/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.55294169]

have a disciplinary hearing with HR at 1 PM for sniffing the receptionists seat. they have me on camera. what should my defense be?

[Anonymous No.55294177]

>>55294169
You suspected an anthrax attack and were investigating

[Anonymous No.55294186]

>>55294169
I have no clue. Say it’s not you?

[Anonymous No.55294196]

>>55294169
just explain how nice the receptionists ass is and you just wanted to smell it. Shouldn't be a problem, she'll understand (probably wants too herself)

[Anonymous No.55294216]

>>55294169
Id go for mental illness play, maybe you were abused as child? Maybe you need some therapy paid by company. Ur the victim here anon

[Anonymous No.55294239]

>>55294177
this. There was a strange smell in the area and Op thought it was coming from the seat

[Anonymous No.55294272]

You were checking if she used pert plusnor sjuave shampoo

[Anonymous No.55294292]

>>55294169
You are a closeted trans woman who just wanted to get closer to womanhood

[Anonymous No.55294310]

>>55294169
You thought you saw fungus and took a sniff to make sure.

[Anonymous No.55294318]

>>55294169
Just say you saw something on the ground and when you went to reach for it, your allergies started acting up so it only appeared like you were sniffing the seat. Double down on the misunderstanding to seem more like an autist (more than you already are) who doesn't get why this would all be a bad thing. Don't infer that sniffing a used chair is ever something that a person would ever want to do in the first place. "Gee that's weird, who would want to do that? I saw something shiny and I thought it was a coin. I have a big coin collection." Just be retarded and admit to nothing nefarious, no matter how hard they accuse.

[Anonymous No.55294324]

>>55294292
This should work too, you gotta make yourself the victim here

[Anonymous No.55294367]

>>55294169
You were praying

[Anonymous No.55294683]

>>55294169
if it was only one time simply state that you thought there was a weird modly smell in the room making you sick and you were trying to identify it because you wanted to get rid of it.
you dont really have much else you can say

[Anonymous No.55294711]

"I don't know what you're talking about"
"I don't think that's me on the camera"
"I can't say"

It's literally that easy

[Anonymous No.55294727]

Reverse it, say you smelled something bad. That you were wondering where it came from and that you just said fuck it and smelled the seat to see where it came from.

[Anonymous No.55295755]

>>55294711
This. Never admit to anything. Lie about everything. This is financial advice.

[Anonymous No.55295820]

>>55294711
Literally the shaggy - I wasn't me defense is the best defense

[Anonymous No.55295898]

>>55294169
7-shot .357 Magnum loaded with 158gr hollowpoints; fire twice at each of three targets -- once in the chest/belly/groin, then once in the head -- and save the last round for yourself. Make sure to bring a twelve hundred page suicide manifesto describing in great detail how everyone at your company has been engaged in satanic ritual abuse of children, how they invited you to join in with them, and how you are utterly disgusted by their evil. Include numerous pieces of evidence linking them to the criminal justice system as well as powerful corporate & government officials, all of whom are guilty, and how their connections protect them from any sort of official retribution in this world. Explain how you did, in fact, allow yourself to be captured on video sniffing the receptionist's seat, and how your sole aim of this action was to be called into this closed-room meeting with high value targets for you to execute. Explain that you are on a mission from God. Also include a random array of screencapped posts from this website. Finally, make sure to fill your pockets with spaghetti, but don't let the spaghetti fall out of your pockets.

[Anonymous No.55295990]

you are the victim

shrimple as

[Anonymous No.55296032]

>>55294683
if it was only one time

you know it fucking wasnt lol