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/biz/ - Business & Finance

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18185160 No.18185160 [Reply] [Original]

>we're looking for a team player

>> No.18185672

>diverse team

>> No.18185847

>multifaceted manor

>> No.18185878

>>18185160
> we're playing for a team looker

>> No.18185968

>problem solver

>> No.18185976

>Salary: Competitive

>> No.18185989
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18185989

>we're looking

>> No.18186057

>we just fired the last guy for having an opinion

>> No.18186095

>We think outside the box by doing exactly what everyone else is doing!

>> No.18186137

>self starter comfortable with ambiguity

>> No.18186146
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18186146

>>18185160
>why yes, I am a team player
>How could you tell?

>> No.18186336

>>18185160
>team player
>everyone in the office has their headphones on and doesn't speak to anyone else most of the day
>get daily feedback where you nod your head in agreement

>> No.18186402

>Doctorate degree required

>> No.18186439
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18186439

>>18185160
bahaha I'm putting in my two weeks for my job today. It might be a bad idea considering the upcoming economic collapse but fuck it. maybe we will get bailed out

>> No.18186470

>>18186336
Kek

>> No.18186544

>>18186439
You dribbling retard. Now is the time to hold onto your job for dear life.

>> No.18186555

>>18185160
>Excellent interpersonal skills
>Solution-oriented
>Self-coordinating
>Positive can-do attitude

>> No.18186566

>>18186544
Too late fren, I've made up my mind

>> No.18186606

>We are looking for an autistic mumbler incapable of any kind of proactivity. Non-bathers prefered

>> No.18186613
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18186613

I am the one you're looking for, someone that can fake all those traits convincingly

>> No.18187078

>10 year of experience

>> No.18187101
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18187101

>>18185976
>comission only

>> No.18187129

>good goy

>> No.18187326
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18187326

>Must exhibit high levels of enthusiasm!

>> No.18187883
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18187883

>>18185160
>we're looking for a socially awkward autist
>overtly racist and able to defend their viewpoint
>must be comfortable pissing in the sink
>resourceful, 5+ years NEET experience minimum
>able to work unsupervised
>experience of paint and photoshop essential
>able to identify pajeets and roasties in online discussions quickly and disregard
>experience of contributing and implementing new corporate culture

>> No.18188015

>>18187883
I'm the man for your job!

>> No.18188107

>>18185160
>if you're a self starter with a fantastic can-do attitude and work ethic this is the perfect position for you

kill me

>> No.18188147

>>18187883
Holy Based!

>> No.18188168

>isn't afraid to use racial slurs

>> No.18188181
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18188181

>leadership skills

>> No.18188258

>we're looking for a developer (job description gets changed later to senior developer)

>> No.18188367
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18188367

>>18185672
>Tfw grandma is from Spain so white but still 'hispanic'
>Tfw I am white af with a German last name but still count as a diversity hire

All smiles.

>> No.18188395
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18188395

>>18185160
>So Anon,
>Tell us about a time where you've had to resolve a conflict in the work place.

>> No.18188458

>>18188395
I can bet they don't care about the problem or the resolution.
They just want to see if you are self aware and can admit that there were conflicts in your job experience.

>> No.18188531

>>18188395
uhh so there were two guyse and they were fighting an stuff and I said hey guys don't do that, umm.. heh.. yeah

>> No.18188730

>>18188458
>>18188531
In other words, it's an autism check.

>> No.18189573
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18189573

>>18186606

>> No.18189659

I got fired for "being a bad cultural fit" and "seeming uninterested at meetings" . This was a psuedo call center where I was expected to work nights and weekends with no benefits

>> No.18189679

>>18185160

>We are looking for an obedient drone NPC

Why can't they just be truthful?

>> No.18189706

>>18186336
lmao

>> No.18190972

>able to work hard in a competitive, fast paced environment

>> No.18191002

>>18186146
man this guy is hot

>> No.18191039

>>18185160
>thrives in a fast paced environment

>> No.18191060

>SAFe

>> No.18191106

>>18185160
>You will join our motivated, multicultural team at...

>> No.18191122

>interview went great, they liked you and you met all of their specific and demanding criteria
>*ghosts you*

>> No.18191128

>>18191002
that's gay bro

>> No.18191156

>>18187326
And if you don't want to die for this chitty job, then you can be sure that there are hundreds of asians and pajeets wanting to do the job for half your salary.

>> No.18191161
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18191161

>>18185160
>fast paced environment

>> No.18191250

>Hey anon, just want to make sure we’re aligned with management on our new HR policy. Make sure you stay in your cube and don’t look at anyone, got it? Thanks! See you at the afternoon huddle.

