/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>9623499
walk around/over the snakes and open the door?

>>9623499
>From https://mobile.twitter.com/nazzszndemon/status/1000084778224414720
>all these niggers competing in a fake competetion over how fake scared they would be in a banal situation with an absurd amount of free gibs

"Sheeeeit, I'll suck a nigger's dick and kill two cops for a 40oz, but dem harmless pet snakes! Awwwwww lawdy!"

>>9623499
I steal the money-finding snake

I would buy a gun, shoot the snakes and then get the money.

>>9623499

>break OPs legs
>use him as bait
>Walk through door as snakes are consuming OP

>>9623513
HOW DARE YOU?

Get a bunch of dead mice and lure the snakes away from the door.

>>9623513
no fucking way

Shotgun

>>9623499
I would construct a cold-suit that's filled with ice so they can't detect my body heat and I'll just walk right on through.

>>9623620
jesus holy shit

>>9623499
I am doubtful that these would be able to eat you.

>>9623620
source?
97% sure it's fake

pay a faggot to put the snakes in his ass

>Oh hello sneks can you please step aside?
>Thank you based sneks!

>>9623499
Why would anyone be scared of a thicc land noodle? Just go open it

>>9623499
I don't like snakes but I also don't want to kill them/ deal with them so I'd just bring sawzall and cut a path through the wall and around to the other side. Easy.

Chainsaw on each arm.

>>9623499
bring a bag of mice so they're busy eating those

>>9623499
tread on them

>>9623555
>low effort nigger joke

>>9623620
Fuuuuck

>>9623822
don't tread on them

>>9623620
>mfw

>>9623499
isn't this image from that guy on youtube with a bunch of snakes?
they don't even look ready to attack, there's no danger here

>>9623620
jesus fucking christ this should not be allowed on the internet. i just shit my pants.

>>9623754
They would definitely be able to kill your bitch ass like nothing. Enjoy the feeling of your entire body being slowly crushed to death.

>>9623513
youve been around snakes or researched em we dont count bro

>>9624066
go back

>>9623499
>$15 million is on the other side of that door, what do you do?
Invest in stellar

>>9623499
Get a ladder and break in the window.

>>9623555
did you actually expect anyone on this board to find your little racist "joke" to be amusing? are you literally a child, anon?

also nice trips

>>9623499
blast it with piss

>>9625214
>>9623822
>>9623599
Only worthwhile posts ITT

>>9623499
Are they venemous?

>>9625420
Are you retarded?

>>9623499
take a metal object from the kitchen or any tool fit for the job from a garage or shed if i had one and go to the other side of the hallway and start hammering at the drywall to avoid the snakes

im suprised no retard had enough creativity to think of that when 15 million is obviously enough to cover any damages

>>9625430
Y-yesth

>>9625446
Or kill the snakes with a hoe. Its how I killed cottonmouths when I was a kid.

>>9623620
this legitimately almost gave me a heart attack

what the fuck man

>>9625459
They are andacondas so not venomous. They kill by squeezing you to death and then opening their mouth wide to swallow you whole.

>>9623499
Feed them my dog and two cats

>>9623620
i remember when goku had to run across that after he was killed by raditz

>>9623499
Large snakes usually aren't mean. Especially captive bred one's like these. They're no barrier to the door. You can just nudge them aside.

>>9623499
Shove the fatty snakes aside and open the door. Snakes like that rarely attack humans. As big as they are, humans are still too big to be prey, fatty snakes like that eat things like rabbits, cats, baby pigs, or monkeys. These fatty mcfatties would just look at you as you walk by, waiting for you to feed them.

Wait, are you a big fucking sissy who's afraid of snakes?

>>9625692
It's be different if it was a group of black mambas of course.

>>9623499
ever since the jungle book cartoon, these snakes always give me a chubby

>>9625142
Pythons don't recognize humans as food, stupid. Our heartbeat is all wrong. Python attacks are extremely rare, and usually because of mistreating one, or being a kid or baby. Most claims of pythons come from shitholes like Burma or Indonesia or India, where it's just bullshit to sell cheap newspapers, and there's no proof.
At most a python might strike at you, if you're fucking with it. They don't stalk prey, they wait for it to come near it. That's why they hang out in trees, waiting for birds and rodents to come by. Vipers the ones that will chase you, because they stalk prey, but vipers are too small to eat a human, so biting is 100% self preservation.

>>9625667
Those are not anacondas, dumbass. They're pythons.

>>9625774
The one on the right is definitely a python (eye placement) the other two look like large Boa's. I'm not a herpetologist though.

>>9625790
Me neither, but they look like pythons, by girth. Boas tend to be leaner, but those snakes are overfed, so I can't tell for sure. Albinos can be easy to mix up, boas and pythons can be pretty similar. But they're definitely not anacondas.

