/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.24206672]

>Let's circle back to that item later, it seems out of scope
>I added Kevin's team to the weekly meeting, I'm hoping to leverage some synergy between groups if we focus on our core competencies
>We can touch base during tomorrow's stand-up, give you some time to get the lay of the land
>I want to highlight our value add and show that this is a win-win
>I'm feeling out of the loop here, when was the last time Frank ran the numbers?
>Brandon is going to do a deep dive into the data and perform a drill down into our key customer segments
>This initiative is really going to move the needle on our top KPI's
>We can already make this a game changer by taking care of some low hanging fruit
>Let's take that off-line, ping me when you know you'll be available
>We're not trying to boil the ocean here, our north star hasn't changed
>I'm just looking for a high-level overview
>We're just going to give a brief scope of the current landscape

[Anonymous No.24206694]

.... do wagesluts really?

[Anonymous No.24206698]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Anonymous No.24206722]

>>24206672
> 50% percent increase to team velocity.

[Anonymous No.24206769]

Companies should iq test non adjusted for age at entry and give positions out by iq

[Anonymous No.24206800]

>it's a group interview with the HR department instead of a job interview with someone relevant

[Anonymous No.24206814]

WAKE ME UP

[Anonymous No.24206832]

>>24206672
>>We're not trying to boil the ocean here, our north star hasn't changed
I actually like this one. its comfy.
"we're not trying to do something crazy here, we're sticking to our original goals"

[Anonymous No.24206899]

Half that shit gets used in my daily standup. I'm going to start peppering these in ironically.

[Anonymous No.24207035]

>>24206672
What is "management buzzspeak that exuberates incompetence"

[Anonymous No.24207043]

>>24206672
kek, I will literally have this meeting in 30 minutes

[Anonymous No.24207069]

>>24206800
That is a special kind of hell. I’m sorry you went through that anon

[Anonymous No.24207152]

https://youtu.be/dJfSS0ZXYdo?t=457

[Anonymous No.24207162]

>>24206672

capitalism really is a joke, huh. can't wait til we have an alternative

[Anonymous No.24207196]

>>24207162
Office culture is not capitalism

[Anonymous No.24207203]

>>24206769
there are a few companies that do this already. Each military branch.

[Anonymous No.24207208]

>>24206672
I appreciate your input but we're not trying to reinvent the wheel here David. I mean it's not healthy, we're worried about your obsession with wheel engineering.

[Anonymous No.24207236]

>>24207162
Let's circle back to that item later comrade David, it seems out of scope.

[Anonymous No.24207260]

>>24206672
I'm so happy I took off this week fuck boomer office jargon

[Anonymous No.24207327]

>interview involved displaying my "communication skills" by explaining the process of tying shoe laces to the interviewer

I wish i was fucking joking

[Anonymous No.24207356]

>>24207162
You are a nigger, huh.

[Anonymous No.24207377]

>>24206672
I hate this fucking shit so much. I wish I was born 60 years ago and I could've just become a sales guy or a factory worker or some shit who earns enough to afford a decent house and a family and just drink all day with my buddies on days off.

I hate living in this shitty studio apartment and listening to these soulless grey looking fucks talk about "diversifying market opportunities" for their billionaire overlords.

[Anonymous No.24207379]

>>24207260
Wagie has the holiday off all he had to do was use all his vacation for the quarter. Bless up

[Anonymous No.24207405]

>>24207162
esg is a socialist ideal actually because it literally has social in the acronym

[Anonymous No.24207408]

>>24207162
i heard buying a rope is a good alternative

[Anonymous No.24207446]

>Let's take it offline

[Anonymous No.24207484]

>>24207203
Doesn't work i could've chose anything but i went with artillery because combat arms had the highest sign on bonus

[Anonymous No.24207690]

>1 am
>Rewriting my coworkers' code AGAIN
>They spent months writing this the first time and then having to debug it over and over again
>Finally boil it down to a bug that can't be fixed without refactoring an entire feature
>Work on it for a month
>Boss wants it done with code review with the original engineers by the daily scrum tomorrow (8 hours from now)

I want to make it frens. I want to make it, then just build some BS apps or mobile games or some shit and then just do hobbies forever.

