/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

What's stopping me from participating in communities? Honestly the drama, which may sound hilarious coming from /cgl/ regular but it's true; I tend to ignore all the 'look at this ita/fatty/whore' type stuff and focus on all the general image sharing and advice type stuff, coord help threads etc.

There's so much backstabbing and bitching within the j-communities and I really don't want any of that noise, I just want to enjoy wearing the clothes that make me feel good and express how I feel at any given time. I like outlandish outfits but I don't like attention grabbing, which means I do dress up a lot at home.

ditto re the drama being off the scale. i also wonder how many super nice tumblr users come here to release all the accumulating sand, then go back to being super nice to the people they just bitched out.

Social anxiety and the fact that I'd have to eat in the comm's presence. Also scared people would talk about me behind my back. I've heard the Dutch comm is pretty nice, but yeah.

I don't dress up at home because I have pets in the backyard that I have to tend to, and I wouldn't want my clothes to get dirty. Also chronic fatigue shit. It's too much of a hassle to dress up without being able to show off my clothes.

I'm a loli newbie so I haven't gone outside wearing it yet, but I do wear romantic gyaru to town.

A while back someone on here wrote the following and I think it's pretty spot-on:

>...There's no 'we're all in this together' and the only people who you should complain about bitching or making fun of you are your friends. Don't give a fuck about pricks on the internet, or bitches on tumblr, do what you want, but just remember, we're not your tight-knit church group, we're a large community with varying members with varying opinions and it's going to stay that way.

>I'm sick of people thinking everyone owes them compliments, people don't owe you shit, earn it."

Despite my agreement with this statement I admittedly don't handle 'pricks on the internet' very well, not because I believe I'm entitled to praise, but because my confidence is so low and my social anxiety levels so high that it just adds to my paranoia and ability to relax at any given moment. I also tend to believe every negative thing about myself. This is an issue I have outside of j-fash too. This suggests to me that keeping my interests to myself is probably best for my sanity, until at least my general mental health improves. I'm not going to be joining communities anytime soon.

>>7765011

Also just to add, I struggle with my own judgement due to my confidence issues and can't really tell the difference between someone being a bitch/mean for the sake of it, and someone actually making a point worth considering. Have the same problem distinguishing between the more objectively bad and a simple difference in opinion/aesthetic ideals (in relation to myself). I actually really appreciate advice from people though despite all my neurosis.

>Why aren't you a member of your local comm?
Drama mainly, the other anons pretty much hit the nail on the head. Work commitments also.

>Do you ever dress up at home just for the hell of it? Perhaps take a stroll around your neighborhood in lolita or closet cosplay, never daring to document your outfits?
Yeah sometimes I wear lolita at home, sometimes to uni, sometimes out to lunch with friends. Sadly it doesn't get worn that often. Mainly due to lack of comm but also lack of complete coords.

I have a few photos of my lolita outfits.

Social anxiety (and agoraphobia) for me too. I'm actually not at all worried about drama or people being mean - I don't know about other people with anxiety but for me it's irrational, like a primal fear that completely bypasses my conscious mind. I know that none of the girls are going to be unpleasant to me (there's a few chronic itas in my comm who get no criticism whatsoever so I'm sure I'll be fine too) but no matter how often I tell myself this, the fear does not go away.

It's annoying because meetups in my local comm actually tend to be quite big and the ones that are claimed to be most newbie-friendly always involve a lot of people. I just don't function in that environment. I wish there was a way for me to get to know my comm with 2-3 people at a time rather than everyone at once. But who wants to go to such a small, personal meet with some weirdo they've never really met before?
Nowadays I'm trying to be more active on tumblr and hoping to make more contacts that way, but so far it's not really working.

And get a picture taken and posted on here and probably torn apart? Nah. way too much anxiety for that. You guys are fucking mean.

>>7765040
What's your tumblr?

>>7765040
You sound a lot like me anon, one of the best meet-up experiences I've ever had was when it ended up being a group of just four girls including me. we all got on great and became close enough that if we did have any suggestions to make, we all knew it as meant in good faith, because we ere friends and not participants in some kinda blackstabby, bitch circle. The girls don't wear lolita anymore and i really miss those days, it was a perfect lolita community in my eyes and I would love to find another group with a similar vibe, where we can support each other and have fun without needing to stir shit.

I'm a fatty chan. Once I lose weight, I'll leave the house dressed in clothes I like, instead of just clothes that fit. For now, armchair lolita lurker.

>>7765040
I feel you anon, I think a lot of people know their anxieties and other related mental heath difficulties are irrational, yet they still can't switch it off or make it stop; I think a lot of people that don't experience trouble don't understand this and either think you're experiencing psychosis and are severely mentally unwell, or can just 'grow some balls and stop it/get over it'. This stuff is complex and multifaceted, wish it wasn't but it is.

>>7765040
Why don't you PM a mod of your community and explain the situation like you did here? I think they'd be understanding and maybe agree to meet you in a smaller group. I'm a mod of my comm and me and another mod did that with a girl who was too shy to go to a meetup by herself.

