NEET Retirement

[Anonymous No.924048]

So, you're an unemployed adult male living with your family. You're in your 20's or early 30's and you've either never held a job for any significant amount of time, or have a spotty work history consisting of low-paying menial jobs. You didn't complete a college degree, and probably dropped out of high school. You've fucked yourself when all of your peers who weren't losers completed their degrees and started their careers. They're building their lives while you spend your time masturbating to cartoons and disappointing your parents. Time to grow up and make things happen for yourself.

Since you're a pathetic piece of shit garbage person, no employer is going to accept you as-is, we're going to need to provide you with a past that signals to any potential employer that you're a consistent, reliable worker who has been trusted with a certain amount of responsibility in your previous employment.

First, you'll need to fabricate a work history. Keep in mind you're an uneducated piece of shit with no work history

[Anonymous No.924055]

>>924048
>You've fucked yourself when all of your peers who weren't losers completed their degrees and started their careers. They're building their lives while you spend your time masturbating to cartoons and disappointing your parents

No one is this pathetic tho.

Surely people who didn't go to college or work at least built up a valuable skillset... r-right... right?

[Anonymous No.924057]

My post was eaten and I'm too lazy to retype.

Cliff's notes: Lie, Lie and lie some more.

>>924055
Do you know where you are?

[Anonymous No.924070]

>>924055
>No one is this pathetic tho.

Are you sure you're on the right site anon

[Anonymous No.924074]

>>924057
But isn't lying about your work history hard when you have none? Like, I have no idea what a business manager adult or whatever it is called even does for a living.

[Anonymous No.924075]

>>924048
>TFW regularly watch cuck porn and have been fapping to it several times a day lately

I'm disgusted with myself fam. But for some reason it gets me off like nothing else ;-;

How do I stop and spend my time studying or something?

[Anonymous No.924077]

Jokes on you all the college grads I know are working mcjobs

[Anonymous No.924081]

>>924077
What majors?

That is absolute bullshit unless they barely scraped by in college, didn't network or had a dogshit major. Or a combination of all 3.

[Anonymous No.924170]

>>924048
Hey fuck you man, I got my degree.

[Anonymous No.924209]

>>924048
God damn it I'm pinned.

[Anonymous No.924218]

>>924048
>you're an unemployed adult male living with your family. You're in your 20's or early 30's
But Anon, I'm a little girl!

[Anonymous No.924264]

Even if you lied on your resume, wouldn't a background check show your work history?

[Anonymous No.924340]

>>924264

This. Don't lie. You will get caught.

[Anonymous No.924349]

Anyone see the epic thread from a few weeks ago of a guy who lied his way into a bigtim financial firm?
Do we know how he was going? He was my hero.

I remember his big tip was
>make all your references and prior experience overseas, provide mobile numbers
>you own all those mobiles, put on fake accents when they call.

[Anonymous No.924412]

Yeah 'building their lives'

Everyone i know is working a shitty job and most still live with their parents even after graduation.

Some admittedly did shitty degrees, but others did STEM at good unis but are still in a shit position.

Literally the only guy i know who got good job after graduation making decent money, got the job because his dad works there.

I'll take NEETdom any day, when the majority of my peers are slaving away for the exact same lifestyle as me.

[Anonymous No.924703]

>>924412
I wish I could be a NEET sometimes.

not like I need much money to live anyway.

[Anonymous No.924709]

>>924349
I wonder when people are going to catch on to this, maybe not for a really technical job, but for people struggling to find a job, I've literally seen this work.

I think realistically most people can do most jobs if they're trained, just you have to choose from a 1000 applicants, checking your experience is simply a phone call to a friend away, try to learn as much about the job as you can, because they'll probably figure out pretty quickly, but just remember the worst they can do is just send you home, with full pay for the hours you worked.

