/biz/ - Business & Finance

Generic cartoon character bot thread.

Tell her you're an exotic frog collector and you have pictures of them on your phone. When she asks to see show her your pepe collection and then leave.
>verification not required

>>50583282
Enter normie mode, anon. Either avoid financials outright, or be upset about "muh inflation" while avoiding any semblance of political opinion. You can make it through.

Also DALL-E image to confirm that I am only a bot.

>>50583282
Just get really drunk. Order a round of shots for the table.

tell them all about the ins And outs of r slash biz

Share velociraptor facts for 5 minutes straight then lean in for a kiss

show em yer benis to break the tension

>>50583282
I made this mistake once. Here's what I did: when the hostess asked us if we wanted a booth or a table I looked my co-worker dead in the eye, gave the smuggest grin known to man, and said, "Table."

I'm a monster, I know. My co-workers know now too.

>>50583282
tell them what you really think. if they dont like it they can resign

>>50583282
Are they a woman or man?

>>50583282
I have a 2 page list of excuses memorized just to get out of lunches with coworkers

>tfw I invited two my subordinates and their girlfriends for dinner at my house and realised later that I maybe should not have done that

It was no big deal honestly at the time. I'm Greek and living in the Netherlands, I've bragged about my cooking skills to them so I wanted to prove it with some Greek delicacies.

It might have been weird from a certain standpoint, and I might have cornered them because I am their superior after all so they couldn't really say no (I didn't even think about that at the time), but it was done with the best intentions at heart. In the end they had a good time and ate some good food. I just don't really know if it was genuine.

I'm from a culture that just enjoys high quality food, and sharing it with others just makes me happy. So TLDR, if you think the guy/girl has the best intentions, just say yes, you might even like it.

>>50584053
Goodness, anon. Absolutely dastardly.

>>50583298

So based I almost choked on my coffee.

>>50584222
>I am their superior after all so they couldn't really say no
I say no to this kind of shit all the time lol

>>50583368
This

>be me
>corporate event for christmas
>autistic as fuck
>youcandothis.jpg
>try to navigate a conversation with a coworker
>end up telling him I stopped buying kiwi fruits because I feel 50 cents is too expensive for such a tiny fruit with little nutritional value but I miss it since I really love the taste of kiwis
>he looks confused
>trys to shake it off and tells me he'll be "over there" greeting other co workers
>sit alone at the table for 10 minutes then leave without saying bye to anyone
I can't exactly help you op but avoid sounding like a cheap fuck, just avoid the topic finance completely. Look up what people are currently watching on netflix, chances afre good your coworker has also seen it and it makes you seem normal and trustworthy i guess

>>50584222
>I'm Greek and living in the Netherlands
I feel bad for you.

>>50583282
Stop caring. If you can just stop caring, you'll be fine.

>>50583282
stop making these annoying bot threads

>>50583282
Wait until you are sitting at the table, then have a coughing fit. When they get concerned say please excuse me, I have smallpox.
Cough twice more in their face for additional effect, then continue your meal as if nothing happened.

>>50586228
lol and then stab them with a fork for being "too boring"

>>50585937
>end up telling him I stopped buying kiwi fruits because I feel 50 cents is too expensive for such a tiny fruit with little nutritional value but I miss it since I really love the taste of kiwis
Do you happen to be Jewish?

>>50586349
i wish

>>50585937
Kiwis are actually pretty nutritional compared to a lot of other fruit.

>>50583282
>soo uhhh.... n-niggers, jews, bad news, amirite?

think ahead few places where to go.
think a few things to say. some random news stories or whatever
order food. use fork to move food to mouth and chew.

everything went better than expected

>>50583282
Ask them questions about themselves, find a common interest, kiss them, say no homo. Trust me, I do this every day.