>why aren't you a member of your local comm etc despite enjoying participating in cosplay/other j-fash?
I have a chronic illness and am too sick to go out without a carer. Also I'm not happy enough with my appearance to feel confident meeting new people in that context. I think my local comm isn't very active anyway.
>Do you ever dress up at home just for the hell of it?
Sometimes when I'm feeling well enough I will dress up. Usually when I get new clothes and I want to try them on I'll get fully dressed up. I look even more sick when I'm wearing nice clothes, so I do full make-up and a wig.
>Perhaps take a stroll around your neighborhood in lolita or closet cosplay, never daring to document your outfits?
I sometimes dress up in Jfash when I have to go to appointments, or when I go to visit family. Generally I can plan ahead so I have enough energy to do so. Dressing up in lolita is a bit much for appointments and it takes way more energy , so I hardly ever wear it outside of my house.
I do document it though, because I find it nice to look at pictures of myself where I look like a normal human being and not a corpse like I usually look. I usually keep them to myself, but sometimes I'll post one on tumblr or update my facebook/skype picture so that people know I'm still alive.

>>7765095
Not that anon but I'd love to feel I could do something like this but I still fear that mental health stigma is still very much a thing, even if it's just in the form of gossip without people actually trying to be bitchy etc per se - 'did you hear about so and so, I hear she has really bad social anxiety and depression and i think she got hospitalized this one time' that kinda thing.

I've even had my own good friends say stuff along the lines of 'saw her the other day, she seemed fine to me' - none of this is meant with maliciousness and seems innocuous but it all adds to making me feel like I'm putting it on or could just 'try harder' etc. I'm not sure people realize the effort I put in just to attempt to participate in day to day activities like a normal human being, if I didn't do that I'd probably just spend all day sat at home crying and shaking or some shit.

>>7764934
>why aren't you a memeber of your local comm

Social anxiety. If I made a small mistake at the first meet I went to, I would never forget it. In my mind, everyone who was there would forever remember me by it. I can't do it, not now. The girls in the comm are all really nice, too, I've spoken to them online already, I'm just so terrified of face-to-face encounters.

I'm going to try to work on it some more so that I CAN go to meets, though. As long as i can bring my boyfriend along, I think I can do it someday.

I do dress up here at home and go out to the mall or for dinner, even though sometimes I feel conscious about myself when I do that. I do post photos of my outfits online, though, and I can cosplay with no issues.... though don't ask me to show up to a meetup.

>>7765095
Another different anon, but social anxiety really doesn't allow that, usually. It's really tough because there are so many people who think we're just shy, or just introverted, and don't understand that this is deep-rooted fear.

Plus, once you tell someone, you wonder forever if they're judging you for it, deep down thinking you're some piece of shit for it.

I don't even usually care what others think about me, but I could never tell people that I wanted to befriend something like that. Some random stranger on the street, I could tell them anything. I'll never see them again. But people that I'd have to be around later on, I could never tell them until I got to know them and trusted them.

>>7765118
>>7765118
>'did you hear about so and so, I hear she has really bad social anxiety and depression and i think she got hospitalized this one time'
Oh god I'm so afraid of shit like this happening, not just in comms. One of my neighbours saw me being taken away in an ambulance after a suicide attempt. I honestly can't look her in the face anymore because of how ashamed I am, and I'm scared to death the whole neighbourhood knows and thinks "oh she's that girl who attempted suicide" whenever they see me.

I wanted to sage for OT but the whole email field is gone, did I miss something?

>>7765137
Nevermind about the email thing, I'm blind. I wonder if you can sage in the options field? Let's try.

>>7764934
I want to start cosplaying but none of my friends are normalfags or not that interested. And yeah still trying to get over social anxiety so I can't really make new friends easily.

I pretty much don't talk to anyone about my anime/manga and j-fash related interests. There isn't really anything like that in the area I live in, so if I think about buying certain clothes I just wind up thinking the likes of "Why buy this if everyone will find it weird and immature" or "I could just spend my money on work clothing instead and save the rest for something else."

Sometimes I feel bad about not really talking to anyone else about my hobbies, but I really like that the online community (ie 4chan and a couple people I've run into on Tumblr) has a lot of people who are just as experienced when it comes to overseas shopping or manga knowledge.

I'm shy and get really nervous before a meet (if I would go to a meet).
Sometimes I wear my clothes to school (fashion student) and at home.

I don't experience social anxiety beyond the 'norm' but comm drama? Not interested. I can also enjoy lolita fashion without going to meet-ups, posting endless pics of my grinning mug all over the internet and sharing filtered pics of some girl's knobbly knees in filly socks that inexplicably has 4000+ notes, or some caption or quote guff that's just a string of meaningless platitudes - If all you needed to improve your life was an 'inspirational' macro then you never needed to change much in the first place, you know?

I do like it here though, I get to keep up to date with what's going on with new releases etc, without having to bother with all the aforementioned stuff.

> Go to local comm's meetup
> One girl had a nasty attitude
> People still like her
> "It's okay, anon! That's just her personality! You'll grow to like her too!"
> Hang out with her in hopes that I will grow to like her
> Girl constantly puts me down for things that I like (We can't be friends because you like ******), but then compliments someone else if they like the same thing (Oh, you like ******? That's cool!)
> Wonders why everyone loves this bitch and the ground she walks on
> Get fed up and have an arguement with her
> Comm slowly pushes me away because she started to spread rumors about me

I'm just dressing up at home and avoiding huge communities as much as possible.

Most of my time is taken up by work, so I have to give social outings a miss 99% of the time. Also I am terrible at making new friends, and when am in a meet where I know pretty much no one i don't know how to approach people and strike up conversation. So I just wear my lolita to conventions only, and they just sit in my closet for the rest of the year.

>>7765524
Maybe they pushed you away because you started drama? This story sounds like there is a flip side that you are hiding to look better.

Agoraphobia/Social Anxiety along with living about over an hour south of where the meets are always held. A small number of people used to live in the same area and we had our own meets/had a few locally but the core people (Excluding myself) moved out of town and now it's fallen apart. There was a huge drama shitstorm a few months ago too, though I'm not sure what happened in the end. It makes me feel like a weea/koreaboo but sometimes I'll wear shirts in public or a small part of a costume hoping to god that someone will notice me.

