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/biz/ - Business & Finance

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11980710 No.11980710 [Reply] [Original]

Congratulations on completing your Degree™, what specifically do you have to offer that the other two million qualified applicants don’t have?

What do you say?

>> No.11980735

>>11980710
I don't have a degree fren.

>> No.11980741

I'm not some young kid that got his questions to the exams beforehand to help along "equality". I am actually capable of learning skills and won't sit around all day doing my fucking nails

>> No.11980743
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11980743

>>11980710
I have bitcoin and I'm richer than you, I live by my own by trading crypto and you don't like your job, hypocrite, fuck I'm buying your company, bow before your boss, the baby boomer purge starts right now

>> No.11980750

Literally never had anyone ever mention my degree in an interview. Many interviews over 15 years in IT.

Grads get asked. Maybe.

>> No.11980751

>>11980735
“Please leave then, you are underqualified”

>>11980741
(Keep in mind you’re dealing with a female HR worker)
“I don’t like your snappy attitude Anon, what a rude response to think girls doing their nails don’t work. You’re not hired.”

>> No.11980758

>>11980743
“Delusional”
*calls mental hospital*

>>11980750
“Sorry, we’re not currently hiring boomers”

>> No.11980762

>>11980751
I thought you were asking for qualifications
I don't see how that's necessary for a receptionist
guess I'm overqualified, fuck you

>> No.11980766

>>11980758
You're right. I'm usually the one doing the hiring

>> No.11980769

>>11980762
“Thats sexual assault”
*Calls the cops on you*

>> No.11980771

>>11980710
I worked part time and McDonald's while I was completing my degree and I know how to make a mean Big Mac.

>> No.11980782

>>11980769
no, this is sexual assault
>unzips

>> No.11980788

>>11980771
“What are all the ingredients in a Big Mac?”

>> No.11980797

>>11980751
good internal monologue, but the real response would be "thank you for your time anon, you'll hear back from us".
either that or they drag you through even more hours/days of bullshit interviews quizzing you on things that you can google in 2 minutes and acting like you're an idiot for not knowing it off the top of your head

either way you won't hear back and you'll wonder why you can't get hired.

>> No.11980799

>>11980782
*screams as pants are pulled off*
“Penetrate this big boy”
*pulls down underpants to reveal a locked chastity cage with no key*

>> No.11980806

>>11980797
No shit. I’m making exxagerated answers.

What would you say to get hired?

>> No.11980807

im from india

>> No.11980833

>>11980807
“Welcome to our company. You’re renumeration will be $1 an hour”

>> No.11980841

>>11980806
I'd say "I have passion for this kind of work, I've worked on projects outside of school such as example X/Y/Z, and I'll be able to use that experience to benefit your business in a unique way."

Depending on the structure of how the interview has been going so far I'll either go more depth into what specific things I've done and how I see that as a benefit for the company or I'll give them the opportunity to ask followup questions.

>> No.11980845

>>11980841
Does this actually work? It sounds like a cliched answer that a high school student has been taught to say.

>> No.11980872

>>11980845
I'd leave off the "benefiting the company" cuckery unless it's a small business and you actually can see a direct one-to-one benefit, since for big organizations you're more-or-less filling the role of a cog in a machine you don't need to see the big picture. And trying to paint it like you do just makes you come across as a tool.

Yeah it does work though, they want reasons to hire someone so you need to do your best to give them, nobody likes going through the hiring process unless they're on a power trip.

>> No.11980894

>>11980845
No just say

>cocaine in my bitch brain
>I'll make it rain when my bitch say

I make 30k a yr Bro trust me

>> No.11980895
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11980895

>>11980710
>I spent most of my time being a selfmade member of the weaponized autism intelligence agency WAIA

>> No.11980902

>>11980872
Okay nice. I’ll try this at my next interview.

