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/biz/ - Business & Finance

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19068978 No.19068978[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

>tfw haven’t shit in 5 days

>> No.19069013

>>19068978
>Dump et

>> No.19069043

Damn bro drink some coffee heard its good for you

>> No.19069092

YOU CANT POST THAT THIS IS BUSINESS AND FINANCE

>> No.19069132

>>19069043
this, drink coffee and squat on top of your toilet, thats what i do when i cant shit.

>> No.19069200

Fpbp

This is a matter of business anons.

Drink a cup of coffee simultaneously as smoking a cig. You'll be bent over the jonny in no time.

>> No.19069213

>>19068978
Just hodl bro we're all gonna make it

>> No.19069259

>>19068978
hope you die drug addict

>> No.19069348

>>19069043
Only works if you dont drink it everyday

>> No.19069374

>>19068978
RIP it was nice knowing you anon.

>> No.19069415

>>19069348
I drink coffee every day and a double shot espresso on an empty stomach never fails to make me poo my pants.

>> No.19069454

Anyone else shit first thing in the morning?

>> No.19069479
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19069479

>>19068978
>have to do inventory of all IT equipment during corona shutdown
>office is completely empty so good time to do intern tier jobs like this
>nigger janitor comes down to office just to let me in
>make burgers in the morning because why not
>burgers are godlike, so make more burgers
>have to shit, but dont really have time
>have to be on time so janitor can let me in.
>arrive at office, janitor lets me in
>janitor notifies me that the water is shut down to save costs.
>can't use any of the coffee machines, or use the bathroom
>mfw
>janitor leaves and im all alone
>decide to just hold in my shit and get the job done fast
>Hard time holding it in
>feel the biggest turd ive ever held press against my anus
>No way I can hold this in for the rest of the day
>grab a trashbag and go to the bathroom
>try to flush just to make sure
>doesn't work
>Proceed with plan B
>Open trashbag and squat above it.
>unleash the biggest shit ive ever shat in my life
>Fills up the entire bottom of the trashbag
>Wipe ass and throw in trashbag
>trashbag feels warm from my shit
>throw crapbag away in the womens bathroom trashbin
>my shit has been in this building for 3 weeks
>office is about to reopen

I hope the smell dissipated by now and ill be able to get more linkies.

>> No.19069522

>>19069479
kek

>> No.19069526

>>19069479
Kek. They have cameras you dope

>> No.19069637

>>19069479
At a certain point its really their fault. If you gotta shit, you gotta shit.

>> No.19069675

>>19068978
How is this business related sir?

>> No.19069764

>>19069479
pretty sure there are laws and shit about toilets being available at your place of employment. just sayin'.

>> No.19070485

>>19069675
Half the catalog isn’t tbf

>> No.19070569

>>19068978
Ok here what's you do

>Wake up
>Eat breakfast, and by that I mean a museli cereal
>Work out
>Lift weights and do squats and press ups
>Basically just a standard home gym workout
>You may need to buy workout equipment
>Protein shake after the workout
>You may need to buy protein
>Shower and get ready for the day
>Drink a strong black coffee. This is important that it's black
>Wait an hour
>You'll do a massive comfy poo

>> No.19070584

>>19069348
Supplement the coffee with a cigarette and two bumps of cocaine. Works like a charm.

>> No.19070603

>>19068978
Eat more plants fren. Your diet should be mostly unprocessed plants.

>> No.19070608

>>19069526
In the bathrooms?