
see >>10227141

>> No.10227342

>>10227209
Otakon?

>> No.10227371

>>10226523
Better than reffering to you as an old lady when you are in your early 20s. And i wasnt wearing classic.

>> No.10227387

>>10227342
Yes
>>10227300
Probably stress from the last few days, although I never had it happen like this before

>> No.10227404

>>10227196
OP here. To go into some details, I don't really have a lolita social media. I only have cosplay accounts and I don't use any lolita tags on them, also don't care if lolitas follow them or not.
I only post my coords to CoF and while they are received pretty well there anons here always seem to bring up that I also cosplay for some reason.

>> No.10227408

>>10227404
I don't know though, maybe I shouldn't generalize. It may be one person with a weird vendetta as well.

>> No.10227443

>>10227404
Are you a thot? Do you follow people back? Do you also like and comment in places you receive likes and comments? Those could also be reasons.

>> No.10227459

>Not a larp or whatever
>Male
>Ended up separately sleeping with two of my friends that I made through cosplay
>Unironically scared of getting metoo'd, hesitant to talk to either of them
>they don't know each other
Welp

>> No.10227471

>>10226573

Which con?

>> No.10227575

>>10227387
I feel you, stress made me break out right between my eyebrows and it's making me stress more I bet I'll wake up with it even worse ;_;

>> No.10227623
File: 50 KB, 586x510, kingdomheats.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10227623

>>10225084
How old is too old to cosplay Kingdom Heats?

>> No.10227625

>>10227623
I’m sad for this person

>> No.10227626

>>10227623
yo that white nigga arm look like a chicken wing

>> No.10227631

>>10227623
thank ms skeltal

>> No.10227639

>>10227623
Did she ever get better? Her mom liked the attention she got so I really hope she got out of her munchie by proxy situation.

>> No.10227659

>>10227623
120 yo

>> No.10227760

>>10227404

Then, the last two things we're down to is whether your coord does indeed look costumey, (as in you're overly dressed up for no particular reason, which to lolitas usually stinks of someone treating lolita as a dress-up costume), or if it's just people complaining for no reason.

It's not that lolitas don't dress up for no reason, but people are able to go to your account and see that you're a cosplayer first and foremost. So when they see something like an OTT coord with no context of where you wore it to, they can only guess, like did you attend your first lolita meetup, or if you just put it on for five seconds and took a photo for social media. Even among lolitas, that last one is seen as kinda pathetic, like did you not have the guts to step outside your house and own your fashion or something. It's glossed over if you have a lot of lolita content to begin with, people assume you do actually go somewhere in lolita. But for a cosplayer the natural assumption is you've put on another costume.

Like I said, the readerships are different. People who follow cosplay pages want to see cosplays, workmanship, a good photo. People who follow lolitas usually want something more like frilly lifestyle blogs, not just pretty pictures.

As for people complaining, it's cgl. This is originally where girls who don't really have a cause to make a ruckus in public come to vent, there's always been forums like this (check out getoffegl for old school snark). If you think you've done nothing really wrong, just ignore it, when you post other coords they'll figure out eventually that you're not treating lolita like a one-off fancy costume.

Hope that helps a little.

>> No.10227772

>>10227623

This isn't someone that's "old", it's someone that looks sickly and ill and probably needs serious medical help. Even her skin texture is probably due to how sick she is, not her age.

Should've posted it in the other thread to shut up the larpers arguing about how small they are.

>> No.10227773

>>10227639
look her up anon!! You'll be surprised!

>> No.10227825

I don’t want to post my DD in the thread because of scalpers but I also wonder if somebody owns it and doesn’t care about it and would be happy to sell it. It’s not a popular dress but it turns up very rarely

>> No.10227827

>>10227825
then just make iso post in bst thread

>> No.10227923 [DELETED] 
File: 110 KB, 495x499, 1402950925519.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10227923

Being a tall (and big framed) white woman with mature features shit skin makes me want to die. I will never be a cute lolita.

>> No.10227925
File: 110 KB, 495x499, 1402950925519.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10227925

Being a tall (and big framed) white woman with mature features and shit skin makes me want to die. I will never be a cute lolita.

>> No.10227926

>>10227923
Stay on the thin side of your normal weight range. get some work done on your face and dress for your frame. Many tall western lolitas do well but you can’t be tall AND overweight.

>> No.10227927

>>10227926
I'm not overweight, I just naturally have disgustingly wide hips and shoulders. Also, no matter how little I move, my legs and back always look too muscular. Plus, I have gigantic feet and hands.

>> No.10227944

>>10227927
I’d try custom sizing, it’s not that hard to get something made or larger shoes these days. I do ok as 5’7/170cm and size 9.5US shoes. No brand shoes for me, and I do underskirts but I manage with all but the really shorter pieces (and no salos ever). How tall are you/shoe size? Also the poof masks wide hips, that’s actually a plus. If you are motivated, you can probably figure out something as long as you don’t try to do super-sweet. There’s a whole thread on older lolitas so it’s becoming more usual, not less to see people a little older as some are just staying in rather than leaving the fashion.

>> No.10227966

>>10225930
had a similar issue, posted a coord and asked if they needed anything else, just got booted. stopped bothering to try if they can't even give feedback on the application process

>> No.10227969

All the man hate in terms of lolita makes me feel uncomfortable. i'm afraid of getting close to anyone in my comm because of it even though i'm a cis woman. i've had so many damaging female abusers no one takes me seriously or just makes fun of me for being hesitant around people who hate men because that line of thinking reminds me of my abusers and sometimes makes me wonder if my abuser was right.

>> No.10227975

>>10227925
I feel you anon. Experimenting with cuts, colors and styles can do wonders though. I just sold all my colorful puff sleeve boleros and cutsews and I haven't looked back. Black and mute 3/4 or full sleeve boleros can help to tone down top volume and bring more focus to the volume of the skirt. I also had an hormonal phase when my acne raved like crazy. With some makeup magic you can cover A LOT, especially with some eye makeup grabbing the main attention of the face. But honestly, dress in a way that makes you happy - for yourself. That's the heart of the fashion.

>> No.10227983

>>10227944
Nayrt, but as a size 11 all custom shoes I've ordered have been shit. I just go with normie Mary Janes and a pair of vw rhs half a size too small. God I wish there were cute shoes my size that didn't fall apart after 3 uses or made me look like a clown. Irregular choice have a few cute ones but they're mostly too OTT.

>don't try to do super sweet
175cm. I tried this at my last meet and god I'm so ashamed over how ita I looked. I'm sure I can wear my one sweet print somehow and that other gals can pull it off with the right proportions and skills - but I totally wish I toned it down and done more testing.

>> No.10228026

>>10225294
$5 says she also bullies her friend with guilt trips about being more popular. Don't sweat it. Jealousy is uglier than whatever quality her costume might have been.

>>10225768
Slowly just ghost her, anon. The less you interact, the better. Stay positive in person, just become too busy. Don't speak ill of them, but don't sugar coat things either. Eventually people will figure it out on their own, but keeping your rep as low-key as possible will help people scrutinize her actions if she starts trying to talk shit about you because they'll have no reason to believe it after a while.