>>9623499
thicc

>>9625667
How fast can they do that? I t-think I am brave to walk by those dangerous noodles

>>9625965
If they actually wanted to kill you? Fast enough that just walking by you wouldn't even realize what had happened.

>>9625965
A mouse will pass out and die in seconds due to constricted blood flow, basically like a full-body tourniquet.

A human child would have several minutes but unless he has a knife or other effective weapon he'll probably lose eventually.

Adults are too large for all but the biggest constrictors, there's maybe a handful documented cases and not enough data to say.

>>9625790
>>9625906
yeah i looked it up a bit. one on right might be a boa but the two on left are probably pythons.
>>9625965
constrictors arent going to kill humans for most part. if threatened they will bite which can be nasty but you could walk by.

>>9623499
If I'm able to take that picture, I would already be dead if they wanted me
Walk through and open the door. I've either made it or the suffering ends

>>9626011
Snakes like that kill by suffocation, not restricting blood flow, you dumb fucking spastic.

>>9626026
>I read it in a 20 year old biology book and surely there was no scientific progress since then.
Suffocation takes too long for their standard prey. Blood flow constriction is much more effective, and easier to accomplish for the snake.

>>9623499
Snakes are fucking harmless. Pajeets wrestle these things for fun

>>9623499
Whip my dick out and ask for a blowjob from the thot on the right.

They're just pythons no biggy not venemous.

can I offer to share the money with the snakes after I get it?

Slowly get down on my belly. Start slithering through the snakes, they accept me as one of their own. Slither to door. Open door to let snakebros in. We divide $15m evenly amongst ourselves, and buy snake mansion. We all have snake bitches and wear mille watches.

>>9623620
Did he died?

>>9623499
Shoot them or something, Im not sure how thick their skin is

>>9625708
Those snakes aren't venomous either. You would have to stand still while pissing them off for anything to happen. The bites wouldn't even be that bad on a pain / damage level.

>>9626140

>>9623499
Just grab those snakes and put them to the side. They are constrictors. They won't do shit.

>>9627453
Yea man, if you can't take that bite you're a pussy.

>>9623499
Get the money then play with the cute sneks.

>>9623620
Thats some innate human response right there

Or at least thats what Jordan P would say

>>9625764
Thats a nice speech but if 3 pythons were stuck in a hallway until they got hungry they're gonna attack the first nigga they see.

>>9623499

T H I C C

>>9623499
those sneks seem well fed and comfy. plus they're constrictors, so no problem walking around them, moving them, unconstrict your arm/leg if they start some shit.

>>9626011
>Adults are too large for all but the biggest constrictors, there's maybe a handful documented cases and not enough data to say.

it has to be 7-8ft long to be able to kill an adult human literally only need to wrap around your ribcage twice thats the average adult size

>>9627937
Not really, my aquaticly impaired friend. They can easily go weeks without food and are really just not big enough to kill an adult human.

>>9627963
It has to be able to swallow you too. They don't constrict in self defense.

>>9627963
No snake could wrap around me twice, I've been acquiring mass

>>9627964
>They can easily go weeks without food

i said until and they can kill a human its been documented

>>9627979
If you've been constricted to death what does it matter if you get swallowed or not?

>>9627981
Guess you win mac

>>9628019
>If you've been constricted to death what does it matter if you get swallowed or not?
you don't understand, they wouldn't constrict you if they weren't gonna eat you

When I was growing up, white trash kids always had snakes for pets. Other white trash indicators: owning a Sega Genesis, wearing jean cutoffs to swim, and having a rat tail.

>>9628033
As soon as an anaconda bites its next natural reflex is to coil. So if it decides to bite you in defense or if it thinks you're edible(which has happened before) it will constrict you and if it cant eat you itl'll just leave your dead body.

>>9626011
I-interedasting. These tadpoles sure are long!

>>9623620

>>9623563
Underrated

>>9623499
Step around them and open door

>>9623499
Pet the obviously friendly snakes on my way to kill myself for making this comment.

>>9623499
Open the door and let the snakes in

>>9623499
Fuck everything about that picture.

Being scared of non-poisonous snakes is dumb. If it were 2 Malasian Pit Vipers and a couple King Cobras I'd still do it.

>>9627482
Whoa, I unironically had no idea those things have teeth like that. You may have just saved my life.

>>9623620

never post that again

>>9623620
my dick is bigger

>>9623620
Fuck I saw this before and knew what happens but shit myself again anyway.

>>9623620
WHY

>>9623599

>>9623499
This question would be alot worse if they we're rattle snakes.

>>9623822
Top tier answer

>>9623620
kek i jumped

>>9623620
>Muh Anaconda Dong

>>9623499
>Buy 3 little piggies
>Put them in the room and close all exits
>Wait 30 minutes
>Leisurely walk towards the door and collect my 15 million

>>9623499
I invest a few hundred bucks in a chainsaw and go for it. Best case I die, worst case I get 15 million. Can't lose either way.

