/biz/ - Business & Finance

>What's your biggest weakness?

>>19382199
My biggest weakness is that I work too hard!

>anon we'd like you to come by the office to touch base.
>I can see exciting things for your future.
>we hope you're a team player

>We're excited to offer you a competitive wage!!

>Tell me about yourself

>>19382164
>>19382199
>>19382212
Jesus Christ..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>19382164
I've never been in a job interview in my life. I could never bullshit my way through this.

>>19382199
>Because I truly love my work and have ambitious career goals, it can be difficult for me to keep a healthy balance between work and my personal life. Try to stop me from working, haha.

>>19382164
Because I can correctly follow a series of more than 3 instructions strung together.

And because I beat all the other applicants in the lobby to death, and will come back and do the same tomorrow, until you hire me.

>>19382199
I occasionally do not dig graves to the full depths of 6 feet. I admit this could become a real issue, but I'm taking steps to ensure my digging always remains up to standards, even if no one will ever see my hard work.

>>19382339
There is an idea of anon, but I'm simply not there.

>>19382378
based chad NEET4life

Blessed thread, please continue

>Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Interviews are shit, but at least they filter out s.yjak posters lmao

>Interviews are shit, but at least they filter out s.yjak posters lmao

>Can you perform under pressure?
https://youtube.com/watch?v=YoDh_gHDvkk

>>19382556
In that time I will have already disposed of several departments and a few dozen prostitutes, and or brokers after leading the hostile acquisitions of your competitors. This will put me in a position to finally meet Donald Trump on his moon yacht.

>>19382609
I just can't stand them either. I think they're all closeted homosexuals who do a lot of cocaine. Besides, they taste terrible.

>Why have you dropped out twice and been unemployed for the past three years?

>I just can't stand them either. THEY ARE THE REAL HOMOS!

God normie work force is the most depressing thing ever

>Can you describe what type of responsibilities did you have at your previous position?

You should hire me because I will fuck your tranny daughter unlike those nazi's in the lobby. This is the VP position, right?

>>19382199
>I'm a p-perfectionist..

>SALARY: COMPETITIVE

>Didn't sleep before interview because panicking
>It's a 3 hour drive there
>Am late for the interview, just said I was having some food
>My breakfast was energy drinks and dip
>Nailed the interview because they thought I was confident, reality is I was just not even there mentally
>Now make 70k and am engineer

>>19382883
Hey, this one's at least a legit question.

>>19382199
My biggest weakness is that I don't have weaknesses.

>>19382940
>Hey, this one's at least a legit question.

I once got asked what my biggest weakness was and I said bullets and chocolate cake, didn't get the job, thank God because it was working for an estate agency with majority women seniority.

>Salary: Comission Based

>sadly we had to cope with this pandemic and were forced to cut your salary till the situation improves

>>19382937
Yes but are you fulfilling your destiny

>>19382967
It is.

>>19382164
>>19382199
>>19382339
>>19382556

I love how interviews ask personal shit like this, but you're not supposed to answer with anything personal.

>>19382164
>>19382199
>>19382339
>>19382556
>>19382707
do they even ask this stuff in legit job interviews?
I get if you apply at walmart they might ask this shit to see if you can string a sentemce together but what are the chances they ask stuff like this for an engineering position for example?
i'm pretty certain i could bullshit through similar questions but i don't see the point in asking them for high skilled jobs

great thread

>>19383208
I've been asked what my favourite animal is at the first stage of interview for software development job.

>sir thank you sir!
>it’s an honor to be here sir!
>if you want a team member who knows what it means to be an employee and an asset to the executive team, hire me sir!
>I am read to hit the floor running sir!!!

>>19383208
>high skilled
>4chan

>>19383208
They obviously think you’re skilled enough for the job, hence the interview, but want to see if you’re well adjusted enough to answer social situations. It’s amazing how many times I see retards fumble on softballs questions a 4 yr old can answer because they are purely retarded, have severe personal problems, and no oral filter. No one wants to be at work but you def don’t want people who make being at work worse talking about anal sex, putting coworkers in headlocks, and coming to work high or intoxicated.

>>19383208
>>19383313

I honestly don't know how to answer these questions. Please share you answers.

