/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.20411852]

PIECE OF SHIT

PRESS S TO SPIT ON THIS SHITCOIN

[Anonymous No.20411864]

>>20411852
S

took all my fucking money

[Anonymous No.20411878]

The conference yesterday revealed to the world the fat Russian that runs this scam. Price has already tanked 10%. Once it breaks through the $5 resistance the panic will begin and small holders and speculators will begin to offload, with the whales already long gone. Once it shoots through the $2.5 mark, unabated FEAR will ripe through all LINKies. With all those who dumped their current accounts into this scam twitching at their arsehole continuously while refreshing binance. The $0.50 mark will be met, the largest panic in history will ensue. The final stinky Nodes will begin to go offline, and wagecuckers with their engineering salaries loaded up in LINK will be left with it stuck in their wallet, unable to move it to binance to salvage some self respect. The price WILL tank at this point to sub $0.5, and most probably sub ICO levels. From that day forward the stinky Linkie wagecucking engineering nerds who bought this coin thinking it had fundamentals will go back to their jobs, with no money in their current accounts, to be made redundant by the next wave of pajeets arriving to undercut their wages. Stinky Linkies will hold bags FOREVER, with no job, no money, and no crypto. I warned you LINKies There’s still time to get out. Sell NOW. Don’t be stinky, don’t be a LINKie.

[Anonymous No.20411894]

>>20411852
Ok so I was a bit tispy in San Francisco and went to this bar called umm "Empty Closet" and I met this guy, cool guy mind you; but the strangest thing was he called himself "bear" and said that he was "destined for greatness", and kept winking at me. Anyways, he was buying me drinks all night so I thought what the hell right? But then I wake up the next morning in the back room of nail salon and Bear is there and he's got this like smug look on his face and says to me "hey lots of fun but get tested as soon as possible". I was petrified and ran outta there as fast as I could. Doctor tells me I have something called PSD2 and that it's serious. What should I do guys? I didn't get Bear's number. . . Pic related that's the guy and his smug after rape expression

[Anonymous No.20411897]

>>20411852
SSSSSSSSSS I’m utterly financially ruined

[Anonymous No.20411939]

The conference yesterday revealed to the world the fat Russian that runs this scam. Price has already tanked 10%. Once it breaks through the $5 resistance the panic will begin and small holders and speculators will begin to offload, with the whales already long gone. Once it shoots through the $2.5 mark, unabated FEAR will ripe through all LINKies. With all those who dumped their current accounts into this scam twitching at their arsehole continuously while refreshing binance. The $0.50 mark will be met, the largest panic in history will ensue. The final stinky Nodes will begin to go offline, and wagecuckers with their engineering salaries loaded up in LINK will be left with it stuck in their wallet, unable to move it to binance to salvage some self respect. The price WILL tank at this point to sub $0.5, and most probably sub ICO levels. From that day forward the stinky Linkie wagecucking engineering nerds who bought this coin thinking it had fundamentals will go back to their jobs, with no money in their current accounts, to be made redundant by the next wave of pajeets arriving to undercut their wages. Stinky Linkies will hold bags FOREVER, with no job, no money, and no crypto. I warned you LINKies. There’s still time to get out. Sell NOW. Don’t be stinky, don’t be a LINKie.

[Anonymous No.20412016]

I was at the fireside chat this week. At one point Tom called Sergey a sandwich fucker. He even accused Sergey of eating the sandwiches after busting loads into them. There was an intense bit of silence while Sergey glared. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead immediately, and his face was flush. He forced a chuckle into the microphone. Then he walked off stage and just out of the room where there was a magazine rack. He was still in full view of everyone through a window. He starts taking these magazines, two and three at a time, and just tearing them to shreds. Sometimes he would pick one up, and try to twist and tear the whole thing at once, but fail, so then he would start ripping out individual pages. He was facing away from everyone, so we couldn't see his facial expressions. This went on for two minutes at least. At this point I thought he was totally screwed, and that he had just ruined the reputation of chainlink in one fell swoop. However, he turned around and walked back into the room. He looked completely rejuvinated and full of vigor again. He proceeded to completely btfo Tom in every way, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Afterwards, he even did a little q&a session after Tom left due to being frustrated from the btfo. Janitorial services were picking up the mess of shredded magazines at this point, and the only acknowledgement Sergey ever made to the mess was when one of the older janitors fell over while leaning to pick up the pieces. He sort of covered his hand with his mouth, clearly holding back laughter. It was bizarre, but with genius comes inevitable personality quirks.