>> No.10228028

>>10226332
>I've had to do the same when someone was shit talking one of my other friends and I told them to tone it down and knock it off. if someone is going to pretend to be friendly to you to your face, but then turn around and gossip to you or talk badly about you to mutual friends, they're (the gossiper) is the toxic person, not you.

THIS. Listen to this person. I would never want to be friends with someone who shit-talked my friends. I would thank every possible deity that the thing happened to show me their true colors and save me the judgment they might pass on me later. You guys who respect each other's passions are rare, so cherish who you do have, and cut loose the rest. The world sucks, there's no reason to feel guilty about culling out the shitty people and only keeping the few gems that are left.

>> No.10228041

>>10227969
I think that it's less that lolitas in general hate men, but that they hate the trannies and sissies that try to infiltrate our spaces, some of which act very disgusting. I feel you though, I have always felt more comfortable around men for similar reasons.

>> No.10228043

>>10228041
Yeah I just have a problem with over sexual trannies and sissys. So creepy.

>> No.10228049
File: 831 KB, 681x1024, 1560879480952.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10228049

This year I wanted to finally incorporate lolita in my everyday wear.
But now I don't see that happening.

I'm not too disappointed that I don't see a dream rori life is coming.

Am NEET living in a closet and like my slob apparel more.

>> No.10228052

>>10226531
Sugar dream dome! The collar jsk in pink. It just came in and I’m so happy, I’ve never had this much of a reaction to a dress before, even others that I called dream dresses. It’s just so perfect! I can’t wait for winter.

>> No.10228053

>>10227969
I'm male and I was absolutely terrified to join the local comm. there did end up being some problems with one member hating me for being male, but she moved. Most of the comm loves me and accepts me. It ended up not being as much of a systematic issue as /cgl/ makes it appears to be.

>> No.10228073

>>10228041
>We don't hate men
>We just hate transgender people and men
Thanks for clearing it up retard

>> No.10228074

>>10228073
men =/= trannies and sissies.

>> No.10228099

So why are we complaining about trannies now

>> No.10228107

when u have a really rough therapy session where you realize you grew up with narcissistic parents who dont love you unconditionally and now ur in ur room crying in a cuteass oldschool coord

fuck everything else today i'm just going to cry and do embroidery and reserve a bunch of shit from the laforet grand bazaar who needs money im gonna die soon

>> No.10228108

>>10228099
That's just what happens on every thread on this board because all the other big cosplay and lolita platforms have rules against hate speech and you can't say transphobic things there anymore.

>> No.10228112

>>10228108
I mean what does it matter, they’re just chicks with dicks and guys with vags at this point why be upset about it.

>> No.10228137
File: 38 KB, 555x448, this_is_why_we_can't_have_nice_thing.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10228137

>Chip a front tooth
>On a fucking disposeable plastic cup

>> No.10228143

>>10228137
brush your teeth damn
don’t forget to floss either

>> No.10228146

>>10228112
Transphobia is really deep set into people's minds by their environment and the current movement to reject it is causing people to lash out rather than confront their ingrained bias

>> No.10228148

>>10228146
Man it’s a shame, these people just want to live. I’ve met a couple trans girls that look better than a lot of other girls I’ve met at cons it’s insane almost makes me wanna go for femdick

>> No.10228155

>>10228112
i consider them valid once they've started some kind of medical procedure (taking hormones/top/bottom surgery) but not before

idk one time i stepped into my university bathroom and a big burly guy with a wig and a beard was in there and complimented my skirt never again

>> No.10228161

>>10228155
I met a femguy before with a fatass taking a piss at the urinals I was so confused I had to leave


Also cute skirt anon

>> No.10228170

>>10228161
thank you burlybeard-kun

>> No.10228171

>>10227623
your question: do what you like

your picture: god damn it, that looks unhealthy

>> No.10228172

>>10227773
What's her name anyway?

>> No.10228174

>>10228148
>trannies look better than a lot of girls I’ve met at cons
>makes me wanna go for the dick of mentally ill fetishists

I really don't get it. This fashion is one of the few things there men can actually dress feminine, but instead of doing so (respectfully!), they instead insist on us calling and treating them like girls and praising their sub par effort.
I'f they'd actually look good and acted polite and considerate of being in a majorly female space, than nobody would have a problem with them, but they always have to take it to insane degenerate levels.
Mana wouldn't approve of penis-people in the ladies loo. Doesn't matter if said penis got cut off or not.
Just be a cute and friendly guy, whom women don't have to be afraid of, whom they can trust and you will be allowed to be their friend.

>> No.10228175
File: 346 KB, 660x456, 6fb.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10228175

>>10228146
Trans is a mental illness stop acting like people need to change themselves to make a small percentage of people happy you blue haired land whale.

>> No.10228176

>>10227925
Hiw abou, you stop to try being cute, and embrace your mature features
there should be some sort of mature lolita style, isn't it?

>> No.10228181

>>10228172
eugenia cooney

>> No.10228183

>>10228174
>they always have to take it to insane degenerate levels
This is the type of "men" that lolitas dislike. It sucks ass when you go to a nice meetup and have to deal with some sissy/trans person constantly saying "teehee my petti feels so fluffy~ look how girly it makes my legs~ *lifts skirt*. Or people having to constantly talk about their sexuality and sex.

>> No.10228193

>>10228183
Exactly. It's the no boundaries thing. Constantly wanting to talk about their or our bodies, about things "that women do", about how "we" feel - which are all just stereotypes. Being a girl or a women is more than just sleepovers, makeup and talking about boys. But they don't get this, they will never know what it truly means to be female.

>> No.10228198

>>10228181
ok googled her
appearently she was and is in rehab cause of her eating disorder
she really looks a little bit better now

>> No.10228205

>>10228198
She really does! Though, as someone who once struggled with all sorts of EDs, it's really hard to tell. We could also only really see her face, and when refeeding, the face tends to get swollen and weird... so I hope she is actually doing better overall. She did seem much happier and seemed to actually have some energy and life, so I will remain hopeful.

>> No.10228206

>>10228205
Her legs and hands looked much better as well.

>> No.10228212

>At cheapo con
>Camping mattress on floor
>Forgot a pillow
>Wat do?
>Use clothes bag as headrest
>Too hard
>Twist it
>My second petticoat feels perfect
>Sleeping on my frills tonight

I deserve it being deflated when I actually use it. Farewell maximum poof...

>> No.10228230
File: 170 KB, 1000x1002, 5da.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10228230

>>10228146
>Transphobia
>phobia
Its just disgusting

>> No.10228232

>>10228137
Get it repaired. That's easy enough.

>> No.10228237

>>10228107
Many of us grew up with parents like that. You'll make it. Maybe ask for your therapist to also give you some cognitive behavior therapy exercises that focus you on getting better via your own actions to balance the painful discovery shit like this. It's rough. Hang in there.

>> No.10228241

>>10228183
This. Heaven help you if you wear a corset, they seem to all shit themselves over that. I got stuck sitting by one at a meet once. Never again.

>> No.10228243
File: 18 KB, 524x204, tylerthisisu.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10228243

>>10225084
I am fucking sick and tired of hearing Tyler (Last Week Lolita News) talk about how much she thinks kids are "crotch goblins" or whatever. I love and respect her content, but it's the most autistic thing to hear. The hating kids trend is embarrassing.

