I need a good fake job to tell people I have

[Anonymous No.16864975]

Long story short, I'm living off of an inheritance my father left me, which includes an apartment complex that's fully paid off which I just collect the rent from and manage (I also live in one of the units), a large sum of money that I put into treasury bonds and am living off the interest.

I just don't need or want to work. However, this is harder than it sounds because for some FUCKING REASON one of the first conversation starters that's completely acceptable in this society of ours is "SO WHAT DO YOU DO?" And.....While it may seem simple enough to just tell them my current situation, it's WAAY more complicated than that. For one, it's always just a matter of time before someone asks you for money...without fail IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. Another problem is everyone always expecting me to go run errands for them or help them move or etc. etc. because "you have all this free time!"

It's a fucking social nightmare is what I'm saying.

So my master plan is to devise a fake job that I can tell people that I do which doesn't involve me having a set schedule, that way I can just tell them that a "client" just called, or a "job" just came up and I won't be able to make it. However, it has to be something that won't entice someone to ask me to help them with something, EXAMPLE: "Oh you work construction, can you help me with my water heater."

I was telling people for a while that I was an Uber driver, but I've run into a few people that ARE uber drivers and they can tell I'm lying...because I have no idea how much uber drivers make, or they'll ask me for rides..

I'm telling you, I've googled this shit. I've asked some of my personal friends that know about my current situation, and nobody can think of a good fake job! Like what THE FUCK do camgirls tell people they do? What do strippers tell people they do?

Please someone HELP ME figure this shit out......

[Anonymous No.16864994]

Just say you're some kind of government bureaucrat. That way no one starts asking questions when you're never seen working.

[Anonymous No.16865012]

tell them yo suck dicks for a living, that way you don't even have to lie.

[kihohuim No.16865013]

the truth isnt bad anon. Tell them you own rental real estate as a job. Its true and fine

[Anonymous No.16865024]

>>16864975
Dude, instead of taking a step down take a step up.

Being a wealthy inheritance kid can get you into some slick circles. You're not a pretend janitor or whatever, you're a pretend heir to the throne of Luxembourg...

[Anonymous No.16865027]

>>16864975
You manage apartments, duh.

Property management is not a common job, but it's not exceptional, either. Also, it's the perfect excuse for leaving - somebody has a complaint about plumbing, or whatever.

[Anonymous No.16865038]

Why don't you just avoid or at least not care about the opinions of people that clearly want to manipulate you/get something for nothing?

[Anonymous No.16865040]

>I just don't need or want to work.
>>16864975 just explained why you need to work. Nobody wants to work. You're already slipping into the pool of degeneracy.

[Anonymous No.16865058]

>>16864975
"I manage an apartment complex"

why the FUCK do they have to know that you own the apartment complex

[Anonymous No.16865079]

>>16865058
this. since you already know a bit, you can say that you manage appartments (it started with friends of your parents who wanted help and it turned into a indie job)

[Anonymous No.16865087]

>>16864975
Blockchain consultant

[Anonymous No.16865089]

deliver pizza dude, seriously

[Anonymous No.16865104]

healthcare, nurses have shitty shifts, high calling sick rate, you are not a doctor so you cant help anyone

whenever possible fake a call from your boss that you have to work. fucking stacey called in today, she does that all the time, i am sorry but my shift starts in an hour

[Anonymous No.16865112]

>>16864975
depending on how much money you have why dont you start a simple business to keep yourself busy like a cafe or something, perhaps one of your hobbies can be made profitable?

[Anonymous No.16865113]

>>16864975
1. Stock, crypto trader.
2. You work freelance making websites or something.
3. or >>16865013 >>16865027

Also >>16865038
Make new friends with the same amount of money, or with more money than you so they don't bother you. Or just tell your poorer friends to stop asking you for money, you're not their bank. Also have multiple hobbies, if they ask you "come do X", you have an excuse "sorry bro I was just going to my snowboard classes" or smthing.

[Anonymous No.16865114]

Tell them you're doing some type of consulting/contractor. Preferably IT. You can fuck off for a few days and tell them it's a customer visit, plop down on your computer chair and say you're working. Actually just any work from home job. Couldn't come up with that yourself?

[Anonymous No.16865118]

>>16864975
Why do you care what other people think. Be confident and say that you spend your time managing the assets you have. If they ask you for money or time, tell them to fuck off.

[Anonymous No.16865136]

And don't forget to tell them how busy you are now.. "Wow I cant believe it I had a lot of free time before but now a friend of those friends of my parents heard about me with word of mouth and I manage their properties as well it takes a lot of time there are often problems.. I have much less time for anything, that sucks"

[Anonymous No.16865137]

Trader.... you need to be watching markets at ur leisure

[Anonymous No.16865139]

>>16865113
Btw, you probably shouldn't lie.
I've lied before in my life and it always bit me in the ass later. It's very hard to be consistent when you lie, because you have to lie to everyone about the same thing, and then create more lies so the initial lie doesn't reveal itself. You are basically condemned to lie more and more just to hide the initial lie.