>>19383313
This is what a mentally challanged hr person beleives. These questions can not filter out the idiots and are a pain in the ass for normal people. There is no sense in these questions and they don't even care about what your answer is because they know are all lies. Everyone can look up an answer for it. They only ask these questions because they can not hold a proper conversation and are just choosing a random one from their list. It's just a waste of time.
The problem with hihg skilled job interviews is that retard hr has a power to decide that you are not suitable for the job no matter how skilled you are even if the job requires hihg skills and it actually hurts them financially if done by incompetent person. They tend to take the person who is ok according to their checklist and asks for less pay.

Just get high and you'll pass it with ease. Propranolol + some stim like moda or just plain amphetamine, polish with energy drinks and you're an ideal candidate for any job.

>Do you have any questions to ask me about this position?

>>19382212
I would never hire anyone who says this.

“I am here to sell myself, of course I won’t reveal my weakness” radical honesty is where its at

>>19382199
>>19382212
do americans really do this?

>Tell me about your proudest achievement

>>19383557
why would i tell a stranger my weakness, are you threatening me?

>do americans really do this?

>>19383578
I masturbate to japanese cartoons.

>We work hard, we play hard

>>19383226
No its not

>Leaving already? You took your afternoon, partner?

>>19383454
you're supposed to answer semi-honestly but at very surface level
essentially you normiefy yourself when you answer
that is if you are autistic like me, if your life is kinda normal you can be honest just keep in mind they aren't interested in the answer itself but how does that depicts your affinity for the job you're applying to... it's essentially 4D smalltalk chess you fail the moment you become 100% honest and take the questions at face value

>>19382164
I had to do a job interview too but at least they didnt asked my so shitty questions. Now im a Official working for the city council and Im employed by the goverment so at least im not wagecucking for some fat jew

>>19382534
>>19383226
indeed

>>19382970
i would never hire someone who made some cheesy gay joke like this when i first met them during a serious discussion about working next to you for the foreseeable future

>>19384142
>someone who made some cheesy gay joke
imagine being this sad

>>19382164
because i respect other people's safe space which is of the utmost importance in sillicon valley. i demand a 500k annual salary which is reasonable for a junior

>Dear [name],

>Thank you for taking the time to apply to [position they applied for]. We really appreciate the effort you put into this. We received and have reviewed [a specific number, or “a large number”] of applications.

>After reviewing them thoroughly, we felt that other applicants were better suited for [position they applied for]. At this time, we are declining to move forward with your application.

>Best of luck on your job search.

>Sincerely,

>[Company/Organization Name]

>>19384142
When they started asking me questions like that I came my senses and realised I didn't want to work in a shitty office again, so I stopped caring. These cuck jobs mean more to people like you who are willing to jump through hoops and stomp stomp clap for no money. Anyway this was ten years ago, I own a small but profitable business now.

>>19382164
>we need a teamplayer

>If you have any problems, my door is always open.

>Come in for your annual performance appraisal anon, we're promoting you to 'Team Leader'
GIVE ME A RHYTHM, GIVE ME A BEAT!

Aww another neckbeard loser who peed himself in an interview and now need to vent "against the system"

>>19382556
Doing your wife

>>19382937
And you probably hate your job.

>>19384567
>weeeeeeeee areeeeeeee weeeeeeeee areeeeeeeeeeee WALMART!

>what can you do for us that other racists can't?

>>19382164
ITT The eternally unemployables

>>19382927
>checks hourly rate in contract
>10 cents above minimum
>competitive

>>19383005
Bra commission Chad's stay winning

>>19382556
>I wake up and push the 10 supermodels away from my penis
>I tip my butler .000000001 chainlink for the year and he begins to break down in tears, dumbfounded at my generosity, knowing that this will give him and his family freedom for generations

>>19384608
I graduated the top of my class in Racist Seals

>>19384699
> wake up and push the 10 supermodels away from my penis
even in your rich fantasy you're gay, huh anon.

>>19384608
Social media management

>>19383557
Acting like dwight schrute is not going to get you through life, you autist.

>just had a job interview 2 weeks ago in a big city in Germany
>interviewer (thats a girl) asks me all the usual questions like the first 2 mentioned itt
>no originality at all in her questions, i wonder how this roastie even deserves her pay, she just used the top 10 questions from the first page of google
>then she asks me: "how did you deal with your fellow students during projects at university when there was conflict?"
>i say: "well, in those cases i always did the entire project myself and told the professor that i did it all on my own."
>she: "so you didnt manage the conflict? you didnt try to make other students engage in the task?"
>me: "no, i am not a baby sitter and if other students are too lazy thats not my issue, they have to deal with it themselves, i am not an armchair psychologist for my fellow students, i dont waste time like this."
>can clearly see that she and the other 3 people in the room dont like my answer

seriously, job interviews are absolutely retarded, you are supposed to lie all the time, and whats even worse, you are supposed to give the exact same scripted answers all the time instead of speaking the truth and pointing out real strength and character traits. its absolutely disgusting but then again all these interviews are done by roasties so the system was fucked from the start.
and why do i need to drive 3 hours to get to that place when in any other country people are simply using zoom these days? makes no fucking sense, but probably german boomer roasties never even heard about zoom, jfc.

