[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / ic / jp / lit / sci / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports ] [ become a patron ] [ status ]
2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/biz/ - Business & Finance

View post   
File: 44 KB, 300x400, trashman.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
196801 No.196801[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

What are some things that are guaranteed to get your resume trashed?

>> No.196808

>my IQ is

>> No.196820

Any mail address besides Gmail/your own domain.

>> No.197236

>>196820
Oh look trolls

>>196801
HR depts. are not consistent- not even in firms of similar needs, similar size/revenue and operating in very similar fields.

The reviewing of resumes/cvs, following up on references and past employers are done by "administrative professionals" a step above data entry. They follow strict guidelines from management what to allow and what to shred, and then follow their rubric for sifting purposes.

This makes if much easier finding the best general candidates for further vetting or sending to interviews when dealing with an assload of people, but of course many good candidates still fall through the cracks and some of the standards are archaic.

Universal shred fodder:
If your resume is any color but white or beige, and text is any color but black.
Font switching.
Spelling mistakes.
Obvious bullshitting/contradictorily information.

>> No.197241

>>196801

Education: Homeschool 2004 - Present

>> No.197253
File: 2.48 MB, 2738x1825, 1359977435096.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
197253

Writing in the first person.

Seriously you would not believe the amout of resume's that get completely ignored by being written in first person.

>> No.197389

>see job ad
>I'm a bretty good match, send resume
>receive copypasta reply meaning my application has been filtered out
>two weeks later see same job ad
>two weeks later again see same fucking job ad

Even if I'm only about 90% experienced with the work they expect the new employee to do, they'd probably get a lot more done if they were willing to train me that last 10%. Either that or everyone's filters are set too damn high.

>> No.197427

Big, unexplained gaps in which you did nothing and can't possibly justify or explain it.

>> No.197452
File: 817 KB, 600x800, we dem moyes boyes.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
197452

>>197427

>> No.197480
File: 921 KB, 1070x963, trashbingo.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
197480

Refer to this useful guide.

>> No.197493

>>196801
Who cares? If you want to ever be happy and financially independent you would NEVER work for someone else past maybe a part time job in high school.

>> No.197517

Having a name that sounds black or Latino. Which means you might get caught in the dragnet if you're Japanese (sounds like Yoruba) or ethnic Muslim.

>> No.197562

>>197480
>Cann't
>6x5
Into the trash it goes

>> No.197568

>>197480
Peter Lynch saved my ass

>> No.197584

>>197427
>Not just saying "THE ECONOMY"

>> No.197604

>>197427
>putting dates on your resume

>> No.197618

>>197517
Kobe?

>> No.197625

>>197427

School. Default fallback is always school.

>> No.197634

>>197618
Yeah you might be fucked. It sucks too because I have a white name and would probably get better consideration than a better-qualified guy named Tyrone (which is fucking Scottish wtf).

Or I would have if I hadn't gone to an HBCU.

>> No.197640

>>197427
>Not being able to explain it

BSing is a very important skill

>> No.197644

>spelling errors
>disorganization/too hard to follow
>no job experience or no college (for anything better than a McDonald's job)
>can't into computers
>no references

>> No.197661

>>196801
Putting your high school on it
Skills: MS Office
Hobbies
No Foreign Languages
Face shot
"Expert in ..."
McDonalds/Taco Bell/Walmart/BestBuy/Macy experience
BS in CS
Knowledge of Java

>> No.197676

>>197644
I am going to disagree on the spelling errors.

While I didn't make an errors on my resume, I was applying for English Tutor positions and they had a textual pre-interveiw of preset questions. After I re-read it after I sent it, I did realize I had a few spelling errors. Since I was applying to be an ENGLISH tutor I thought that would've killed all my chances.

I have an interview on Friday.

>> No.197678

>>197236
blue is ok on a resume
two fonts is okay but no more
otherwise agree

>> No.197682

>>196808

holy hell surely this isnt a common occurrence. that is so cringeworthy.

>> No.197690

Should you put interests on a resume?

Mine list reading, fitness and hospitality

I'm thinking I should change that shit

>> No.197694

>What are some things that are guaranteed to get your resume trashed?
comic sans

I've read through a couple of the resume threads here, and I would have trashed nearly all of them. You guys need to use strong words, not shit like "assisted so and so", or "input data into X system". You gotta let them know that you coordinated and had oversight responsibilities for all X transactions.

>> No.197693

>>197690
Unless your interests involve making sick kids better, putting out fires or solving crime, don't.

Unless it is something beyond the normal scope, volunteer work is the only thing you should put in interests

>> No.197706

>>197694
Using too much jargon will get your resume trashed.

Most HR people for big companies briefly read over your resume, if they can't be fucked reading all these big words, it doesn't matter how qualified you are. Into the trash.

>> No.197709
File: 16 KB, 656x489, for biz.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
197709

How is my resume looking so far?

>long term career is being set up currently, probably won't start that work for another 6 months
>pretty desperate for any kind of job

any changes you guys would make?
there are references/interests that couldn't fit on pic

>> No.197724

>>197706
>Using too much jargon will get your resume trashed.
I as a hiring manager, I don't really agree. HR isn't getting into the details of your experience, they're just making sure that you're not a criminal, you pass your drug test, and your facebook posts aren't ridiculous. The hiring manager makes the decisions, and if they're good, they'll challenge the buzzwords used, and if appropriate answers are received, into the contract bin you go.

source: I'm a hiring manager at a Fortune 50 company.

>> No.197729

>>197709
Most recent experience should go at the top.

>> No.197728

>>197709
Change the layout.

Use
McDonalds, Preperation Staff, 2010-2011

Assisted in the preparation of goods for customers, and maintained responsibilities to hit and surpass targets and timers whilst remaining a crucial individual within a dynamic team.

>P.S. I'm the king of bullshitting on my resumes and making shit up in interviews. And I got called gay for doing improvisational drama in years 8-10.


For your most recent jobs, talk more about them in that fashion and how great you are. The older the work experience, the less you need to talk about it.

>> No.197740

follow up question: Do employers give a shit about resume paper?

>> No.197737

>>197728
>>197729

Thanks bros

>> No.197741

>>197740
If it's got coffee stains or semen on it. Yes.

But as long as its white, without a crease or dirt on it. They won't care.

>> No.197745

>>197741
>inb4 Reflex is god.
>inb4 not using xerox pleb

>> No.197754
File: 60 KB, 731x944, ss (2014-03-09 at 08.12.54).png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
197754

>>197740
it doesnt hurt to have nicer paper, its just a quick "ohh nice" like if you see a hot chick walk by
not something you think about it past the initial point of contact

>> No.197764

>>197754

>modest

i can't believe that shit

>> No.197773

>>197661
>BS in CS
>Knowledge of Java
Almost had me.

>> No.197785

>Interview prospective employees
>One of the mandatory questions is "what do you think is your biggest weakness?"
>At least half of the applicants give moronic not-realy-a-weakness answers like "I work too hard"

Into the trash it goes

>> No.197799

>>197785

What should I say?