[Anonymous No.16865154]

>>16865013
>>16865027
>>16865058
>"I need a place to stay"
>"I noticed you have a vacancy"
>"Hey thanks for renting me a unit, I'm gonna be paying a little late because....
>"You selfish asshole, how dare you threaten eviction!"
>"Why won't you rent to me?"
>"Can I borrow some money?"

YOU DON'T THINK I'VE TRIED THAT??

[Anonymous No.16865159]

>>16865139
Unless you're a psychopath, lying doesn't feel good, it's a burden to constantly keep up with a fake life.

[Anonymous No.16865163]

>>16864975
>Asset manager.

[Anonymous No.16865170]

>>16865154
bro, stop being a fag, why the fuck should you put up with your "friends" bs.
A good friend would never play with you, he would pay on time just like a normal person. They're not your "friends" if they're expecting you to give them free shit constantly, they're using you. Tell them to fuck off.

[Anonymous No.16865178]

>>16865159
based

[Anonymous No.16865179]

>>16864975
somewhat same situation (made a lot from crypto, millions). told my family and "friends"/acquaintances that I am a freelance web security contractor (I enjoy infosec but I don't work). It's been three years, things are well

[Anonymous No.16865184]

>>16864975
shut up you larping faggot

[Anonymous No.16865198]

>>16865159
women do pretty well

[Anonymous No.16865210]

>>16864975
You work from home. Freelance editor or some shit

[Anonymous No.16865215]

>>16865024

>"Oh okay cool! Come with us to Amsterdam for the weekend bro!"

>"Can I have some money?"

[Anonymous No.16865217]

>>16865154
Retard. Most property managers don't own the building, and so they can't give their friends free shit. Do workers at Wal-Mart get to give their friends free stuff?

Also, if that stuff happens, you need better friends.

[Anonymous No.16865226]

>>16865154
Do you think doctors don't get
>Can you check this rash out for me?
>X doctor told me Y but I think he's a quack, what's your medical opinion?
>Bro can't you just write me a prescription

This isn't about you needing a better fake job title than 'property manager', it's about you needing to stop being a pussy

[Anonymous No.16865227]

>>16865154
"I said I MANAGE the place, the owner told me right off the bat, don't expect any special favors for your friends who think they're going to just come lay up here and not pay"

"he's a real asshole, trust me you don't want to live in my shitty complex"

[kihohuim No.16865244]

>>16865154
tell your freinds the turth , you cant survive without rent like they cant survive without money. tell them you dont rent to freinds because you cant afford to get paid late and you want to stay good freinds. not so hard if you stand up for your own needs

[Anonymous No.16865256]

>>16865215
say "no?"

[Anonymous No.16865257]

Tell them you were sold into twink slavery at age 13 and you don't want to talk to about it

[Anonymous No.16865271]

Just say you're in real estate dumb fuck

[Anonymous No.16865285]

>>16864975
pls tell me this is from a porn

[Anonymous No.16865302]

>>16865079
Another problem with this is the actual tenants.

I still lie to them and tell them that my dad owns the property I just tell them I'm a Jr in case they wonder why the checks are written out to me.

The problem with THAT is....dude I'm telling you, and it's hard to describe, but once people know you're sitting on your ass all day, AND they know where you are, suddenly I've got an old lady asking me to take her grocery shopping. Some fuckhead kid got locked out and needs me to let him in every single day when he gets home from school....


No no no no no. I need an exit door.

[Anonymous No.16865345]

>>16865302
>I was telling people for a while that I was an Uber driver, but I've run into a few people that ARE uber drivers and they can tell I'm lying...because I have no idea how much uber drivers make, or they'll ask me for rides..

I mean, you could actually drive for Uber. It's not like it's hard. Then they wouldn't know where you are, you have an excuse for being away, and you make extra money.

[Anonymous No.16865347]

>>16864975
op must be the most faggiest person i have seen in my life, literally scared of opinions lmao

[Anonymous No.16865372]

>>16865302
Tell them you're not a servant you fucking retard. That you're busy with your hobbies or something.
I already told you, lie and somehow someday you're going to be discovered and it's going to be fucking worse.

[Anonymous No.16865393]

>>16865112
No I don't have that kind of money dude. My interest yields 30,000 a year and I'm not even remotely considering taking out a load to start a business.

Why the FUCK would I? I don't WANT to do that. I just want to be able to give a swift answer and just keep going with the conversation, or just be like no I can't help you with that, sorry without having to offer an explanation.

Seriously, the uber thing was the best and is actually still my default. I even technically AM an uber driver just so I could talk about it if asked, but then when someone asks to see my "earnings" it's at zero with like 3 trips since 2015....

[Anonymous No.16865400]

>>16864975
asset manager for a fund/family/etc.