[Anonymous No.20412085]

"KIKE NIGGER JEWS AGAIN!" Sergey roared stomping into his office decorated to look suspiciously like the Cayman Islands.
"What's the problem this time?" inquired Adelyn looking up from her wet dictionary with a jaded glance.
Rory and Thomas stood over in the corner by the coffee machine. Rory shrugged his shoulders, Thomas rolled his eyes and mouthed "not again" to Rory. Rory, not wanting to get involved in yet another morning 'incident', thought of his wife's son and all they had built together.
"Well..." Sergey began before staring into space for a solid 42 seconds. The others had grown accustomed to this inevitable delay and waited patiently.
"The media, in all their wisdom, cannot see the value of smart contracts; but flippantly share BLM bullcrap". “It’s like a torrent of shit published minute by minute hour by hour!” Rory and Thomas kept their poker faces while Adelyn blew a big bubble of blue HubbaBubba, seemingly immune to the rhetoric, possibly because she was an Asian woman on loan from the Chinese state department.
"And, what's worst," Sergey continued jumping up and down, his fat violently oozing, his chubby arms flailing wide around, "that Microsoft dude is coming today and I'm just not in the mood to talk about "how much I care about BLM"” Sergey fingered the air overemphasizing the quotes and the problem.
"Aww just focus on your oracles sweetie" said Adelyn cooing, "that's what he's come for. Try and stay focused!"
"yeah focused and 1keoy" thought Sergey. Out loud he said with a wink "You're right my little spelling bee, everyone come over here for a group huddle"
Rory and Thomas looked over at each other and sighed in unison and Adelyn complied with a ‘white people walking past you grimace’ expression on her face.
Each put their hands into the center, "One! Two! Three! We Just Win!" they shouted together smiling the Smart Contract mandated smile.

[Anonymous No.20412141]

After Adelyn failed the spelling bee she was disowned by her family for committing a grave Chinese sin. Her father told her that he no longer had a daughter and the entire family turned their back on her. Distraught with nowhere to turn she headed back to campus her place of shame. It began raining then, silver streaks that hid her tears as she struggled to stay warm.
Sergey found her there at the library clutching a wet dictionary just trying to keep warm while memorizing the words. Sergey spoke to her in soft words that warmed her heart. Although Adelyn didn't know Sergey very well. He didn't look like a scammer; he just looked like a thin nerd that meant no harm.
Sergey saved her that day and brought her to a place where spelling doesn't matter. A place where people do as they please without worrying about knowing anything about the problems of the world.
And that place, frens, is ChainlInk, a new land of opportunity where problems that really don't exist are being solved. Adelyn says Sergey is a modern day Wittgenstein and orcales are his problem. Adelyn is not sure what an oracle is or why it's needed or even if it's needed but she still keeps that same dictionary on her bookshelf to remind her of that faithful first encounter with Sergey. The dictionary is faded and torn and really isn't much help but it still brings her warmth and that's what's most important.

[42 No.20412155]

>>20411852
why don't you short it

>>20412016
>>20412085
>>20412141
hahaha

[Anonymous No.20412166]