>I hate working
>I have no personality
>I don't get along with people
>I want to be the little girl

>> No.197800

>inb4 my little resume
>inb4 zelda resume

>> No.197806

>>197799
Pick a weakness that has nothing to do with the job at hand,

If your job is to always work in a team, say you have trouble working alone etc.

>> No.197802

>>197799
Tell them a real weakness and how you cope with it, to show them you're human but it's not going to be a problem.

>> No.197815
File: 19 KB, 592x597, resume.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
197815

How is my resume /biz/?

What did I screw up on

>> No.197823

>>197815

Experience is not a qualification.

>>197799

Basically this >>197802, a genuine weakness that doesn't interfere with your job is what we want to hear, because it shows honesty and self-awareness

>> No.197824

>>197815
>block of text
>not bullets

>> No.197831

How many of you guys paid for someone else to do your resume? I'm a shitty writer.

>> No.197834

>>197823

What should I put there then just the lone certification?

>> No.197832

Your resume should not be more than one page long. If you have a lot of shit, try restructuring sentences/taking out spaces to get all of it to fit on one page. If you still can't fit it on one page, you have too much shit. Cut out the irrelevant shit until you get to one page. If you have a college degree, you don't need your high school information. If you have years of management experience, you don't need the sales associate job you had during college on it.

>> No.197836

>>197480
it's not a square

>> No.197841

>>197832
eh i would mention high school
it takes like 3 words...

and also, while employers say they dont discriminate upon age, sex, race, etc., they want to have an idea what your age is. sure they can assess your year graduated from college but not everyone goes to college as soon as they graduate from hs (18-19)

>> No.197848

>>197841
I think it depends on how much room you have on your resume.

Obviously if you have enough room to put your high school information on one page, you should do it. But if you squeezed everything in on one page and you'd need a second page for the high school information, you should just leave it off.

>> No.197862
File: 699 KB, 4128x2322, AcKms80.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
197862

>>197848
well as you get further in your career, your responsibilities invariably increase so just minimize the lines or just get rid of them altogether whilst keeping the job title

it should be organic. most people who work full time have an idea what a sales associate at a large retail store performs. anyone in the finance world knows what an associate auditor (or audit intern) performs. just yeah, mention a few things.

I mean if you happen to be a professor to publish articles, i can see/understand the need for two pages. but otherwise, i completely agree with one page. make it work.

>> No.197863

An IT manager told me to format my resume in this order or most HR reps will not care to read it.

>Summary
Your career goals and also goals within the company you are applying for. You need to write a biography. 4-6 sentences.

>Work Experience
Summarize your duties in 1 or 2 sentences. You don't need a long list of random things. The date you started and ended. And why you left.

>Education
Just list the school you went to and your major/degree. You don't need to list your GPA, every class you took, test scores, etc.

>Achievements
Any thing that is related. They don't care if you were a cub scout or math champion in the 4th grade. List organizations you were apart of in college, volunteer experience, etc.

>References
List at least 3 professional references and contact information.

>> No.197868

>>197863

You don't need to write a biography*

>> No.197888
File: 14 KB, 125x83, 1394412706652.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
197888

>>197863
uh I would not leave a summary/blog. HR people can just skim/quick view your entire resume to get your 'story'.

Work experience, write a few lines. I would not mention why you left. The reason is obvious, it's either fired/left for better employment opportunity. It's like having an objective on your resume (TO GET A JOB!)

Education: institution, degree, gpa is enough. if you started a club or something, that's worth mentioning. if you learned a useful application that firms typically use, I would mention (Bloomberg Terminal for instance)

achievements, eh. Volunteer and any important clubs. Maybe give them a complete/overall idea how you spend your free time.

I would not list references on the sheet. You don't even need to say "References available upon request". If they think you're worth their time, they'll ask for references. Also if you're a young professional, i think employers know and don't expect your reference letters to carry much weight. you can be the guy that kisses ass and begs people to write letters. think about it, at the end of the day, it's your name + few positive adjectives. its not worth as much as you think... and the person is probably not a big deal most often the time

>> No.197887

>>197863

Wrong. Provide references at the first on-site interview, and even then - you only need to if they ask for them. Don't provide a reason for leaving on a resume - that's left for an application (if it asks) and/or an interview.

>> No.197896

>>197863
This is reasonable advice for a student trying to get their foot in the door for an internship, otherwise I'd trash it.

>> No.197903

>>197754

>blue and underlined hypertext link

Absolutely Disgusting

>> No.197912

When you people say that having a latino name is bad, you mean poor mexican names only, right? Shit like Ramires/Garcia/Rodriguez/Gonzales/Hernandez.

Spanish names/last names from Spain aren't frowned upon, right?

I have a daughter named Valentina Delgadillo and she wants to move to Canada, is she fucked?

>> No.197909

>>197863
A lot of this is wrong.
>summary
Not really needed. You can use it, but you should only use it if you have extra blank space on your resume that you can't fill. Should be 1 or 2 sentences MAX.
>work experience
Can be 3-4 bullet points if they're relevant. Try to quantify things whenever possible and stick to big picture items. Do NOT list why you left. Why would you even do that?
>education
Yes, list your GPA, unless it's awful.
>achievements
Agreed - stick to what you did in college and after
>references
Absolutely not needed. They'll ask if they hire you.

>> No.197918

>>197832

This. So much this.

Dont be afraid to lower your font size, mine is predominantly size 9. I used to have a two-pager, and it got me an interview with the federal reserve, but I in no way needed a 2 page resume.

>> No.197923
File: 66 KB, 720x367, CV.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
197923

>> No.197941

>>197923

>Don't list jobs that aren't at least tangentially related to the position you're applying for

I disagree. When I got my first proper job out of college, I mentioned working in retail for a year when I was in highschool.

When I got the job, I later found out it was because I was the only graduate with any listed work experience.

>> No.197950

>>197799

A real weakness that has nothing to do with the job.

>> No.197966

>>197941

listing any work experience is useful when you're fresh out of college, but that's just because a lot of people don't have work experience depending on where you live. writing your GPA is a good thing too when you're fresh out of college, if your GPA is high.

but when you get older, you don't need to list that shit because you're on a higher ground.

You don't need to mention your college GPA when you're 48 and applying for a $350,000/year job.

>> No.197967
File: 16 KB, 300x300, arod.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
197967

>>197912
>When you people say that having a latino name is bad, you mean poor mexican names only, right? Shit like Ramires/Garcia/Rodriguez/Gonzales/Hernandez.
>Spanish names/last names from Spain aren't frowned upon, right?

What's a mexican last name?

>> No.197961

BS info tech
Knowledge of javascript

Almost anon, almost

>> No.197972

>>197950

Or you could reveal something you actually suck at but are working on improving

90% of you are shit public speakers. Start going to a Toastmasters. Tell them you suck at public speaking but you've been going to Toastmasters for X amount of time and are getting more comfortable/experienced with it.