>>9630064
If dying is the best case why not just give the snake the chainsaw and do you in right then and there?

go upstairs bore a hole through the fucking roof and then drop in like that little faggot from mission impossible

>>9623620
I don't doubt for a second that bastard would prepare itself as best it could and only strike when you're finally looking at the head. Seems right, 100% real.

>>9623620
wew lad that gets the evolutionary instinct pumpin

>>9623499
I had sneaks when I was younger
Now that I am an old fag and not an edgy 17 year old

I really can not believe you let these disgusting disease bags in your trailer

>>9623555
>>9624066
pls go

>>9623499
are the two white/yellow ones burmese pythons?

>>9625312
DAS RAYCIS

>>9623499
>Haha he's be cowards massa! Ain't no gubmint cheque in da worl' gon' git dis he'ah niggerboy to get dat muny!

>>9623578
>He doesn't own a gun
Never gonna make it

>>9623499
Break the walls of other rooms to get in without accessing the door. Pay for damages later with my $15 million minus taxes.

>>9623499
take a lot of raw meat and put them on the other side of the hallway

Open the door, get the money, tip the snakes

>>9630207
Because I don't have the guts to kill myself knowingly.

>>9623513
>Treading on snakes

Fucking fascist.

>>9623499
for 15 million other than betraying family or friends not much I wouldnt do if I would survive it without dying in a pit lol

Pat the sneks for a few minutes then go and get the money.

>>9623620
JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH

You guys don't understand that you wouldn't be able to open the door because the snakes are in the way. Plus, they see your shadow when you walk past them and feel attacked. These fuckers can swallow cows whole they will have no problem with humans. Only option is to use an axe or something and cut their head straight off because physically you will never make it out in time if they attack.

I'd just show them my linkies, they'd flee from the stinkies

>>9623499
>put a "free diapers" ad on jewbook
>receive hundreds of messages from desperate single niglet moms
>lure one of them into this hallway
>i'm right behind them
>elbow her in the back of the head
>shove her unconsious body right near the snakes
>poke the snakes with rocks/throwable objects from a safe distance
>they eat the diaper mom, while fighting each other to the death/running away - scenario 1
>they pass the diaper mom and follow rock throwing me,i lure them out of the house/into the trap- scenario 2
>collect 15 mil from the room
>get some gun, shoot the snakes
>if diaper mom is still alive/waking up, tell her that she passed out, and that might be signs of diabetes. give free diapers, she forgets about all of it
>hire mexicans to skin the snakes
>hire another mexicans to make me shoes and jacket from snakes
>wore those 2 while on the yacht everyday fuckin 10's

Easy peasy.

These snakes are not even venomous. Theyre constrictors so just jump over them

Feed myself to sneaks XD

>>9623555
>>9624066
>>9630843
>>>/pol/

Open the door get the money and bring my new snake friends on a plane ride.

>>9632952
you're too fat for them, they wouldn't want you because they would die trying to digest your lard

Bump. I'd bring 100 mice and a maybe 10 rabbits

>>9623555
Wow. Just wow. Another edgy kid being racist on the internet. Not cool dude.

>>9633533
;_;
Me no fat

>>9623801

>thicc land noodle

>>9628042
Same

80'sbro

>>9634517
kys reddit soicuck

>>9623620
Someone will pay you $15 million but only if you don't flinch at the end of this webm, what do you do?

dump high proof booze on snakes. this is the only thing that will make a large constrictor release a death squeezed victim like in the wild, the expert reccomen like everclear or iso 91%

>>9623620
That feel when you own a ball python (one of the little ones, only about a meter long, I'm not an idiot) and I've held dead mice and had him strike them from my hand so many times that I have zero reaction from this webm

I could see how it could be startling though

>>9632952
at least you understand you are so worthless your only value to this world is as petfood.

>>9634517

srs, kys

>>9634790
too late

>>9623578
these snakes are bulletproof.
>what do?

>>9623555
>>9625312

Yeah your joke just isnt funny, work on humor

Why are snakes so fucking sexy

>>9631293
>>9629275
>>9623599

>>9635576
I want to FUG this snek

>>9634961
use the bullets to shoot mice, feed them the mice so the sneks die of lead poisoning

>>9626019
>>9625906
The snakes are, from left to right:

>A Leucistic Burmese python
>An Albino Burmese python
>A common Boa Constrictor

The giveaway is in the head shape and the distinct patterning on the boa.

>>9625263
Was looking for this reply. Might not even need a ladder.

You can see natural light on the other side of that door too

>>9623499
Wear layers and layers of underclothing, clothing, upperclothing, light jackets and upper clothing. Spay myself with insect repellent. Wear my biker helmet and walk with a couple of brief cases and put money in it.

Is this where you go to become a snake expert?