>>19383005
is that real

>>19384840
you are a textbook retard if thats true

you really cant be that stupid that you said that

>i am a loser with no social skills and cant work with other people

you are not getting hired

>>19384836
Kek

>>19382212
It's like a fuckin ritual at this point, it's the same thing over and over for no reason. Everyone knows the questions, everyone knows the answers, it's like the android test from Blade Runner

These types of questions are just a sign that you are a normie yourself and youre applying for normie jobs. If the next guy can also do it then guess what, you gotta play ball. Anons who never worked in their life expecting a red carpet itt

>>19384840
HR roasties will be replaced by robots soon anyway

>>19384608
if only the west had a leader like this. our strongest leader is a 75yr old memelord philosemite.

>>19382970
Real estate is full of lying sycophants who will smile and knife you in the back.

I got scammed $5,000 by a brokerage. Told me to join. Got my license. And then they'd give me training and leads.

The guy who promised me training lied about the leads. Want given one. No training either. Never saw him again.

I did stiff them $4,000 in contact fees though. Cancelled my credit card and they missed out on their monthly brokerage payments.

>>19383666
i applied for a dual course at a bank and got asked what my biggest weakness is, i sat in front of 3 of the most influential people there and thought about it for a good minute. they said they thought it was really brave or some shit and my answer was some personal thing about not texting my gf enough. they took me btw

>>19384840
>why do i need to drive 3 hours

All the worst interviews I ever had were always at a distance. I always make sure to nuke their Glassdoor and Indeed pages too.

>>19384885
mentally retarded people like you are exactly the fucking problem.
i repeat it to you again because your reading comprehension is abysmal (like expected from a drooling retard like you)
"i am not a baby sitter and if other students are too lazy thats not my issue, they have to deal with it themselves, i am not an armchair psychologist"
there, thats it. that is a simple fact and a perfect explanation. any person who would respond differently and thinks that top performers are supposed to push the buggy for potheads is a massive turbobrainlet. just kys at this point.
people like you think that whites owe something to blacks instead of realizing blacks are underdeveloped gorillaniggers and they will never be on the same level as other humans.

>>19382937
need a dispenser here!

>>19384699
checked and based

>>19384970
>I did stiff them $4,000 in contact fees though. Cancelled my credit card and they missed out on their monthly brokerage payments.

>>19384985
way to unnecessarily bring race into this lol

>>19385018
>way to unnecessarily bring race into this lol

>>19384840
>seriously, job interviews are absolutely retarded, you are supposed to lie all the time
This is exactly it. They know that most people are giving them bullshit answers that they read off google, you know that they know and yet they still want you to do it so that you can be moved along on some kind of corporate conveyor belt, it's pathetic. I employ two lads and when they came in for an 'interview' I just had a chat and a coffee with them for 20 minutes, asked them about their previous work and what kind of pay they expected, all these other questions are retarded and pointless.

>way to unnecessarily bring race into this lol

>>19384840
>interviews are done by roasties
>the system was fucked from the start
It's like roasies live only to fuck and get fucked in every metaphorical sense of the word.

>>19384836
Wrong
HR loves that kind of fake shit

>>19383208
>do they even ask this stuff in legit job interviews?
Yes, yes they do. All of these questions are asked, believe it or not.

>>19384985
>that is a simple fact and a perfect explanation. any person who would respond differently and thinks that top performers are supposed to push the buggy for potheads is a massive turbobrainlet.
You're not wrong, but unfortunately this is not an acceptable opinion in our modern western societies. Every part of our societies are based on the idea that hard working people should provide everything for the potheads, the endless stream of third worlders, lefties, criminals, neets, etc.
This problem spans much further than just HR policies.

>>19384985
You just proved the other anon's point. Yes there is a problem with the system but at least it could filter you out.

>>19385246
They asked me literally:

"What motivates you to get up in the morning and to go to work!'

What the fuck? I said "I like to grow myself and my bank account and am an ambitious person."