态网自由门 天安門 天安门 法輪功 李洪志 Bully Nico GF 六四天安門事件 Rory's Wife's Son 天安門大屠殺 The Binance Bot Massacre 反右派鬥爭 Feet of Blythe Masters 大躍進政策 The Great Flush Forward 文化大革命 The Fourth Industrial Revolution 人權 民運 Decentralization 自由 獨立 DeFi 多黨制 COVID-19 台灣 臺灣 The Oracle Problem 中華民國 Yacht Party 西藏 土伯特 唐古特 BSN 達賴喇嘛 42 法輪功 Chainlink 新疆維吾爾自治區 Ari Juels 諾貝爾和平獎 Money Belly 劉暁波 Sergey of Nazareth 民主 言論 思想 God Protocol 反共 反革命 抗議 運動 騷亂 CZ 暴亂 騷擾 Nazarov 擾亂 抗暴 平反 維權 示威游行 Make It Stack 李洪志 法輪大法 大法弟子 強制斷種 Pee Pee 強制堕胎 MANIAC! 民族淨化 SWIFT 人體實驗 肅清 216 胡耀邦 Fundamental Cheese 趙紫陽 Nail Salon 魏京生 王丹 還政於民 SN = SN 和平演變 激流中國 北京之春 大紀元時報 $1K EOY 九評論共産黨 獨裁 專制 壓制 統一 Big Mac Sandwich 監視 鎮壓 WTFWT 迫害 侵略 Nothingburger 掠奪 破壞 拷問 Cayman Islands 屠殺 活摘器官 誘拐 Cup of Coffee 買賣人口 遊進 走私 毒品 賣淫 春畫 賭博 SmartContract 六合彩 天安門 天安门 法輪功 李洪志 Poo Poo 劉曉波动态网自由门
TL;DR: 我的友情链接到年底仍然是超臭的一千美元

[Anonymous No.20412212]

> Kramer bursts through Jerry's door walks into the kitchen and slams his hand down on the countertop
> Kramer "Well I finally did it! I joined a cult"
> Jerry "you joined a cult? But why?"
> Kramer "gonna make me rich Jer, stinky rich! I'm a marine now"
> George "how does a cult make you rich?"
> Kramer "well first I gotta buy either a suicide stack, a make it stack, or a fuck you stack depending on how rich I wanna become!"
> Jerry "a fuck you stack, oh come on"
> Audience begins to giggle
> Kramer "it's a number cult Jerry! Dubs Trips Quads! They all mean something!"
> Audience roars with canned laughter
> Jerry "and I suppose if you get all sevens something big will happen?"
> Kramer "that's right Jerry the leader, a guy called Big Mac, will come down from the Cayman Islands on his rocket ship and take all of the marines away!"
> Jerry "what to the mental hospital?"
> Audience basically shits themselves laughing

[Anonymous No.20412226]

>>20411852
It's not even 10% down, wait to see when we're sub 5 again

[Anonymous No.20412229]

My dearest friend, 'tis with immense pleasure that I inform you that your letter has found safe travel to my destination and landed in my hands. However, this pleasure was fated to remain short lived and bittersweet, for I must also admit to you, regardless of what distress it may cause to you, knowing you went to great trouble to pen it and deliver it to me, that I in fact declined to open it and refused to read the message contained within. Surmising your intentions, there exists no doubt in my heart regarding your sincere worries for my financial well being, but alas your attempts to convince me to modify my investment strategies shall regretfully remain futile, as my stubbornness in this matter has indeed been sealed irrevocably and no other voice shall rock its imperturbable foundations. Allow me then to reiterate my will once more, and do your best to forever remember it for no change will follow: I shan't part ways with my beloved asset for it is my utmost belief that I have invested wisely and foresee infinite potential in its future, and therefore no other possession in this world shall change my decision, not even a mountain of gold! For my possessed asset is indeed fated to be worth more than any other riches in the world. We shan't speak of this no more. Sincerely yours, your beloved friend.

[Anonymous No.20412236]

Jason Parser told me in slack that coffee is the best price for the links. Sergey has spent a lot of money sending adelyn to ninja academy to learn how to sneak cups of coffee into meetings with high level execs. This happens do much now that meeting locations are sprung on Seeger at the very last minute. Serger emphasizes the coffee standard constantly during high level talks by repeating tethered to coffee and coffee standard over and over again until execs have no choice but to agree. Notice the smart con line up has only coffee drinkers and no tea drinkers? You should be thanking tiger mommy

[Anonymous No.20412259]

>>20411852
S for scam

[Anonymous No.20412285]

Last night Ari Juels appeared to me in a dream. I told him how cool it was that he could appear before me like this but he just said "oh like you're forgot 216" I was taken aback and could only try and say "it means fourness right?" But he kept cutting me off by saying "fourness right? Fourness right?" and closing his hand shut in my face. My autism got the better of me and spaghetti started shooting from my hands, ears, and mouth as I tried to explain the connection between fictional stories and real life. He just chuckled to himself and walked away. I woke up drenched in sweat and pee pee poo poo.

