/biz/ - Business & Finance

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>>49874899
spit on them and when the spit on top boils they're done

>>49874960
This, but instead piss on them instead if spitting. That way you can check them all quickly rather than spitting on each burger one at a time

Burger patties turn brown if they're done. Flip them from time to time so they won't get burnt. It's not that hard, but I know it can be scary if you're standing in front of flames for the first time.

get someone else to do it

>>49874899
If you can play hockey with them they need like 5 more minutes.

>>49874899
>I’m vegan and don’t believe in grilling meat. Also I need to be WFH for the foreseeable future

>>49874899
cook till they have a nice colour on them

When you squeeze it the juice coming out shouldn't be red. Safest way for a noob. You'll probably have to alternate burgers from inside out when you flip because the grill won't be evenly heated. Good luck.

take them off direct heat when the juices run clear from the top. dickhead.

>>49875660
Direct heat?

>>49874899
get a meat thermometer and cook them to 160F. make sure your grill is hot enough to sear but not hot enough to burn.

don't forget to season them liberally and melt the cheese. follow these steps and everyone will compliment you.

t. professional chef

>>49875489
this say the company is performing a micro aggression against you and demand hr provides you with a safe space or you'll sue
in clown world you have to play clown games to win

>>49875702
>get a meat thermometer
dont do this, you will look like a idiot. Professional chef using a thermometer KEK

they probably said it in jest and you're just autistic. Also, grilling burgers is easy as fuck. You can't really fuck it up.

Just buy a few quarter pounders from McDonalds and bring them along with you in a bag and pretend you made them

>company cookout
Do Americans really have to go to corporate cookouts instead of just being given the day off?

>>49874899
3 minutes from each side: done.
if they're still bloody on the inside say you did it on purpose and sneer at them for being a pleb who likes his meat "well done".

>>49875727
>simply gain the experience of what meat looks and feels like at different stages of doneness having never done it before lmao

I spend all day teaching actual mental invalids how to produce high quality food, and idiotproofing the system.

>>49874899
once the smoke is dark enough that you can't see past that's when you know they are well done

>>49875007
>flipping more than once.
Don't do this OP, it'll out you for being a fag.

>take the burger meat
>sell it for profit
>go to mcdonalds drive through and order cooked patties

>>49875698
just dont turn up anon

>>49874899
Anon if you don't get your ass on youtube and study some bbq videos. Goddam humanity is ass backwards. All the worlds knowledge in our back pocket and we still run around with our dicks in our hands saying "Durr how do I..."

Do it well enough you may even earn a rep as the bbq guy. Everybody likes the guy who can Q. Marinate your meat for like 30 hrs in advance, make it tender and juicy thatll really knock their socks off.

Good luck and spodgeed, homosexual.

>>49875750
>You can't really fuck it up.
I feel like i would fuck up when flipping them over. Like, I would slip them through the grill or something hahaha

Flip once, idk just look at it dude, you can't tell when a burger is done?

>>49875828
He doesn't give a fuck about "doneness" at a company bbq. He's cooking shitty costco burgers for coworkers, not goddam steak for paying customers.
Get your head out of your ass, a thermometer at a cookout would just make the dude look like even more of a social awkward artist than he actually is.

>>49875698
Youtube is the only way to save our soul bro

https://youtu.be/W0jVkPYQjEo

>>49875933
yea thermometer is insanely dumb idea.
you think the burger is even gonna be thick enough to put a thermometer in there?
and then you think his coworkers are expecting a good tasting burger? no way. they expect it to be dry and flavorless.
>>49874899 just get drunk and put the burgers on the grill.
after long enough, other coworkers will tell you to take it off lol.
gonna be shit food either way.

>>49875933
better to be an artist than an incompetent. can get one for less than ten bucks and remove all possibility of fucking up.

nothing like a raw burger to ruin a cookout. if you think OP is a sperg while everyone is ignorning him, wait till his boss and female coworkers are asking him to fix their food.

bunch of grill-lets in this thread.

>ensure patty is no more than 6oz. Easy mode: buy 85/15 beef and make three patties per 1lb package.
>hand shape patties to be just wider than your buns. Not too flat, not too wide. Apply a dash of salt and pepper to each side. Place in fridge until grill time
>prepare cheese EARLY. Easy mode: buy pre-sliced. Leave OUT OF FRIDGE for 45-60mins to ensure it reaches room temperature. This will ensure a quick melt.

>heat grill to 400ish
>place burgers on grill
>close lid
>wait 5-8 minutes, try not to overcheck as this loses heat
>when patties are sweating on the top and you can see brown creeping up the sides, you can flip them. Do NOT flip them more than once.
>wait another 2-4 minutes, apply cheese, close lid for 1 minute, open lid, remove patties.
>let them rest for 2-5 minutes
>watch your coworkers faces as they light up with joy from the pure ecstasy of American grown beef hitting their lips.

>>49876073
>my raw burger is ruining my fun... AT A COMPANY BBQ
>if this burger wasn't slightly undercooked, I'd be having so much fun!
>damnit anon! get the thermometer!
yea, real shame he can't just toss is back on the grill.

>>49876066
>just get drunk and put the burgers on the grill.
>after long enough, other coworkers will tell you to take it off lol.

LOL hot damn you got style my friend.

>>49874899
>get told I’m going to be grilling burgers
>get told

What kind of cultist-level shit is that?

