/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.14275853]

I was at a blockchain developer conference yesterday and met this.. let’s say interesting guy whose name tag read Nazarov. S. When I went to introduce myself he blankly stared back at me, and after about 5 seconds realized I was trying to introduce myself. He mutters something about “oracles” and “decentralizing the big mac market” and at this point I slowly realize I’m talking to a madman. All of a sudden, he starts leaning in closer to my face and says, “do you know who the fuck I am?” and I’m taken aback and respond with “huh?”. He puts his hand in front of my face with his fingers stretched out and grunts “huh? huh? huh?” and it’s at this point when his asian lady assistant carrying a tray of 15 big macs and 20 extra large fries steps in and apologies for his behavior. “Sorry,” says the assistant, “he just gets grumpy like that sometimes when he hasn’t had his hourly big mac meal”. I tell her that it’s no problem at all and I slowly walk away. Strange fellow, I hope he’s doing ok these days.

[Anonymous No.14276320]

>>14275853
I think he needs our help, what can we do?

[Anonymous No.14276346]

KEK

Got more of these?

[42 No.14276347]

>>14275853
>“do you know who the fuck I am?”
well do you PUNK?
do you know who the fuck he is?
do we need to spell it out for you?
>pic related

[Anonymous No.14276353]

>>14275853
I was only nine years old.
I loved Sergey so much, I was 100% in linkies and LP shares.
I'd pray to Sergey every night before I go to bed, thanking for the profits I've been given. "Sergey is love", I would say, "Sergey is life".
My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Sergey. I called him a stinky nolinker. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep.
I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold.
A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Sergey. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "Let's get to the fundamentals".
He grabs me with his powerful developer hands, and puts me on my hands and knees.
I spread my ass-cheeks for Sergey. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Sergey.
I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Sergey. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love.
My dad walks in and starts shouting. Sergey looks him straight in the eye, and says, "Nolinker cope".
Sergey leaves through my window. Sergey is love. Sergey is life.

[Anonymous No.14276659]

>>14276346
Years passed since I went to that blockchain developer conference. The year is 2025, smart contracts are now fully automating business processes worldwide, all low-level workers are homeless and begging on the streets due to their now obsolete jobs since robots and smart contacts work tirelessly and seamlessly together. I’m walking down the street one evening and see a man in the distance haphazardly walking my way. He’s wearing a blue checkered plaid shirt and looks absolutely haggard in appearance. As he approaches my vicinity I call out, “hey mister! do you require any assistance?” as he slowly stumbles side to side while still approaching. “blockchains. oracles. blockchains.” I hear him mutter to himself under his breath. As he comes closer I notice some drips of big mac sauce dribbling down his cheeks and down his shirt. He looks as if he hasn’t showered in a few months. “Halt Citizen! STOP RIGHT THERE!” I hear a voice from behind me, and before I can turn around an Amazon PoliceBot™ tackles the checkered plaid shirt man to the ground. He’s instantly arrested and carried away in handcuffs. Not understanding what just happened, I slowly turn around and walk back home. Only later did I find out that the man who I encountered earlier was none other than Sergey Nazarov, the infamous philosophy major turned blockchain CEO who went on a killing rampage after his project ChainLink failed in the year 2020 when Amazon announced its AmazonLink™ service that every company instantly adopted worldwide to connect blockchains in a decentralized way. He couldn’t handle the failure of his project and was placed in an asylum after the killing spree and somehow recently had managed to escape. Slowly I came to the realization that I had met this man, many years ago at that blockchain developer conference. If only I had listened to my instincts and recommended he get help all those years ago.