I understand women have been pressured into thinking bearing children is an inevitability, and that there are a lot of shitty things tied to those assumption that we have to deal with, but can you not complain about kids being underdeveloped beings??? Like no shit they're dumb, their brains aren't done baking. Do you get mad at kittens or puppies for not knowing shit?

I don't even have kids, and I find it annoying.

>> No.10228250

This board gets a lot of /fit/ related content that derails threads because /fit/ is full of autistic horny men and anything posted by a female is immediately dunked on and trolled. /cgl/ is naturally more female focused so women's issues of all sorts get brought here as a result. /cgl/ should have a /fit/ thread and it being against the rules is asine.

>> No.10228254

>>10228250
When you say it like that why not, I wouldn’t mind hearing you girls gym stories

>> No.10228258

>>10228254
i mostly wanna talk about EDs and how other women deal with extreme hunger, mental hunger, and weight gain/loss. gym stories sound extremely boring. "oh, I did 15 mins of the stair machine, 30 mins of walking, and i stretched for 10 mins." riveting. Also, no porny thumbnails plz.

>> No.10228268

>>10228258
You can’t do porny thumbnails it’s a blueboard

>> No.10228368

>>10228258
You might be lost. Sounds like you are looking for the thispo thread on /fa/.

>> No.10228427

>>10228413
wow what a slut

>> No.10228432

>talk to girl that I sort of liked but was friendzoned by
>Ok cool, we still have the same hobbies and interests so I'm cool with just being friends and she is too
>decide to just stop initiating convos all the time and let her do it, also mentally gave up on the friendship (or so I thought) since I'm the main initiator
>she hasn't in like 2 months and I'm sort of hurt since I thought I always had a lot of fun hanging out with her
>at this point I'm like fuck it but I keep thinking about it at times

Not funny, didn't laugh

Also, I'm making a pair of pants, should I add back pockets? I've never used them, but I feel like if I don't add them the pants will look really unusual.

>> No.10228435

>>10228432
>mentally gave up on the friendship
>she hasn't in like 2 months and I'm sort of hurt
what did you expect to happen

>> No.10228470

>>10228435
Clearly he likes attention and is being stupid.

>> No.10228480

>>10228435
>Anon was initiating every convo
>Stopped
>~Silence~
This happens to me a lot, and it's genuinely frustrating and sad at the same time. You check out, it happens.
I don't think crying over yet another flake taking themselves out is so bad.
I do however give people time and reach out, sometimes you just get saturated.
I'm hanging out with this one person a ton, but we're still at arm's length, it's exhausting being in that position for too long, so we chill out and pick things up later.
If you don't get to the point where you're at mutually assured destruction within a few weeks, you'll always be stuck in that limbo.

>> No.10228501

>>10228432

Anon, I’m a friend that’s terrible at reaching out to people. Just because they don’t text you doesn’t mean they don’t care.

But if it’s important to you to have that kind of reciprocity, then yes, you’ve got to let this relationship go.

>> No.10228507

Was saving up to buy a dream dress and to make a cosplay I was going to wear going to my next comic con with my dad.
He dies and I spend the money on his cremation instead. I’m 18 and there’s no one else so I pay for it. Now I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to go to a con or afford a new coord emotionally and financially. Sorry I m drunk idk if this belongs in the broken chat seems like it fits.

>> No.10228515

>>10228507
Condolences, anon.

>> No.10228518

>>10228507
Anon, I'm so sorry.
Hang in there, it gets better.
Do you have anyone to reach out to? I think you should spend some time with someone else to talk to.

>> No.10228524

>>10228518
>>10228515
Thank you very much. I don’t really have much other family but I’m talking to other people who miss him. Like his friends and such. <3 I’m glad I at least have enough to get him a cremation like he wanted. I hope everyone here has someone as supportive and loving as he was.

>> No.10228533

>>10228250

They had several -- in the past. Used to be called fit fridays, I wonder if you can still find very old archives of old threads somewhere.

All that happened is the shitty /fit/bros took it as an excuse to come over and shitpost on this board. So after that, no more /fit/ fridays. Truly, guys letting their hormones run wild seem to ruin everything.

>> No.10228545

I appreciate /cgl/ being the one place (aside from maybe /soc/) where we can essentially let our hair down, and i've been sad to see 4chan get increasingly hostile to women, which is sad since roughly a third of users are female i think. Especially since when i first found this place it was "anyone is welcome so long as you have thick skin" but its being slowly taken over by thin skinned crybabies who act out as much as the SJWs they hate.

It's so frustrating, but at least i still have my gulls.

>> No.10228588

>>10228053
Are you sure the comm loves you, or are they just being polite? Many girls and even women try to be polite even when they're uncomfortable or unhappy

>> No.10228601

Want to ask a girl out to lunch or dinner this Otakon but approaching people in general makes me feel like I’m being a huge bother and a waste of their time.

>> No.10228615
File: 86 KB, 1000x866, 3dfa53fec8cd648be8b8f86dcc6ebf66.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10228615

Fantastic Dolly in lav is my super ultimate DD, but I'm way too broke to get the rerelease

>> No.10228618

>>10228243
There's a difference between being underdeveloped and shitty parenting causing your child to be a screeching nightmare. I don't hate kids but I sure hate shitty kids. I know it's not their fault but it's a disturbance to have them invade what should be "adult only spaces" like bars. I understand the frustration because parents are pushing more and more to have their kids included in everything.

>> No.10228626

I accidentally bought a design replica of a small brand. I feel so horrible. I guess nobody even recognises that brand because my friends would have told me if they noticed me wearing a replica.

I feel so shitty I'm thinking of buying a new release from the brand my dress was stolen from but it's kind of out of my budget.

>> No.10228629

>>10228618
>parents are pushing more and more to have their kids included in everything.
That's a reaction to capitalism requiring middle class parent to have 2 jobs. They want to spend time with their kid, or can't afford a babysitter 24/7, but also need to have their own hobbies and social life.

>> No.10228678

>>10228626
How did you accidentally buy a replica? My lolita buying involves knowing who designed a print and where it is sold. Buying second hand means I check to make sure it’s not a replica.

>> No.10228689
File: 58 KB, 495x623, 1474837322842.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10228689

>Moved to new apartment
>There's fabric outlet nearby
Yay, cheap fabric and sewing supplies!

>> No.10228690

>>10228678
It's a solid dress I bought on taobao

>> No.10228694

>>10228507
At 18 you are still young. His death will hurt you for some time but your life will go on and you will find new people to be with. Some day the sun will shine again.

>> No.10228700

>>10228690
Which dress is it? I love supporting small brands.

>> No.10228702

>>10228700
http://hakuchosya.cart.fc2.com/ca1/214/p-r-s/

Before anyone asks, I'm not sharing the taobao shop in case there are replica-chans in this thread.

>> No.10228734

>>10228678
>How did you accidentally buy a replica
Nayrt but someone in the taobao thread has recommended me a replica of skirt before without saying it was a replica

>> No.10228738

>>10228588
I know for sure now. A lolita friend recently went to a local convention and talked to some other lolitas and she mentioned me, and apparently they immediately mentioned how great of a cook I am. So even behind my back they say nice things about me.
I also see a few of them at conventions or local events (or even pokemon go raids since we are friends in that game) and they are always happy to see me.
I can't speak for all of them, but at least most of them seem to like me.