>> No.18191273

>>18188395
HOLY FUCK THIS
>tell us about a time when you had to resolve a conflict involving policy
I'VE NEVER ENCOUNTERED THAT YOU FUCK
>yeah but can you give us a time
NO
>i need to fill out my checkboxes! why aren't you following the script! RRRRREEEEEEEE

>> No.18191390

>>18191122
>recruiter who has known me for a while sends me to an interview for a direct hire
>he gets the feedback
>they loved you! they enjoyed the interview and thought you were a great fit and your skills perfectly matched what they need, they really liked you, they think you'd be a great fit for the team and a match for the company culture
>but they went with someone else
>i've never seen this before and i just don't understand wtf
yeah man, welcome to my life, thanks

>> No.18191421

>>18191122
This shit happened to me and pissed me off

>> No.18191480

I always say I'm a team player in interviews, but once I get the job I do things on my own.

>> No.18191546

>>18191122
Same thing happened to me, except they strung me along for a month whittling down salary and then "postponed hiring due to the virus"

Just need one "real" niggerwageslavejob on my resume

>> No.18191852

>see job i'm perfectly qualified for
>send application
>no response
>they repost the ad a week later

>> No.18191947

>>18186606
And that's why autistic people should rise up and kill all neurotypicals.

>> No.18191992

>>18186336
We get fined a day's wages if we are caught looking at our phones how the fuck are you allowed to wear headphones?

>> No.18192002

>>18187883
>racist
Cringe

>> No.18192040

>>18191947
Autists are too predictable plus you retards are too preoccupied with model steam trains and Warhammer deep lore

>> No.18192243

>>18191992
nigger what? that's illegal. lmao you're literally working for free. at least slaves got food and shelter from their masters. where do you live, venezuela? bangladesh? nigeria?

>> No.18192283

>>18185160
This kiked society needs to fucking collapse
We aren't meant to live like this

>> No.18192287

>>18191947
this but unironically.

>> No.18192365

>>18192040
>model steam trains

God tier hobby, fuck off roastie

>> No.18193657

>>18188258
This. Right after they interview me

>> No.18193869

>>18186606
>Bleeding from gums will brushing/dandruff is a MUST.

>> No.18194049
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18194049

>>18188395
One time I got a couple black coworkers to stop arguing with each other by screaming “FUCK NIGGERS”. Coincidentally, this is also why I was terminated.

>> No.18194088

>>18187883
what kinda job is this?

>> No.18194107
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18194107

>We're looking for someone who sucks dicks and eats cum and takes dick up the ass on camera for money

>> No.18194121

>>18191992
Lmao I work in a warehouse and we aren't even cucked that badly. No way you're in America

>> No.18194151

>>18185160
We're looking for someone we already hired but HR says we have to publish the job posting publicly. Be sure to copy your resume and cover letter line by line into a form we have for no reason whatsoever, just to fuck with you I guess. We do allow upload but that would require any effort at all on our side to look at them. Instead we'll use an algorithm to mine your data and sell it. Expect to hear from Indian recruiters soon.

>> No.18194180

>>18187883
I’m good but I don’t have the 5 years of neetdom, but with your help maybe I can get there.

P.S. nigger nigger nigger nigger

>> No.18194692

>Extremely analytical
>Strong quantitative skills

>Job has nothing to do with both

>> No.18194780

>>18194151
This

>> No.18195207

>>18192040

>Warhammer deep lore

Based AF

>> No.18195280

>>18194151
kek, its true

>> No.18195515

$90k - $140k / yr

We are looking for an entry-level software/web developer to join our team here at XYZ corp.

Required qualifications:
>5+ years of active MERN/MEAN stack
development experience
>3+ years of SSIS, SQL server reporting, analytics and Azure integration inside Arch Linux environment
>Advanced knowledge of *obscure and outdated legacy architecture*

Preferred Qualifications:
>Not white
>Willingness to take personal responsibility for other's mistakes via remote night-time alerts
>Willingness to bend over for management even when their ideas are stupid and bad for the company

Note: this is a 12-month contract to hire position. Compensation to be determined by competitive market rates.

>> No.18195678

>>18187883
Why aren't there any jobs like this? Like I'm semi serious writing this, imagine being a normie and feeling the amount of being welcome you felt when reading this when reading regular job ads. Why must this shitty world be so cruel to us? We're just as good as any other human being.

>> No.18196032

>>18187883
If I saw a job post with this decription I'd do it for free. Anons get prio.