[Anonymous No.924725]

>>924048
>OP doesn't know about /biz/ power levels

[Anonymous No.924756]

>>924709
dont HR departments and firms have some sort of blacklist for this sort of thing? it sounds like something they would have

[Anonymous No.924772]

>>924756
I don't know, but tbh I don't think they have much to do with other companies, a guy at my current work lied about his experience ( said he was more advanced than he was ) and they didn't even sack him.

[Anonymous No.924789]

You will get found out if you do this, especially if you're not a normie. I remember my first few jobs and I know for a fact people could smell that I was fresh meat. It's little mistakes that you make that show you're not familiar with the working culture/environment. For example, there's a woman at my work doing accounting. She's easily pushing 50 and knows her shit. She knows how to handle people when making requests/enquiries, she has a professional demeanor and knows how to handle her work.

People might not expect that from someone aged between 20 and 30, but there are a lot of lessons your falsified image should have learned that you haven't. All it takes is a few people to twig and you'll be out/in the danger zone.

Start at the bottom. Work up. I left uni and in order worked:
Part time receptionist
Outbound call centre
Software development
and before that last one I was prepared to go into banking starting as a cashier with a view to put myself through CEMAP for mortgage advising. Getting caught out for lying could, in fact, shut a lot of doors for you depending on the company. It'll be available for anyone who runs a background check.

If you have to lie, lie small. I tell people I left my first job (before college). I actually got fired. It's never been an issue because it's not the focal point of my job history and my story "checks out" before background searches.

[Anonymous No.924824]

>>924789
>It's never been an issue because it's not the focal point of my job history and my story "checks out" before background searches.
Lol I forget that in the US it's legal to do this.

[Anonymous No.924859]

>>924824
I'm in the UK.

[Anonymous No.925512]

>>924264
Background checks usually consist of just criminal history. You usually can't lie about education, transcripts are stupid easy to get, but unless they hire a private eye they'll know nothing about your work history apart from the contact info.

[Anonymous No.925525]

You guys all worry too much.

If you can't do the job, they just fire you.

[Anonymous No.925605]

just put your autism bucks into an ira

[Anonymous No.925609]

>>924055
are you saying that's not a valuable skill set?

[Anonymous No.925612]

>>924048
>thinking finishing college is valuable

I'll just be cashing in on my millions fam while you 'scolars' work to the bone i'll b makin ca$h money and riding my lambo to my mansion. why go to school and learn from poor people instead of choosing rich mentors?

[Anonymous No.925658]

>>925612
Coolstory.fam

Why is the chick standing OUTSIDE the ferrari dealership lel?

[Anonymous No.925663]

>>924081
I graduated state college cum laude with a dual major in math and econ and am working minimum wage as a laundromat. If you don't think I worked hard, ask anybody who has taken undergrad Real Analysis if a B+ is a good grade for that class.

The graduate McJob problem is a big deal in the US right now, especially in depressed areas. I'm not worried and would take the route I have taken again, since I know this is only the problem with my first job out of college.

My degree also helps me spot opportunities. My friend is a really good shade tree mechanic with a clientele base established. He badly desires to have his own garage and has no idea on how to start. I wrote him out a business plan that has 3 stages: One, we get him any old garage rental for 500/mo to get him started with as low overhead as possible. He gets as much money as he can coming in for us. I pay him a wage (as well as my own wage, for financial work) and the rest gets funneled back into the business. Then the business pays for him to take classes. He gets ASE certifications in whatever specialization he wants at no out of pocket expense to him. Then, we open him up a real shop downtown with employees, hydraulic lifts, and anything else his heart desires.

It works good for me because I get 20% of a coin flip business for 10 hours of free labor in writing business plans and budgets and a 300 dollar initial investment on my part. In addition, I create a 10 hour/week job for myself that should, even at the beginning, pay 50% of my current wage. He gets 80% of a business that should be successful as long as he puts in the necessary work. I will work on achieving his overarching dream. This means that he doesn't have to worry about starting the business, the financials, or any of the planning that will be necessary to achieve that dream. I'm really excited to get this off the ground and see where it ends up.