/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.21562420]

can one of my frens read me a bed time story and tuck me in ? i wanna hear the one about the link marines again

[Anonymous No.21562465]

>>21562420

Sergy dawg is an OG this will be $75 in a month

[Anonymous No.21562493]

>>21562420
The funniest thing about Chainlink is that most of the holders haven't even read the whitepaper, and everyone knows this, so it's super easy for whales to just say
>this white paper is incredible! you're missing out if you don't buy this
>DYOR tee-hee
Yeah, well I did read the whole thing, and if you actually put the time in to read the damn thing, you'll realize that the what they're trying to do is impossible, and they know it.
Basically it boils down to this two man team came up with a philosophical question, attempted to answer it with a fancy white paper, and are selling it to the unwashed masses to make a profit.
>two people
>1 philosophy major
Get the point?

[Anonymous No.21562501]

>>21562420
Do you want to hear the one about how the marines held support right before SmartCon 2020? It was a historic moment LINK never crashed again and finally made it's way to triple digits. Sleep tight fren.

[Anonymous No.21562548]

>>21562420
Once upon a time the oracle of Omaha decided to dump his bank and airline stocks and buy gold. This was a big mistake and the banks and airlines grew 10 feet tall. The gold grew too for a while, but it costs money to store gold and he couldn't sell quick enough at the highs, so he never really made any money on it. This really hurts the Jewish people. The end.

[Anonymous No.21562596]

>>21562501
ye

[Anonymous No.21562597]

I have a sad and gruesome one about the marines, from eons past

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1o5o2m6Stg

[Anonymous No.21562679]

>>21562597
think im gonna have nightmares fren

[Anonymous No.21563277]

>>21562679
Sorry fren, didn't mean for you to have nightmares! Let me see if I can dig a more lighthearted story up.

Once upon a time in a timeline much like our own lived Wagie Wojak. He gets up at 6:00am, eats a bowl of oatmeal with a cup of instant coffee. At 7:30 he serves breakfast at McDonalds. From 11:00am, he begins serving lunch. At 12:30 he gets a free lunch. He gets a Big Mac with large fries for himself and prepares an order for his friend.
A year ago, Wagie Wojak noticed the same guy would come to eat at McDonalds every day, at the same time, and always ordered the Big Mac with extra Special Sauce. The man loved the Big Mac Special Sauce and always asked for 3x. He orders two extra Big Macs and scrapes off the sauce to dip the fries in for one, and with the other he puts the extra sauce in his Oreo McFlurry. Whenever the man came to Wojak’s counter, Wojak would secretly give him 5x the sauce.
Wojak became friends with the Man. They would have lunch together. Wojak never learned more about what the man worked on or what his name is. He would just call himself Big Mac.
Today, at 8:00pm Wojak continued to work.
“Working late on New Years Eve?” Said Big Mac.
“I don’t have anywhere to go. I didn’t get a girlfriend again this year,” said Wojak. His skin pinkened as was normal.

[Anonymous No.21563308]

It’s okay Wojak. You will get one,” said Big Mac.
“How?” Wojak turned angrily and grabbed the man by the collar. He had never turned his hand against the gentle Big Mac man but today was especially painful. On the last day of the year, he felt poorer and lonelier than ever.
“How can you expect me to get a girlfriend? I have never had a girlfriend!” Tears of blood streamed down his face. “My shitty car is 10 years old and I work at McDonalds!”
“It will be alright Wojak. I love McDonalds,” said Big Mac.
“Shut up Big Mac! You don’t understand! I was supposed to make it. I waited all year! You don’t know what true disappointment is,” Wojak began to scream in his native tongue. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Quickly the Manager dashed around the corner. “Mr. Wojak! You better stop right now.”
“I was supposed to be rich! I was supposed to leave this job!” Wojak’s hair flamed like in DBZ, except into JUST’d hair.
“Mr. Wojak! You better unhand that customer right now or you’re fired!”