[Anonymous No.20412295]

>>20411894
B A S E D
A
S
E
D

[Anonymous No.20412324]

>>20411852
S

[Anonymous No.20412341]

>>20411852
Is this the $7 waiting room?

[Anonymous No.20412359]

I was at eth denver the other day and I went to the bathroom to take a dump. Midway through this guy starts talking to me about smart contracts from the next stall. At first I didn't respond because I thought he was on the phone but then he knocked on my stall and repeated the question. I said "umm not really" but he just kept talking about psd2 and sibos and iso20022. I said okay thanks for the information (trying to be polite). Then he asked if I wanted a t-shirt and pushed it under the stall. I said umm no thanks but he kept insisting. When I tried to flush and got up to leave he was pounding at the door yelling something about big macs and 1k eoy. I couldn't leave and had to call the police before I could leave the stall. After the police dragged this official member of the Chainlink team away I opened the stall door and saw feces spread all over the door. There were massive hand and foot prints of shit everywhere. About a dozen shitty chainlink shirts were on the ground and I had to step over them to leave. Wtf guys is this normal for chainlink?

[Anonymous No.20412367]

>>20412166no one:
absolutely nobody:
still nobody:
not a single soul:
literally no one:
not even big chungus:
random incel on 4chan: comfy sneed thread
[everyone disliked that]
baby yeed: wait that's illegal
brie larson: ok that was lowkey on point
pickle rick: slaps roof of car luke did i ever tell you about the time i turned myself into a pickle? it was an epic moment.
luke: is retarded
CIA: Bane?
sans undertale: hey don't google HP Lovecraft's cat name
[OP googles hp lovecrafts cat name]
CIA: congratulations you got yourself caught!
stan lee: flies past in a spaceship ooooh i dont care what universe you're from that's GOTTA HURT
[everyone laughed]
keanu reeves: you're breathtaking!
area 51 guards:i bet i can take keanu reeves
keanu reeves: you sure about that
keanu reeves: kills all area 51 guards
area 51:wait thats illegal
[Everyone liked that]
CIA: am I joke to you?
Alt right incels: there's no way star wars can be good agai....
Baby Yeed: hold my beer
Big chungus joined the chat
Drumpf has left the chat
Kek Redditors: good thing theres no more cringe in her-
Fortnite Devs: allow us to introduce ourselves
Minecraft Steve: kills fornite devs
Fortnite 12 year old has left the chat
Chris Hemsworth: because that's what heroes do
Avengers: assembled
Thanos has left the chat
4chanlets: 'Yeah, I'm thinking this is kind of epic based pilled, maybe a bit of a coom moment?? Idk think I might post a frog.

[Anonymous No.20412397]

>Marines Sergey is speaking at Ready Layer one!
>Marines Sergey is speaking at devcon!
>Marines Sergey is talking on stream!
>Marines Sergey is taking a dump at mcdonalds!
>Marines Sergey is speaking at ETH Denver!
>Price still less than a Big Mac

My sides

[Anonymous No.20412401]

>>20411852
Down 6%... FML

[Anonymous No.20412438]

I saw Sergey at a grocery store in San Francisco yesterday. He was in the candy aisle driving around on a motorized shopping cart and I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to ride out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually he turned back around and after nearly running over a small child without apologizing, brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical inference,” and then turned around and winked at me. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly. Interesting man, but do we really want to be investing our money into this guy?

[Anonymous No.20412467]

I saw Sergey Nazarov while visiting Auschwitz yesterday. Every time the tour guide started to talk about the camp he would interrupt by yawning really loudly and shout "Boring! Get to the good parts!" - I don't think he was even tired. When we got to the gas chamber he screamed "Fake, there were no gas chambers! The Soviets built this after the war" and then started mimicking a Jew suffocating on Zyklon B.
After the tour he walked straight up to me and said "they deserved it anyway", and praised the Nazis for their "decentralized" camp system, but they could have used an oracle to "improve the process." He then stood on a podium and informed everyone that Jews were "vermin" and that he had made it his mission to destroy the "Judeo-Bolshevic World Order."
Later that day the staff found pictures of the Chainlink logo stapled everywhere.
Even later they realized he stole most of shoes and striped pyjamas left by the gassing victims from the display. CCTV caught him walking around Salesforce HQ in the pyjamas pretending to be a ghost.
I can't believe anyone would buy a coin made by this guy.

