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/biz/ - Business & Finance

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15916935 No.15916935 [Reply] [Original]

UNETHICAL LIFE HACKS: Office Edition

1. If you hang out in the lobby front entrance around lunch, you can intercept a food delivery meant for someone else. Its almost always prepaid, just dont forget to leave a tip and make your exit quickly.

>> No.15916956

>>15916935
2. If you stick your hands into people's pockets you might find cash sometimes.

>> No.15916979

>>15916935
3. If you are a jew you can take other people’s stuff and call it yours. Works every time.

>> No.15916984

>>15916935
How do you know if a delivery is already paid?

>> No.15916987

>>15916935
what are cameras
you can do that like once

3. If you are not served papers you cannot be fined

>> No.15916990

>>15916979
Part 2 of 3: If they notice you taking it and make a fuss, call them antisemetic.

>> No.15916992

>>15916935
3. Some places still use the honor system for things like coffee (put $0.50 in a can for a cup, for example). This is an easy source of both free coffee and spare change.

>> No.15917016

>>15916935
Learn to code.

>> No.15917022

>>15916984
Delivery service drivers like uber eats for ex. take payment via the app and the driver is not involved. If you were to walk up to an uber driver carrying food through, or waiting outside when they pulled up and say, “oh hey that’s for me,” 9/10 times they’ll probably just give it to you, swipe that it was delivered and leave.

>> No.15917026

>>15916935
4. If you ask someone for money, they are more likely to give you something if you point a gun or knife at them.

>> No.15917236

5. No one likes going to the bathroom in front of coworkers, or worse vertical reports. When you need to take a dump, walk over to the next office building, if you cant get in smoke a cig and follow someone else in (make small chat on the way so they let their guard down). Find a quiet area, NOT the bathroom, and shit on the floor. Walk back to your office building and wipe inside a stall, if any coworkers see you go in, you will have a dignified and quiet bathroom performance, ensuring your dignity remains intact.

>> No.15917322

>>15917236
6. Just shit your pants.

>> No.15917365

>>15916979
>>15916990
Based and redpilled

>> No.15917606

>>15917026
I'm too broke to afford a knife or gun. Can I just point my fully erect penis at them instead?

>> No.15917663

>>15917606
Careful there, some whore could suck it and then blame you for rape.

>> No.15917994

>>15917322
shit while /nopants/
save on pants

>> No.15918557

>>15916935
Go to busy fast food restaurant that has a queuing system.
Wait near the serving counter.
If a number is called that no one responds to immediately, go take the meal.

>> No.15918750

>>15916935
In public restrooms, always pee everywhere except inside the toilet. Wagies will have to clean it up, leaving a very nice bathroom for other people to come.

>> No.15918964

I think my supervisors think I'm autistic and it works pretty well in my favor. We just had a meeting with another client today and I before the "important people" came in I took a seat at the head of the conference table and the presidents of both companies just scowled at me and sat at the sides of the table. Never felt more alpha

>> No.15919004

If you have some technical product (hardware) that has warranty. You can buy a broken piece of the same hardware, swap/adjust the serials to your in-warranty piece, send it in for repairs, and receive a refurbished product for free.

>> No.15919015

>>15916987
most wagies don't have time to check security camera for a meal

>> No.15919400

I have found 3 different vapes in the ceiling above the toilet stalls. Just push up the cardboard and I promise you somebody hid their vape in there. Sometimes they don’t even bother to hide it and just keep it on the bathroom sink.

>> No.15919424

>>15916979
only works on people with low iq though (white people)

>> No.15919436

imagine actually working in an office... jfc

>> No.15919500

>>15916990
Part 3 of 3: Hire your brother Hyman and sue them in the court where your brother in law works as a judge and the county court filer attends the same 'house of worship' and has a daughter who wants a med school recommendation from your sister the dermatologist

>> No.15919555

Uhh, wtf picture am I looking at here
Is that candy cigarettes?

>> No.15919592

how fking poor are you why would I do this

>> No.15919630

>>15919592
not poor, just melanin enriched

>> No.15919653

>>15917022
Every time I have ordered through Uber eats they always ask for my name.

>> No.15919673

>>15919653
I was just thinking of how I was going to hangout downtown and steal peoples food and you just had to ruin my dream :(

>> No.15919702

>>15919673
just say john, you're martin's friend, picking up food for a friend of martin

>> No.15919706

>>15919653
Are you sure it's everytime?

>> No.15919713

Office supplies that are on your desk legally belong to you. You can take those home at any time. One time I took home a pad and pen and no one said anything. I'm thinking of taking the stapler next week.

>> No.15919777

PRO TIP: Wait until OP goes to sleep behind the mcdonalds dumpster, then quickly dump kerosene all over him and light a match then walk away. You just saved a lot of people a lot of time and money!

>> No.15919811

>>15916990
Part 3 of 3, if you get caught with money that you can’t legally justify, claim it’s a leg from your grandfather who was deported to Auschwitz.