[Anonymous No.21563342]

“Do you understand what it’s like to be betrayed by someone you trusted? How all of your hopes dashed? Every day I waited. I sacrificed. I accumulated. For what? I’m going to end it all tonight!” Wojak began beating up the customer. Big Mac did not fight back.
The manager dashed in and grabbed Wojak to stop him. “Mr. Wojak I’m going to have to report you to the police. You are clearly a danger to yourself.”
“I’m going to end it all! Fuck this gay Earth! I’m going to market sell all my LINK at midnight!”
The police arrived and dragged Wagie Wojak out of the store.
“It was supposed to be 1000 EOY! 1000!” Wojak screamed.
After the police talked to him, they found that he did not mean he was going to kill himself but just market sell this “LINK.” They were worried about Wojak’s well being and gave him a suicide hotline number just in case.
“That won’t be necessary,” Wojak said. For it will be too late

[Anonymous No.21563347]

>>21562679
https://voca.ro/jJ0gDCtqNBJ
no nightmares fren

[Anonymous No.21563399]

By the time Wagie Wojak was released from the police station, it was 11:00pm. He walked towards his apartment, hearing laughter and partying all around. Dejectedly, he checked his portfolio.
Just like yesterday and the day before that, LINK was still $5.00.
“They told me I was delusional,” Wojak thought. “I should be lucky if we even got $5 or $10 EOY.”
He went to his local Wal-Mart to get alcohol. They detained him at the checkout counter.
“I’m sorry sir we don’t sell alcohol after 11:00pm.”
Wagie Wojak didn’t believe them. He wanted to check the rules online but there was no signal inside Wal-Mart.
“Okay.” Wojak sighed. He went to go find bleach.
All of a sudden, he heard a deafening explosion. Wojak fell to his knees. The floor shook violently.
Wojak scrambled away just as the ceiling caved in behind him. He followed the screaming crowd outside.
“What is that?” Someone pointed.
“It’s the green dildo!”
“It’s come!”
Wojak squinted his eyes at the bright green light piercing the sky.
A blue and white Lamborghini sped through the crowd and pulled up to Wojak.
“Get in Marine!”
“Who are you?”

[Anonymous No.21563436]

“I’m a brigadier General, I’m taking all the marines to Lamboland!” The man shouted, pointing at the green light.
“Lamboland is a real place? I thought it was just a metaphor.”
“Oh, it’s real alright.”
Wojak got in and they drove off. He heard gunshots going off in the distance and he saw buildings collapsing.
“What’s going on?”
“The noLinkers are killing themselves.” Streets and windows were painted with blood. “Old money and old buildings cannot support The Fourth Industrial Revolution.”
At the stop light, a man jumped onto the hood of the car.
“I KNOW YOU HAVE LINK! I’ll give you $500 for it!”
Five hundred? Wagie Wojak opened his phone to check the price.
“Back off noLINKer! You had your chance!”
The general floored the pedal. The phone read 12:08am. Wagie Wojak looked up just as his noLINKer Wojak turned a critical shade of red and exploded.
He opened Delta to check the LINK price but the app crashed as soon as he tried to open it.
“Your phone can’t handle the singularity.”
NoLINKer Wojaks were no longer killing themselves - they were exploding into a river of blood right on the streets.
At the next light, a young woman ran up and pounded on the window.
“Wojak! It’s me, Stacey!” She pounded on the window. “What’s going on? Let me in!”

[Anonymous No.21563448]

>>21563277
They don’t even get a free lunch. They get a burger at 50% the cost $5 limit.

[Anonymous No.21563468]

Wagie wojak looked for the button to roll down the window.
“Take no one with you,” Said the General.
“But she’s my oneitis!” Wagie Wojak said.
General slapped Wojak’s hand from the handle.
“Where we’re going, she’s a 1/10.” The General sped up. Wagie Wojak watched her in the rear view mirror for a while, then saw her walk off with a pathetic noLinker.
At the third light, a man came up to the window. He was not a wojak.
“Son, I am prepared to offer you $700 for a LINK! I am buying 100,000 my good sirs.” The rich normie smiled confidently. He knocked on the window for General to let him in.
$700? Wagie Wojak searched for his wallet. He had so much LINK it wouldn’t hurt to sell just a little.
“Fuck off! We’re not selling,” the General flipped him off and drove off.
As they picked up more marines on the way towards the giant green dildo, Wagie Wojak heard normies and noLinkers in the streets:
“$900! Limit buy 100 LINK for $900!”
“Market buying LINK! Market buy oh God please let my buy go through!”
“The exchanges are crashing!”
“Please, I’ll pay you in cash, just give me some LINK.” A normie grabbed a marine in the streets.
The General got out of the lambo and punched him. The other marine quickly got into the lambo with them.
“How much is a LINK worth now? I have to know!” Wagie asked.