>> No.10228739

>>10228738
There is a male lolita in my comm too and nobody seems to dislike him from what I've noticed so far. His friends are some of the best looking lolitas in the comm. I only see hateful comments about gender non-conforming and transsexual people on cgl. Imo girls being able to dress in ouji and guys in lolita is one of the great things about this fashion.

>> No.10228748

>>10228739
Almost everything you are and do that's questionable is forgiven in this fashion, if you dress well.

>> No.10228752

>>10227925
you could embrace your features instead. You can be a pretty lolita AND have sexy features.

>> No.10228761

>>10228175
I mean is it too hard to not be a dick when other people make life choices that you don't approve of but that don't affect you? The line should only be drawn when they start acting creepy toward you, but creating a bias that they are creepy before you know them when they're just living their life their way is what makes you the asshole. I'd rather be friends with people who asked me to call them a different gender than someone who sat there judging people.

>> No.10228764

>>10228761
Pretty much why radfems are so annoying on here. We get it, Becky, you have hatred in your heart and need an emotional outlet for it. Not every trans person is out to get you. My trans friends are lovely people who are just living their lives. Kinda creepy how obsessed society is about genitals.

>> No.10228781
File: 100 KB, 450x600, 1431617108795.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10228781

I feel completely used by my local comm. I organize every single meetup and nobody else bothers to organize as much as a lunch + tea meet. People always have great ideas, but when I encourage them to host they suddenly become too busy. Everyone idolizes a few comm members for their coords and photos but they don't do anything to help out, and if they're at a meet people just care about talking to them and being in with the epopular crowd.

I never get photos of myself from meets because everyone is too busy to take them (but not for anyone else), and when they're not too busy they're hastily taken and from deliberately unflattering angles, and I'm too awkward to ask for them to take them again. It's so hard to hold a conversation with people, I feel like I'm forcing conversation and really dragging it out but I just get one-word answers from most people, so I usually just give up and get over it.

I honestly don't think anyone hates me, but I feel used and taken for granted, and almost like I don't exist when I'm at meets. Maybe I'm just going through a rough patch and I'm blowing it all out of shape in my head.

>> No.10228791

>>10228781
Which comm? I've organised a meet 1 time but nobody showed up. I'm not sure if it was because it was kind of far away or nobody likes me.

>> No.10228795

>>10228781
Yeah, people are strange. They say lolita mixes community and fashion, but most people rarely step out of the same cliques they've always been a part of. Sure, there are some cringy people and not everyone will get along, but damn at least try to talk to new people if that's what you say you want.

On the other hand, anytime you seek external validation from others, you're gonna have a bad time. Love lolita for the fashion that it is, and if the community is taking the enjoyment out of it, step out of that role you put yourself in.

Don't host anymore, try having a more lax relationship with it, and try getting out of your own head. It's likely your own insecurity that people sense and keep their distance from.

If you know your own worth, others will too. Having less emotional expectations of others will help you too.

>> No.10228808

>>10228041
Even the tranny hate makes me side eye people because I can get mistaken for a young boy in normie clothes. I've been told (by my abuser) that I could be a tranny and if I turned out to be one they'd do... unpleasant things.

>>10228588
Even though I'm a woman myself, I hate this. it makes me paranoid that they're just being polite when in reality they're unhappy with my presence and hate me. it's paranoia and a byproduct of toxic school environments but it's still something that just lingers. I'd rather be alone than with people who are only being nice but would rather me be gone, but I can't be gone if no one says "leave".

>>10228739
Makes sense.

>>10228764
It may be because of my experiences, but radfems have always come off as iffy and paranoid. I find a lot of them to be the the female version of incels esp because they target men and trans people for sexual violence but ignore female rapists who rape other womem, underage boys and girls, and men. it's wild considering i even got told "when a woman rapes a woman it isn't that serious because she can't get pregnant." by a radfem in the discussion and have heard similar sentiments from other radfems and it's just mind boggling.

>> No.10228852

>>10228808
That's disgusting that they said female on female rape isn't serious. What is fucking wrong with some people? They are the female incels, apt comparison. My ex turned into a radfem after our break up (found out from her brother who is my best friend), and is apparently a psycho now. I dodged the biggest bullet.

>> No.10228866

>>10228808
Most people try to be nice because they wish to be nice people in general but unless you are somehow mentally deficient and cannot read the social cues and clues of several people together in a group, there’s no ‘wondering’ about it. I really hate to be around the people who cannot pick up on these things and have to have everything awkwardly spelled out to them. They are the same types who won’t shut up about inappropriate topics, and generally don’t dress, speak or act appropriately for a situation yet have to be *told* about their behavior or at worst, finally asked to leave. It makes social situations unpleasant for everyone and can trash a group dynamic totally if left unchecked. And yes it affects me, I’m a comm mod so 3 guesses who gets to be the big meanie who has to tell them and deal with this stuff for the comm. I’ll do it, because I know how, and that’s one reason I’m a mod, and because I know it’s really difficult, awkward and unpleasant for others to deal with it, but it’s really one of my least favorite things.

I’m in a new non-lolita related civic group as well and at a recent meeting, I overheard in the bathroom 2 women complaining that in 5 years within the organization, they are never tapped for projects or put forward as committee candidates. I have been there less than 6 months and I’m already a member on one of the most desirable committees. Because I’m not a social walnut.

>> No.10228874
File: 15 KB, 540x360, 0FA753A6-FDE8-4D5B-A457-2C2A8C93175F.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10228874

>Commissioned custom armor for cosplay five months ago
>I'm fine with the five month waiting time because the end result is going to look amazing
>It's finally ready to ship to me
>Get it sent via EMS
>It's been a week since the package dispatched and the tracking has not updated since
>Has not arrived to my country even though EMS usually takes 2-3 days.

I might be fucked. I'm most likely going to get at least partially refunded if the package is actually lost, but I'll never get those five months back.

>> No.10228879

>>10227075
What con?
With the timing and description i think I know, if it's the one I think it is keep an eye out the conchair might be too tired but the entire rest of the board isn't and weve had a couple of offers
Also I absolutely fucking hate that she would go so far as to say theres no one that is capable of stepping into her role, literally all of us have enough administrative and managerial experience to follow through

>> No.10228887

>>10228866
People who are autistic have a lot of trouble with picking up on social cues. Also, rejection sensitivity (often happens in other mental health conditions) and anxiety can make you worry a bit more about these things even if all signs point to "everything is fine, people like you." Beyond that, the lolita community is pretty notorious for being catty and a bit back-stabbing. I had these thoughts prior to joining the fashion and a bit as I was a beginner until I realized it was mostly unfounded.

I still get bouts of social self-doubt and have to work my way through it.

But there is a difference between that and people who are blatantly inappropriate. Some of the most socially awkward people I know in the fashion aren't even at that level, and are pleasant to be around and well-mannered even if they are a bit awkward/shy at first.

I've also been chosen for promotions over others in my workplaces and career and I've been on planning/organizational committees myself in both work or elsewhere. So it's not really an issue of anxiety or struggling with social cues, but how well you mask those issues or work through them.

Part of the problem is that lolita draws in a lot of young, loud and issue-ridden people. A lot come in from anime and cosplay. Not all have such blatantly obvious issues, many of us have our own that we struggle with quietly.

