Career Advice

[Anonymous No.56460145]

Here are some pro-tips for all of you working hard to earn your wages:

1. Always show up to work about half an hour late; never offer any excuses.
2. Always leave work about half an hour early; never offer any excuses.
3. Take two hours for lunch, because only a ravenous animal eats a meal in under an hour, not a civilized gentleperson.
4. Never apologize: it's an admission of wrongness & weakness; these are career killers
5. Only shit at work. In the morning, instead of shitting at home, just hold it in until you can get to a company toilet, then take your time shitting it all out. Mid-way through the day, you should take an hour long shit on company time. About an hour and a half after quitting time (or an hour before you just leave on your own), take another hour-long shit -- your last shit of the day -- in a company toilet. You should never shit during your unpaid personal time; only shit during working hours.

>continued in next post

[Anonymous No.56460146]

>>56460145
>continuing
6. The first thing you should do upon arrival at work, immediately after checking your email and telling the receptionist that she smells really, really nice, is to immediately continue your search for a bigger company to hire you for a better job with more pay than what you're getting here -- just like shitting, make sure to do 100% of your job-hunting and sending in applications during company work hours, while you're being paid, not during your unpaid personal time.
7. Make sure to get plenty of sleep at work during paid company time; it's easy: catch a nap in your office chair, get a bit of shut-eye during meetings, just sleep in your car or -- better yet -- van with a mattress in the back. If anyone gives you any trouble about this, slap them with a lawsuit, but only after you've already had a doctor officially establish your diagnosis of chronic narcolepsy... oh, and fucking tourrette's syndrome, so can you say wild shit without repercussions.
8. Company expenses are YOUR expenses, and vice-versa; always use company money and company accounts for everything, especially your own things, like having your swimming pool professionally cleaned, or leasing your very own "company car" courtesy of Kim in accounting.
9. If someone starts talking to you about something you don't care about or don't want to talk about, just say "super busy rite nao" and hustle off on a hurried errand to the toilet or your car or some local restaurant somewhere that has lunch specials.
10. You can't be in danger if you are the danger; cultivate a workplace attitude of reverent fear towards your person, and you'll never be reported or fired for fear of what you'd do....
BONUS: Study the photographs on your coworkers' desks, express interest, effect amicably, get invited over for dinner... you gain power over other men when you fuck their wives & daughters, and power is the only currency in the corporate world.
>t. fortune 500 bro

[Anonymous No.56460476]

>>56460145
hahahaha people really try this. good description.