[Anonymous No.16865401]

you work online but you cant get into details because you signed an nda.

"my job is hard to explain, its really boring, whenever i try to explain it to people they roll their eyes lol, i just work from home ha-ha"

[Anonymous No.16865411]

>>16865393

bro just say you do freelance webpage work or coding work for some epic databases its that easy

[Anonymous No.16865430]

say you're a janny but not for free

[Anonymous No.16865439]

>>16864975
>all that gymnastics
Yet if I was rich enough I wouldn't have much of an issue with it. You're doing it wrong anon.

>>16865038
Also this. It's not like you have a job where you're forced to socialize with them and be nice. Face it anon you're going out of your way to meet these people and proceed to care about their opinion of you when you could easily just leave.

No job and suddenly I'd rarely go out in public (which is currently the case) except for when I go jogging, shopping, gas for the car, looking to try to get a gf (have failed thus far), or going to an interview.

[Anonymous No.16865465]

>>16864975
a) no one cares
b) most intelligent people will question your phony sounding story. But they won't say say anything to your face.

[Anonymous No.16865468]

>>16864975
i'm somewhat in the same position
the keys to your fake job are:
* must be very very boring sounding
* must be work remotely with set times for call-in meetings + set times for "site visits"
* must be something where the specifics can change multiple times so you aren't totally busted in a lie
for me, the fake job i've crafted is: "I'm a development manager for a UK company that develops medical billing software."
I will then go on and on a bit about "Medicare Part B rules" etc (I dont really know anything about that but the name) at this point people tune out and dont want to hear more.
this then gives me the following flexibilities:
"sorry dude cant do lunch tomorrow because we have conference call every tues at 10-12"
"sorry man I will be out of town that day....site visit in atlanta...flying there and back same day"
"wha? oh no...that was a different client....we have tons of clients, that story was about a client in nebraska, the rules in oklahoma are different"
etc
etc

>treasury bonds
thats a dumb move dude. put your money into a municipal bond (check out blackrock muni funds). they pay like 4.5% interest BUT its tax free so really its like getting 6.5% pretax.....treasury bonds pay nothing.

so, i crafted a fake job where i work remote developing software for a medical billing company.

[Anonymous No.16865481]

OP is ashamed of himself and lives in fear. End of story. Nothing any of us can do to help

[Anonymous No.16865495]

>>16864975
Tell them you manage properties for somebody else.

[Anonymous No.16865511]

>>16865481
i doubt its that...his close friends probably know the truth...its more like a white lie to tell strangers / acquaintances you barely know. not everyone is a total extrovert who lives telling a stranger in a bar your whole life story.

[Anonymous No.16865524]

Writer.
Nobody reads.
If another writer pops up just be secretive about the project.
>You're welcomed.

[Anonymous No.16865546]

>>16864975
tell them you're a slumlord

or just say you're independently wealthy

[Anonymous No.16865588]

>>16865302
>ery shopping. Some fuckhead kid got locked out and needs me to let him in every single day when he gets home from school....
then get a house close by and rent out your apartment.

as far as a fake job goes id imagine you must have a hobby or interest that you could say you do for a job
>you like magic the gathering? you buy and sell cards or play professionally
>you like video games? you work as a freelance developer for indie games or playtest AAA titles, or deal in old games
or you could pick something so vague and unrelatable that no one would question you any further:
>"i do remote contract work for a DOD facility managing their network security. its very boring and tedious but it pays the bills. i pretty much make sure the users cant get to facebook and china cant get to them hahaha"
the chances of running into a network or security admin would have to be more than 1/10,000 i would think

[Anonymous No.16865595]

whatever we tell OP he's gonna find holes in it. maybe OP should be a fake job creator, and tell people he creates fake job description for other people who needs fake jobs. they would never know that OP's job of creating fake jobs for people who need fake jobs is the fake job itself.
>You're welcomed.

[Anonymous No.16865624]

>>16865302
"sorry I dont have time, it may seem like I'm not doing anything all day but I'm actually busy working"

[Anonymous No.16865628]

or OP can just stay on 4chan all day everyday, no need for a fake job

[Anonymous No.16865629]

>>16864975
So you work a job so technical and rife with jargon that's so far above their heads they will lose interest immediately.

[Anonymous No.16865635]

>>16865347
you don't know what its like you poor fucking pleb.

>>16865393
OP there must be something you actually know some shit about. Pick a job related to that.

and your situation sounds comfy but not comfy enough to live the real good live so maybe actrually start a sidegig and then you can talk about that. Buy shit on flee markets and resell on ebay once a month. BOOM youre in online retail

[Anonymous No.16865673]

>>16865629
if lying he should lie about something he's familiar with. managing properties can do the trick. OP you can even create a website that makes you look professional. give them your card if they are interested to have their property managed.