>> No.10228896

>>10228781
>deliberately unflattering angles
Why would anyone do that deliberately?

>> No.10228897

>>10228781
This post seems very self-absorbed in tone. The photo thing just makes you sound ugly, demanding and bitchy. Who has time at a meet to specially photograph you with your angles? Really? Take some good photos yourself with your timer and tripod at home before you leave!
As far as meet organizing, that’s up to you if you want to organize them all but it’s a pretty thankless task in every comm, we all know this and usually the organizer does it because they enjoy it, not for the back-pats and appreciation they will get. If you don’t enjoy the meet planning then don’t plan the meets? Or plan fewer and support people who do then step up to plan some to fill the void you leave in planning fewer?

>> No.10228899

>>10228866
You just described autism perfectly. Most autists are trying their best, but there's a limit to how much they can improve, because they're autists. They're not willfully ignorant, they just have a disability.

>> No.10228903

I love planning meets but I don't like hosting. I wish I had a friend who would pretend to be the organiser at the meet after I did all the work. I plan meets for a club I'm in but I have so many ideas for lolita meets.

>> No.10228908

>>10228897
There's so many of these victim mentality girls in lolita, my god. No one is forcing you to hold meets. You are not entitled to attention. If you're doing something for validation, eventually you'll make yourself crazy because "woe is me."

I'm someone that loves to plan everything, and I have folders on google drive for everything including meal planning, niche restaurants i wanna try with my friends, wardrobe planning, and I've hosted meets because I love it. No one has to say thanks, because the validation is internal. It's nice when people like it, but it's not required.

Moral is? Don't do shit that makes you upset because you want Karen and Stacy to notice you.

>> No.10228919

>>10228903
Do it as co-hosts, I love doing this and it’s a good backup anyway to have 2 meet planners/hosts for each meet. I love to hostess but I don’t always have time to do all the planning so I’m the type who would love to do just the hostess part sometimes. We are out there, so ask around!

>> No.10228925

>>10228919
Like I said I don't have lolita friends. Why would someone co-host with an awkward nobody? I don't even have the social skills to ask someone to do it.

>> No.10228926

>>10228908
This. It becomes evident when someone is planning meets just for the comm to have fun and enjoy vs someone who plans meets ‘because I’m the only one who does it’, and who expect all kinds of thanks and backpats for it. They are a pain in the ass because they have to endlessly talk about the plans, they usually fish for compliments constantly and then bitch and complain when people are not ‘properly appreciative of all they do’.

>> No.10228928

>>10228925
You said you ‘love planning meets’. Who are you planning them for then, your cats? I assumed you at least have a comm else how do you know that you ‘love planning meets’?

>> No.10228944

>>10228928
Okay so you really didn't read my comment

>> No.10228946

>>10228866
Yeah that's kind of the thing with being socially awkward.

I'm not talking about blatantly inappropriate things and topics or just blatant misbehavior.

but a lot of the people i used to hang out with would expect me to just "get" when they didn't want me to be around by ignoring me or giving curt, one worded answers right after they were cheerful and pleasant to see me. Reading social cues are difficult for me, not from being autistic but because of having shitty interactions where I just had to do guess work reading body language and often got chewed out over it if I was wrong, so I don't know if someone ignoring me means they just didn't hear me (because I'm shy/quiet) or if they just don't want me around. Yet it's considered rude to sit around on my phone because no one is talking to me, so I sit myself aside and just be out of the way and only respond or speak up if someone approaches me first.

i can imagine it is the least favorite thing to do dealing with people, but also me being quiet can be considered rude and snobbish, yet at the same time if I try to talk or interact with people and get overlooked, idk if it's because I just don't make much of a presence and it takes a while for people to notice me or if they're just silently wishing that I would vanish because my very presence makes them uncomfortable. that's the whole issue with the 'they're just being polite' vs "do they actually like you?" cause i constantly wonder if they're just being nice but secretly hate me or if they genuinely like chillin' with me.

>> No.10228950

>>10228946
Judging by the fact that you already overshare about your past here and have excused yourself from learning the basic social cues we all have to learn to be successful in social situations, and further hearing that you just sit about on your phone if no one comes to specially engage you, then yes, I’d say you are probably a tiresome twat and don’t have that much fun socially, but thankfully aren’t badly behaved enough to kick. I’d sit you at the far end of the table/room with a few other potatoes in social Siberia at a meet. Your past is just that, past. Time to learn some social skills. Some of us learned them young and easier but nothing stopping you from making an improvement and learning them now. I hope you do, but until you do, I don’t think it will get any easier for you. People aren’t usually going to make allowances and accommodations for it as adults like they do for younger people.

>> No.10228965

>>10228897
>who has time to take good pictures of you?
Bitch, what fashion do you think you're in?
You could argue that they're just shit at taking pictures, but it's 2019 and smart phone cameras are not hard to figure out.

>> No.10228987

>>10228944
You said
>I don't have friends that would pretend to be the host for meets I plan
Which may imply you have friends.
Not;
>I habe no frens :((((( umu all the meets I plan are wasted efforts
I'm starting to see why though.

>> No.10228994

>>10228925
>why woild someone cohost with a nobody?
Because you got to talking with them, told them your idea for a meet and they liked it enough to help out.
Lolita is great in that you can talk about nothing but lolita topics and keep up fine if you have a thumb on the new releases.

Anxiety is a bitch but if you wrap yourself in topics of things you are confident about, you can inch your way over to more social people and contribute.

>> No.10229170

>>10228950
I never said that I wasn't learning or trying to, i'm saying it's complicated. cause how do I tell whether someone just didn't hear me, or if they're just ignoring me and want me to go away? that's the issue with social cues, they vary person to person and in situations. given how situational it is, it's not helpful if people won't just be upfront with you. i never said that i'd just come to a meet and sit on my phone the whole time, I said i'd sit on my phone if i try to interact with people and no one responds until someone decides to engage with me instead.

But congrats on just saying you'd sit me in some far off corner because I can't use social cues properly and get shy and hesitant interacting with people. Feels great /sarc.

>> No.10229205

>>10226271
Don’t give those negative people any time. They are most likely unhappy with their own lives and are projecting it out. I suggest you find another place to work at because that’s a hella toxic environment to be around if they are nitpicking your clothes.
Don’t change your style for the sake of others. It’s not their decision.

>> No.10229209

>>10228615
Same feels but a different DD.
Navy Misty Sky JSK farewell.

>> No.10229216

>>10228987
I said I organise meets for a club.

>>10228994
Thanks for the advice but I have no interest in seeking out lolitas who are interested in hosting and building a fake friendship just so I can organise meets with a (co-)host. I have no trouble making friends, I'm just shy and awkward around people who are not my friend. Maybe one day I'll meet someone in my comm that I genuinely want to be friends with but that hasn't happened yet.

>> No.10229230

>>10229216
You sound completely insufferable

>> No.10229264

>>10228615
ME TOO

>> No.10229284

>>10228629
ayrt, Then why don't they stick to more kid friendly activities? Honestly, I don't mind if the kid is well behaved but often people who would bring them to places like bars in the first place don't actually care to supervise them and make sure they're not a nuisance. If they actually wanted to spend time with their kid they would bring the kid to a more enjoyable place.