For the love of god dont say "Oh I'm a perfecitonist tee hee :)" or "Oh well I wait to the last minute to do things but I do them really well" or whatever bullshit you can come up with.

>> No.197976

>>197967

there are a lot of last names in Mexico that don't exist or aren't common in Spain.

>> No.197985

I have a daughter named Valentina Delgadillo and she wants to move to Canada, is she fucked?

>> No.197982

>>197967

weird shit like tzitzitlini, they aren't common even in mexico

>> No.197990
File: 17 KB, 400x338, Xavi-Hernandez.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
197990

>>197976
Name 1

You know they speak Spanish in Mexico, right?

>> No.198002
File: 237 KB, 800x600, tarah9.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
198002

>>197982
Only people in Mexico with those names sell chiclets on the side of the road, everyone else has Spanish last names

>> No.198014

>>197990
>>198002
>>197982
>>197967

this discussion is not the point of this thread. shut the fuck up about this already.

>> No.198019

>>197912
>Delgadillo
Is in the same category as the ones you listed above. She's fucked.

>> No.198029 [DELETED] 

>>197754
You realize this is fake, right?

It's "Stanford University". Literally no one who set foot on campus here would say "University of Stanford". And there's no such thing as an "Investment Banking Specialization".

>> No.198038

>>198029
The name is fucking Patty Bateman. How autistic are you?

>> No.198045

>>197863
I guess it depends what stage you are in career wise, and what field you are in, but this is bad advice for young accounting grads.

A good GPA on top of your resume will get you noticed, in a good way.

Summary isn't too important (we all know you want a well-paying accounting job).

If you are able to show you had work experience (and possibly link it back to accounting), it will get noticed in a good way.

Achievements (especially related to accounting) will get noticed.

No need for references on a resume.

>> No.198048

>>198029

It's an example CV you moron.

>> No.198078

>>197799
I told an interviewer that I was a highly functioning alcoholic, she didn't see that one coming.

>> No.198084

Having be longer than a page if you're young

>> No.198118

Did you know that you can get an interview for a government job if you copypast parts of the job announcement off of USAJOBS.gov?

>> No.198128

>>198118
Confirmed i've done this with success.

>> No.198161

>>197815
this reeks of retardation

>> No.198167
File: 8 KB, 125x83, 1394416891681.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
198167

>>198118
LEGIT FUCK USAJOBS
that place i swear never takes anyone unless they were a veteran or something

>> No.198185
File: 19 KB, 220x220, jew_basic.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
198185

>>198167
Or if you are a select ethnic minority.

>> No.198203

>>198185

I see more blacks instead of jews in the government and the black bosses I work with are way more laid back than the jew bosses and help out with promotions.

>> No.198233

>>198203
The jews are much higher up thats why :)

>> No.198245

>>198185
>literally suffering as a hard working white man in americlap

>> No.198278

>>197754
how did you learn those languages?

>> No.198314

>>198128
what did you say to the interviewer when they looked at your resume and it was copypasted?

I've only gotten ONE interview off of usajobs after 4 years of applying.

>> No.198333

>>198314
They didn't realize it I don't think. They just said 'I can see you've really researched this job by your application.' And then I said something like 'of course, I never go into something without knowing what it entails...in fact I don't apply for any jobs that don't intrinsically motivate me.'

>> No.198349

>>198333
Also I got the job.

>> No.198366

>>198333
WOWzers.

Did you copypaste the KSAs and limit it to that?

I was always told that targeting the keywording of the KSAs was pretty much the only thing that mattered, and that pretty much tipped me off that these people were idiots but I never thought it would be THAT bad.

Would you mind throwing me a few more details? I've been trying this for a long time and I'd really like to make it work somehow

>> No.198383

>>198366
Yeah not much more to it though. I just copy and pasted the KSAs that applied to me, even some that didn't that I knew I could get away with. I also copypasted the exact format they used on their example resume.

>> No.198390

>>197389
You need to tailor your resume for getting through the automated filter system. Basically copy the job posting on your resume.

>> No.198410

>>197709
Remove the stuff about financial independence in your summary

>> No.198411

>>197236
>Font switching.
do you mean retarded things like the top half/bottom are different fonts or the (somewhat standard) header and body are different fonts?

>> No.198414

>>198383
Hm. Thanks for the help, I guess.

Did you meet or considerably exceed the selection criteria?

The criteria are so high these days you need a year's experience just to dig ditches for the fucking forestry service.

Also, if you don't mind, what kind of job was it? And was it entry level, or did you have significant experience, or were you fresh out of college?

Sorry for all the questions.

>> No.198419

>putting your GPA when it's less than 3.5
>hobbies: video games
>"objective" section for entry level jobs
>member of kappa gofuckyourself epsilon fraternity

These things warrant autotrash.

>> No.198426

>>198366
For example one from my Resume that can be found in the example KSA's is
"D) Ability to communicate orally. "
I also use some of the example keywords like
"Orientating my staff to..." etc.

>> No.198433

>>198414
I barely met it. Fresh out of college and it was a Contract specialist. All other experience I had prior was IT related.

>> No.198436

>>197923
>don't list HTML under programming languages
only an aspie would be riled up by this, certainly not an HR rep who has no idea what the difference between "markup" and "programming" languages are and is just looking for someone who has web skills

>> No.198442

>>196820
not firstname_lastname@msn.com

gmail is as pleb as hotmail

>> No.198460

>>197253
wait why is that? If i saw a resume written in third person i'd laugh

>> No.198477

>>198460

>not 2nd person

"You see from reading this resume that John Smith is a motivated employee"

>> No.198492

>>197253
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Apa0nG1OfUc

>> No.198494

>>198442
gmail is ftw man

>> No.198500

>>198442
>Not using a school e-mail address.

>> No.198507

>>198442
underscores are fucking awful.

first@last, mail@initials and mail@firstlast (or the equivalent) are obviously the best, but if you have to use gmail, don't use an underscore (don't use numbers should go without saying)

>> No.198512

>>198507

Everyone I know has a firstname.lastname@gmail.com; It is the most professional imho.

I'd only use your school's email address if it is a good school.

>> No.198523

>>198500
>not using xXnaruto666Xx@gmail.com

>> No.198525

>>198512
yessir
I think

firstname_lastname@gmail.com
firstname.lastname@gmail.com
or
firstnamemiddleinitiallastname@gmail.com
is okay
but its better if its something that is more like
jasonwbetancourt@gmail.com
vs.
rossssanders@gmail.com
you get the idea

>> No.198526

>>198419
Most of the people I worked with had averages in the mid to high 70s while they were in university (ie, 3.00-3.30). I was one of the few people with a 3.50 and higher. Still, they all included it on their resumes, didn't hurt their prospects obviously.

The second and fourth ones usually warrant autotrash, except when you are being interviewed by a member of said fraternity. Most of my former superiors have been Jews and GDIs who despise that kind of stuff, though.

>> No.198520

>>197640
>This
You need to know how to bullshit.