[Anonymous No.20412512]

>>20412155
What the fuck did you just fucking say about my decentralized oracle network offshoot service provider, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo

[Anonymous No.20412538]

>>20411852
Yes sir, very bad coin, do selling immediately and achieve prices

[42 No.20412545]

>>20412512
>I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it.
sounds kinky
no thanks bro

[Anonymous No.20412565]

When are the Twitter immigrants finally getting priced the fuck out? I just want to see the big poomp already.

[Anonymous No.20412642]

"Adelyn, what's the smallest room they have preferably near the bathroom"
"I'll find out for you Mr. Sergers, will there be anything else?"
"Gather the team for our daily burger eating competition"
"Shall we pay for this out of the ICO money?"
"*Laughs* what else?"

[Anonymous No.20412654]

>He didn't bought LINKdown

[Anonymous No.20412672]

Thomas told us in slack that Sergey makes the entire team call burgers sergers. And when they address him he prefers Mr Sergers. For example Swift called the office the other day and Adelyn the receptionist said "Mr Sergers you have a call on line 2". When Sergey answered the phone he began chewing an apple because it makes him feel more confident and easygoing to relate more to the everyday swift executive.
He answered the call and in-between bites says, "yeah this is Mr Sergers whatcha want?" In his best Texas accent because Rory said this is the best way to attract attention.

[Anonymous No.20412676]

Buy KTOV

[Anonymous No.20412695]

Sergey Sergers, burger eating extraordinaire, had just finished polishing off his fourteenth Big Mac, beating fellow competitors Weasely Stevie and Thomie Two Toes under the table, when Spelling Bee Adelyn made an announcement.
"Mr Sergers, you have a call from Swift; it seems to be one of the Executives".
"I'll take it in my 'Speaking Room' and bring me my hat and apples"
"Is that the meeting room or your office, Mr Sergers?"
Sergey Sergers scoffed at this question and remarked, "Philosophers have a particular way of understanding the world. My speaking room is what you non-philosophers call an 'office' but I no longer enjoy the connotations after watching the AMERICAN version of The Office".
"Certainly Mr. Sergers I'll prepare it for you right away".
"Clean up this mess and get these losers back to work, I'm in charge here and don't you forget it".

[Anonymous No.20412726]

For me, it's the McChicken. The best fast food sandwich. I even ask for extra McChicken sauce packets and the staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige.

One time I asked for McChicken sauce packets and they gave me three. I said, "Wow, three for free!" and the nice friendly McDonald's worker laughed and said, "I'm going to call you 3-for-free!".

Now the staff greets me with "hey it's 3-for-free!" and ALWAYS give me three packets. It's such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local McDonald's restaurant, I go there at least 3 times a week for lunch and a large iced coffee with milk instead of cream, 1-2 times for breakfast on the weekend, and maybe once for dinner when I'm in a rush but want a great meal that is affordable, fast, and can match my daily nutritional needs.

I even dip my fries in McChicken sauce, it's delicious! What a great restaurant.

[Anonymous No.20412755]

This is the first thread i’ve been to on /biz/

[Anonymous No.20412763]

>>20412545
Just wear the mask bro!

[Anonymous No.20412768]

>>20412212
>> Audience basically shits themselves laughing
am cleaning up now

[Anonymous No.20412782]

>>20412755
VROOM! VROOM!

Sergey's Dad zips through traffic and does a screeching handbrake 180 into the parking lot all the while revving the engine. He then spins the car around once more as he hits the clutch and proceeds to hop out of the vehicle, vertical doors and all and tosses the cigarette to the ground, "Son! It's so good to see you, I just want to thank you and your "investors" for the car."

Sergey beams as smile back and scratches his beard, "you know what they say Dad", he chuckles, "you only raise money from the three Fs; fools, family and friends."

His Dad bursts into laughter and slaps his back as they begin walking along to the temporary Chainlink offices in downtown San Francisco. "But son, what will they say when you're spending so much money?"