Honestly, if they're going to neglect their children for their own hobbies and social life maybe they need to rethink having children. I know it's just a biological response to reproduce but do people really not think about it at all?

>> No.10229287

>>10229264
>>10229209
Let's cry together anons, maybe someday we'll get them...someday

>> No.10229291
File: 89 KB, 1124x808, 1523487466650.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10229291

Just paid my SS to reserve Fantasic Dolly. I don't care if it's polyester, I want my dream dress

>> No.10229293

I've never had an account there, but today I watched as Sad Panda went down with other anons. That kind of community and spirit in preserving community resources and materials reminded me of my salty gulls here. I love you all. Thank you for all the fun times and here's to more to come.

>> No.10229294

>>10229284
Where are you? In Canada, kids aren’t allowed in bars, or in bar area of restaurants, or if there is no non-bar area, they aren’t allowed in a restaurant at all. Some places should just be child free, it makes sense. Although I remember when I lived in Spain as a kid, people would take their kids with them to hang out at the bar like a family outing, so I guess it depends on the culture. As for hobbies, I mean I’m in some social hobbies where people bring their kids with them to share their interests. I also imagine it helps build social skills to learn how to interact in public. It’s weird to think bringing children into parents’ hobbies is just neglect.

>> No.10229324
File: 8 KB, 300x250, 432sad.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10229324

>dream juliette et justine dress pops up
>size 2

I hate being so small sometimes

>> No.10229348

>>10229291
>my SS
your Schutzstaffel?

>> No.10229354

>>10229216
Because bonding because you have a shared goal (co-hosting) and interest (lolita) isn't enough to form a real friendship over.

Pretty shallow. I made friends accidentally because I volunteered to run a cosplay meetup and then found out there was already a regular host who just hadn't got around to it yet. Instead of being possessive or assuming we'd have nothing in common, I took the obvious common ground as a place to get to know them from. It could end up as something or it could just be a one time acquaintanceship, but I have enough assertiveness to not have to worry about being walked over or having a 'fake friendship' I'd need to maintain appearances over.

It's really not that complicated working with others.

>> No.10229372

>>10229294
I go out of country a lot since my boyfriend lives in the US. I agree it depends on the culture. I don't necessarily think bringing kids into hobbies is neglect, it can actually be wonderful. It's just when those hobbies are more adult that it bothers me. I guess I'm just frustrated to a certain extent because I want more adult spaces. I do think you've made a lot of good points though. Thank you anon :^>

>> No.10229377

>>10229284
People think about it, think they want a family, and when they have one it's too late to go back. There's no exam to test if you will be a good and happy parent before you decide to create a family.

>> No.10229387 [DELETED] 

>>10229354
Well, every person bonds differently. I'm the type of person that believes in first love and can quickly become friends with someone I click with and can laugh with. But I'm not the type of person who would seek out someone interested in hosting and make small talk for ages until it grows into a friendship. It doesn't help that most of the comm is much older or much younger than me, and the few my are most involved in drama. Anyway it doesn't matter, I shouldn't have brought up friends at all if you meant asking acquaintances to host.

>> No.10229388

>>10229354
Well, every person bonds differently. I'm the type of person that believes in first love and can quickly become friends with someone I click with and can laugh with. But I'm not the type of person who would seek out someone interested in hosting and make small talk for ages until it grows into a friendship. Anyway it doesn't matter, I shouldn't have brought up friends at all if you meant asking acquaintances to host.

>> No.10229454

>>10229348
Lurk moar

>> No.10229461

>>10229388
Not everyone opens up right away. I made my best friend by working on a lolita craft project with her for an event. We knew each other, but didn't realize how much we had in common until we could talk one on one rather than group chats at meets.

>> No.10229465

>>10229461
Good for you

>> No.10229519

>>10228903
You don't sound like you would plan good lolita meets, you sound like a pretty dismissive person who sits around thinking up unrealistic ideas ’for lolita meets’ but has no hope of even bringing anything good to light because you are a social potato. Please just keep planning for your other club.

>> No.10229609

>>10229519
You don't sound like you know what the feels thread is. I don't act like this around people irl lol. I'm just venting here.

>> No.10229611

I'm sad that lolitas don't self-post outside of the draw thread. Gulls are so toxic everyone is afraid to share their coords. I'd much rather see gulls than itas on CoF.

>> No.10229612

>>10229611
>Gulls are so toxic
>itas on CoF
You are literally the reason why people don't self post...

>> No.10229679

There's a cute gull in my town doing webcam work. I really hope she's aware that all her past week's work is available for download and viewing online. I hope she's aware a spider got her page. I just hope she did it knowing it was going to be accessible later.

>> No.10229693

>>10229611
Follow the right people on Instagram for good western lolitas and for Japanese, Twitter.
CoF and FB itself is not good for lolita except for keeping track of event info.

Not sure where the best Chinese lolitas post but I would be interested to learn that info.

>> No.10229707

>>10229612
You shouldn't be here if calling people ita upsets you.

>>10229693
I know about IG and Twitter. A few years ago lolitas posted in the self-post threads here on /cgl/. We gave each other compliments and advice. Now everyone is too salty for that.

>> No.10229731

>>10229707
I’ve been coming here on and off since 2010 and I’ve never seen a thread where gulls self-posted.

>> No.10229743

>>10229731
nayrt but... what? the draw thread, and there used to be literal "self post" threads specifically for cosplayers and lolitas to post whatever OC they wanted

>>10229707
i know it's a meme but it really is jealousy that ruins this board, insecure people can't miss the chance to anonymously shit on cute girls

>> No.10229753

When I got my tax refund this year, 2/3rds of it went to paying off credit card debt and I decided to save the last 1/3rd for lolita, jfash, and just to treat myself in general.

I had a very tough time this past year, so treating myself has been a very long time coming. I know I have the support on my partner on this, I did the responsible thing by using the majority of it to help offset debt, everything should be good.

Why then do I feel so bad spending the money I set aside for myself, on myself? I feel terrible as I see the money leave my bank account. All the joy I had from hunting down deals on auctions has been sucked away by the guilt and I wish I could make it go away. I don't know if I just felt good seeing it in there as some sort of safety net or whatever, or I feel I don't deserve it something. Deep down I just feel like I shouldn't be doing this and that either I should spend it on something more worthwhile (ie not myself) or just leave it alone altogether. I wish I could get that to stop. I just wanna enjoy my clothes, man

>> No.10229755

>>10229753
Your happiness is an investment. If brand improves your mental and emotional wellbeing, buy that brand.

>> No.10229757

>>10229753
Were you a poorfag growing up?
Told by your folks you could have x thing for x reason so many times you gave up on finding joy in getting new things?

Coping mechanisms are tough man.

>> No.10229758

>>10229757
Couldn't *
If that wasn't obvious

>> No.10229764

>>10229757
nyart but this is me and that guilt was hard to get over, but you deserve whatever you want, good luck
>>10229753

>> No.10229779

>>10229757
For a bit, kinda, my family is from Eastern Europe where we were middle class, we moved to Canada where we weren't doing the greatest for the first few years (my parents hid it well from us kids) and then they climbed back into the middle class. I wonder if it did have influence on my personality, I could kinda tell things were bad sometimes (though I didn't know how bad), and I felt bad asking for things. I like receiving gifts but I still feel bad asking for something from someone. My mother complains I'm too modest (in my wants, I guess).