[Anonymous No.14276682]

I was at the fireside chat this week. At one point Tom called Sergey a sandwich fucker. He even accused Sergey of eating the sandwiches after busting loads into them. There was an intense bit of silence while Sergey glared. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead immediately, and his face was flush. He forced a chuckle into the microphone. Then he walked off stage and just out of the room where there was a magazine rack. He was still in full view of everyone through a window. He starts taking these magazines, two and three at a time, and just tearing them to shreds. Sometimes he would pick one up, and try to twist and tear the whole thing at once, but fail, so then he would start ripping out individual pages. He was facing away from everyone, so we couldn't see his facial expressions. This went on for two minutes at least. At this point I thought he was totally screwed, and that he had just ruined the reputation of chainlink in one fell swoop. However, he turned around and walked back into the room. He looked completely rejuvinated and full of vigor again. He proceeded to completely btfo Tom in every way, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Afterwards, he even did a little q&a session after Tom left due to being frustrated from the btfo. Janitorial services were picking up the mess of shredded magazines at this point, and the only acknowledgement Sergey ever made to the mess was when one of the older janitors fell over while leaning to pick up the pieces. He sort of covered his hand with his mouth, clearly holding back laughter. It was bizarre, but with genius comes inevitable personality quirks.

[Anonymous No.14276719]

most of the supply serg sits on is actually locked in a smart contract that will never get opened. i shouldn't be telling you this but early in the development they were building and testing the input of data, and for whatever reason serg has this thing when he gets hungry, he starts daydreaming about big macs and actually types in 'big mac' into the code he's working on by accident. it happens all the time. i'm not sure he knows it himself, but the rest of the team are afraid to tell him or he'll scream at them and stuff. he gets angry a lot.
so anyway, he was setting up a simple smart contract that would lock their funds and then unlock at a certain time just to test the code. usually you just type 'var time = 5' to have it unlock in 5 seconds but serg wrote 'var time = big macs' and since the system can't parse a string of text into numbers it will never unlock again.

[Anonymous No.14276730]

It is actually a part of his performance. I shit you not, but he eats that burger in two bites. He always does that to energize the audience before his presentation. They go absolutely insane when he does it. You can hear gasping and loud mumbling, as they sit in disbelief as to what they just saw. Sergey then says "You would never in your wildest dream belive that what you just saw is possible. You will think the same about the presentation, but it's true, all of it". He immediately follows up with a very long, almost neverending gurgling fart. This is ensued by dead silence as the crowd again is in disbelief and shock, and not sure how to react. That's when Rory starts slow clapping from the back of the room while leaning nonchalantly against the wall. The audience follow his lead and it ends in a standing ovation. People are are cheering, clapping and even praising Sergey with their arms and head stretched towards him with blissfull faces. The energy in the room moons, and some of the ladies are crying and even fainting.

This man is, as Scott Adams would put it, a master persuader.

[Anonymous No.14276792]

I was there at the conference

At one point the Oraclize guy called Sergey a sandwich fucker. He even accused Sergey of eating the sandwiches after busting loads into them. There was an intense bit of silence while Sergey glared. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead immediately, and his face was flush. He forced a chuckle into the microphone. Then he walked off stage and just out of the room where there was a magazine rack. He was still in full view of everyone through a window. He starts taking these magazines, two and three at a time, and just tearing them to shreds. Sometimes he would pick one up, and try to twist and tear the whole thing at once, but fail, so then he would start ripping out individual pages. He was facing away from everyone, so we never saw his facial expressions, but the jerking of his arms and jiggling of his head as he ripped the magazines suggested he was apoplectic with rage. This went on for two minutes at least. At this point I thought he was totally screwed, and that he had just ruined the reputation of chainlink in one fell swoop. However, he turned around and walked back into the room. He looked completely rejuvinated and full of vigor again. He proceeded to completely btfo Oraclize in every way, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Afterwards, he even did a little q&a session after the Oraclize guy left due to being frustrated from the harsh btfo. Janitorial services were picking up the mess of shredded magazines at this time, and the only acknowledgement Sergey ever made to the mess was when one of the older janitors fell over while leaning to pick up the pieces. He sort of covered his mouth with his hand, clearly holding back laughter. It was bizarre, but with genius comes inevitable personality quirks

[Anonymous No.14276799]

I saw Sergey at a grocery store in New York yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.