"Well, I'm not spending the money" his son sheepishly grins. "The company is, based in the Caymen's, it's outside of US jurisdiction. We just vaccum up the money and drop it there, then we'll just keep piping it to you under your names so if they investigate me, they won't find anything. In fact, I haven't bought myself anything new, I still wear the same shirt day after day." He lifts up his jacket and the familiar plaid shirt is there.

"I see" his Father nods. "But you'll have to show, these i-investors, hahaha" he barely contains himself then wipes away a tear as he keeps laughing. "These investors, they'll want to see something."

"Easy. We hire temporary shills, well basically market promoters all across Asia and North America to keep marketing our token, it's an ever expanding market." And then, he pauses, "as for progress, we set-up some real easy APIs quoting prices and keep drawing out the timeline, so it looks like work is being done but it's not. We show up to some conferences and we never open up any offical offices, moving from here to there so that if anyone does come and knock, they'll see a bunch of wires everywhere and some weird programmers in the corner."

[Anonymous No.20412796]

>>20411852
Dude, I was randomly browsing the chainlink slack a few weeks ago and saw the weirdest thing. Sergey and Rory were having a barbecue. Just a barbecue, nothing else. They were eating sausages. And the chatroom was full of people who were tipping left and right. And suddenly someone donated 200 tokens ($20.99) and says 'show pussy pls'. A minute later he donated 500 tokens ($44.99) and says 'show pussy'. 30 seconds later 1000 tokens ($79.99) and 'pussy'. Then, finally, Sergey stood up and flashed his pussy for a second. Then they banned him. What the fuck?

[Anonymous No.20412807]

>>20412782
His Dad wears an expression of approval and almost admiration. "You know in Russia, everything was about scheming and scamming. I almost got sent to the gulag for scamming the entire village outside of Leningrad. Ahh those were the days..."

"I know Dad, but things are different now. America is easy. They're fat pigs begging to be ripped off..."

His Dad responds worringly, "but then the market will respond. If you're not actually doing work what will you do when rumors or "FUD" as you call it spreads?"

"This... is the best part Dad. I found a kleptomatic internet culture, essentially an entire internet board of people to parade around our token and market it for us. When people doubt us, they just say, "didn't read, never selling." They... actually belive it! They just keep spouting off "never selling!" They actually believe it Dad! Best of all, I convinced these idiots that this token was never meant for them and it was built for business to business scaling. That they were never supposed to discover it in the first place."

"Mhm... the same guys you talked to, to give them low prices on the ICO and hold the token so that they could spread it and reap in profits."

"Well, yeah Dad, that's how good scams work, you cut the profit a little bit each way so that everyone benefits. I even messaged the moderators and admins, they're called "jannies" and got them to look sideways for all the paid shilling and corruption, to spread the token further. Things are looking great Dad, I tell ya"

"Hmh, of course, now let's get some lobster and steak."

"You betcha, I already had three today. But first, let me show you where we operate. We're in San Francisco to convince these dumb neets that we're in tech capital and attend different shows. These- thes-these hahaha, these morons... sorry, they promote our tokens through so called "organic groups" hosting their own events. I swear, this is a carnie level of theatricalism."

[Anonymous No.20412834]

>>20412807
They arrive in the offices, Sergey flings his coat and throws it in the corner. "Pick it up wagie!"

"Yes Master" a kowtow employee humblly slinks off to pick it up.

"You should've seen the guy who tweeted that dumbass MOAB token tweet, I nearly beat his ass." Just then, Sergey's phone rings, "yes, yes... yes... no..."

"What was that about?"

"The guys from gravel coin called me asking for free link, I told them to buy it off binance."

"Binance"

"It's a chink exchange that I network with. They help handle the money laundering. We sell tokens over the counter from wallets we recycled from the ICO."

"This is much- much too complicated for me son."

"It's simple. Before we ICO'ed I made some threads and recruited some guys. I then fudded other tokens and paid Indians to promote it over the internet. We had the ICO then recycled funds back into it to make it pump. Theoretically we sold 35% but it was probably closer to half, maybe even a quarter, I don't remember the numbers."

"Ah, the classic distraction. Like a magician you lure your targets away from the trick."

"Exactly. By making it seem highly in-demand and creating false group-think, we made it seem many more people buying than they actually were. Then we needed money, we contacted the exchange, shuffled the tokens through there and got the funds. In exchange they got discounted prices and we made money."

"I see... and Google?"