>> No.11980903

>>11980895
>>Hired

>> No.11980916

>>11980902
good luck frend

>> No.11980921

>>11980710
I can kill niggers with no remorse

>> No.11980958

I'd say I don't know I don't like that question why would you ask me a question like that?

>> No.11980968
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11980968

>>11980710

>> No.11981011

>>11980710
“I like to think I have a solid grasp on this company and it’s mission statement. If you’re looking for a more centralized degree, admittedly mine might not seem to fit the bill at first glance. But what I do have are a particular set of skills. Skills that I’ve developed with hands on experience in my field, and while pursuing my college education. Skills that I believe make me an idea candidate for your company. If you decide to move on to the next stage of interviews with me I’ll very much look forward to showing you my work ethic in a hands on ways. But if you decide to look in another direction I will understand and hope you consider me for future position openings......And I will kill you all.”

>> No.11981066

>>11980710
Thank you very much, I worked very hard despite difficult circumstances to finish my degree. In the process of completing my degree, I learned more than just the required GE and degree-specific information, I learned about work ethic, perseverance and how to work with teams.
May I ask you a question? Give me an example of a current problem your company is trying to solve.

>> No.11981110

Why do you even want to be a cuck wageslave fren? Being a wageslave a shitty existence is not a meme. You will be none the wiser, except if you get into some goldman sachs high circle. I tried the corporate clusterfuck and im telling you its shit. money is shit, no real applicable experience.
Got a masters in finance, I worked in the UK as financial analyst for a bank for 2 years, earned shit money. Now Im back in eastern europe and I earn 4 times more as an independent contractor. I probably would be making even more in the UK.
My advice? Start something of your own and laugh at those stupid drones from your AMG a few years later when you made it.

>> No.11981112

>>11981011
Kek

>> No.11981120

>>11981066
nice

>> No.11981136

>>11980833
kek

>> No.11981181

>>11980710
I have 5 thousand dollars that I will give each of you right here, right now if you'll accept me on for this position.
I guarantee that none of your other applicants have that.

>> No.11981202

>>11981181
this might actually work, only 35k and you can make that back within the year
you'd have my support if I was an employee doing the hiring

>> No.11981222

>>11981202
I'll be honest.
I've actually done this before to get my current job and yes it does work. Though you do have to be able to read the room and figure out what kind of people the interviewers are, some people will appreciate the bribe and even respect your confidence and candor in offering it so boldly while other's will be much more stringent about the laws and regulations and might think poorly off you, seeing it as underhanded.

It requires a keen eye for people to figure out if you should offer but I know from experience that if you've got the right interviewers it works.

>> No.11981223

Why is getting a job so stupidly candy-coated nowadays

>> No.11981261

4:3 man:female ratio. This is so mysogenic.

>> No.11981277
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11981277

>>11980710
i correct them and say there are boutta 200 graduates with my degree a year

>> No.11981294

>>11980710
>all-white hiring committee

lol not in America anymore. Where's the shitskin mutts?

>> No.11981305

As you can see I'm a minority

>> No.11981331

>>11981294
> too retarded to see the asian

>> No.11981355

>>11980751
No, you!

>> No.11981369

>>11981331
Asians are essentially white from a diversity perspective. I mean REAL diversity.

>> No.11981381

>>11980710
i can poo in loo

>> No.11981478
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11981478

>>11980710
>what specifically do you have to offer that the other two million qualified applicants don’t have?
A locker full of large caliber rifles and all of your names and addresses.

>> No.11981497
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11981497

>>11980710
I TRUSTED MY PARENTS AND TEACHERS, OKAY? OKAY? I FUCKING TRUSTED THEM. I DID THE WORK, THEY SAID GO TO COLLEGE AND GET A DEGREE, THAT'S THE TICKET, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I BELIEVED THEM, AND HERE I AM. I'M NOT GOING TO LIVE UNDER A BRIDGE, SO YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME THIS *GOD* *DAMNED* *JOB* OR I'M PUTTING ROUNDS *PULLS GUN* IN EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF YOU. WHO'S HIRING? WHO'S HIRING?