[Anonymous No.16865692]

>>16865393
just say you're a landlord

[Anonymous No.16865699]

>>16864975
Remote security guard, your commute is pretty fucking far. Plus you could actually do this for extra money, because it is actually super easy from what I hear.

[Anonymous No.16865715]

>>16864975
Put "Best In Show" on your resume

[Anonymous No.16865727]

Freelance tax consultant.

Nobody will find it interesting enough to talk about.

If they ask for tax advice, tell them you don't mix business and personal because you don't want to know the finances of your friends/family and don't want to be responsible for their financial outcomes.

If they ask about who your clients are, tell them it's confidential.

[Anonymous No.16865746]

>>16864975
you are an investor

[Anonymous No.16865751]

>>16864975
just tell them you do project management for tech companies

[Anonymous No.16865755]

>>16865715

[Anonymous No.16865757]

Tell them you are a ghost writer or contacted writer

[Anonymous No.16865768]

>>16865154
>>16865139
You only need to make the lie somewhat true.
For example learn about trading and say you are trading.
Or learn to code a bit...
You can create a company as a front and tell them you are working in it managing investments.

People asking you for money are doing you a favor by telling you they are not your friends but parasites and that you should quickly dump them.

[Anonymous No.16865771]

>>16865751
>project management
yes this is the key. your fake job cant be where you actually "do something" because then people will want to talk shop....your job must be where you manage projects / people...then you get to say: i dont really know anything about the specifics related to XYZ....i really just interface with clients, schedule meetings, and prepare budgets, etc....at this point they've tuned out.

[Anonymous No.16865797]

I handle payroll for a small medical billing firm with out of state clients. Nobody ever asks me anything about it once I explain that I'm not at a hospital, just an office.

[Anonymous No.16865816]

>>16864975
Commercial Surety. Done. No questions asked. Just say it’s like insurance.

[Anonymous No.16865881]

>>16865170
>A good friend would never play with you

That's the thing man, good friends are rare. I know because I have them, but they're are .0000001% of the people I've met.

If I want to have a semi-normal life, I also want to be able to at the very least converse and share time with other "normal" people, except that you would not believe how apparently impossible it is for someone to not fuck that whole thing up by asking for money, help, calling you a spoiled brat, etc. And they just don't understand that just because technically I can doesn't mean I CAN . There's people out there living paycheck to paycheck (AND I GET IT, I REALLY DO) If you're facing paying your rent or being able to drive your car to work instead of taking the bus, it's a healthy response to tap your friend on the shoulder and ask for a little assistance.

Assistance, that I've given! I help my friends a lot in fact, but it does something to the friendship. It removes some element of purity from it that I can't explain. Even if they pay me back! In fact I only know one person that never brings up money.

Very lonely life. Fucking sad life really. Like for example... I'm about to go to the store to buy some food, but it's noon on a wednesday. I'm wearing pajamas and I want to CONTINUE to wear them, but so I don't get the stares or the attitude from the cashier I'm going to put on jeans...Just to take them off in 45 minutes! See these are the kinds of things I want to talk about with friends....

Guess you lunatics are my only friends.

[Anonymous No.16865886]

Just tell them that you're an apartment complex manager and its the truth. If you don't wanna do something tell them that one of your tenants is having an issue so they called you.

[Anonymous No.16865900]

>>16864975
"I'm a property manager"
Wow so hard

[Anonymous No.16865912]

>>16865881
>I'm going to put on jeans...Just to take them off in 45 minutes! See these are the kinds of things I want to talk about with friends....
Woah having to put some pants on to do your groceries. Life is hard man do you want to talk about it?

[Anonymous No.16865934]

>>16865881
stop befriending deadbeats

[Anonymous No.16865960]

>>16865881
>I'm going to put on jeans...Just to take them off in 45 minutes!

Oh no, not that!

You sound like an insufferable, pampered twat. Did you even work real jobs as a poorfag before you inherited the money, and if so, for how long?

[Anonymous No.16865975]

>>16865302
I encourage you to look into being a property manage/owner or you are going to drive the apartment complex into the ground and have nothing.

You should be working every day. Keeping records, making contacts with other property managers/owners, learning about business and investing.

Set yourself a schedule and work daily. If you don’t have anything that has to get done do some training and start looking to invest in more property. Just shopping for viable properties is a valuable use of time.

You are a property investor and if anyone asks, no you don’t have any liquid assets, they are all tied up in your properties. Lead them to believe they have mortgages.

We are going to get a market correction, you want to be ready to buy the next money maker.

[Anonymous No.16865990]

>>16865881
Yeah but having to fake a job isn't the problem here. I guess you could say that you're a secretary at some dumb office managing files. Or maybe an amateur mma fighter or a powerlifter. You're so useless that there's no way anyone will take advantage of you. The fact is that in the society we live in things are how they are. People will ask you what you do to see what they can gain out of you. If you can't put your foot down and stand up for yourself that's a completely different problem

[Anonymous No.16866020]

Or go get a part time job as a waiter. You might actually enjoy it.