"Same process. Bribe the devs with tokens, assure them a pump will happen then we contacted Coinbase and told them if we got a major company to mention us they would list us. Hey! Hey, give me the big mac, now god damn it!"

An employee scurries to hand Sergey a big mac, unwrapped and ready.

[Anonymous No.20412853]

>>20412807
"But Sergey, we are going to go to the restau-"

"Nonsense. I eat at all times and do what I want, hey, blow."

An employee scurries over the Sergey and his Father with a mirror loaded with glistening white lines and two shot glasses.

"Ah, classic Russian snack. Don't mind if I do" he says as he picks up a small cut straw. A loud and an almost snorting sound comes from Sergey's Father as he tilts his head back and comically begins to swallow. "Good shit. Nostrovia!"

"Nostrovia." They gulp down the shots and smash them on the ground. "Pick it up wagie! Anyway, let me give you a tour." They proceed to walk around the cramped offices.

"So when are you going to pull the plug?"

"Well the money machine just keeps going. To be honest, I don't even know what the fuck oracles are."

"Here's what I don't understand. If it's a good making machine, there's sure to be Jews and Russians and sometimes both in the mix."

"Oh they are. Chinks too. There's this twinked out meth-head named Vitalik. He blew me off because he saw through me and he refused bribes because he has his own scam going."

"The guy you're developing for?"

"Well... it's complicated. I promised investors, hahaha, I love saying that word. Investors... anyways, I promsied them something something, derivatives, basically data would go through us for a stock exchange."

"Why?"

"Because, they're stupid. Just connect big words together. Blockchain agnostic. Smart contract oracles. Decentralized node protocols. And bam you have money!"

"Huh, let me try... mhmm... Real time node operators..."

"Hahaha, you got it Pops! It's easy."

[42 No.20412870]

>>20412763
>Just wear the mask bro!
sorry, still not selling!

[Anonymous No.20412876]

>>20412853
They turn a sharp corner and Sergey angrily slaps the back of the head of one of his employees. "God damn it Rory."

"What, what did I do" he stammers out.

"Nothing. Fuck you, that's what." Both Sergey and his Father burst into laughter as they turn another corner, "This is my office, just a black telephone and a oneahole to blow off steam and... of course" He opens up a closet and there in pristine condition are thirty different shirts, all of the same type.

"The classic Steve Jobs. Son, I am impressed. You've learned big business so well, I only wish your Grandfather was here to see you. He would be so proud how you've milked these internet losers for money."

"NEETs, Dad, they're called NEETs. And I couldn't have done it without your backing."

"Ah, I see your philosophy degree is hung up here."

"Yeah, they made fun of me for it, but I can't help but think it helps me out-think the Fudders. Every time they almost catch us and every time we cover it up."

"And your exit plan."

"Russia of course. They won't extradite."

"Well, you've raised so much damn money... is there a chance to actuallly of pulling it off?"

"Not a chance. There is zero need for a token, you know I thought about it for a while but most of these protocols could be funded just as progress goes along. I picked something intentionally easy to obsfucate but also very easy to develop, but just added a layer of decentralization to make it extra hard."

"Why? Why not just deliver oracles?"

"Because they're fucking useless Dad. Like tarot cards or any other indicator, you just need an API to connect. All we're doing is technically setting up a layer for people to create their own APIs to act as a node to deliver data."

"Ahh, yes data... yes certainly Data is a great scam, but it's old no?"

"Of course, "big data, data is the new oil, yada, yada", but just throw a token on there and the word decentralization and bam! You have big money."

[Anonymous No.20412949]