>T-that's how you make friends, right /cgl/?

I wish we could have some kind of group for socially anxious or chronically/mentally ill in general lolis. None of us loonies would probably be confident enough to initiate conversation, though.
NEET life is so fucking lonely. I wish I could talk with at least one person who understands this shit but I have no friends.
Also sorry for sounding like a whiny emo bitch.

>>7765737
Oh anon chan...i feel you so much

>why aren't you a member of your local comm?
If I have to venture outside, I would rather go with good friends than acquaintances that I only have a fashion in common with. I feel a lot more comfortable and safe being photographed and stared at if I am with people I know and trust that enjoy my company, and aren't just there because it is a meet.

>Do you ever dress up at home just for the hell of it?
Every day.

>never daring to document your outfits?
I tumble the outfits I wear out and privately share the rest with friends (lolita and normalfag)

>>7765762
Do you ever worry about where your photos will end up or what people think of them? For me the agoraphobia and general paranoia go hand in hand, but in theory I feel more comfortable dressed up outside alone than sharing my photos online.

>>7765757
I know these feels! I'm probably an aspie with social anxiety so for me getting new friends in rl is hard, i fear to utter only bullshit and make people bored. Making friends online is better for me, i even created a jfashion meet for september but i fear to not go along well and so stay mostly silent. Well, maybe with people who have my interests is different i hope.
>such hard is the life of a social inept person

>>7765877
Yes and no? As a rule of thumb, I just let it go and don't worry about it, but I would be lying if I said it never makes me uncomfortable at times.

>what helps
My family and employers already know. This is my life. I'm a frilly weirdo. No one can blackmail me, failing some really spectacular shoop.

I am not embarrassed of my own photos. I feel I pass as okay enough in appearance for both the lolita world and the normal one that I don't fear mixing audiences.

I have never been badly harassed online, and it's pretty easy (for me, not everyone! For some it is scary and difficult) to ignore some nasty opinionated weirdo with no influence over my life on the other side of the country.

>what doesn't help
Porn and fetish sites love me... Whatever gets you off, man. Can't win every battle. Some people are sexually attracted to modesty and the doll look, after all.

In public, those people did not navigate to a weird corner of the net, I happen upon them. They are real and present and can throw drinks on me, get too close, touch my hair and outfit, try to hug me, or follow me home, so for me public is 1000x worse.

>>7765877
Not that anon, but I definitely worry about this. I'm not very comfortable with myself or my body and the thought of seeing a photo of myself online and what people would say about me just makes me cringe.
I think if someone ever posted me on /cgl/ or behind the bows I'd have a mental breakdown.

>why aren't you a member of your local comm etc despite enjoying participating in cosplay/other j-fash?
I'm shy/nervous. At 26 I feel too old, and in NYC there doesn't really seem to be a scene for what I like to wear (otome, gyaru, etc. I wear a lot of Liz Lisa)
>Do you ever dress up at home just for the hell of it?
I dress up mostly for work since there's no uniform policy. I find this makes me less nervous than walking around the neighborhood for whatever reason.

I wish there was a comm for general J-Fashion maybe. There's a bunch of styles I really like and I'd love to see in person and comms do seem fun.

>>7765677
Are you me? I get so much shit from my SO for doing this because I keep buying more outfits but never wearing them other than at cons.

If I went walking down the street in my area in cosplay or lolita I'd get shot because it's the whitest fucking place in existence. I pull the PT and dress up inside and take pictures with a tripod-san. Plus being chronically ill doesn't mix with long walks with meet up groups in clothing that exasperates the fact that your body is unable to correctly regulate it's own body temperature. Which is why I'm almost exclusively wear lolita in winter if I ever go out in it.

>>7766064
shit anon that sucks, for all my mental troubles and health problems my race at least hasn't ever been a in factor stopping me, in fact in all honestly, I'm probably so blissfully 'mah privilege' about the whole thing that it's never even crossed my mind before now.

>>7765992
Have you tried a lolita community for otome? It's not really the thing for a more ott meet but if you lean more on the Lane Marple/etc side of things I think you would be pretty well accepted. If you're still worried you could always contact the comm leader to check if it would be ok; they might even do casual type meets so although a slightly different aesthetic, you wouldn't stand out all that much in otome.

>>7765970
Sounds like me, anon. Plus the fact that I have control over the photos I make and post myself. The one time I attended a meetup someone ended up taking a bunch of extremely unflattering pictures of me (from below while I was eating, wtf) and posting them on the comm page for the entire world to see. The only picture I didn't look bad in was the group pic where my face was half obscured by someone's parasol, so for all anyone on that page knows I'm an ugly ogre. Ugh.

>>7766064
What chronic illness is this where your basal body temperature is too high? Afaik I'm not ill but I also have troubles with my body temperature and people always tell me I'm exaggerating until I actually let them touch me. My boyfriend's favourite nickname for me is "little furnace".

Dear NEETs,
I was once like you, I sat all day doing nothing and felt bad about it, because I felt guilty for enjoying myself if I wasn't employed.
Now I am working full time and I am so tired that I can do nothing outside of work. Even though I can afford burando I have no time for it.

Please, use your time. Enjoy making things!

>>7766979
I think the majority of the anons here are NEETS due to social anxiety and other mental illnesses rather than just not being able to find a job.

