/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>asked bf in the beginning of relationship if it was okay if we read each other's mail
>he said yeah sure
>neither of us has anything to hide
>a year and a half later and I still feel scared of being cheated on
>actually not scared of being cheated on even, scared of him falling in love with someone better and more interesting and then dumping me for her
>am a very anxious person and have told him about these thoughts in a gentle and non-bitchy way, he said he knows and understands
>still terrified of being "the crazy manipulative girlfriend"

I have anxiety and even though I know that these thoughts probably stem from it, I'm scared of having some manipulative personality disorder or something and that I'm a bad person

I've heard so many horror stories about girls going apeshit and I would never willingly do those like threaten to kill myself or anything crazy, but I'm still scared of slipping up in some way I wasn't aware of.
And I know I'm supposed to ~love him for who he is~ and I do but he started getting a gut and pizza face and I tried gently telling him that we can work out together if he likes and that he should wash his face, but I'm always scared of being chewed up for telling him to do things.

I also take the best slice of pizza for myself unless he asks but he always leaves me the good ones and does stuff for me while asking for almost nothing in return and I feel so bad

I really want to be a good girlfriend but I tend to forget to try
Those are my confessions