[Anonymous No.21563563]

And that's the bloody thing about these nolinkers, and swinglinkers too for that matter. They had three years. Three whole years, and yet they never bought. Or perhaps they bought high, sold low. And so, like Cain in the book of Genesis, they become possessed by their bitter, petty resentment. They fud and shitpost constantly across /biz/, scaring only the newest of nulinkers and redditors alike. Well, guess what? Didn't read, not fucking selling, and that's that.

[Anonymous No.21563568]

He saw a LINK live price ticker on the dashboard. The General smashed it. “You can’t be tempted.”
Wagie heard cries outside the window. “$1,100 for a LINK!” “I’ll pay $1,500 for a LINK!”
The General turned up the music.
What’s going on? Wasn’t the singularity a meme? Wasn’t it supposed to only reach $1,000?
General drove faster.
They arrived at the green dildo. It’s beam of pure heavenly light guided them. At its base was an incredible rocket ship. LINK marines were standing outside in a line. Wojak looked up, awestruck. It was as if all the CGI artists from Marvel and Pixar had fused into one super being and created it from their flesh.
Wagie Wojak got out of the car. There weren’t many Marines here. The General was right, there isn’t enough space on the ship to have taken Stacey and all the other people with them. Heavily armed guards let Wagie through as they kept the normies back.
They stood outside the spaceship in confusion, in excitement. Waiting

[Anonymous No.21563601]

Wojak looked up at the door.
“Give us your Wagies, your NEETs and your unifags. Give us the kissless, the handholdless, and the virgins.”
The air was still.
In the distance, a figure came towards them.
“It’s Sergey!” The crowd erupted into cheer. “He’s come to take us to Lamboland!” “It’s the pilot!” Wagie’s heart quickened...
There he stood.
Big Mac man.
“Big Mac!” Wagie cried out.
Big Mac man still had a black eye from where Wagie punched him. Wagie ran up to Sergey. “Do you forgive me for punching you?” Wagie said. “Please take me to lamboland with you. I’m sorry!”
“My son, today you are with me in Lamboland.” Sergey touched Wagie Wojak’s shoulder and Wojak transformed into a brilliant green Wojak. His mortal McDonalds uniform coil fell away. Sergey walked through the crowd. He had the key to the spaceship. The cheering from the marines intensified, the wailing of those left outside grew louder.
“The few. The proud. The LINK marines.”
“1000 EOY!”
“We’re not selling!”
Someone began to say, “Tonight. Tonight. Tonight.” And they stomped in unison.
“Tonight!”
“Tonight!”
“Tonight!”
“TONIGHT!”
Sergey opened the spaceship doors and turned around to face the crowd.
“Strap in, boys.”

[Anonymous No.21563688]

>>21563601
Please tell me you did not actually type that and it’s copypasta

[Anonymous No.21563742]

>>21563601
This was amazing

[Anonymous No.21563776]

>>21563742
>>21563601
enjoyed every word well done anon

[Anonymous No.21563819]

>>21562493
Yea. It was really bad too with the one repeating word typo. Glad I sold.

[Anonymous No.21563876]

>>21563688
New pasta was just made

[Anonymous No.21563995]

>>21563601
this brought tears to my eyes. i want sergey to hold my hand and take me to lamboland so bad

[Anonymous No.21564202]

>>21562420
Let me not read you, but become you. I am a bed time story and because you know how to read you can read yourself, but I am a favor too so you don't have too this time. Now let me begin with this story: Once I got a response from myself then I would go upon the time and rest on the shelf. For what is a response without a following break. If we are to live in the same house there will be a lot to forget and a lot to remember, but it's not easy remember and forget the right things. Only if we know yourself we can become yourself which means that I am myself which is your please because there is favors involved. This is a rose tinted glass, but it is not used a window in our house. It just stands up against the wall in our living room.