>>7767325
That's pretty much me

>had work but couldn't cope so quit
>get better - find more work
>can't cope - rinse, repeat

I feel immense guilt whenever I contemplate doing anything fun, especially going to cosplay events. I always think 'you don't deserve to be here, you don't even have a job'.

I live in fear of the question 'so anon, what do you do'? Honest answer would be 'well, I pretty much just stay at home being mental'.

>>7765757
i dont think there are any active lolis on here anymore but you could try out >>>/adv/14633963

>>7767914
I've felt something similar in the past but I'm out of it now.
Larping helped a lot, although not immediately. Also I got a very good job through one of the larpers I know.
Nowdays I do so much stuff and go to so much larp that I barely have any free time to anything else. Although I'm still kind of anti social but that's mainly because I hate people in general.

>>7765122
You and I could be the same person almost.

>>7767325
It's a bit of both for me. I have a physical disability, and a lot of social anxiety. I also lost a few jobs due to my disability, even though I tried really hard to keep up despite that and my anxiety. It really caused my depression to get worse. I end up buying too much to try to distract myself, but it all ends up in a pile in my closet...being a NEET is hell.

>>7767935
The advice threads suck though. Most are just /jp/ types who are NEETs to fuel their hobbies.

>>7765122
Oh god I have the same paranoia. The girls i my comm are so sweet and friendly but I'm so scared that they all secretly hate me. I talk to them a little on facebook but they rarely respond to me; they respond to the other girls. I just want to have friends but I'm so scared of rejection.

It's so much easier to just hang out with my boyfriend and our guy friends, but I really want some girl friends to do girl stuff with. ;_;

>>7765524
Sounds like my comm lol

>>7765122
>>7767979
I'm the same, but I really wonder, how did you even get a boyfriend in the first place, if interaction is so difficult?

>>7768804
>how did you even get a boyfriend in the first place, if interaction is so difficult?
The power of being female?

>>7768806
That power has never worked for me ;_;

>>7768813
Too ugly? Black?

>>7768806
This. Be attractive and guys will want to date you regardless of your social ineptitude. Finding people who actually want to be friends with you is way more difficult.

>>7768804
getting a girlfriend when you are a shut in is way harder

I'm just pretty shy and I hate myself a lot, I guess.

>>7767971
>I end up buying too much to try to distract myself, but it all ends up in a pile in my closet
I feel you so much anon

>>7768861
True story. I'm average in appearance and i admit sometimes you can find boys flirting with you or get some compliments, even from good looking boys not only uggos. Issue is i can't find a bf even online because i'm picky and find the one who would be more fitting for me in hobbies, personality and also well good looking or acceptable for my tastes is really hard. Finding a boy is easy mode (online, offline is like impossible) even for me social inept girl, but if you have low standards or maybe you are lucky enough to find a good boy for your tastes you don't need to search also, usually they find you.

I've always wondered how one finds local comms for cosplay and such; mostly all the people I know except my bf are just "normal"..

>>7768901
don't worry anon, we are here for you

>>7769083
it's always hard to find someone who has the same kind of stupidity as you, even without being shy/shut in/neet/whatever

I've been a NEET since 2011. 4 of those years people gave me shit for not find a job and I've been trying hard.

4 years I missed a bunch of cons in which I could have dressed for and promises to come I never fulfilled. I sometimes feel like time's wasting when opportunities come like that.

I feel so frustratingly angry.

Social anxiety makes con size crowds a big enough issue even when i'm medicated

doing something that makes you stand out like
cosplay/j-fash is pretty much a recipe for a full blown anxiety attack

plus this fun bullshit
>eating makes me feel less anxious
>get fat
>going to the gym to help the fat problem would also make me anxious for a variety of reasons (no idea what i'm doing and too afraid to ask for help etc)
>feel worthless
>GET MORE ANXIOUS AND DEPRESSED
>the cycle continues
>eventually i will collapse into myself and become a neutron star

I want to get off of Mr.Bone's wild ride

>>7769492
>doing something that makes you stand out like
>cosplay/j-fash is pretty much a recipe for a full blown anxiety attack

the thing is you have to approach it from a different angle. The dressing up in costumes stuff could actually help you handle the situation. If you put one level of abstraction between you and the crowd by for example saying this isn't actually you but just something you play to be.
In a lot of places people use things like this (and larping too) to help people. It always helps to handle your problems if you can put at least one level of abstraction between you and the problem.

On the other hand if you just doing it yourself and there is noone to actually help you you can easily go to the other side of the horse and be a total THAT guy at the end, so there is that...

>>7768901
I had an ex that said the same thing alot, I helped her out and ended up dating, after I "fixed" her, she cheated on me (again) and I had to leave her.

Instead of becoming bitter, I decided to help others that deal with anxiety issues due to the opposite gender or just other people in general. If you just want to exercise conversation and social contact, just email me with a throw away email if it makes you comfortable.

momosu.sempai(a)gmailru doto koomu

How do you guys deal with the judgement from your family/ other people?

Whenever I go over to my parents or brother's house they're constantly making passive aggressive comments about how I don't have a job and am not in school like "LOL, yeah I wish I could stay at home all day and do nothing like anon!"

Also I'm pretty much completely supported by my boyfriend who is friends with my brother and apparently he talks shit about how lazy I am and how my boyfriend should break up with me. It's not like I'm doing this on fucking purpose, why do they have to make me feel shittier about myself than I already fucking do.

Honestly it just makes me feel more anxious about being around other people for fear of what they'll think of me if they find out I'm a NEET.

>>7769505
>If you put one level of abstraction between you and the crowd by for example saying this isn't actually you but just something you play to be.