[Anonymous No.16866023]

-Create a fucking personal website
-Hand people your card
-Tell them you're busy working when they bother you
Done.
If wasting a few minutes to be somewhat presentable when you leave home is such a burden that you need friends to talk about it..rofl
You seem like a yes man who can't say no. Also read this
https://www.amazon.com/Being-Genuine-Stop-Nice-Start/dp/1892005212

[Anonymous No.16866050]

>>16864975
Tell them you're a doctor's personal assistant.
So you can be basically on call when they are.
Errand boy, personal secretary tasks etc.

If they ask what kind of doctor, tell them someone who specializes in venereal diseases. So they can't ask for work-related favors because that would be them admitting to having an STD.

If they ask who's the doctor, ask them back why they are interested, do they have something they need checked?

[Anonymous No.16866051]

OP just learn to say No. Thats all.

[Anonymous No.16866088]

it's very simple
you run an online business.
>what kind?
you don't talk about it because it allows you to stay anonymous.

[Anonymous No.16866106]

say you work at mcdonalds
who would ask a mcdonalds employee for money or help?
only downside they probably look down on you but oh well

[Anonymous No.16866140]

>>16865881

op your a fucking pussy holy shit

[Anonymous No.16866256]

>>16864975
i'm so sorry for you bro.

[Anonymous No.16866272]

In a similar situation but a after reading a book about a very wise and wealthy jewish business owner I found a simple way to decieve unnecessarily curious people

I tell them that im self employed but then I start lamenting how bad the business is running and how difficult it is to stay tt (in an oy vey fashioned tone), always on the verge of profitability

[Anonymous No.16866274]

Don't lie.

And this >>16866051

[Anonymous No.16866310]

>>16864975
Who is this

[Anonymous No.16866322]

>>16864994
>>16865012
kek

[Anonymous No.16866394]

lmao, the answer is pretty obvious. Just say you collect gubmint gibs for your depression or something.

[Anonymous No.16866600]

>>16864975
Partner with me, then call yourself Creative Director or some bullshit like that. I have a ton of ideas for grand scale art i want to do, but i need land and i have no moni..

[Anonymous No.16866671]

Say you work some mid-level position at a gym

[Anonymous No.16866694]

>>16865881
>I'm wearing pajamas and I want to CONTINUE to wear them, but so I don't get the stares or the attitude from the cashier I'm going to put on jeans...Just to take them off in 45 minutes! See these are the kinds of things I want to talk about with friends....
wtf, is this bait after all?

[Anonymous No.16866697]

>>16864975
PLEASE FUCKING TELL ME WHAT PORN THIS IS FROM

[Anonymous No.16866707]

>>16864975
Freelance Software Consulting

[Anonymous No.16866781]

>>16864975
>Why yes, I do collect government welfare and use the money to invest in stocks in which I live off the interest, how could you tell?
That way you can say you have a plausible living (investment) without coming off as one of the rich wall street people who ACTUALLY do that for a living

[Anonymous No.16866877]

>>16866697
This
Sauce you faggots

[Anonymous No.16866882]

>>16864975
You started an online consulting firm for high profile clients that are looking for expert advice. See what I just did there? Honestly, pick a niche (Polynesian underwater basket weaving perhaps) Basically pick a niche that no one you meet in your daily life will actually care about. Tell people you facilitate the middle ground and find experts for your consults. It seem like an easy as fuck thing to make shit up about.

I should get a tip for this one. Lmao

[Anonymous No.16866964]

>>16865881
what a fucking loser

this is what happens when losers get free money, they turn into even more repulsive little bitchs, i know one guy just like this, does fuck all with his life and complains like a bitch about stuff like "my uber eats was late like 5min, fucking hell my life sucks"

no one worth will ever want to be around you dude

[Anonymous No.16867043]

>>16865226
Actually HAD this conversation with a doctor believe it or not, and he told me that he only hangs out with other doctors for that specific reason.

[Anonymous No.16867110]

>>16865881
Kys nigger you just lost all sympathy from every faggot on this board

[Anonymous No.16867119]

>>16864994
>>16865012
keke

[Anonymous No.16867331]

>>16865159
psychopaths are practically a myth, at least when I try to find concrete details what/who is a psycho. >>16865079
This is a managable lie, because it's not really a lie, it's a personal shield that anyone can understand. Sure, you own the complex, but not everyone has to know, which sounds reasonable to anyone. Even if it gets out, they'll be forced to respect your personal space or else reveal that they are gossiping fucks. A relationship without the baggage of everybody knowing you're rich can also form a relationship such that they're too stuck in form to ask for gibs when the "secret" gets revealed. I think it is a solid plan.

[Anonymous No.16867438]

WTF? You have a highly regarded position socially, you are just labelling it wrong.