>> No.198530

>>198436
HR no, they just compare the buzzwords in your resume to the buzz words in your description and forward you to the hiring manager if enough of them match but if your applying to a web development job then the senior tech lead who's hiring might want to make sure you no the difference. Or they might not give a shit and assume it's a simple mistake, depends on the person. Honestly the point could be summed up as "don't but shit on your resume if you don't know enough about it to actually talk about it in the interview" which is a valid point. If you say you know technology X then I might ask you about it even if it has nothing to do with the job just to make sure you're being honest with me about your skill set.

>> No.198539

>>198512
school email only makes sense if you're applying through the school's career services

if you've been working for 5 years why are you still using harvard email?

>> No.198547

>>198539
well i would usually agree with you
but
>harvard
harvards a big deal my friend

>> No.198548

>>198419
i'd say 3.0 is the GPA cutoff if it's a hard school, especially if you had a higher major gpa or just had a really shitty early semester

>> No.198551

>>198539

I think Harvard is a pretty big deal in the world of business even as an alumni several years out. I'd say you're right for anything outside of your Harvard / Yale / Oxbridge's of the world.

>> No.198559

>>198548
Serious question: Why are American GPA's so bloated? Shouldn't the average mark be somewhere just above a 2.0?

>> No.198560

>>198547
because you already have harvard on your resume and should hopefully have more going for you now than "i went to harvard"

>> No.198568

>>198559
>Shouldn't the average mark be somewhere just above a 2.0?
only shit schools bloat gpas, in most schools people with sub 2.0 gpas drop out/get kicked out (and there's a lot of them)

>> No.198569

While we're on the topic, is it really going to make a difference between me having a gmail or a personal domain that I've purchased? Or is it all the little things like this that make your resume all the more merrier?

>> No.198574

>>198560

For sure, but in terms of email addresses I would say that an @harvard is probably going to be better than any other email address -- Especially since you probably don't want to be using an employer email address if you're looking for a new job.

>>198568

Hmm I don't know about that. I've been following some of the scamblogs related to American law schools and I'm pretty sure I've read a post that showed how different schools scaled their GPA's and pretty much all law schools utilize some form of scaling -- all of which bloats people's GPA's.

>> No.198581

And also, assuming that any real world experienced staff are reading, I've heard that if its evident by your resume that you started at, say, a community college, earned a 4.0 GPA and continued to move your way up in a bigger and better 4 year school, does that better you in the eyes of the employer or is that whole "wow this guy really worked his way up from rags to riches" thing nonsensical to them?

>> No.198584

>>198569
it doesn't matter that much, especially if your job isn't computer related

>>198574
>I've been following some of the scamblogs
trashman.jpg

>> No.198585

>>198568
>only shit schools bloat gpas
Like Harvad. Harvard bloats the fuck out of their GPAs

>> No.198591

>>198584
I'm not american and I already have a job.

I don't think our trashmen here are quite as diligent as they are in the US because here even in MBB we have idiots.

>> No.198605

>>197389
it's probably one of those fake job postings to get people to learn about their company without spending money on marketing

>> No.198609

>>198574
>scamblogs related to American law schools
Link?

>> No.198618

>>198609
google "butIdideverythingrightorsoithought" and "thirdtierreality blogspot"

>> No.198631
File: 370 KB, 1275x1650, gIWgWsh.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
198631

how's my resume?

>> No.198637

>>198569
>personal email
can be try hard
unless you actually have a legitimate business

>> No.198641

>>197427
"I was self-employed"

>> No.198646
File: 64 KB, 680x680, 1339337373024.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
198646

>>197661
no BG
NO knowledge of java

fixed

>> No.198679

While we're on the subject: How much dosh could I pull in writing resumes for people on the side?

>> No.198684

>>197754
>personal traits

Do Americans really do this?

>> No.198698 [DELETED] 

>>198684
eh its one line
and sometimes when people are bored reading typical resumes you already create a perception (a positive one) based on those words
its not bad, imo

its always a good way to see your word of choice in how you describe yourself and like how you value/prioritize idk its a good sign of character imo

better than wasting the line saying "REFERENCES AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST" no shit if you want the job and they want references, you have to give em

>> No.198760

>>198605
More likely they're just looking for H1B visas and just need to adverse it long enough to assert that there are no qualified Americans for the job

>> No.198876

>>197427
Job Hunting is considered a job these days.

>> No.198914

>submit resume to like 20 companies through a website my school has set up
>after doing so realize it was the wrong version and had that I was looking for an internship in the previous summer rather than the upcoming summer
>start to panick but it's too late to change it
>get some interviews anyway because the trash man probably didn't notice
>come in with my correct resume and give it to the interviewer
>mfw I got the job

I think that he liked that I brought in a corrected one and didn't sweat that I made a mistake. Can't wait to start working for this based man.

>> No.198916

>flamingnipples69@hotmail.com

>> No.198920
File: 67 KB, 847x521, neetfeel.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
198920

I've never worked a day in my life. I have about 60 hours of community service completed during high school, and I'm currently 2nd year Acc. major.

how do I make sure my resume don't get trashed while I'm looking for a part time job this summer? It's so fucking empty.

>> No.198928

>>198876

If one were to really seriously treat it like a job. They would get a job. If you spend 8 hours a day, every day, seriously trying to get a job there is no way you can fail for more than six months unless you live in Detroit or have a really bad criminal history.

>> No.198936

>Mentioning not having a premium tetrahedron.
>Not getting above a 3.2 GPA in your college
>Not going to college (unless you're doing construction)
>Not having a GED
>Being over-qualified.
>Having an ugly format App

>> No.198948

>>198920
the fact that youve never worked a day in your life as a college sophomore is already giving employers reason to trash your resume, since its part time though you cant really fuck up unless your

>> No.198974

>>198948
I got the first job I applied for as a junior in college with zero work experience.

I was a tutor in the school's academic achievement center tutoring finance, accounting, econ, and statistics.

>> No.199028
File: 357 KB, 800x1015, res-careercenter027.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
199028

>>198477
Worked for Tim Schafer.

http://www.doublefine.com/news/comments/twenty_years_only_a_few_tears/

>> No.199036

>>198631
>mfw this could actually be a viable resume design for Bioware

>> No.199044
File: 964 KB, 941x695, average bioware dev.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
199044

>>199036

>> No.199046

>>198974
well no shit it was at your school and probably work study related. depending on what he wants to do and who his employer is, no work experience sets off a red flag.

>> No.199050

>>197785
>I worked in $INDUSTRY, so I have limited experience with $PRACTICE.

>> No.199056

Should I put it on my resume that I was in a Ph.D. program (not a terribly prestigious one) and dropped out? I did so to start a business, which later failed.

>> No.199107

>>197236
>Oh look trolls
A lot of companies have automatic filters that eliminate resumes with emails on yahoo, msn and aol because those are considered old fashioned and technophobic.
The one address acceptable by just about everyone is gmail or your own domain - that is, if your website isn't an embarrassment, because they are going to check up on it.

Also clean up your facebook from drunk photos, your shitty friends posts and controversial content.

This is all in case you're trying to get an actual decent job. If we're talking about pet store clerk or something, it's probably irrelevant.