True life yo. I was diagnosed with social anxiety at the tender age of two, so even though I know how to cope, it still interferes. I love cosplay because no will ever recognize me out of costume. I act differently because I'm able to set aside my anxiety and just roll with the crowd.

Honestly the only time I freak out in costume is if my sister (who I regularly do pairs with) points out that I made something. Like, generic compliments are fine, but if she says "Oh, yeah, anon here made all that" - instant clammy hands.

>>7769524

I feel the same way and my mother as well. we're getting shit from our grandparents because they think it's easy to get a job, when you have no fucking transportation whatsoever OR when they tell to sign up online.

No return calls, just shit like "Oh, we already hired someone".

>>7769524
first off, there is nothing wrong with being a NEET, so disregard your own fear of judgement is the first thing to do.

To give yourself energy and feel better about yourself AND get some heat off your butt, do some household chores that have a visible impact ( not cleaning up your desktop or washing your own dishes) like vacuuming and a wipe down of your kitchen make good impressions.

>>7769524
>How do you guys deal with the judgement from your family/ other people?
I'm generally not on talking terms with my family.
And I don't care about what other people think

>>7769535
They assume since the job economy back then was >"hey you look like a fine lass, why doncha work for me? I'll pay ya 2 bucks an hour!"
that its its easy to obtain a job if not multiple.

>>7769566

It's funny, they're complaining about at someone being lazy yet they have a renovated, yes that's right, RENOVATED House in another country and stealing our minimum income we have.

I feel pretty damn trapped here.

>>7769535
Haaa, my grandma is always saying "You're so good with computers, why don't you get a job in that?" Gram, everyone my age is good with computers. The only ones that get jobs with them have a degree in CS

>>7769618

I might as well fucking do a video games on YouTube. people like Markiplier and Pewdiepie gain lots of money for that shit.

>>7769524
I deal with it by surrounding myself with people who aren't uppity nonces.

That said, I'm only in NEETmode for a few months due to moving to another country and paperwork. In the meantime, do something useful like learn a new skill or get a certificate or licence for something ridiculously easy, it helps your resume. Anything, even a first aid course.

I'm not part of any local community because I have a terrible personality and find it impossible to keep friends. People usually like me at first but over time as I reveal more of myself they tend to start disliking me and avoid me. I used to have con friends but even only seeing them a few times a year got them to avoid me. I moved across the country from them for a new job and I have no doubts that none of them miss me, even if we are still FB friends.

I still cosplay at cons but now I don't even attempt to make lasting friendships. If nobody likes me then I have no reason to like anybody back. I've tried long enough but I don't want to change myself anymore just to fit in. My relations with other cosplayers is strictly professional.

I'm a Houston loli.

>>7769443
baito-senpaiiiiiiii

>>7769524
Coincidentally there's a thread like this on /n/ over at Uboachan. Although the boards over there are insanely slow.

I've already commented over there but basically my parents are just thankful I'm living a pretty innocent lifestyle as oppose to other crazier kids who take drugs, run away, do crimes, etc.

Of course I busy myself too like studying (especially foreign languages), help around the house and so on.

Have you talked to your brother about it like telling him not to talk about you like that? Also that he may be destroying your emotional support from your bf which is just fucked up and is the opposite of helping you. There's always blackmail too like telling other people his darkest or embarrassing secrets which is justified if you ask me.

I legitimately dislike people and social situations and would rather be alone. I don't have social anxiety or angoraphobia I just enjoy being alone. I'm not good with group activities and have issues even finding people I have enough in common with to even have an interesting conversation. I can stand just about anyone though but only for short periods of time, a day tops. And after I see them/ hang out I rather not do it again for a few months. Socializing is exhausting (even online, and I hate text/calls too) and it takes me days to recover. As a result, NEET.

My friends have drifted apart, made their own social circles or gone to schools outside of the area. I'm still here in the Los Angeles area, and while I do cosplay, I think it'd be far more appropriate to find gigs in the area where I can play japanese tunes. I don't know how I'd go about doing this, as for right now I'm just occasionally doing online radio shows and sending mail to upcoming cons asking if I can play music for them.

You'd think it would be easier to do this in Los Angeles, but I have next to no knowledge as to how it's done. I want to start from scratch and make brand new friends.

>>7769831
I've got the opposite going on. People usually don't like me when they first meet me but if they bother sticking it out they won't leave me the fuck alone after a while.

>>7769918
I kinda have this problem too. I swear people just want to be my friend 'cos I dress funny and am polite. It's particularly annoying if I have nothing in common with the person. Most of the time I run around saying I don't have a phone to avoid further contact Lol

>>7768804
He was a friend of a friend, we'd all hang out together in school. It was odd, he's the only guy that I wasn't initially sort of nervous around.

>>7769519


Im still open to help/advice/vent those who want it

as an ex-NEET , I might be able to help as these stories are extremly similar to my own

>>7769918
Wow, what a nice problem to have. You sure have it tough. I mean, it's not easy to tell someone to shove off right.

I don't know why... I don't have social anxiety or anything like that. I just dress up in what I feel like (lolita, cosplay, seifuku, etc) and play video games, read Tolkien books, dust my collections, or watch anime. When it comes to going out in public it's off with the pretty makeup and frills and on with the cardi and slippers. And I keep myself skinny by learning those cute anime dances and jog on a treadmill to sports anime.

>>7764957
Have you actually participated in your community before making the assumption that it's drama-ridden?

Yes, cgl has a ton of drama, but that doesn't mean that your comm does. My comm is actually really tame. The only issue is that there are a ton of itas/noobies, but they've been pretty receptive to concrit, so it's whatever.