Let me help, repeat after me 10 times:

>I am a Real Estate investor. I own and manage a portfolio of properties. It can be demanding, but it's nice not having to answer to anyone else."

This phrase says "I own valuable shit, my schedule is too busy to give you my time, and nobody tells me wtf to do." Say it with confidence and you get instant alpha status.

[Anonymous No.16867507]

>>16864975
tell them you sell life insurance
they'll stf right up on the subject then

[Anonymous No.16867545]

>>16864975
tell them you got a super boring job in IT
SAP is the most boring one
nobody will ask questions

[Anonymous No.16867593]

>>16865468
which fund in particular on blackrock???

[Anonymous No.16867648]

>I own and manage an apartment building
except 6'2", 200 lbs lean mass with an 80,000$ car.
oh and a good looking face

[Anonymous No.16867673]

you can't just say that you are a landlord?

[Anonymous No.16867678]

>>16865027
This sounds good

[Anonymous No.16867688]

>>16865198
oof word

[Anonymous No.16867703]

>>16865524
This was what I first thought, but then someone might ask you 'oh, where can I buy your books?'

[Anonymous No.16867709]

>>16864975
Just say you're a Landlord. It's a respectable profession.

[Anonymous No.16867720]

>>16864975
Sounds like a fun problem to have OP.
Tell them you have an incredibly boring job so there will be no followup questions, like "im a health auditor" where you audit hospitals waterworks to check they meet specification

[Anonymous No.16867721]

>>16867703
just say Amazon and point them to some gay furry book or something.
No one knows what Malcolm Gladwell looks like nigger lol

[Anonymous No.16867751]

>I work for Scharpie & Pooper Blockchain Consulting

[Anonymous No.16867843]

>>16864975
Not sure why its so hard for you to just say "i dont do that" when people try to get out a handout. Its easy & watching them crawl away like a dog with their tail between their legs is somewhat satisfying

[Anonymous No.16867953]

>>16865393
>I sell propane and propane accessories
Problem solved

[Anonymous No.16868011]

Just tell them you're a programmer. Or, you know, the more authentic solution: Just say no to their requests

[Anonymous No.16868251]

OP to me it sounds like your issue is you've located yourself too close to your income sources.
You're always going to feel like a dick in that apartment block as people will know where their money is ending up (you).

You need to firstly hide any wealth you have, if anyone asks you have a loan on the property, you do not own it outright. Your car, you have a loan on as well. This way when you're collecting rent from fucks you tell them the bank is chasing you. Create another bad guy.

You can then also tell people you have a meeting with the bank, a meeting with your insurance broker, a meeting with the maintenance guy. You can also tell people you're just busy catching up on administration.

You're a fucking apartment manager, im sure you also have a hobby or some of your own errands you can be creative with. Also if people ask you for money you just simply say I don't lend money and to talk to the bank. Anyone trying to borrow money from a friend is doing it to avoid having debt that can be called in.

[Anonymous No.16868334]

>>16864975
best fake job you can literally get away with is this phrase right here: "I'm a private contractor that specializes in technology consulting work for an array of clients all over the world."

ive been getting away with it for years and all i do is live off of compound interest and day trade. but thats what i tell ppl i do as a job.

[Anonymous No.16868472]

>>16864975
just tell em you've been living off what you make trading on the stock market.

[Anonymous No.16868621]

>>16864975
Say you're a blogger. Make a blog site, and load it with ads. When tgey ask hand them your bussiness card that has your blogs address on it. Profit.

[Anonymous No.16868676]

>>16864975
strippers and camgirls are a bit like neets on /biz/. just like neets here spend the entire day inside watching charts. Camgirls spend the entire day inside in front of a cam. They don't have social lifes.

[Anonymous No.16868797]

>>16865040

[Anonymous No.16868817]

Similar situation except I have a trust fund and family has assets almost certainly surpassing yours (triple digit millions). I also made enough money from eth to survive without family money, if I sold which I'm not and won't.

One difference from you: I can't remember the last time I had to explain myself. I have freedom. I don't HAVE to interact with anybody. Sounds like you're larping honestly OP bc as an actual NEET, I give zero fucks. I will tell them the real deal (except owning crypto ofc that is secret). I don't care I'm proud of the fact that I am not a slave. If people give me shit about it (only drunk ppl ever have) I just laugh in their face and call them poor. Fellow NEET bros can back me up on this.

I'm actually thinking about getting a job tho, but only if it's high status enough to make me look better to women. I have been learning to code in my free time the past few yrs and went to a top 10 college (dropped out tho). I do get bored and sometimes long for belonging to the rest of society. At least I know I could always quit if I get tired of that. Maybe you should do that, just bite the bullet and get a job, then quit if you don't like it or have already built up cred as being a wage slave.