[Anonymous No.24207891]

>cross pollination of knowledge
>I don't have bandwidth for that right now

[Anonymous No.24207995]

>>24207379
I'm off the week of Christmas and I'm quitting in January. It's almost over
>>24207069
It's worse than hell it's purgatory

[Anonymous No.24208003]

>>24206672
conferencecall.biz

[Anonymous No.24208009]

>>24207162
Reddit

[Anonymous No.24208352]

>>24206672
>We decided to implement Agile so Stacy is now your scrum master aka snitch to the management while she does hardly any work.

[Anonymous No.24208664]

>>24208352
And earn more than you

[Anonymous No.24208671]

>let's make this a bit leaner

[Anonymous No.24208808]

Where the fuck do you all work ? Seriously in my department the "managers" if you want to call them that are all technical people who know their shit. I earn a bunch of money, have 30 vacation days and only work 35h a week. The wagie life really isnt that bad if you get into a good company anons. Or maybe it is just more comfy here in germany.

[Anonymous No.24208832]

All my friends live this life. Im so glad I decided to say fuck it and lived in poverty and relative freedom for 10 years

Now I made it and nobody tells me what to do. Wage on wagies

[Anonymous No.24208839]

>>24208808
I had this at a bank in the Netherlands.
Comfy 40h paid and 20h work of which 10h bullshit talk like OP

[Anonymous No.24209300]

>anon is a silo of knowledge

[Anonymous No.24209462]

I do this most days.

>Wake up at 9am
>Play on phone for an hour or two while keeping and eye on my emails on my phone
>have some food and a shower
>log in around 11/11:30am
>send some emails out full of jargon
>make sure my two grads are working
>lunch, I'll be back at 2pm
>30min prep for 3pm call
>present all the work my grads did, give any feedback directly back to them
>any technical questions or issues with work being late I just spout business jargon
>its been 8 months now
>got the top rating in my q3 review, on for xmas bonus

[Anonymous No.24209484]

>>24208808
How much do go get paid? How much you pay in taxes?

[Anonymous No.24209526]

>>24206672
>>I'm feeling out of the loop here, when was the last time Frank ran the numbers?
>>Brandon is going to do a deep dive into the data and perform a drill down into our key customer segments

[Anonymous No.24209533]

>We are not just coworkers, we are family

[Anonymous No.24209572]

>>24209462
Sounds so boring

[Anonymous No.24209659]

>>24206672
>>I'm just looking for a high-level overview
>>We're just going to give a brief scope of the current landscape

>tfw you added these two after I replied in the last one

[Anonymous No.24209710]

>>24207484
That's the real IQ test anon, the ASVAB is a fakeout. Only an idiot would go for artillery

[Anonymous No.24209729]

>>24206672
Everytime I see this im reminded of the Seinfeld episode where George gets a job and he knows 0 of what he is actually responsible for and supposed to be doing and it strikes me with deep unnerving anxiety

[Anonymous No.24209736]

>>24209659
:^) fpbp. had to include them.

[Anonymous No.24209878]

Let's take that offline. Take it offline. Offline.

OFFLINE
F
F
L
I
N
E

[Anonymous No.24209924]

>we need to lean into this
>let’s shelve this for the time being

[Anonymous No.24209955]

>>24209572
Cope harder, we can hear the spittle through your seething teeth from here.

[Anonymous No.24209962]

>>24206672
Classic.

[Anonymous No.24210304]

>>24207690
Working with retard programmers is hell.
If you're good though just move to somewhere comfier

[Anonymous No.24210376]

>>24209533
Checked, if by family you mean backstabbing me, betraying me, belittling me and all round being a fuckwit yes family. God I hate working in corporate so much but the money. It’s not even that fucking good uggh

[Anonymous No.24210396]

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[Anonymous No.24210513]

>>24207690

I feel like anywhere else I'd be the retart programmer, but i'd welcome that change...

lol just got a test notification from Celsius

...at this point. I'd rather be the retard of the bunch and learning.