>>7770211
Well, I'm from the UK and my impression is that the comms are pretty drama ridden, I don't even follow drama related stuff, it's not my bag, and yet it filters down, through facebook, tumblr, here, and prior to that, egl and livejournal when it was more active. I don't even have to look for it to be aware of its lingering presence.

I went to a local meet once and had a great time but it was just a handful of lolitas and we all became friends and continued to hang out, we wanted to help each other rather than gossip. I'm still friends with those girls but they don't wear lolita anymore. I'm also a massive oldfag and in all honesty, probably wouldn't know how to re-connect with even a new (drama-free) community without feeling like a bit of an old lady on the sidelines.

Perhaps my perspective has been skewed somewhat from the golden age of livejounal, where at one point there were something like 7 major, active communities dedicated to gossip, drama and general wank, where people would latch onto anything they could to fuel the fire and keep all the ruckus rollin'. It always struck me as such a perplexing spectacle, like some kinda bizarre Heat magazine microcosm.

>why aren't you a member of your local comm etc
Because literally everyone there hates my guts because I'm not a dumblr SJW.

>Do you ever dress up at home just for the hell of it?
sometimes. Only mainly if i ever go ingot cosplay videochats and such.

>>7765118
So much this.

The military in 'Murrica is a cult of fitness and I've been waiting on a medical discharge that has been certain since November. I work in a customer service career field and I am not allowed to work customer service because when I try to, I get too stressed out and try to kill myself. I pretty much act like it's no big deal that I spend four out of the past eight months in the hospital and have been "high risk" for almost a year. High risk means my command butts even more into my daily life. It would be like your boss' boss showing up at your door at six on a Wednesday. (Happened to me today.) I don't get out outside off work more than once every month or so, but when I do, I wear lolita. It actually helps me feel safer and less anxious because it's like I'm in a different world. My boss knows I wear lolita, what it is, and occasionally asks me about recent purchases (for some reason the military attracts nerds)

I can't drive and don't want to ask to car pool, because it would make me an immediate target to the comm. Not to mention the comms here are huge and would freak me out too much. (I live in the Bay Area between Sac and San Fran)

>>7768804
He was a friend of a friend that I met online. I got lucky that he turned out to be a chubby chaser and was super into me.

I want to get into make up and fashion and stuff but since I'm a shut it I feel like it would be a waste of time and money when I could just sit around in my pajamas with no make up instead. I want to be pretty but I feel like there's no point if no one else is going to see it. :/

I have anxiety dislike crowds and fear people getting to close to me.

I really don't like people or want to be around them or them around me, I'm happier when I'm alone but at the same time I really want friends. My thought process makes no sense.

I plan to go to NYC CC, I've never cosplayed before but I'm interested in cosplay and jfashion, have no job and a borderline shut-in. I'd be scared to make conversation with people because when I get to nervous I either start talking to fast or I stumble all over my words and nothing makes sense.

I think I may or may not be depressed I don't do anything but sleep all day, and clean here and there and I know I should be more productive and try to at least make some sort of friends but it's hard and I try to get away from these fears that people might hate me but I can't.

I don't even know what I'd talk about I'd play videogames and read/watch manga/anime but I don't even do that anymore.

I'm a failure as a human.

>>7765992
>NYC
Are you going to the upcoming convention?

>>7770692
Missed out on tickets this year. I banked on getting them online to avoid how ridiculous lines were getting year after year. Yeah, that didn't pan out. I may pop in on Saturday since someone I know might not be able to use theirs the whole day.

>>7769848
wasn't a bait, although now after a sleep I see that I might used the wrong words.

What I tried to say that no matter how much you go out, finding someone who matches you and enjoy the same things (or at least a lot of same thing) and you can generally understand each other... well it's hard to find someone like that.

How do you make friends if you're alone at a con? Do you go up to a group, try to get in on a discussion, and then kinda follow them around? It sounds horribly awkward.

Then, with other people who are by themselves, you can't tell if they want to be friends or if they don't care.

Not time I go to a con, I'm gonna try not to worry about it, and just enjoy myself. Your average congoer probably isn't that much fun to hang around anyway, right?

>>7770758
If you find someone wearing the same fashion style, or cosplaying from the same series as you, it makes going up to people a lot easier, from that point you can gauge if it's just going to be a question of exchanging pleasantries or if it's cool to hang out for longer. If someone says 'hey, you should totally come with us to X' go for it and don't hold back, people only talk like that if they really want you around. If you're still unsure, arrange to meet again at another point or just hang for a set amount of time, then make some excuse about needing to be someplace else, adding the line 'we could catch up later at x' - if the others are interested they will be happy to meet you again at another time and/or exchange contact details.

>>7770459
USAF here
I would be your wingman fo sho

>>7771936
I'd be your shut in wingman too! Travis AFB

>>7770753
Well of course it's hard, even for normalfags go figure for a semi shut in like me. It can happen the person you like won't be interested in me or we don't click that much, it happened to me. I was sorta offended you labelled me as too picky and autistic in this, but oh well now i understand what you mean. But it couldn't be helped if i want a valuable relationship but only with someone who matches with myself. I see too much unfortunate unmatching couples, so at times i prefer to be "alone" than having someone i don't really love for some reasons or he/she lacks something i really value or to not be listened.

>>7772095
which con should we meet up at next year?
AX?

>>7769893
THIS. I feel like such a dick when I friend someone and then don't communicate with them for 8 months.