>> No.11981513

where can I find an internship to put in my resume to apply to the internship i need in my resume to apply to an internship in order to apply for an internship?

>> No.11982198

>>11981110
How’s the gopnik life?

>> No.11982232

>>11980710
Whatever makes you special. Does not even have to be unique, but rather personal.

>> No.11982247

>>11980710
i'm good with pivot tables

>> No.11982261

>>11980743
>I have bitcoin and I'm richer than you, I live by my own by trading crypto and you don't like your job, hypocrite, fuck I'm buying your company, bow before your boss, the baby boomer purge starts right now
I laughed out loud.

>> No.11982277

>>11980788
Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, pickles, onions.

>> No.11982316

I look at charts, draw meme lines, and shitpost on 4channel all day. I also have autism.

>> No.11982479

>>11980710
I look good and find it easy to talk to people regardless of my preference towards introversion and also have an IQ two standard deviations higher than average. I am already hired.

>> No.11983224

None of the others can do this

>put ear inside earhole

tadaa

>> No.11983574

>>11980710
i hate niggers, kikes, faggots, trannnies, and most women. if you dont hire me i will sue your company for descrimination because i am a nigger. i also dont work on saturdays or any christian holy day. i'll start working for you next week at 9am-5pm. youre welcome, this meeting is adjured.

>> No.11983590
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11983590

>>11980710
Well, I am also an aspiring magician.

>> No.11984486

To the owner of the means of production: no more than what is absolutely necessary.

I am dealing with my class enemy here.

>> No.11985042

>>11980710
>What do you say?
You're looking for someone with my skills, don't act as if you're doing me a favor.

Disclaimer: I can say that because I'm self employed and financially independant. Doesn't change the fact that I'm right.

>> No.11985220

>>11980710

I am a Jew and almost all of my dad's friends are lawyers. You can either hire me or spend 5x my salary on discrimination lawsuits. So, when do I start?

>> No.11986254

>>11983590
*calls the cops*

>> No.11987158

>>11985042
Will never ever work

>> No.11987389

>>11987158
I don't give a shit because I would rather starve than being employed.

>> No.11987408 [DELETED] 

>mfw Fury thinks he looks like Muhammad Ali but in reality he looks like an idiot suffering from Tourette's

>> No.11987491
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11987491

>>11985042
Based and redpilled.

>> No.11987528
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11987528

>>11980710
I can shitpost on over 6 boards at any single time in MANY MANY varied interests

>> No.11987943

>>11981478
Lol

>> No.11988036

>>11981066
>I learned more than just the required GE and degree-specific information, I learned about work ethic, perseverance and how to work with teams
Most of them got degrees also. They know this is just empty words. College doesn't give industry experience, just more knowledge.

>> No.11988048

>>11980710
I'm black and gay please don't think less of me for it.

>> No.11988318

>>11980710
I'm a Sales Engineer, you have to acquire my skill-set and just a degree doesn't matter as there is no university program for what I do.

I work at the 6th largest software company in the world, have certifications that people spend years seeking after, and have a book of business that I can point to and show how exactly I've contributed to the creation of 100's of millions of dollars of new business for my company.

>> No.11988378

>>11980797

Whiteboard quizzes are the worst. When the fuck did anyone last write a quicksort (or similar) from memory on the job? Use the std lib, or on the rare occasion you need to do it from scratch, write a proper set of tests & then Google good implementations of it. That's the right answer, so long as you roughly recall when to use it, knowing it verbatim or working from first principles is pretty irrelevant. That and OOP design patterns to work around what a shit paradigm it is (at least as practiced by the type of people that care about asking about patterns haha).

>> No.11988657

>>11981222
Seems like a good idea if you can control the room like a Chad. Worst case scenario, you could just say you were testing their integrity.

>> No.11988928

>>11980710
i know a guy who can suck a dick like nobodies business