No job. Fucking security guard position where you sit around 8 hours. HR cunts need the rope.

>>19382164
>We're looking for a team player, you are a team player right Anon?

>>19385290
Absolutely true. That is the reason why i mentioned whites and blacks, because its the same relationship between performers and potheads. And as I am too open and honest for this modern world, I can absolutely not bullshit my way through interviews. I would rather be unemployed than a HR bootlicking cuck.

>>19385328
>Too open and honest
So the one time your mom made you apply to Walmart, you started talking about My Little Pony, didn't you?

>>19384836
Has already, so proved you literally wrong. Not acting, being honest without all the facade bullshit.

You just have to be good looking and tall and normies will submit.

>>19384915
> interlinked
interlinked
> interlinked
Interlinked
> interlinked
INterlinked
> interlinked
INTERLINKED
> interlinked
I N T E R L I N K E D !

>>19385303
Yes. They absolutely deserve the rope. HR are the biggest schmoozers in the fucking company, which is why they have their position.

I'm just gonna say it. Alot of the times, HR sets up interviews with you not because they are interested in you, but because they are just putting in busy work to make it look like they deserve their position.

Yes. These questions that they ask you are just formalities, they are just bullshit questions. It doesnt really even matter how you respond, you just need to make yourself look like a brainwashed normie.

99% of the time, before even walking in to the interview, you are already PRE-SELECTED. This is why I fucking hate this shit, because not only is it degrading and humiliating, but it is a waste of fucking time, the whole ritual is a waste of time because they pre-select the people coming in.The outcome is already decided.

There are many times I walked into an interview , answered perfectly, and then was dismissed from the position because "someone else" was selected. HR will just bring in people to make it look like they are competent at their job.

This goes double for phone interviews, when they phone screen you, its meaningless.

The best interview is when the manager (usually male) will sit down with you and have a chat like a fucking human being and dont give you any of this bullshit.

These questions are so robotic in nature, so fake, it just exposes the whole corporate workplace for the soulless clown place it is.

The only job interview I ever passed was one for a temp job that was just a phone interview and they basically would have accepted anybody. When the call came in I was mid shit and buck naked on the toilet. I did wait until the call ended to flush

>>19385567
kek.
i was in indonesia in november and december, so once i was riding a motorbike with an indonesian girl close to bogor (we were on the way back from the waterfalls)
so she said "i got a job interview in 5 minutes" and i was like "WTF?"
when finally her phone was ringing, she jumped of the motorbike and had the interview in a small mosque (pic related) nearby, to make it look like shes a good girl, topkek. i was waiting outside.
she got the job (at a qatar hotel)
she wasnt prepared at all and looked like shit, but thats job interviews...HR could roll the dice instead, but then it would not look like work.

>>19385497
honestly this. i hired around 6 people so far and lead around 20 interviews. at first i filter out every shits thats clearly copy pasted and send to countless other companys and has spelling errors. then i look at the picture of said person if provided and imagine myself having to see this face for a longer period of the day. in the interview i mostly ask about the more private stuff they wrote about activities or interests. everything else is just lies anyway. the only real test is working with someone for a week. if hes not learning fast or annoying i wont take him. i do pay everyone for the week even if they drove me mad.

>took job in consultancy because I was fed up of digging holes
>pay was low but I thought being in a big company would mean quick improvements
>annual pay rise is totally miserly, trying to negotiate with them is like getting blood from a stone
>turns out HR get pissy if they see a big percentage increase, but because my salary is so low to begin with any increase is a big percentage
Fuck wagecucking

>>19382164
If you dont ill stalk you and probably murder you.

>>19382212
NEVER GO FULLRETARD

>>19382655
Your mom and wife both seem to think so.

>>19383578
One time I posted first on a thread, and got like 30 (you)s saying "fpbp"

>>19382970
looks like you doged a bullet kek

>>19383234
i heard they ask this question because people pick the animal they feel embodies them the most. if they're loyal and friendly they pick a dog for example. my favorite animal is the sloth so i hope i never get asked this. i guess i can just lie.

>>19384840
Please never change /biz/

>>19385301
>You just proved the other anon's point. Yes there is a problem with the system but at least it could filter you out

>>19385497
Based.

>because they are just putting in busy work to make it look like they deserve their position

I never actually thought about this before

>>19385497

Yep. HR interviews are harrowing experiences. I too sat down with my alpha male manager and just straight up told him I didn't have the experience he was looking for but I was willing to learn and accept a lower salary. If for some reason I lose this job, I'll still have the experience on my resume which will make it much easier to get another job.

