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/biz/ - Business & Finance

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30339850 No.30339850 [Reply] [Original]

I was only nine years old.
I loved Sergey so much, I was 100% in linkies and LP shares.
I'd pray to Sergey every night before I go to bed, thanking for the profits I've been given. "Sergey is love", I would say, "Sergey is life".
My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Sergey. I called him a stinky nolinker. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep.
I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold.
A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Sergey. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "Let's get to the fundamentals".
He grabs me with his powerful developer hands, and puts me on my hands and knees.
I spread my ass-cheeks for Sergey. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Sergey.
I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Sergey. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love.
My dad walks in and starts shouting. Sergey looks him straight in the eye, and says, "Nolinker cope".
Sergey leaves through my window. Sergey is love. Sergey is life.

>> No.30339908

lol

>> No.30339954
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30339954

Guys, this is fucked up, but hear me out.
I just spoke with the new marketing director of Chainlink and he had some pretty interesting things to tell.

We all know that Sergey has gotten kind of big lately, but the last months it has sprialed out of control. He is now so morbidly obese that he cannot support his own weight. Apparently he used a large chunk of the ICO money to install a huge aquarium in his house. He, and I kid you not, spends 22 houres a day in it to release the strain on his knees and back. According to the MD of Chainlink, he has switched to eating fish food. He says it has the optimal balance of minerals an positive vibrations. But the most fucked up thing is that he is supposedly mating with a clown fish. I don't know if the fish consent or not, but with Sergeys current size I don't think he have a say in the matter. Also, once a day he is hoisted out of the tank and onto a couch so that he can watch his favorite TV show Dr. Phil.

I don't know what to think anymore /biz/. I'm not a professional investor, but I don't think link is a good investment if all of this is true?

>> No.30339962

>>30339850
Better than the shrek version

Based

>> No.30340031
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30340031

>>30339850
Schwab is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the local Lodge. We exchange a few pleasantries. He asks what I do. I say I loved him at the Epstein Island meetup. He laughs. I get my first prostate massage. "Well, shit nigger," I say and walk away.
I've got his attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave an encounter with Klaus Schwab? He touches his neck as he watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, he finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette. "Got ze spare?" he asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand him one of my little white fags. He smiles. "A royal bath with me, duh." I laugh.
"What's so funny?" he protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the chainigger problem?" "You get used to it," he says, lighting his cigarette and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't a Schwablord nigger?" I ask. Bla bla larp bla