Maybe more relevant, I've been living like a poorfag for several years now, I had to move out of my parents' house on very short notice bc of drama, in simplest terms. My husband and I lived off of a combo of part time jobs and student loan for a while, then unemployment once we graduated and looked for work. He had a real tough time finding a job in his field. He found one in the US and moved there a year and a half ago and I'm stuck here with our daughter until my paperwork goes through. He had a lot of start up expenses plus roommate issues for the first 6+ months so we never got into the habit of having him send me money regularly. My husband makes way, way more than I do, I don't even really need to work, I mostly got a job to get me out of the house, plus daughter loves her daycare. I don't make a lot, and vast majority of my money goes to rent, daycare, and bills, with very little wiggle room. I get by and I'm happy to take one more thing off his plate, as he's really not doing well mentally but we kinda have to keep trucking till it's done with and we can reunite the family. It's almost like a point of pride for me or something to hold down the fort that way.

I guess maybe that's why I feel bad, because I'm used to such tough budgeting and if I spend money on non-necessities it's like I'm failing in some way.

I wasn't even gonna type this all out but I guess it gives context, so...oops. sorry.

>> No.10229781

contd'
>>10229757
Anyway, thank you, haha. I try not to rely on material things as a coping mechanism so I don't end up overspending, that's why I had set an amount aside, I just wish it wasn't working in the other direction right now!

>>10229755
I'm trying to think of it that way! I purposely picked versatile things I know I can dress up and down, and will enjoy wearing often...I bought five things and the priciest one was 5k yen, so it's not like I spent a ton. I hope I'll change my mind once I'm actually wearing everything. Anyways, thank you.

>>10229764
Thanks anon, and good luck to you as well, I hope one day we can get over these stupid hangups ( and hopefully without swinging into the other extreme).

>> No.10229792

6 people are going to get their cosplay props late because USPS has skipped my house THREE DAYS IN A ROW, even though I scheduled a package pick up every time. ugh

>> No.10229797

>>10229792
why can't you just ship it at the post office

>> No.10229811

>>10229797
why can't they just pick up packages at my front door like they have for the past year? Its easier from me when they do.

>> No.10229825

>>10228243
She's bitter knowing she will leave no legacy and nobody will know she ever existed.

>> No.10229827

>>10229825
this is just as retarded as thinking children are evil. no one but you cares about a pretend legacy, karen.

>> No.10229828

>>10228432
She was never your friend, you were just an orbiter. With women you are either a fuckbuddy, a casual acquaintance or an orbiter. Your choice as to which.

>> No.10229832

>>10229454
>she doesn't have a paramilitary group with mechanized infantry and armor divisions to safeguard her petticoats
Lmaoing @ ur life

>> No.10229834

>>10229827
Still salty that my Kyle is an honor student and your kid is in a jar at Planned Parenthood, DEBORAH?

>> No.10229849
File: 515 KB, 1173x913, received_719121958516949.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10229849

>>10229832
Fascism pls go

>> No.10229851

>>10229834
Calm your tits Emily

>> No.10229857
File: 456 KB, 600x573, sad.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10229857

I'm really excited for a con I go to every year coming up but it also makes me sad since this is the second year I'm going without my ex-best friend. We were like sisters and went together every single year. Worst part is I'll probably see her there with her dead beat boyfriend and they will run out of any area they see me in. Just gonna keep working on my cosplay and try not to think about it.

>> No.10229859

I struggled with recovering from being an ana for years, but am a healthy weight now. Because I can't stand all those other pc online communities, I decided to come to cgl.
But the amount of times I got called a fatty here (e.g. for the crime of defending a girl who was slightly chubby, for telling somebody that they should stop reeeing about fatties or for saying that being skinny isn't superior) makes me feel sick. I honestly think about quitting and selling my stuff because I'm worried that the lolitas I know personally also secretly think like that. Anybody who isn't underweight looks disgusting, being above a B cup means you have huge udders that looks gross in any jfashion, because I'm tall (and cgl hates tall girls) I am also stretching out "their" dresses...and so on.

>> No.10229863

>>10229779
He should pay half of daycare, food for your daughter and give money to you because you are putting in hours of work in childcare and he isn't.

>> No.10229864

>>10229859
I'm really glad to hear you've recovered from you eating disorder anon, really, that's amazing! I came from the opposite spectrum and was extremely obese when I was younger, but I lost the weight so I could wear lolita and other cute clothes. I understand what you're saying, but at the end of the day, lolita as a hobby is about fashion, and fashion relies heavily on looks and how well things are worn. The community will always prefer slender, well put together girls, over fat itas and it may seem harsh but that's just how it is. If lolita makes you feel bad or insecure maybe you should leave the community and just wear it for yourself and not worry about what other people think. Being fat is one thing, but you can't control your height after all.

>> No.10229866

>>10229859
just stop coming to cgl. it's toxic af

>> No.10229867

>>10229859
Why do you hate pc communities? They would obviously be healthier for you

>> No.10229875

>Honey cake gets re-release
>Sizes made to fit western/larger lolitas
>Ofc smaller lolitas complain because HC is already expensive secondhand
>Telling them to just get it altered to be smaller
>Telling smaller lolitas "now they know how it feels"
>Had got into this fashion because I'm too small for most western brands

ngl if it becomes a continuing trend for dresses to release larger sizes for the western market exclusively, I may not be able to actually buy a brand dress at a reasonable price because people will skyrocket the prices of the original secondhand. I got into lolita fashion because I'm too small to fit into most western sizes unless I go to the kids or tweens section. Sure the clothes fit but i don't want to wear something covered in floral and motifs a 12 year old would wear.

>> No.10229876

>>10229875
>I had got into lolita because I'm too small for most western brands
???

>> No.10229878

>>10229779
>too modest in wants
My mom pressed me to spend money on credit often.
Figures why there was never enough money to get anything actually nice, always splurging with food then complaining. Not tje best environment
>>10229781
I should clarify, the coping mechanism is your rationalization and guilt to subconsciously avoid risking basic needs
In favor of short term higher maslow desire.

>> No.10229879

>>10229875
>I'm too small for most western brands
Are you an absolute midget, or a skeleton? Because a lot of western brands go down to very small sizes.

>> No.10229898

>haven't worn lolita in almost a year
>looking through old coord pics on phone
>miss wearing cute poofy dresses but too depressed and self-conscious to wear it anymore

i almost want to sell my wardrobe so other people can have their dream dresses but i'm so attached to my clothes it's pathetic

>> No.10229905

>>10229876
Lmao, that's like saying
>I had to become a goth because I don't suit pink
>I'm tall and skinny so I have to wear stuff off of the Chanel runway
>My hair is short so I can only wear male clothes
Lolita is FAT japanese girl fashion! It's not made for tiny girls only.
Japanese women aren't some mythical 2ft 20lbs creatures, they are normal women who just happen to be a bit shorter and lighter than whites and blacks. If you can wear lolita, then you can also wear western clothes.

>> No.10229918

>>10229905
>Lolita is FAT japanese girl fashion
normies said this as an insult to lolita. The sizes were not that different from other Japanese brands. But sure, let's repeat their insults. When will we start telling people this is a sissy fashion?