Just burn the fuck out of them, then they’ll never ask again

>>49876149
>Hey, nerdboy! You're in charge of the grill while the rest of us socalize
Simple as

>>49876073
Nobody wants some random coworker poking holes in their food bud.
Slap the cunt on the grill, let it sit a few mins, turn it over.
Once it looks like a cooked burger(Google it if you have to), let it sit another minute for good measure and it's done.
Anywhere between cooked and burnt to a crisp will be good enough for whay he's doing.

Trust me, office drones would much rather have a vaguely overcooked burger than their coworker poking around in the food for absolutely no reason.

>>49875859
Mega kek, this.

A burger is the sum of its parts. The meat is but a note in the smyphony

Hows your sauce game? Lettuce? Onions? Tomatoes? Have you considered just ending it before serving untoasted bun?

spit in their burgers, then when they eat that have a huge grin, when they ask you what's up, tell them you are enjoying yourself and happy that they invited you over, but next time you would like to not fry burgers

>>49876168
put a tip jar on the table as well.

>>49876199
>mmm raw hamburger meat
>ugh, a stainless steel probe?! get that out of my food, baka! what are you doing poking around in my burger anyways, ehhh??

lol. you really can't imagine how many different ways OP could fuck this up until you've seen what retards can do when given any amount of uncertainty in their directions.

One of my guys, holding a bucket that was half water and half oil, tried to pour the oil off the top back into a hot fryer.

Human stupidity is unbound. Keep it simple, stupid

>>49874899
You should find a needle on the street (Try the nearest Mickey D's parking lot) clip about half an inch off the end, bring it with you to the cookout and when the cooking time comes, discretely push it into one of the raw patties.

Then slice it in half and tell your coworkers you found a needle in the burger when checking the texture and consistency of one before cooking.

If your coworkers are sane, no one will want any and tell you to throw it away.

Either that or just watch this: >>49876019
cook the needle into a burger and don't tell anyone. Even if you fuck up the meat, that won't be the focus of the evening.

>>49874899
all you have to do is watch one 10 min youtube video you fucking retard.

>>49876485
have you ever been to a company cookout before?
the burgers are frozen, probably from costco
and if they used charcoal, it's gonna be overpowered by the taste of lighter fluid/accelerant.
if you want it to taste slightly better, toss some wood on the charcoal, mesquite or pecan.
but that's about the only thing that will marginally improve the experience.
of course, besides beer.

>>49874899
when they start to ooze a bit on the surface, they're basically ready

>>49876526

>>49876585
Sure, that's probably all true. But if OP lives in SF and his boss wants to impress the cute intern and buys thickass wholefoods patties, or boss is a wannabe foodie and makes his own ""secret recipe patties"", or whatever the fuck, then OP is up shit creek. $8 is worth the peace of mind that nobody will find out you're a NEET with no concept of how to prepare the most basic of things.

Ftr, 160 is comfortably well done. I'm not telling him to try and shoot for an actual temp lol, it's just a good benchmark to aim for so it's not jerky and not raw.

>>49876837
I could see a middle aged techie buying burgers from whole foods with cheese in them.
but if that was the case, those burgers are unsalvageable anyways.
if they are retarded enough to get those, which it's not likely because they're way overpriced, yea, they would be super impressed with OP breaking out the thermometer to the cookout lmao.
the other thing is, if they're gonna front more money on the burgers, they're not gonna let someone else burn them.

>>49874899
>How do I know when the burgers are done?
Isn't this literally your job?

>>49876019
>>49875933
>>49875702
>>49875727
>buy a thermometer
>buy a bunch of patties
>practice and at home with the thermometer
>after a few burgers you will get a feel for it and no longer need the thermometer
this takes about a week of practice. you can either give the burgers to your dogs or your neighbors. if you cant have a grill cause you live in an apartment, buy an electric one. not the same, but you'll get the gist. if you want the real deal go to a lake that has those cheap grills on site. go on a tuesday morning when no one is there is and practice. almost everything normies find amazing can be achieved with practice.

bro if youre a man you know how to grill a burger its literally in your DNA. just grill it and take it off when it looks ready to go its not that hard. are you a man or a little bitch?

>>49875698
Put the fire to the max. 3 minutes one side and 1min30 after flipping. Keep the lid close. Add the slice of cheese when there is 30 second left or something.
Its perfectly fine to cut one patty to check if its cooked peoperly. You got this anon

>>49878239
This. Just poke your finger into the burger every 30 seconds and when it’s so firm that your finger only pokes halfway through it’s done

>>49878239
>>49879170
Or, you could be a naughty chap and just cut one of them in half when you reckon they're done, just to check. Then, OP eats that one and serves the rest perfectly cooked and unmolested

push on burger with fork if juice is clear burger is done no red its ded

>>49875821
This is it, look no further OP. Chad burger has spoken.

>>49874899
fire underneath makes it cook
if it burns blame it on all the people talking to you
you get access to the best cooked meat and you dont have to socialize. win win.

>>49874899
I never go to company events. I socialize with coworkers as much as I need to

If you aren't getting paid to grill, call a lawyer and sue your employer for making you work unpaid overtime

tell them you don't eat red meat, you'll probably get a promotion

>>49874899
Just buy McDonalds burgers and pass them off as your own.

>>49874899
when the top starts to get a little mooshy throw some salt on top to absorb the excess grease, wait until the other side is also done, salt other side, flip, add chese and set on top bbq rack for 2-3 minutes until melty.

>>49881029