[Anonymous No.16868830]

>>16864975
you dont need to lie if you tell them "oh i'm an investment manager"
You manage your own investments don't you? Doesnt even matter. you can tell people you're busy because theyll believe you manage other peoples investments too

[Anonymous No.16868860]

>>16864975
As a neet, you should work on having everyone assume you're on welfare for being too sick/retarded to work
If I won the lottery (see how retarded I am to imagine that could happen) I would just pretend to be on the sick like a worthless pile of crap that there are many of in this locality, while I'd figure out a better place to go where nobody gives a fuck how much money I have because they likely have more anyway

[Anonymous No.16868873]

>>16868797
What a brainwashed retard. Seems like guys with this phenotype (potato nigger?) are bred to be cannon fodder.

[Anonymous No.16868889]

>>16868251
actual good advice, zero replies, classic lmao

[Anonymous No.16868900]

>>16865302
Sell the building idiot. Real estate is the lowest IQ investment. Put it in the S&P500 and live off the 1% dividend which is prolly higher than the return from housing rent. There's probably going to be national rent control soon, just FYI.

[Anonymous No.16868901]

>>16868817
>thinking about getting a job tho, but only if it's high status enough to make me look better to women

consider being a DJ - automatic high status, its easy & fun, plus the one negative with DJs normally is theyre broke, and you already arent so dont need to worry about being profitable

[Anonymous No.16869216]

>>16864975
My roommates and friends know I write options for a living; they've never asked me for money (I don't make a lot anyways, just enough to pay rent and the like). Only thing that's come about it was one of my friends who trades a little and wants to get into it more asked me about options - I gladly told him what I know about how to use them and re-derived the mathematical heuristic I use on a weekly basis (no, I won't do that here so don't (you) me unless you show tits).

I don't understand how you anons can go about to the people in your lives and just simply lie to them about yourself, that seems fairly unreasonable unless you're exaggerating for entertainment or something. I've never encountered any issues from people asking me about money or stuffs - then again I usually have a zero-bullshit attitude towards everything so maybe they're too afraid to ask me.

[Anonymous No.16869495]

>>16864975
I'm a young retired since I was 27. (I'm 30 now). I always tell people that I'm a freelance developper. If they ask question I start getting technical and people realize it's boring and stop asking questions. The truth is that I never worked a single day as a freelance developer, I spend my days doing whatever pleases me, from playing video games to smoking weed.

[Anonymous No.16869566]

>>16867843
Not everyone enjoy humiliating people. If you were in this situation, assuming you're not a psychopat, you would try not to hurt your relationship with people you like. That can be difficult to do if they ask for favors that you're not willing to give, because a rejection could end the relationship with that person.
That's why it is preferable to hide your wealth, especially if it came suddenly.

Of course if you don't care about destroying relationships with your family/friends you don't have to do that.

[Anonymous No.16869632]

Just say you are self employed. You run your own internet business

[Anonymous No.16869679]

Venture capitalist :)

[Anonymous No.16869691]

>>16865154
you are a fucking cock sucker

[Anonymous No.16869720]

>>16865881
>Very lonely life. Fucking sad life really. Like for example... I'm about to go to the store to buy some food, but it's noon on a wednesday. I'm wearing pajamas and I want to CONTINUE to wear them, but so I don't get the stares or the attitude from the cashier I'm going to put on jeans...Just to take them off in 45 minutes! See these are the kinds of things I want to talk about with friends....

hehe I recognize myself in this.

I think you should just relax and enjoy the incredible opportunity that you have to enjoy a stress-free life of leisure for the rest of your life.
I didn't realize that myself until I almost went back to a 9-5 job, and got an anxiety attack from the though of it. Now I'm happy as can be doing nothing.

[Anonymous No.16869722]

>>16864975
Tell em you're a mixing engineer

[Anonymous No.16869756]

>>16864975
Buy and sell shit on ebay or drive uber

[Anonymous No.16869830]

>>16865881
There's a reason rich people pay so much money to live in Manhattan or SF. You should stop hanging out with poor people. They will bring you down to their level, my mother always told me this. It's so true. You are now hating yourself for being rich, because the plebs made you hate yourself. You will end up on their level before you die. Mark my words.

[Anonymous No.16869949]

>>16866272
Looking through this book now (it's on libgen)

Seems like the approach here is to care about God more than other random people. Also the real reason Jews don't feel guilty about being rich because they are generous to their fellow Jews. When I was a kid in Hebrew school I remembered whenever a community member lost his job or was down on his luck, there was another Jew right there to hire him or give him a place to stay. So they have a place to channel their inherent generosity instead of going full retard like OP and feeling sorry for randoms. Another way to do this is to have a family. No one would dare ask you for money if you have a kid, no matter how rich you are. ("It's for my kid's future!") Free pass to be as greedy as you want.

Book mentions Trump (pic related) btw

[Anonymous No.16869976]

>>16864975
Nigga just tell them you’re a landlord, dumbass fuckhead

[Anonymous No.16869989]

>>16864975
The fact a retard like you can get an inheritance genuinely pisses me off. Your father should have given it to some kikes charity.