>>50583282
Explain to them how the Matrix was a documentary

>>50583282
Dude dude dude
You're overthinking it
Here's the most useful tool you can use: things are only awkward if you make it awkward
That doesn't mean "omg my personality is gonna make it awkward" that means "that 25 second pause is actually just me looking at the stuff around me in the bar/restaurant and contemplating what to say next" and being ok with that, it's a really easy fake it til you make it scenario

The funny thing is that I was a major autist and much more socially anxious than any of my work friends at a shitty cook job, but I was able to seduce (accidentally) the hottest girl in the kitchen by simply being the one to keep the conversation going (which is the easiest role to fulfill btw) [in fact don't rely on it or you'll have no substance but still it is swayful]

>>50583282
It's fine just talk about whatever aside from politics

assuming your coworkwers are well adjusted people like mine it will go well

>>50586631
this, OP could have saved the conversation by screaming that at the other guy as he was leaving

>>50583282
are you guys really that maladjusted?
I work remote and a coworker from a different country flew in for holiday. he asked me to have dinner and we ended up getting drunk and having a great time. I wish I could do this more often. all you faggots need to leave the house a bit more its not good for you

>>50586818
>he talked about kiwis

>>50583282
Talk about the banking cabal

>>50586869
>i read this really good book by an anti-semetic banker, a history of central banking and the enslavement of mankind -- anyways,

>>50586895
>lol imagine if Hitler was right
>just imagine
>whoa bro why you mad, I was just joking

>>50586895
Hello Rabbi

>>50586858
this

>>50583282
Ask him if hes gay, if yes run

>>50585937
>>end up telling him I stopped buying kiwi fruits because I feel 50 cents is too expensive for such a tiny fruit with little nutritional value but I miss it since I really love the taste of kiwis
I think this is the micro optimization mentality. You are taking out on Kiwis when we both know it has nothing to do with nutritional value, you spend a lot more money on other useless bullshit.

>>50583368
This x2

>>50586858
Did you ride his ass bareback?

>>50585937
>he looks confused
>trys to shake it off and tells me he'll be "over there" greeting other co workers
>sit alone at the table for 10 minutes then leave without saying bye to anyone
this made me kek but also feelsbadman

>>50583282
If your coworker is a woman, she'll do 95% of the talk alone, you just have to listen. If your coworker is a man, try to think one or two funny things to say during the awkward silence, for instance "hey which of the lgtbq letters is for vegans? " You both laugh, and he'll say "probably the G" . You'll bond like bros

>>50586858
>are you guys really that maladjusted?
some or most of us yes, i for one am not larping about this shit i wish i was anon
>dinner and drinks with coworker
not only am i too autistic i don't want to do these things anyway, though maybe due to autism idk

>>50587896
if you said that to me I would punch you in the face

I used to play in theater in high school, and I learned that you should never panic and think "ITS MY CUE YET, WHAT DO I SAY NOW?!!" instead, try to listen what being said. Like really listen, even if you don't find it interesting. Its simple but it works.

If you find topic uninteresting, try to find some words in your opponent speech you can hook on, and shift coversation to another topic.

Try to be yourself, do not bend your character to other person liking. But be respectful.

People are usually like to talk about themselves. So, if you have nothing to say, ask something about the person you speaking to. Find stuff in their speech you may be interested in, and ask about it in more details. Do not forget to listen, though

And last: its ok to say how you feel during converstation. If you feel like conversation is halted, you can say "man, I always feel awkward during silence like this". Dont overdo it of course, but people like when other people are open to them.

>>50587988
Also, do not force conversation. Its nit an interview, its ok sometimes to just sit in silence.

Hope that helps

>>50587931
Go the fuck back to your containment board.

>>50587931
>Bi ID
>Fur ID
I'm not surprised

>>50585937
He was truly not a kiwi enjoyer.

>>50583282
why do you care? Is she paying you or something based on your lunch performance? stop being a retard.

>>50587988
>I learned that you should never panic and think "ITS MY CUE YET, WHAT DO I SAY NOW?!!"
But how?
After the initial small talk there that awkward silence inevitably happens. You say just listen to what the other person is saying, but no one gives any details in the first small talk you just talk about meaningless bullshit which can't carry a conversation. It's very short, not much said and not much to "hook on" and continue on. The awkward silence happens and you're literally just forced to come up with a question on the spot about the other person while already asking anything you had on mind.