I'm telling you this from experience.
Welcome to the future.

>> No.199149

>>198920
>part time job
>resume
Is this a thing?

I filled out an application and got a call for an interview and got hired on the spot for my first job.

>> No.199192

>>197709

Read this blog page

http://practicaltypography.com/resumes.html

and this one

http://practicaltypography.com/summary-of-key-rules.html

And follow the advice. Your resume is visually unappealing.

>> No.199220

>>196820
This, and also any email that isn't your name. sxc_angle [at] Hotmail shane_dawg at yahoo are not acceptable. If your email isn't first.last then honestly just give up. Don't even include it. Don't even apply for jobs. Kill yourself.

>>197253
Disagree with this. A third person resume is kind of weird. "Jake likes to play with puppies" "Jake has experience in giving handjobs" as opposed to "I like to give puppies handjobs" and so on. First person is considerably more practical.

>>197517
Ethnic names/difficult to pronounce names are usually a negative, for sure.
>>197661
Definitely +1 to including MS office as a skill, or including a face shot. That's weird. Disagree with Maccas etc. experience - depending on the job - everybody has to start somewhere, and surviving a shithole environment like that for work at least means you can work hard/survive shit employment for shit pay, which could be beneficial.

>>197740
>not having your resume embossed into gold leaf and inlaid with precious stones and sprinkled with gypsy tears

>> No.199223

>>199220
>gypsy tears
>Associate yourself with gypsies in any way
>Expecting to get a job

Doing it fucking wrong. Now, on the other hand, Orphan tears or Virgin's blood is a great way to go

>> No.199225

>>199223
Anyone applying for a job in this economy can't afford expensive Orphan tears or Virgin blood. Do you know how rare virgins are in the US?

But if you can afford such luxury then sure.

>> No.199226

>>199225
>Buying it

Fucking jews. You're meant to get it yourself. Shows you're a go-getter.

>> No.199237

>>199225
>Do you know how rare virgins are in the US?
but isn't like half of 4chan from the US?

>> No.199240

>>199237
Yeah. So we have like 99% non-virgins and 50% virgins.

>> No.199245

My last job was 3 years ago, been in university full-time ever since then. It was just some shitty job slinging meat at a supermarket, should I bother to include contact info for my department manager?

>> No.199451
File: 99 KB, 600x776, 22-best-resume-design-15.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
199451

some websites have best cv designs ever articles.. I liked this layout.

>> No.199568

Doing it larger than two sheets, or hard to read.

Surprisingly I've sent resumes with spelling errors and they called me to intervew.

>> No.199684

>>197815
Dissembled is the wrong word. Disassembled is the correct word. Also, don't be so specific about who's computers you worked on. And (as said) it isn't a qualification, it is experience.

>> No.199722

>>198631
I fucking love it. Original and would definitely be remembered. I'd call this guy for an interview just for shits and giggles.

>> No.199734

>>198920
Don't worry about it. There are lots of lower-tier jobs where just a minimal - or no - experience is fine, sometimes preferential. You'd be surprised how many employers value keenness over experience. Nothing worse than bringing some guy in to a lower tier position when he has had 20 years to get jaded, lazy and miserable.

>> No.199761

>>199568
In my experience the HR people are skimming over them so quickly they don't even have time to pick out anything but the most obvious spelling errors.

It's all about the buzzwords.

>> No.199768

>>198526
3-3.3 is low 80s. Do you really not know how GPAs work?

>> No.199816

Any online resume is word searched by a robot before it ever sees human eyes. This is especially true for every job on USAjobs.gov.

If you do not have the right key words you don't even get the privileged of being trashed. You must find out what these key words are and put them in your resume if you ever have a hope.

>> No.199834

>>199149
Yes. I got hired for a summer job at a railroad company for having experience in construction on my resume. Some company cafetaria trashed it because I had no experience in catering.

>> No.199997

>>199816

Or cheat: find a block of key words and put them somewhere you have white space as white text.

>> No.200031

Race: White

>> No.200095

>>197480
>Is an atheist

But Penn is very much an athiest

>> No.200112

>>199834
Huh. At my old place you could get hired for having a pulse and being old enough to sell alcohol.

>> No.200245

When you forget to update "I would like work for company X", when you are sending it to company Y.

>> No.200277

I'm white but I have a Muslim last name since I come from the Mediterranean, what does this do for my chances?

>> No.200284
File: 5 KB, 225x224, thereiswhereitgoes.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
200284

>>200277

>> No.200821

>>199722

I have to admit, I'd HAVE to see the creature that created such a thing... if he then happened to have the skills to do the job, good on him.

>> No.200845

White male over 30 not married applying for anything under 50k a year
>must be a pedophile or a faggot, but either way he's a loser
>trash.jpg

>> No.200866

What's it like working in HR? Where I work they're all bubbly assholes who toot the company line FUCKING 24/7 - YOU CANNOT GET THEM TO BREAK CHARACTER.

Are their souls crushed on the inside? Or is it a really sweet gig?

>> No.200991

>>197754
>Mandarin, Chinese
>Chinese

>> No.200997

>>200866
Seconding the question.

>> No.201003

>>197785
Tell them a weakness and then tell them how you're going to fix the weakness.

>> No.201007

>>200845
Sometimes you got to take two steps back to take three steps forward. I did this recently and it wasn't a problem.

>> No.201013

>>201003
I find it disturbing that people don't know how to answer the weakness question. It is only through recognising our weaknesses that we can improve ourselves -- If we think we have no weaknesses then we won't be willing to learn.

>> No.201038

>>201013
Fucking this. Say that in a job interview and you get it on the spot.

>> No.201042
File: 88 KB, 960x747, 1393293290147.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
201042

>>198605
why would they want to target unemployed people they have no money probably the worst idea i have ever heard

>> No.201056

>>196801
I once told an interviewer I played world of warcraft.

>> No.201080

>>201056
Seriously I wouldn't care, if in an interview you're joking around talking about personal stuff it probably means its going well. I wouldn't be too candid, I sure as shit wouldn't tell them I post on this website, but you should try and make it as comfortable as possible.

>> No.201230

>>200277
>Muslim

Hired instantly because of quotas

>> No.201243

Would would you not put MS Office as a skill when some jobs specifically say "Must have skill with Microsoft Office"?
Trust me it is a "skill", people here just think it isn't because you hang out on 4chan all day where the average posted is above average intelligence and good at computers.

Once you go out into the real world you will learn that half the shit you do in your sleep is a skill. I never thought touch typing at speed was a skill till I got my first office job and saw one finger typing.

>> No.201272

>>201243

...If the job says "must have skill with MS Office" then I guess I would. However, most jobs that are asking for you to have MS Office skills are after something particular like excel knowledge (ability to write complex formulas, knowledge of basic functions to things like pivot tables and VBA programming).

I'm not sure what sort of jobs you guys are going for where "knowledge of word" would be a real requirement.

>> No.201270

>>197923
This guy is a douchebag and wrong on so many levels.
Especially about employers not caring about your personal life.