>> No.10229936

>>10229918
My point is that there's no such thing as "I don't fit anything but lolita", because lolita is not that small. But go on.

>> No.10230020

I love cons because it’s full of ugly people. I’m average-pretty in normie world but a fucking goddess in con-standards.

>> No.10230033

>>10229878
>Figures why there was never enough money to get anything actually nice, always splurging with food then complaining. Not tje best environment
Definitely not. Sorry to hear that, anon. For myself, guess it's kind of like when we do do see each other, my mother asks me if I need or want anything. She offers to pay for some of my groceries or buy me something to wear. I usually tell her I don't need anything (because honestly, I don't *need need* anything) and that's when she comments on it, lol. Some people would seize the opportunity to be treated immediately, but it just makes me feel bad.

>>10229878
>I should clarify, the coping mechanism is your rationalization and guilt to subconsciously avoid risking basic needs
ah, makes sense.

>>10229863
He should, honestly. He wasn't able to at first because everything he could spare went back to repaying the cost of moving expenses, and to my immigration fees. Within the next (hopefully) 3-4 months there's probably going be thousands more in expenses for that, I have to get medical exams, pay fees, travel to another province to be interviewed, and that's before even thinking of how much it's going to cost to move all my possessions several states over, and then I feel bad and I don't ask so he can save for it in peace.
If I told him I needed something he'd send me money immediately. But I hate asking in the first place, so he assumes I'm ok and for the most part I am. I'm also probably not going to be working for a while after I move, so there's that.

>> No.10230034

>>10225307
>>10228026
The guy completely ignored her as if she was air and being met with a decisive no is not getting pissy. Holy shit, get thicker skin.

>> No.10230036

>>10229867
because anon is clearly fine with shitting on other people but gets insecure when she’s on the chopping block, kek

>> No.10230037

>>10229779
On the one hand you complain about not having money, but on the other hand you write that you don't even really need to work and don't make a lot.
You went to uni, your daughter is in daycare, there's no excuse for you to not work normally as well.

>> No.10230042

>>10230036
Just because I don't like spending my time around trannies or fakebois does mean I deserve to starve myself again?
There's a huge difference between asskissing and behaving like a total cunt.

>> No.10230044

>>10230042
i rest my case

>> No.10230047

>>10230044
How would you know that I shit on others? Did you even read my original post?

>> No.10230052 [DELETED] 

>>10230033
You're not abnormal for refusing random gifts from your parents. I actually think it's weird and offers it so often. Does she think you're unable to buy your own things? When I go out with my parents I pay for them and I just make minimum wage.

>> No.10230054

>>10230033
You're not abnormal for refusing random gifts from your parents. I actually think it's weird that she offers it so often. Does she think your husband left you and you're unable to buy your own things? When I go out with my parents I pay for them, and I just make minimum wage.

>> No.10230084

>>10230037
Yes, technically my husband makes enough to cover all basic needs, if I did stay at home. I didn't want to put all that on him, though, while I just languished. The reason why this situation is frustrating me so much is that I tried to look for a job in my field in the time coming up to my husband leaving, and even after he left, but everything that kept coming up was evening and weekend work with an irregular schedule. That's a childcare nightmare and I wasn't able to find coverage for it. I got a 9-5 admin job from an employment program but it was at minimum wage, so I had more or less no choice but to take it. I pay as much for daycare as I do for rent. There's about $50 left from my monthly income after you take those two away. I'm not eligible for any subsidies because my partner is out of the country. The rest of the expenses are covered by a monthly tax break/bonus thing. There's no point for me to try and look for something better, because if I'm leaving before the year is up, most career development will probably be useless once I move.

It would make most sense, to, y'know, pool resources and have him fill in the gaps my low income creates. It's still a lot less than he'd have to give me than if I didn't work. He lives much more comfortably than me. The only real problem is that for some fucking reason, I feel like I'm a burden, a bother, and letting him down if I ask him for help. I'm not looking for an excuse to not do anything, or to be pampered, I wish I could get over something as fucking basic as "you make more than I do and I am covering 100% of a huge expense for our child, can you help a bit?" It would, again, be very different if we lived together and I was just contributing to existing bills that we share.

>>10230054
Nah, it's because I don't see her a lot (like three times a year maybe) and she feels bad that I left the house under shitty circumstances. I'm not interested in taking gifts just so she can ease her own guilt though.

>> No.10230225

>>10230084
She probably offers you things because that how she shows love. My mom is the same way, it never gets less awkward no matter if you accept or not.
She does get happier when I give in a little, but I set boundaries.

>> No.10230263

>>10230084
You are teaching your daughter that it is ok act as you do when she grows up and marries, is that what you want for her? Maybe it will help to look at how she will see a mother who cannot even speak for her own needs? Is that what you want to teach her?

>> No.10230270

>>10230084
>I wish I could get over something as fucking basic as "you make more than I do and I am covering 100% of a huge expense for our child, can you help a bit?"
Are you a fucking family or not? It sounds like you are not. His income and your income should be one and the same. It sounds like you don't even have a joint bank account. Wtf.

>> No.10230314
File: 117 KB, 652x876, poptart.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
10230314

>>10229849
Das Reich ist ewig

>> No.10230358

>>10230225
Probably. I set boundaries also - I'll her buy me a coffee, but say no thanks to groceries or the like.

>>10230263
She's 4, none of what I'm going through reaches her. That's a very good point though.

>>10230270
>It sounds like you don't even have a joint bank account. Wtf.
Obviously not. Did you miss the fact that we're in different countries? lol. We still have a joint bank account here, but he can't do any banking or have paycheques deposited into it, so he had to get his own. It's a temporary situation that is taking way longer than it was supposed to because the state of US immigration is fucking abysmal right now. When I move and get a SSN, we'll have a joint account again.

>> No.10230386

>>10230358
Just have him wire transfer you money wtf.

>> No.10230422

>>10230358
I would be seriously worried. He should have offered to send your daughter and you money on his own.

>> No.10230547

>>10230386
>>10230422
He does whenever I ask, as much as I feel like. My issue is I'm a fucking walnut and I feel bad asking, even though I shouldn't. Logically, I know it's incredibly fucking stupid, but it happens anyways. If I don't ask he assumes everything is OK, which it for the most part is.

I'm not worried, I know he's not funneling money into a drug habit or a sugar baby or something lol, I just genuinely have a mental block around money. Maybe I need more therapy, I don't know - I certainly wasn't like this before he had move away, I just somehow ended up tying a chunk of my self worth into how well I was managing on my own while he set up so we could start a better life together.

At any rate, thank you for letting me vent my nonsense. I do feel a bit better now - I already knew feeling guilty was stupid, but it's always good to have confirmation from an outside source.

>> No.10230676

>>10230547
you shouldn't have to ask, it should be monthly or weekly

>> No.10230834

>>10230358
If you don't think your feelings reach your daughter, you are already underestimating the impact on her.
But to the point of the situation, if you still have any debt and are anticipating more huge expenses coming up, maybe that's the sign that spending on j-fashion and ’treating yourself’ might not be your best option.

>> No.10232364

>>10227050
worst kind of feel, hope you can cope

>> No.10233551

>>10226523

It's the clown world we live in. Get used to it, grandma

>> No.10233993

>>10228781
consider an actual photographer

>>
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