/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>1 week to the con
>Cosplay isn't done
>Long weekend
>Have to go into work over the weekend to meet a deadline
>Fuck.

I Guess I'll just re-wear something.

I need to go to the doctors but, my anxiety has gotten so bad I feel like I can't leave the house. I can't even talk to my family without feeling anxious.
God, besides anxiety I feel completely numb emotionally. I get bursts of frustration at people. I don't want to do anything ever. My whole day is this

>wake up
>take a bath (which makes me feel sick anyways)
>maybe eat
>lay down almost all day half watching tv (not really paying attention and space out) or maybe browse 4chan/lolcow very briefly.
>get dinner
>attempt to sleep, usually takes a few hours

Sometimes throw in maybe staring at a wall for a hour or looking outside a window.

I know this is a bit off from what the OP was asking but, I need someone to vent some personal problems I wouldn't be able to tell my friends but, im really feeling at a lost on where to go.

I think im legitimately insane. My life is not bad in anyway besides my extreme case of anxiety which as made me a completely shut in but, I try not to make that the reason why im at this point.

I've had this fear for the past year, these consistent thoughts in my head of hurting myself, I have never cut my wrists or anything but, I have this unexplainable hatred towards myself where I wish harm apon me\yself. Not silly scratches but full on wrecking my face*Knife to face going to carve*. I get the urge whenever someone compliments me too. I know how stupid it would be to do that but its almost like my mind wants to coerce me into doing it.

I don't want to have another black out and wake up in the hospital to learn i had tried killing myself. What the fuck is wrong with me. I have both parents in my life*divorced though*. My mother would give me anything i would ever want in life. I have a roof over my head and a bed. For some reason I can;t ever be satisfied.

I just want these suicidal thoughts to leave my head. Stop telling me what to do. My life is great so I need to feel great..

Im so scared of waking up in the hospital again. I am not religous, but if there was a fod why would he let someone so pathetic live?

Sorry if im incoherent as I am doped up on prescription drugs and alcoholy.

I hallucinate too, well i dont know the word for it but sometimes when im so ffar out of my mind i.."hallucinate" scary things like if i look at my arm for an instance it will look like theres a huge cut in them bleeding out. I can see everything under the skin to. It last a second but it still scares me because a thought will pop in my mind "Did I just do this!?"

I can't see myself as the type that can honestly be happy. Only pretend to be. Nothing will ever satisfy me.

>>6435431
at least you don't have medium sized flapjack tits with huge nips
>tfw you will never strip in front of your hubby

Same as I pretty much said last time. Except now it's getting worse. I broke the other night and actually drank with my meds again. I can't stand this body, I kind of just want to destroy it. All I ever feel is lonely and jealous. I keep on trying my best but, it gets me nowhere. I can't make a connection with anyone. I feel so detached. I don't even want to be in the same room as my family anymore. My friends just seem to be getting mad at me no matter how hard I try to be nice to them.
I feel bad for being alive, I'm totally worthless to my family and do nothing to make it better. My anxiety only gets worse everyday, I don't want to try anymore. There is only one person I'm close to but, I have to feel bad because he loves me and I don't feel the same way towards him. I can't just leave him though or I'll be alone. I'll have no one to at least cry to when I wake up from my night terrors. I wish I could just be someone else.