how do i make a resume

[Anonymous No.55940377]

i havent really worked too many different jobs, i don't have many achievements, and i don't have a college degree, what am i supposed to put on a resume?

[Anonymous No.55940545]

>>55940377
Skip the resume and sign up for a calculus class at the community college.

[Anonymous No.55940554]

>>55940545
i need to make money, i could probably do that on the side. also i have not done any math in years, i was already pretty shit at it, not sure how i would go about picking it up again.

[Anonymous No.55940597]

Find a company that went bankrupt during covid and say you worked there for 15 years

[Anonymous No.55940615]

>>55940597
are you being serious?

[Anonymous No.55940726]

bump

[Anonymous No.55940819]

please help im retarded and don't know how to do this, i need to get a job so i don't lose all my crypto!

[Anonymous No.55940896]

>>55940615
yes, he's being serious

[Anonymous No.55940917]

>>55940615
Fine boyscout, tell the truth and say you worked at mcdonalds for 2 weeks before quitting

[Anonymous No.55940938]

>>55940896
>>55940917
theres no way for them to tell if im lying? what should i say i did? any suggestions?

[Anonymous No.55940941]

>>55940377
You need a resume to suck dick? When did this become a thing?

[Anonymous No.55940975]

>>55940938
give them your friend's phone in case they want to call your previous "boss" and make him to lie for you as well. IT ALWAYS WORKS

[Anonymous No.55940991]

>>55940975
ok

[Anonymous No.55941015]

>>55940975
what kind of job should i apply for? whats easy to bullshit through/ learn on the fly?

[Anonymous No.55941098]

>>55940991
Don't listen to that devil, anon. Repent to Allah. Start slow, experiment to see what works best for you and go from there. With every hardship comes ease, inshallah.

[Anonymous No.55941101]

im going to the gym, keep my thread alive please i need help getting a job i dont want to be a NEET anymore :(

[Anonymous No.55941103]

>>55941015
Fast food or movie theater

[Anonymous No.55941112]

Is there a way to lie about education? Lying about job experience is easy with fake paystubs but what about college?

[Anonymous No.55941119]

>>55941098
i need work now though :(

[Anonymous No.55941131]

>>55941103
i need something that pays more than $13 an hour

[sage No.55941158]

potentially useful thread utterly ruined most likely by NEET faggots and XRP holders
what fucking jobs can be fully bullshitted bros

>>55940597
unironically good advice

[Anonymous No.55941291]

>>55941131
No college no skills youre not making more than minimum wage buddy. Id recommend getting forklift certified

[sage No.55941489]

>>55941291
oh he's a certified fork lifter if you know what i'm sayin

[Anonymous No.55941519]

>>55941489
Ahaha we got him bros

[Anonymous No.55941531]

>>55940377
1 page resume. Header with your name and info. 1 paragraph What you want to do for a career. Work experience. At the bottom you put training, school, volunteer shit.

Convert it to pdf to be taken seriously. Fuck with the margins to help make it fit the page

[Anonymous No.55941552]

>>55941531
Mention safety a couple times for the algorithm, any other catchphrases you can think of

[Anonymous No.55941618]

>>55940938
>theres no way for them to tell if im lying?
yes there is. where i live they can call your 401k (mandatory) to know if you were employed

[Anonymous No.55941727]

>>55940377
Your resume is you trying to sell yourself.
You're listing your work history, education, certs.
For your work history, do not list responsibilities.
Instead list accomplishments you did there.
Look online at resume templates and copy the style of one that look professional to you.
Keep your resume no more that 1 page long.

Also make a cover letter.
This is your elevator pitch on why they should hire you.
Instead of applying to a whole bunch of companies, target a small handful.
Companies don't just care about qualifications.
They also care about if you will be a good fit for their company culture.
Look at each company's social media and LinkedIn pages, and study them.
Taylor each cover letter and resume to each company.
Exaggerate And lie.
Don't do it too grossly.
But make each company think you're excited to work for them, and that you know about their company.
You are highlighting your skills, but only the ones relevant to that company and job listing.
You are highlighting how you will be a good fit for their culture
You are demonstrating your enthusiasm to work for them (fake it).

Tell yourself, "I'm a badass"
Write down outlandishly arrogant bragging statements.
Now start toning down the bragging.
Keep toning them down until they sound believable.
Definitely lie.
But only tell lies you think you can pull off.
Getting a job is a game.
And these people are your enemies.
Fuck them over by getting the best paying job possible.

[Anonymous No.55941859]

>>55941727
what happens if i literally fabricate everything kek

[Anonymous No.55942088]

>>55941859
You'll probably get caught and fired, eventually.
You could try and get hired, and avoid getting caught for 1 year.
After a year, you could start applying to different companies again.
But now you'll have a year of real experience.
It comes down to how quickly can you adapt and bullshit.
There are some tech jobs where this isn't going to I work, no matter how good you are.
And other tech jobs where you could pull it off.
The harder the skills and experience you are lying about,
The harder it will be to pull off.
Some people can learn on the fly.

[Anonymous No.55944047]

im back

[Anonymous No.55944093]

>>55940597
That's actually fucking clever

[Anonymous No.55944129]

>>55941618
where do you live?

[Anonymous No.55944529]

bamp need more advice anons!

[Anonymous No.55944544]

>>55944093
Thanks fren, check out my bird

[Anonymous No.55944695]

>>55944544
were you at northshore park today?

[Anonymous No.55945056]

bump

[Anonymous No.55945715]

>>55944695
>Le woods schizo
>hanging out at a """park""" with 2 benches and 3 trees
Lmao no it wasn't me fren