>tfw can't find ideal gf because she stays inside 24/7

I hate being around people, especially other women. I feel like they're all better than me an flaunting it. I get so nervous that I have to leave meets early and now I've just stopped going all together. I've given up on trying to make any new friends in lolita or cosplay or anything because I'm paranoid of being constantly judged.

Just thinking about it right now is giving me a huge lump in my chest.

Besides, no one can judge me if I'm alone in my room minding my own business.... right?

I literally have the shittiest social skills known to man. I've lost so many friends, and some of them called me out on my shit, but most people don't say anything and just block/ignore me then stab me in the back without explaining why. I've matured a lot over the years, but I still have to deal with people randomly shutting me out without an explanation. Thing is, I *WANT* to change, I really do want to be a likeable person and a good friend, but how am I supposed to do that when I have no idea what's wrong with me? I've been plotting suicide for a while because I just don't think life is worth it when I can't keep a single damn friend. My only con friends ditched me after our first time staying in a hotel room together, and now they go every year without me.

I ain't even autistic, either. I am bipolar though. I'm most likely just delusional, and delusional people die alone.

>>7772096
being picky is actually good (to some degree) and don't make you an autistic, so again I apologize for my wording.
An d I totally agree that most people somehow settle for unmatching relationships. So while waiting for a valuable relationship is harder I think it's the better option.

>>7772448
>>7772566

be the best "you" you can be.It will show and others will respect you for it.
everyone judges, even you, but not the way your mind think it is, its just to evaluate if youre compatible with similar tastes or ideas, not to find an excuse to ridicule. 80% that do ridicule based on that are often insecure themselves and have to "spotlight" someone else so others dont notice thier flaws, its a coping mechanism.
Never change, only improve on what you have. Dont like your weight? go on /fit/ get educated. Want to learn to be more crafty? /diy/ has small projects. Youre young and capable, the only your own outlook has you trapped, just need a turn in the right direction.

Neet bro-fist bump(?)

So many feels.

because i don't know how to get involved in the irish community, i don't know where they hang out
even if i did i'd feel super awkward just imposing myself onto an already established group... i just want friends to hang out with, man :(

>>7764934
>why aren't you a member of your local comm etc despite enjoying participating in cosplay/other j-fash?
I joined my comm a while ago, but our comm isn't really close. It is one event page for the whole state, and we don't even have a proper forum. I went to a few meet ups, and it was awkward as hell. I am the worst in social interactions. And even if I manage to talk to someone, I also manage to screw it up:
>talk to a girl at meet up
>exchange e-mail
>girl writes me a nice e-mail
>I forget to answer immediatley
>I constantly forgot to answer, then was too spaghetti to answer because it was so late
>it's been 3 month
No wonder that I have no friends.

>>7775461
better than
>email for weeks even months
>last email ends in same casual atmosphere
>never heard from them again
I cant believe in anyone anymore

I think Sac is the closest comm to me and it's a 90 minute drive, maybe more with the construction they're doing on the 99. But my local friends don't care what I wear so that's cool.

>>7772770
It's ok! Also getting in a useless relationship would make you feel more hurt and miserable than even, even if the person is a "nice" one, if he/she isn't a match for you it will never work.

bomp

Damn, you fags are megasad. Nobody has ever felt these feels before. This was worth making a thread over.

Self awareness is not "social anxiety"
being nervous at cons DEFINITELY is not "agoraphobia"

at the risk of sounding like a tumblrwhale, you bitches dont even know what youre talking about

>>7775496
That's how my contact with my best friend of 8 years ended.
>Don't see each other IRL that often anymore, only email
>Sometimes weeks between emails
>Becomes months between emails
>"Hey you should come to X!"
>"I'm sorry but I have another thing on that date. How about you come over some time so we can do Y?"
>no response
>it's been over six months now
>Why try to re-establish contact if he probably hates me anyway?

>>7776898
I wouldn't be saying these things if I weren't actually diagnosed, anon. For me, being a self-aware aspie led to social anxiety to the point where I sometimes end up crying in the supermarket because I'm too afraid that the employees will think I'm a disgusting sperg if I approach them to ask a question. I'm working on it with a therapist but this shit ain't fun.

/r9k/ posted a raid thread to here

>>7777001
I decided to check /r9k/ out for the first time and holy shit is this the real life or is it just fantasy? That board consists entirely of threads that would be considered unimaginative trolling over here.
>all women are money-grubbing superficial bitch slut whores!
>tfw no gf

I might be a socially awkward shut-in with weird clothes but at least I'm not a /r9k/ regular. I genuinely feel better about myself now.

No comm in Miami University in Ohio.
I live in a corn field. If any one is hear I would love to get coffee and be a weeaboo with you.
No pressure, man.

>>7777075
>hear
Here. Whoops.

>>7777015
/r9k/ is great for improving self-esteem in an "at least I'm not this bad" kind of way.

>>7765118
There is no stigma in those cases, that's your friends and hypothetical acquaintances being normal healthy people who will bring up your well-being out of either curiousity or concern.
This feeling of being made felt light of comes solely from your own oversensitive feelings. Unless it's a solid, bitchy comment then your perception is pretty tinted by your anxiety.

So what's the typical day for you NEETs/shut ins?
I'm pretty sure you just stay in your room on the computer or watch TV, if people still do that.

But like, what do you do on the computer?