The first thing the manager of my current job said at my interview was "I already know you can do the job, because of who you worked for previously. This interview is about whether you fit into my team."

Then they asked me lots of questions on my non work life.

>> No.201285

>>201272
Some people go for jobs that have only ever used a PC to browse facebook.

>> No.201309

>>201270
You can't establish a good fit based off the resume though - that's why you have it in the interview. Just because it is important doesn't necessarily mean that the resume is the right place for it.

>> No.201310

I still don't know what email to use when my domain is firstnamelastname.me. Also looking for firstinitiallastname.io or lastname.io.

>> No.201320

>>199768
That's not how the conversion worked at my school. They told me a 3.3 would correspond to a percentage mark of 77-79.

I could be wrong, after all most people in university admin positions are fucked in the head.

>> No.201324

>>201243
playing online games, like league and starcraft actually improved by WPM significantly compared to my peers, when i first started working at my job, I finished all my work usually 1-2 hrs before everybody else was done, my boss noticed me and asked me where i learned it from, I told him from computer games, he laughed and i got promoted to his paper work which is like 1/2 of my previous work. 3-4 months the computers started freeze up and we had a malware attack on a dozens computer(some faggot was going on porn websites), i told him i'll stay and fix them up for free, next day they were all running at 100%+ their original speed, free of viruses, and i got a promotion to be a tech supervisor. All i do now, is play vidya in my corner office, or hang out in his office, we usually work a 1/2 day and he takes me out to lunch/bars on fridays. I'm pretty much the son he never had.

>MFW all i did was install Malwarebytes, scanned it, then uninstalled it

>> No.201326

>>201285
...what

I really can't imagine that. I mean, to even be a receptionist at my parents local plumbing company you need to know how to use basic office programs.

How does one exist in 2014 without ever having used Word?

>> No.201329

>>201270
I wish I had interviews like that.

The past 3 interviews I've had have been nothing more than the interviewer giving me a very, very specific scenario and asking me the steps I would take to deal with it. Problem is, since each organization deals with things a little differently, what is acceptable for one may not be for another.

I liked the interviews I had for summer internships much better.

>> No.201330

>>201310
Honestly your personal email address doesn't matter that much as long as its not something blatantly stupid like ~*~*Sexxxy$toner4_20~@aol.com

>> No.201369

>>199768
3.3 is low 80? what kind of shit school do you go to.

>> No.201481

>>199451
i don't

>> No.201534

>>199768
No its low 90s. Its an A average. Its good.

>> No.201542

>>200991
Chinese is the written language and Mandarin is spoken languages

>> No.201576

>>201013
Frame the weakness like a strength

I have an obsessive personality --> It drives me crazy if there's something I don't understand and I make sure I resolve the problem even if it at times can be inefficient

etc.

>> No.201581

>>201326
>How does one exist in 2014 without ever having used Word?

It's 2014, Word isn't really necessary anymore, especially in favor of things like Google Docs.

>> No.201613

>>199220
>Definitely +1 to including MS office as a skill

What if you know how to use the programs really well?

>> No.201635

>>201576

That is the absolute worst way to answer. As I explained, the point of asking someone for a weakness is that EVERYONE has a weakness.

The ability to recognize where you are weak is how you recognize areas of improvement; For example it is likely for an entry level position that you don't have much experience, so your weakness is your lack of X knowledge which you plan to rectify through Y actions.

Someone who deflects a weakness question by turning it into a strength is failing to recognize his weaknesses - which means he wouldn't be willing to learn anything, as he thinks he's already got it all sorted.

>> No.201660

>>201635
I get caught up in details a lot, which is a genuine weakness even if it doesn't sound like it. You have no idea how many times I've had a project completely thrown off course because I choose to focus on some little bullshit item while skimming over the big picture.

I had two interviews for summer positions a while ago, one with an HR manager who said "I wouldn't really classify that as a weakness, Anon" and another with one who suffered from the same thing and acknowledged that it's fucking annoying. Needless to say, I got a job at the second firm.

>> No.201663

>>201613

Oh I'm guessing you probably meant just "MS office" as a skill, which isn't saying anything.

>> No.201696

some motivation for you guys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULqAIbjCsXE

if this faggot can get an interview, you guys can too

>> No.201756

>>201660

It's fine as long as you are acknowledging it as a genuine weakness and not framing your weakness as a strength.

>> No.201822

>>201635
>>201660

For mine, I cited patience. I said I was still working on it, but it has been improving. Said some shit about in any line of business, working with clients is essential. I don't know I just framed it like how I am improving on my weakness.

Depends how cocky you are, if someone is genuinely cocky then reframing the question isn't the worst thing in the world.

The best part was, "Why should we hire you?"

"I'm a worthwhile investment" and kept it at that
;)

>> No.201831

>>201613

then write shit like MS Excel: pivot tables, VBA etc

>> No.201878

>>201831

You're kidding me right?

I'm guessing you don't know any of that stuff?

Pivot Table knowledge is one of the highest skills in demand because many people don't know how to use them.

>> No.201891

>>201831

Nevermind, I misread your post.

>> No.201905

>current interviewer wants references from people within the past two years
>my current employer, the only one I've been with the past couple of years, won't give out references due to their corporate rules
>tfw 70% of my relevant experience for this current interviewer comes from my current job

Thankfully I have volunteer references, but those aren't directly relevant to the position beyond showing dependability. How the hell do I explain to interviewers that they'll just need to trust that I have the skills I claim to have?

>> No.201947

>>201905
Ask for a 90 day probation period or something.

>> No.201958

>>199107
>emails on yahoo, msn and aol because those are considered old fashioned and technophobic.

or... or maybe they've just had email for a long time and never wanted to switch to gmail... maybe?

nah you're right they're probably retarded elderly technophobes, LMAO, gmail/chrome/google+ master race bros WW@?

>> No.201961

>>201947
Their hiring is highly seasonal, so I've been afraid to discuss probation because it seems that they'd really be opposed to the mere thought of having to fill this position again.

>> No.201971

>>197517
My first name is fucking weird on not suited for work in the Western world at all. Not only is my name weird, it's spelled in a way that when pronounced in English, it sounds kind of like slang for a sexual act.

My name is pretty common in my country of origin, but it isn't here. Should I change the spelling of my name to better suit English speakers? How big of a deal is it having a *unique* name (I'm not black or latino or any other culture that typically has crazy names)? I do feel like I would probably get discriminated against just by name, despite being white.

>> No.201977

>>197661
Why wouldn't you put that you have a good knowledge of MS Office?

>> No.201982

>>201971
Listen Sukhdeep, get a legal name change if it's that much of a problem for you.

>> No.201987

>>196801
>Woman studies major
Not even trolling.

>> No.201991

>>201971
I'd recommend going by a middle name (assuming your country of origin is civilized enough to use them), but of course using your proper name in all official documentation. I have two last names, unhyphenated, but on my resumes I always hyphenate just for the benefit of clerical purposes; I want them to easily find my full, legal last name, not only the latter of the two. I've never found this to be a problem, and if questioned you can simply say that you felt it was better for your job search.