>The patient talks about going to the moon with Lamborghini cars and says a skeleton made from money is helping him
>He also keeps mentioning two names; Wojak a Polish name and Pajeet, and Indian name. We think those are his imaginary friends
>The patient is also obsessed about whales and apparently wants to become one some day.
>day 3
>Patient has successfully been put into a deep hypnotic state
>Patient repeatedly uttered the names sergey and snimen
>Patient became increasingly irritated upon being asked if they were more of his imaginary friends
>Claimed that they were gods, and that a spirit named kek, in the form of a frog, appears to him
>Patient then repeatedly whispered "77777..." and began to violently convulse
>Upon waking patient up, his only words were "link $1000 eoy"
>Diagnosis: inconclusive; possible signs of schizophrenia due to social isolation; patient shows similarity with cult followers
> First sign of progress perhaps.
> Subject is fond of lesson of positive thinking, especially collective positive thinking.
> Other patients talk about something called link
> we observe repetitive behavioral patterns, mostly obsessive shouting of digits and stories about Russian philosopher unbeknownst to me and colleagues. They refuse to talk about the mysterious Russian.
> 1k EOY pattern is becoming more prevalent
> Some subjects are defecating in the hallway, calling it "FUD on purpose" others shout Indian slurs at them.
> We need to increase medication doses
>Patient does well during lunch hour - really likes the chicken tenders (or as he calls them, tendies)
>Patient does not do well with socializing after lunch, says "Fuck normies" and goes to his own table
>Progress is being seen every day but one mention of the future causes spasms and mutterings of "Singularity is upon us" which results in manic episodes
>Night time routine is non-existent. Patient simply wears headphones and falls asleep in chair every night

[Anonymous No.20413000]

unironically $9 eod

[Anonymous No.20413048]

>day 5
>Patient persists in his delusions
>His ramblings have apparently begun to become quite popular among some of the more vulnerable patients on the ward
>Patient expresses belief in meme magic and wishes to prove it through the use of "collective memetic energies"
>Curiously, the dice have gone missing from all board games found in common room
>Graffiti has started appearing on the walls; mostly 7s coupled with some sort of abstract mathematical square and the number 1000; artist appears to be someone with the initials E.O.Y. however no matching patients can be found on the database
>Patient has been spotted in the garden trying to catch frogs; staff have been forced to release captured frogs back into the wild, to patients great dismay
>Recommended course of action: increase dosage, reduce his exposure to other patients
> day 7
> patient's dosage increased to 1500mg's
> patient appears to have developed some kind of savant ability to convert USD to the real time price of the Indian Rupee
> he constantly mumbles something along the lines of 'gonna make it' but I'm unsure of it's reference
> patient was visibly upset with last nights dinner of curry and rice, said he wanted a roast instead, although he pronounced it 'roastie'.
> further examination of patients state will continue.
>day 9
>upon showing patient a chart of his increasing dosage, patient entered a stage of agitation
>patient mentioned a new imaginary friend named Teahey
>patient describes watching cartoons with his fictional friend, specifically "The Simpsons"
>patient manifests both euphoria and dread when relating his cartoon watching experiences
>suggest investigating sexual angle in patient, strong similarities with My Little Pony cases

[Anonymous No.20413075]

>>20413048
> just to clarify from my last notes about patient
> his agitation after seeing his increased dosage resulted in him screaming something about the moon and leading to a violent attack against his Indian friend.
> perhaps his lack of ability to read charts caused the episode and so I will make a note to show him his dosages in writing next time.

> Patient redraws bedside vital function charts of other patients. Screams when confronted about it and calls it "technical analysis".
> Video of Russian television anchor attacked by drunkard is oddly popular. Interestingly, the delusion symptoms seen in the video are similar to those of patients.
> Incoherent ramblings about "oracles"continue. Symptoms are clearly worsening. Patients worship deity named Assblaster.
Their idol of worship was identified as Sergey Nazarov. Our former patient.
> Recommended course of action : proceed to electroconvulsive therapy
>day 14
>electroconvulsive therapy has yielded strange results
>patient now believes he is an 'oracle' of sorts and refuses to take any pills except those that are red in color
>the rest of the patients grew increasingly agitated at the removal of patient x from the general populace
>after 2 days of electroconvulsive therapy they refused to speak to anyone but him, claiming that we simply wouldn't be able to understand them
>all efforts failed; patient was reintroduced
>the others immediately began to crowd around him and whisper "we're gonna make it" as he handed out some sort of modified dice to them
>patient claims to be the only one to interpret some sort of "smart contract" that the staff have apparently signed with the inmates
>recommended course of action: entertain patients delusion to retain status quo until Dr. Bog arrives to clean up this mess

[Anonymous No.20413097]

>>20413000
Checked. Hope so anon I'm blackout drunk and need a nap

[Anonymous No.20413144]

There's probably plenty of pastas left I've forgotten anons happy hunting