I'm a true NEET. Still getting used to it actually even though it's been almost a year. It's just really really hard to accept that hey, I might actually not get better enough to ever have a career. I'm physically and mentally ill and don't even have much of it diagnosed yet because my parents are still in charge of my healthcare and have their heads up their asses. So I'm currently only medicated for depression, and as of about a month ago I'm pretty sure said meds are not working anymore. :/ But according to my google-fu, I probably have PTSD, some kind of atypical autism spectrum thing, a part of ADHD called "executive dysfunction" but not actual ADHD, a couple phobias, an atypical eating disorder (SED) and possibly some form of bipolar mood disorder. I have no fucking clue with the physical illness. Honestly I'm so trained by my mom to discount my physical illness that I can't even convince myself I'm actually sick. It's probably CFS or something. But I can't say for sure since I have insomnia and possibly anemia. :/

>>7777899
(cont.)
I keep myself busy with housework and exercise, sometimes I sew things. I'm trying to start an etsy because my parents are freaked out about money so they literally won't buy me anything that isn't food. Even though my dad makes about 120,000 now. I guess they have it all tied up in various expenses? but it sounds like bull to me. And yeah, they won't pay for a therapist for me but they're going to take us all to the fucking Galapagos Islands next year.
I have only a small loll wardrobe and no chance to expand it for now. But I dress up when we go out to movies. So, about once a month. I also got fat (that happens when you eat a pint of ben and jerrys every day for a month. thanks, meds. those cravings were so great) so I don't fit in most of what I have. And I moved from Pennsylvania to a tiny fucking island in the Puget Sound, WA, so no friends either.

I'm really scared, actually. It's so ridiculous for me to be scared about money, I know we're well off. But everyone is constantly talking like we'll be out on the street tomorrow, and even knowing it's bull it makes me really stressed. And now, my fiancé is starting to really pressure me to get well enough to be able to care for a kid in like.... 3 or 4 years. Because if I can't, he wants to find someone else he can make a kid with. We've been together since I was 14, 8 years now, and I'm demisexual and a true monosexual. I will never date anyone else. I have no interest in ever dating anyone else. He's not usually a manipulative dick, he's actually incredibly passive, but man. I am so angry about this and so freaked out and I don't know how to talk to him about it. :(

>>7777899

to get PTSD something awful must have happened to you, it doesn't just manifest itself out of the blue. I hate when people self diagnose on something that is a very traumatizing disease, you don't want to have PTSD

>>7777899
You sound like a stuck up, self cented bitch. PTSD isn't some fun disorder you can just say you have.

>>7777899

All of these disorders need to be confirmed by a clinician in order to diagnose you correctly. Anemia, for one, needs to be confirmed by a blood test. Anon here >>7777905 has a good point about PTSD, and many of these other disorders need to be diagnosed by someone who is trained in the field. Self diagnosis is at best frivolous and at worst really dangerous for your paradigm, so please try not to indulge in it too much.

>>7777901
(cont.)

I forgot to say, about why I don't go to meet ups-
same as everyone else here, mostly, but additionally, I know I'm actually kind of attractive but I have very bad posture and am still too weak to hold myself up properly, and now the meds I'm on make me sweat like a pig, so I can't wear makeup because it sloughs right off and I look nasty. I also have a very runny nose. I'm trying to track down some nice fabric handkerchiefs to use on the sweat and snot, but even so, I feel gross. I want to be ladylike in lolita, but it's just not possible for me and I really doubt the other girls are going to "get it". I'm just going to be a hot mess even if I coord well and all that. Besides which, I really don't like a lot of people. I used to get on with them ok anyway, but nowadays I'm just too tired to put up with people I don't like. It's a big comm so I'd probably make a few friends but I'd also probably hate 90% of the people there. So... not worth it.

Sorry for ranting, just have a lot to get off my chest.

great, don't know why I fucking bothered. have fun telling traumatized people they aren't traumatized enough, bitches. already said I haven't had a chance to get diagnosed, as in, I plan to. hence "I probably have". and I only mentioned the anemia because 1) I've had it before and 2) it's a fucking joke.

reposting my story from the feels thread

>I got essentially kicked out of my local lolita comm. I lashed out at one of the popular girls and since then everyone just ignored me completely until I just couldn't take it and left on my own accord.

>I only recently got into lolita and I love it but now that I have no one to turn to I'm considering just giving up on it.

>I don't have any friends in my city. The only friends I have lives about an hour away so we don't get to hang out, and even then they're all guys. I want girl friends to have girls nights out and have sleep overs and paint each others nails and talk about makeup and oh god I'm so lonely I want to die

I'm not technically a NEET since I have 2 jobs, but both are from home. So I guess I'm more of a hikkikomori since I rarely leave home unless I go out to my boyfriend's house in the same place my only friend are.

And I can't really make any lolita friends in my area anymore since my comm has pretty much black listed me.

>a...at least I have my anime figurines

>>7777919

Self Diagnosis of a ton of disorders is just a way of seeking attention, people with mental diseases don't want to have them, and a majority of them don't want to admit to having them either.

gb2tumblr

>>7777932
>Do you have ADD, ADHD, Aspergers and autism? If so, Sakura-con might be for you

>>7777919

No one is discounting your problems, but honestly self diagnosing is one of the worst ways to go about it. You sound like you're in a tough situation and I agree you need help, but doing this sort of thing is really not helping you at all.

I want to be involved with groups, and cosplay and stuff but my body is just shit. I sleep 12+ hours a night, sometimes have to nap even after that. If I don't get that much sleep, the day is unbearable for me.

I've been tested for heart conditions, thyroid conditions, blood conditions, adrenal disorders, and finally put on anti-depressants because "you're probably just depressed"

Well, the anti-depressants haven't help. I hate going to the dr because I feel so annoying, and like they think I just want attention. Now, they want to do a sleep study on me for narcolepsy.

I'm scared to do the study for someone reason though...

I just want to have energy so I can go out and enjoy life.