>> No.201995

>>201971
Alright, give up the name, we need it.

>> No.201996

>>197785
would "I worry too much" be a reasonable response. It sounds legitimate and it also sounds like you're a hard worker paying attention to what they're doing

>> No.202006

>>201971
McLovin?

>> No.202029

>>201995
Jakov (pronounced Ya-Kov). Was supposed to be named Viktor but was named similar to my grandpa after he died.

>> No.202033

>>201996
In a previous thread someone mentioned using an actual weakness, but one that's completely unrelated to what the job will actually entail.
Are you applying to be in a backroom, where you'll be dealing with only your team? Admit to having difficulty speaking in front of large (two dozen or more) audiences, admit that you much rather prefer to be able to converse with a smaller group, then mention off-hand how you've taken up a few Toastmaster's or other speech-practicing seminars.
Are you applying to be in a service-oriented position, dealing with clients all day? Admit to getting easily bored if you're left alone all shift to do repetitive tasks, but make sure to once again prove that you're willing to fix your "flaws" by mentioning how past experiences have forced you to thrive if put into this position you will never be in.

>> No.202202

>>202029
Say your name is Jacob.

>> No.202214

>>202029

Say it's Hebrew or Yiddish if they ask. Doesn't really matter. Once you bring up that you were named after your grandpa that died in the Holocaust, you got the job and you're on a fast track to success.

>> No.202229

>>199451
It's like it wants to be minimalistic, but doesn't actually know what minimalistic means.

>> No.202234

>>201831

Plain-old listing Excel, Access, or Publisher (whichever office programs are relevant to the job) is perfectly fine. The HR guys are jerkoffs, they WANT to ask stupid questions. They LOOOOVE asking, "So, do you know how to do pivot tables?" When you say "Why, yes I do", they pretty much cum in their pants.

But the HRIS program needs to see shit like Excel (if it's relevant) on a resume, otherwise it's trashed. Doesn't matter if you just have basic Excel skills, HR aren't mind readers, many are borderline incompetent, and if they don't see Excel, they think you're just as incompetent.

>> No.202422

>>197661
>Face shot

How about a full picture of yourself in a suit?

>> No.202436

>>197661
I swear I see so many CS-focused students at my IT faculty, yet so few IS students.

No wonder 30% of businesses here have trouble sourcing IS graduates.

>> No.202517

>>201272
many administration jobs

>> No.202519

>>201696
it's staged unfortunately

>> No.202524

>self employed
>running own company
>social media consultant

Into the trash they go!

>> No.202529

>>198574
i fucking wish my law school scaled grades like that. Our asshole profs fucked us all by curving the shit to a B- avg. (or a C+ for the real douchebags).

>> No.202560

>>197728
thats beatiful, describing a shitty mcjob so fluently. well done

>> No.202576
File: 13 KB, 500x375, 1362278889987.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
202576

I need to stop being an honest bastard and start fabricating my resume

>> No.202623

>>202576

Fabricate in the interview, not your resume.

>> No.202687
File: 118 KB, 490x375, 1376362594901.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
202687

In interviews, when asked for evidence of leadership/interpersonal skills, I have answered that I have a lot of experience DMing for large D&D groups. Some times the interviewer knows what this means and reacts very positively, but other times they just look at me blankly until I explain what that means. Should I keep this up, or stop mentioning it altogether? My current manager played D&D, and they hired me seconds after I mentioned that I am a GM.

>> No.202719

>>202576
Started doing this and lying about hours I can work
> instant call backs

>> No.202785

>>198525

Protip:

Dots in your gmail do not matter. You can put any number of dots where you like in the email and it will all go to the same address.

Note that this may not apply for other email providers

>> No.202835

>>201324
This is my fetish. What do you do in his office?

>> No.202848
File: 418 KB, 551x550, ffs.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
202848

>>197754
>Care's about paper quality
>Name is 'Patty' Bateman

>> No.202855

In West Aus-

>Not having any goddam connections to make them throw everyone else's resume out but yours.
>Even having to send a resume before you're offered the job

Resources industry is so corrupt when it comes to handing out jobs.

>> No.202867

My bachelors average is... average, and my masters average is almost perfect. Would it be hypocritical if I only list my masters average?

>> No.202885

Reddit had a thread about CV's and had a bunch of employers talk about what needs to be on a resume and what goes into the trash.

According to them, try keep a resume a single page, they are going through dozens if not hundreds of resumes, especially in this job market.

Cover letter is actually more important than resume.

Never put jokes in resumes as it falls flat

Always follow up on your Resume/Interview

Apparently you should send a "thank you letter" to the person that gave you a interview, handwritten.

Always have questions for the interviewer

Always have several years experience in whatever position you are applying for.

That is pretty much it from memory

>> No.202901

>>202885

>Always have several years experience in whatever position you are applying for

Sounds like every entry level job being advertised

>> No.202976

>>202901
It is

>> No.202995

>>202029
It is spelled with a J, it will always be mispronounced.
You could have a nickname, not something stupid, just a short easy version of your real name. Maybe "Jack"

>> No.203020

>>201977

It's like saying "I know how to write with a pen"

If you *don't* have knowledge of MS Office (even if you don't have it, you should at least have a good idea of how to use word processors in general), then you are a fucking waste of space.

>> No.203035

>>203020
there are still people who "don't know how to write with a pen"

>> No.203044

>>197799
Something that genuinely gave you trouble in the past, an example of how it gave you trouble, and how you've improved upon it to where it won't impact your performance anymore. The point is to make it clear that you're self-aware enough not to screw over the company doing something that could have easily been avoided. And, with how many people try to bullshit that question, answering honestly can say a lot about your character.

>> No.203060

>>198631
Honestly? That would hold up pretty damn well.

>> No.203075

>>198631
I remember the uncensored version. This isnt the resume he uses professionally. Sad part is, despite being a brony faggot he is smarter and more accomplished than most people on 4chan will ever be

>> No.203105

>>197709
I'd hire u for steak n shake.
3rd shift tho so u can deal with the drunk assholes and mouth breathers
>use the corp name for whatever mc'deez nuts u worked for

>> No.203127

When did it start? Why do you have to make such a great fucking spectacle out of presenting yourself for a normal regular 9 to 5 job?

>> No.203175

>>202867
But if you list both it would show that you made progress.

>> No.203176

>>197241
Is Homeschooling really frowned upon that deeply?

>> No.203189

>>202885
>Apparently you should send a "thank you letter" to the person that gave you a interview, handwritten.
That seems very awkward and importunate to me.

>> No.203196

>>203189

>importunate

Spectacular vernacular anon. Very le verbose.

>> No.203202

>>203196
I used a translator since I didn't know the word in english. Apparently I chose bad.