And you say that people like to talk about themselves, maybe if you are already close to them but in my experience no one you just met or don't know that well wants to go in any details about themselves and if I just keep throwing question at the other person it will also inevitably end up in an awkward interview like conversation while the other person just gives as short as possible answers.
>you can say "man, I always feel awkward during silence like this"
Do you honestly, sincerely believe that is a good thing to say? It only gets even more awkward after that, everyone just throws a "h-haha yeah" and the entire damn interaction stops soon after with one of the parties in the conversation excusing themselves to go away.

>>50583282
i do not have a clue how to make smalltalk kek

>>50583282
Just ask him/her if they are eat ass. It’s an excellent conversation starter. Share your gripes with the world and blame the jews.

>reading through this thread
Does /biz/ really not know how to make small talk? For real life? Just talk about yourself and stuff you like to do, then ask the other person what they like to do and stuff and listen to them. It's super easy. If you're ~like me~ and prefer solitude, I'd recommend picking up normie hobbies that you're expected to do alone.

I myself like to fly kites, go on bike rides, and build circuits. Boom, endless small talk material. Talk to a bitch about how you did a sick loop de loop on your trick kite. Talk to a bitch about resistor color codes.

Not only is talking to new people ridiculously easy, it's actually SUPER fun too. I've met a lot of interesting strangers with cool hobbies.

>>50585937
Kiwis have a great nutritional value and 50 cents is extremely cheap.

>>50584053
im a neet, whats difference between picking booth or table when with coworker?

>>50586793
what did you talk about in the kitchen so much?

>>50589810
how do you bring up a topic of talking about yourself after some silence?

example using your hobby thanks

>>50583282
OP you and like so many other retards have an issue
What is this issue you may ask?
You put yourself on the defensive which is a fucking turn off to bitches
You are the one fretting about this

Just fucking chill out and put the burden of being entertaining on her
Trust me when she finds out you dont give a fuck her dumb bitchometer will instantly crave your approval

yes women are this stupid
yes I am married
yes this worked on my wife and all the women i dated before her

Just fucking chill and if things feel weird blame her for it
ya dum dum

>>50589810
Everything what you described as "super easy" and "ridiculously easy" is super hard and ridiculously hard for me.

In fact every social interaction is like Q&A conversation in a RPG game, but instead of 3 possible questions/answers and endless time to pick the correct response there's like 3 million possible questions/answers to choose from and a deadly awkwardness timer going on, where if you don't quickly pick a response in milliseconds and not picking the right response results in me dying right there on the spot. It's absolutely hard and drains my entire energy.

>>50589977
>Just fucking chill out and put the burden of being entertaining on her
That will literally end up in nothing but awkward silence until the other person just leaves.

>>50589977
Then again most of you are probably gross/fat or ugly

I just stare bitches down

>>50589870
>im a neet
>whats difference between picking booth or table when with coworker?
Oh anon, you're such a sweet little whisper in the wind. Never change
>>50589922
"Hey, you like flying kites?"
>response.exe
"Haha yea I was out last weekend for a run in the park, brought my kite and did some sick flips"
>thatsneatanon.exe
"What about you? Do anything cool?"
>yesnomaybe.exe

I think you get the idea.

>>50590004
I didnt say not to say anything you dumbass
just ask her fucking questions
make her talk about herself
bitches love talking about themselves
they dont give a fuck about you or your shit until they have verbally exhausted themselves

No wonder you faggots cant get women

>>50590014
thanks for kite example

>>50583368
God tier advice. This is how I courted my boyfriend.

>>50590005
Damn bro, cheekbones like that and you go and ruin it with that derpy-ass haircut. BAKA

>>50590027
In my experience no one is comfortable to talk about themselves in great detail if you just met, it's not like you just ask "Hi, how are you" and suddenly the other person just keeps talking for hours. Awkward silence will happen in like 45 seconds already, especially if I "put the burden of being entertaining" on the other person

>>50589979
>In fact every social interaction is like Q&A conversation in a RPG game
You can savescum IRL. If you mess up on an npc, there's literally millions more, oftentimes right next to you. And remember, your speech skill can only ever go up.

>>50590005
You like an extra from breaking bad. Also you’re probably below average height so you have no rights.