>> No.15920119

>>15919424
N

>> No.15920144

>>15918964
>I took a seat at the head of the conference table
top kek

>> No.15920162

>>15919777
checked and based

>> No.15920299

Tired of finding parking? Put up a sign that says "Reserved Parking" near the front of the lot.

>> No.15920405

>>15916935
Use the self-checkout at Wal-Mart to your advantage to steal random shit. I use it all the time to steal condoms, expensive cooking oils, etc.

>> No.15920440
File: 200 KB, 405x427, nglLt4O.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15920440

>>15920405
>everything is bananas

>> No.15920452

>>15920440
I don't even do that. I scan and bag all my regular shit. Then I toss the stolen item in one of the bags. Cameras everywhere but they won't do shit.

>> No.15920559

>>15920452
>weight sensor detects your shit
>sad face appears on screen
>AN ASSOCIATE HAS BEEN DISPATCHED TO ASSIST YOU
>wagie comes over and doubles your subtotal
>"haha that's okay I actually... don't want it anymore..."
>you stumble out of the store spilling spaghetti

>> No.15920628

>>15916935
7. If you're competing with a coworker for a raise or something a neat trick is to murder them.

>> No.15920651

>>15920440
Sometimes i do every item individually as bananas. Sometimes i weigh my whole basket as bananas. Take the basket and $50 worth of stuff. Paid $20 for bananas

>>15920559
Ive got caught a few times. I lock up up when the confront me cuz im a anti social neet and ill stutter out something about not understanding the computer. Works everytime

>> No.15920685

>>15920440
No act like you have a mental disability

>> No.15920932

>>15916935
Literal nig move, that.

>> No.15920955

>>15917016
Agreed, computer science is completely unethical

>> No.15920999

>>15919653

My driver's normally say "Are you X?" and I just say yes. They've never asked me what my name is.

>> No.15921008

>>15916956
good luck leveling pickpocket to 100 without getting caught though

>> No.15921424

>>15918964
super based

>> No.15921537

>>15919653
they can also say
"are you X?"
or
"Bob?"

just reply yep

>> No.15921605

>>15916935
8. Smaller bathrooms around the office are often the best for shits as they're less likely to be in use, which means you won't have to go through the embarrassment of shitting in front of someone else. Find a bathroom that's empty and take the handicap stall, often old obese boomers can't physically fit in normal sized stalls. Don't actually shit first thing though, save the shit for when someone comes into the bathroom. As soon as they open the door into the bathroom unleash a torrent of liquid sludge and high-pitched fart squeaks. If they themselves were looking for a bathroom to shit in, this will do a good job of dissuading them from choosing your bathroom. You now can stay here in perpetuity for nearly an hour with no fear of having to shit in front of a stranger.

>> No.15921691

>>15918964
Kek

>> No.15921702

you don't need to pay for a gas bill, just get tinder, fuel for a fire and some bic lighters, then just make a fire anytime you want to cook something.

bear with the cold water, are you a man of a pussy faggot?

>> No.15921936
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15921936

>>15918964
if you actually did that and think it was funny you ARE autistic

>> No.15921946

>>15921936
it actually is pretty funny. the whole idea of the "head of the table" is just a bunch of nonsense. the important people in the room will be important regardless of where they sit.

>> No.15922234

>>15917016
How to do this with minimal investment and maximum returns?

>> No.15922255

If you poop thrice before peeing twice all the candy is yours.

>> No.15922275

What a shit thread. Not even one decent tip.

>> No.15922279

>>15922234
it literally costs $0 to learn to code and the returns are limitless

>> No.15922283

>>15919653
I work for uber eats and almost never ask for their name.

>> No.15922287

>>15922279
Except you will never be able to code well if you start now.

>> No.15922527

>>15922275
See>>15922255

>> No.15923661

>>15921946
isn't it in some countrys that the unimportant wagie sits at the head and the important guys opposite so they face each other and can talk?

>> No.15923700

>>15920651
I used to be a wagie at a grocery store, if I got put on self checkouts I didn't even care.
On actual registers I'd just scan everything as whatever was cheapest. If I didn't know the fruit/vegie I'd just scan it as an apple.

>> No.15923795

>>15921946
Its meant for retards to ease the process of recognizing the important ones duh

>> No.15923813

>>15922283
thanks for the free meals then

>> No.15923863
File: 906 KB, 660x868, 1510003930587.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15923863

If you have a gun, everything is free

>> No.15924731

>>15923863
What if the other guy has a gun?

>> No.15925104

>>15924731
Rock paper scissors

>> No.15925319

>>15921008
cringe

>> No.15925361
File: 68 KB, 500x654, 1532504633967.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15925361

>>15916935
8. Say your food didn't arrive when it did on a food app. ??? free food

>> No.15925529

9. Sleep underneath hotel stairwells for a free accommodation
https://youtu.be/eYBiVXdmIQo?t=3204

>> No.15925541

>>15917994
don't buy food
save time on shitting AND money on food

>> No.15925934

>>15923863
what about bullets?