>> No.203764

>>197517
Haha fucker I got into a BofA ML interview cuz I'm Hispanic and picked that as my race on the online app. Made it to final round interviews and my GPA ain't even all that. Helps I'm not brown and don't have an accent though

>> No.203885

>>202687
I think it depends on the field you are trying to get into. Unfortunately with most of societies attitude I would say leave that off. I would look at that as a positive but I only manage a restaurant so not exactly fortune 500 here.

>> No.203925

>>201961

If they don't want to fill in the hole, then realize you're a little more valuable to them than you think. You can negotiate something, like you helping out in looking for a new guy.

>> No.203939

tfw interviewer asks's
SO why do you want to work here
when deep down they know the answer

>> No.204107

>>203939
Money shouldn't be the only reason you work though. You should at least have some enjoyment from what you do so it's pretty easy to bullshit. Like say you're at an interview for medical school or something.

>why do you want to be a doctor?
Ever since I was a little kid I have always been fascinated with the human body and how it functions. I want to learn as much as I can about it while helping others. Then go off into some some story of why you like helping people.

>> No.204124

>>204107
I think the question is usually more of - why do you want to work for our company specifically. Not just why do you want to work as X.

>> No.204352

>>199056
Anyone?

>> No.204365

Previous employment: 4 years of eBay, userid "TheScarletTaint69"

>> No.204473

>>201987
Weirdly enough, my sister has a bachelors in that, and got a job as a Proctor for a university. 50k a year, and is going up for a raise.

>> No.204726
File: 2.00 MB, 272x480, 1394509255184.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
204726

>>196801
Mistaking that resume = CV
http://www.cvtips.com/resumes-and-cvs/curriculum-vitae-and-resume---did-you-know-it-is-not-the-same-thing.html
>As a mathematical rule of thumb, M be the random variable defined to be the informal level (in a 0 to 1 scale i.e. over the interval [0,1]) of a job. Then the probability of a selected job J chosing a resume over a CV is
Pr( M > informal_level(J) )

Improper grammar
>Im a very active person, and I wanna seek success in my life

Mistaking computer related skills
>Computer languages:
>HTML, CSS, LaTeX"

Putting your race, or ethnic group
>Race: Black gypsy jew

Putting anything related to doing drugs
>Hobbies
>Smoking, Drinking

Putting your skills as in a RPG fashion
>INTELIGENCE = 69 IQ
>PROGRAMMING = 100 javas

Putting your dates or relationships
>I have dated...
>I have 500+ facebook friends

Stating skills through anecdotic tales or even worst, with an arrogant attitude
>I'm a very smart person because I don't believe in silly archaic doctrines, and my IQ is 180.

Ending your resume/CV with....
>Please respond

>> No.204863

Can anyone provide a list of things that are impossible to verify that I can put on my CV:

I'm at a UK university, and I doubt membership of any of the societies is verifiable...so can I just write that I was part of it.

What about societies and clubs that don't exist... is anyone going to check this?

How easy is it to fake short term volunteer work things?


also stuff like "play rugby" pretty sure I could play once then pretend i was part of a team?

>> No.204894

>>204107
>>203939
this is a bullshit question, they use it to check how you lie, and how quickly and emotionlessly you can come up with a lie and spoon feed it to them.

No one wants to work for your shitty faggot company(read plantation, work=slavery), they know you want their company because it =more money, and you want to work 8hours a day for someone else for 50 hours a week, then your 2nd shitty job on weekends for 20hours because you need the money. But they also know that you know you're not socially allowed to say this. They ask to read your reactions, or if its a written response to see your lying/bullshitting style.

Its like the first 5 minutes of a porn video where they ask the girl why shes doing porn. She says she "enjoys rough sex", and "has a boyfriend", the interviewer knows its bullshit and she needs the money for heroin, you can see her arms are scarred from the needles, her hands shaking from the oxy and amphetamines she took so she won't feel the anal coming up. It looks nice for the camera, and the company.

>> No.204901

>>198390

The trick for getting through the automated filters is to copy paste the ad in white in the smallest font and put it in the corner of your resume

>> No.205169

>>204863
its unlikely anyone is going to check, you just need to be prepared to lie comfortably if they ask about it in the interview. You'd be more likely to get caught out that way.

>> No.205193

>>205169

You'll be asked what you did. A photo at one of your events may be asked for if they really like what you told them but they still think you're a crock of shit.

Here's the thing: If you intend to lie, lie on details, not on facts. If you managed an academic club as treasurer, the details of you being treasurer, for example, can be fudged, or how much money you managed, or how big role you had in decision making, and you're unlikely to be called out. Claiming you were treasurer when you were not, though, is a good way to get caught and blackballed.

>> No.205296

>>197785
How about...I refuse to do work that I know will be a waste of time.

>> No.205308

>>201042
Not all people looking for jobs are unemployed.

>> No.205658
File: 93 KB, 355x236, 1394584102380.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
205658

>>202885
>cover letter more important than a resume
yeah, no, I don't think so
what do you have to say of value and what message do you need to communicate, "I want this job"

>> No.205671

the tasteful ecchi clipart that i've been using on my cover letter doesn't seem to be working

>> No.205735

>>205671
>>205671
of course it doesn't, you retarded man? HR is composed of fat women, you have to include yaoi. Ecchi would only aggravate them.

>> No.205743

>>205735
of COURSE, how did i not see it

okay, it's all bishies from here on out. i'll let you know how it goes

>> No.205754

Being Black

>> No.205804

>>205754

Untrue for government positions.

>> No.205894
File: 405 KB, 1275x1680, My Little Resume.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
205894

>>196801
Shitty presentation. This would be an impressive resume otherwise. (It actually is, but it's still cringe-worthy to look at.)

>> No.205909
File: 29 KB, 192x192, 1323809752613.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
205909

>>205894
please tell me that's not a real resume that was used for an actual position

>> No.205940

>>205909
Unfortunately it's real.

>> No.205986

everyone knows how to write a resume the real question is what is trash material for a cover letter?

>> No.205997

>>205894

I would call this dude for an interview just to ask him face to face what the fuck was he thinking when he made that.

>> No.206001

>Socially awkward
>Clearly a pushover
>Will do what I want

Hired.

>> No.206008

>>205986

Most systems just check to see if a "cover letter" is attached, they don't bother to read them.Would you honestly read 100 cover letters that are verbatim copies of ~5 different form letters, with the company's name slipped in? They don't get paid to.

>> No.206075

>>205909
It's a real resume from a real person. I dont believe that's one he actually uses for jobs though. He just posted it on his website one day

>> No.206329

>>204473
Hate to tell you but she sucking someone cock(s).

>> No.206436

>>204352
>>199056

How much of the PhD program did you do? ABD? Up till you got a masters? Failed your first oral exam?

>> No.206463

>>204473
>Woman studies major
>being successful
>>206329 is the only possibly explanation

>> No.206564

>>197912
No. They mean exactly things like Ramires, Garcia, Rodriguez.
Most mexicans have those last names.

>> No.206985

>>206436
I got a master's degree and passed the qualifying and comprehensive examinations. Never published enough to qualify for an oral exam, so not quite ABD.

>> No.207066

>>197815
>A+ certified
You dun goofed.