[Anonymous No.16870139]

>>16867593
Mutuals. Just ask an advisor. 250k gets you in at NAV.

[Anonymous No.16870231]

>>16865227
this would work, if you don't mind lying, and I don't mind lying

[Anonymous No.16870243]

>>16865302
>checks are written out to me
incorporate. create an LLC, have them write checks to the entity. learn business and finance, why else are you posting here every day?

[Anonymous No.16870632]

>>16864975
If you can drop your ego you could pretend to just be a relatively poor neet. People won't even want your time because they don't want to be associated with such a low status person.

[Anonymous No.16870683]

>>16869691
100% found the parasite friend

[Anonymous No.16870749]

>Shadow phase of a startup

Works every time, even adds good bit of sexy mystery. Shows people you respect secrets & that you’re assertive about not giving out information.

[Anonymous No.16871339]

>>16864975
Tell them you work in wealth management. If they ask more, go on about portfolio balancing and asset allocation; you'll bore the shit out of them and the topic will change.
You won't even be lying, just not precising who's wealth you mange (yours).

[Anonymous No.16871347]

say you're a property manager, don't tell them you own it all and don't tell them you have all that free time. how hard is that ?

[Anonymous No.16871370]

>>16865198
oh shut up, every massive bser i've met has been some douchey guy.

[Anonymous No.16871405]

You work as a manager for an Amazon warehouse.
>no asking for shit
>can’t give favors
>moderately prestigious
>just enough to get by with women
Trust was a manager with Ups.

[Anonymous No.16871645]

>>16864975
fake. either fake or you're mental patient who can't interact with people. stop being a pussy and learn how to say no to people you dumb faggot. If you want you can pay me to be your boss and I'll teach you how to not being such a pushover

[Anonymous No.16871674]

>>16869495
all these pussies inheriting money don't have a spine. lmfao why even lie. just tell people the truth ad assert your boundaries. they ask you for shit tell them to fuck off. you have nothing to lose why so scared? give your money to someone who won't waste it

[Anonymous No.16871848]

>>16864975
>getting asked for money by someone
what kind of nigger tier circles do you hang around with? Get better friends

[Anonymous No.16872045]

>>16865154
No amount of excuses and lies will earn you other people's respect when you're this easy to push around.

[Anonymous No.16872059]

>>16871674
Yes that's true in this case. What will be common for people on this board though is crypto wealth and for that you don't want people to know. With crypto people might kidnap and torture you for your keys whereas with property or stock there's nothing like that. Also OP probably feels like a piece of shit because he's never achieved anything or been useful for others so he wants to mask that.

[Anonymous No.16872072]

>>16864975
Say you manage apartment complexes full time

[Anonymous No.16872128]

>>16866707
this, was going to post the same thinc OP, listen when anyone asks you tell them you work from home, you have meetings on skype with your boss, but you have flexible hours... this way you can do whatever the fuck you want whenever, if someone asks tell them today you didn't have a meeting and you'll do the work at night or something... on the other hand when you're sitting playing vidya and someone calls and asks you for something, don't answer an then tell them you're in the middle of a meeting on skype.

[Anonymous No.16872132]

>>16865393
Just dont show them your uber earnings, tell them its private. Jesus no wonder your tenants walk over you. QUIT BEING SUCH A PUSSY!

Howd your dad make that much money though? And why are you only in treasuries when you could mix it with better returns and still have a safe portfolio

[Anonymous No.16872210]

>>16872059
good point about the crypto. I'd just call them "investments" or "stocks." and then change the subject... just be in control of how you associate with people and if they step out of order about the money thing they fuck off. very simple. this has nothing to do with money. these guys are coward faggots with or without money. what a damn waste

[Anonymous No.16872255]

>>16865393
dude go get help or something if you're this neurotic about getting a small pleb allowance. just tell them you're a low level trust fag because that's what you are. faggot liar

[Anonymous No.16872305]

>>16864975
U can say u work for me if you pay me

[Anonymous No.16872452]

>>16864975
YOU DONT OWE THEM SHIT
https://youtu.be/1sD3pG74Wv8?t=2140

[Anonymous No.16872509]

>>16867703
Except I write articles on crypto twitter or some shit, you wouldnt get it

[Anonymous No.16872519]

>>16868817
>triple digit millions
>I am not a slave
>I'm actually thinking about getting a job
>to make me look better to women

fuckin lol'd

[Anonymous No.16872632]

>>16864975
Tell them you're a Software Test Analyst.

No one cares about what you do if you tell them that.

[Anonymous No.16872733]

>I work for the department of defense/do civil military contracting work/work at a gov agency
>"Oh cool what do you do there?"
>sorry man I can't disclose shit as part of my contract, even though it's really boring administrative stuff
Well that was hard

[Anonymous No.16872789]

>>16864975
>tfw she's opening her mouth widely to try to fit my cock inside