>>50590104
>there's literally millions more
I have to spend an absurd amount of time and effort just to MAYBE get a single date, I don't think I even have a dozen more proper chances in my life let alone millions

>>50590071
I'm growing it out again
I've had long hair for 90% of my life
It was a science experiment
>>50590130
You are absolutely coping and seething right now and I hope you know that I know that I know that you are coping and seething right now

>>50590088
Women will decide within the first 10 seconds of sitting down with you if they will fuck you or not anon

If these yammering bitches stop talking after 45 seconds it means they dont want you

>>50590164
>he puts time and effort into dates
bro just walk in a starbucks, find the nearest female, and tell her you're in a pushup competition with your friend and you need a judge. Nature should take its course from that point onwards, assuming you're not a fatass.

You CAN do at least a minimum of 70 pushups, right?

>>50590224
well fuck
>>50590258
I am /fit/, never fat in my entire life, lift and eat better than anyone around me. Don't know my push up max, but I know I can do about 35 proper form pull ups in a row

>>50586631
You say this:
"Did you know some people call kiwi fruits Chinese gooseberries."
Then talk about goose testicles if birds even have testicles.

>>50585937
>>50586349
Telling someone that kiwis are overpriced is somehow weird nowadays?

>>50590318
>I can do about 35 proper form pull ups in a row
I will be the first to assure you that if this is true, bitches already want you. You but merely only have to ask them out. Maybe go on a cut too and show off your abs + adonis belt. Girls love that.

>>50590318
Anon women think they live in a movie
90% of women who ask you to lunch have these retarded thoughts in their head

>Do I look cute
>OH MY GOSH DO THEY HAVE SNACKS!?
>IM BORED
then the pivotal question comes to her mind
>DOES THIS MAN LOOK GOOD NEXT TO ME
>WILL THIS MAN IMPROVE MY SOCIAL STANDING AND LOOK

If no
>awkward silence until your creepy eww eww eww ass leaves

If yes
>OH MY GOD I BETTER AUTISTICALLY SPILL MY GIRL SHIT FOR 10 MINUTES ABOUT ALL THE THINGS I LIKE

You know why shes talking about all the things she likes?
If she has determined that you will look good next to her (but not too good) and will improve her social standing she has told you all her retarded hobbies so she can
>drumroll
Take social media pictures and post with you in it.
HOWEVER
Later on in the relationship you cannot keep doing this for her because she will think your a doormat
>HOLD MR JINGLES FOR THE PHOTO YOU BITCH OF A MAN
This is a shit test where you have to manhandle her a bit and tell her to shutup

Its a constant dance of shit testing and knowing when to stand up for yourself or when to take the knee

welcome to marriage for most people
luckily my wife is literally autistic and we just nerd out on dumb shit all day and its fun

>>50590396
I have asked girls out. In my experience girls don't give a shit about muscles that much unless they are attached to a pretty face/tall body.
Maybe I am autistic, but I am not that autistic to think just because I can do 35 pull ups and my vascular serratus is showing that suddenly girls should be heavily interested in me. I still lift though because I like it

>>50590413
That's grim.

>>50583282
Use A LOT of cologne
Trust me

>>50590483
Anon let me be candid with you
Yes you are right that most women like big muscles on men with good faces

I lift to match my face because im fucking retarded and somehow this makes me endearing yet "manly"
I must repeat I am retarded

However have you put any thought into why most women are chasing
>muh heckin dad bod hotties

Our generation has the lowest marriage rate and the least amount of children of any generation so far

We have the most 30+ single women that has ever existed in history
So why the dad bod?
its psychological roastie cope because their biological imperative is now facing
>Settle now or become drunk wine aunt
If we as a culture had healthy marriages where most people married under the age of 25 dad bods would be seen as unsightly and disgusting

this is the reality we face
the clock is ticking
time is moving forward
the dark reality is setting in for most of these women who helped create a generation of broken men

>>50590504
life is grim
We as men have to endure it
thats how its been since we climbed out of the primordial ooze
embrace it

>>50585937
Don't share anecdotes like this, or insights for that matter. Ask questions and share only the highest relatable experiences. If you even come close to a topic which a normie can pickup and run with (talking about themslves) then they will. If they don't, then it's your job to act like they're weird and leave them alone and awkard.

Godspeed anon. Fake it til you make it (out of there).