I don't think I'll ever really enjoy working unless I'm doing something I like and somehow people want to pay me for it, but honestly I'm just glad I got into this recession proof position while millions of people are struggling now.

>>19383666
>it's essentially 4D smalltalk chess
Maybe if you're actually autistic. It's just normal small talk, you don't want to give any hints that you're a live human being capable of independent thought.
>Also checked

>>19384840
anon if you can't realize interviews are about gaming questions and not being honest then you are retarded.

she even followed up to see if you would Dave yourself. clearly she wanted evidence you know how to work with other people

>>19383208
They need to make sure you're not a turbo sperg that can't functionally communicate with another human being

>>19386471
> using absurd indicators that act like shortcuts to understanding something you can't possibly understand without time and effort

sounds like software startups

>>19386694
>straight up told him I didn't have the experience he was looking for but I was willing to learn and accept a lower salary

>>19386852

You got me anon, I'm 30 now and that was 2 years ago. I did have relevant experience obviously, just not a match for what they wanted exactly. They're never going to hire someone for a skilled job who has no education/no relevant experience whatsoever.

>>19385654
Is this the Christchurch mosque?

>>19386876
That's actually cool you had the balls to do that. Not sure about lowering the salary though... What job is it and what tech are you working with?

Words can't explain how much I hate HR cunts and job interviews.

>>19384885
you don't even know what you're talking about.

I once bothered actually doing conflict resolution. even got the teacher involved in the whole process. all it lead to was more meetings and no one doing any actual fucking work. usually these tards get outted and never get a job or get thrown into some literal monkey job doing shit that depends on no one else's effort.

>>19382164
>tell me about a time you had to deal with a conflict or difficult situation at work. how did you handle it?

>>19387481
>I went to my boss and called they guy out for being an unreasonable cunt

what do people actually expect for a response? if you aren't managing people in any capacity, you really aren't in any position of authority to deal with this shite.

>>19384808
yes, I hold chainlink if that's what you're asking

>>19382164
because I have F-cup titties

>>19387582
if you're just fat though, it doesn't matter how big your titties are.

>>19382164
This should be self-evident

>>19384840
All these people replying and disagreeing with you are wagecuck morons working shit jobs. Trust me, you did the right thing. If an idiot company wants to waste money by being 'teamplayers' and having a 'culture' then you are better off being productive at an ACTUAL REAL company that values productivity and gains. Why?

Those companies that values gains will reward you much more for gains. Fuck all this buddy buddy bullshit. I didn't study to be a fucking Machiavellian mastermind manipulating fools. I work and get money to invest my money. That is it.

>>19387652
the OP only asked about being hired, any girl can get hired nowadays. Getting promoted later on is when levels of fat are considered

>>19387014

It came with the additional perks of being recession proof and not too far from my house, so just saving an hour of travel a day is worth something in my book. It's in healthcare automation as a java developer. For obvious reasons it's hard to find java developers. The amount of things you need to know to NOT absolutely destroy the codebase is quite staggering.

>>19384840

It's called shittesting and it's something women do to check if you are conforming enough

>>19387954
>Those companies that values gains will reward you much more for gains
The biggest bullshit I ever read. A company will never reward you for doing what you should. They PAY you to do your job.
You will never get a raise or bonus for outperforming others. If you ever expecting them to do so you are retarded. They want the most productive for the least pay. That's why you have to negotiate for what you are satisfied with. Never beleive in performace bonuses they will fuck you over with it.

>>19382927
Translation: minimum wage + 10-30¢

>>19382937
Engineers only make $70k? Sad!

>>19388326
You are just a lazy no skill loser

>>19382164
>Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
>What's the soonest you can start?
It's all tiring

>>19382199
My answer that I give is an honest one, saying that I'm not good at organizing a schedule or project in my mind, so I need to use tools in order to cope with that

What would be your interview questions /biz/?

>>19385018

>>19382199
I’m one of those guys that has to use a whiteboard to explain anything.

>>19389105
Projecting much?

>>19382199
>>What's your biggest weakness?
I'll be honest with you: I'm a terrible singer.

>>19385497
I just want to bash her skull with a baseball bat, anyone else?

>>19384608
Unlike you ivory tower, institutional racists I have my ear to the ground and can bring twenty first century bigotry into the fold.

>>19385497
Back when I still had to go into the office my desk was right next to HR. Just about lost my mind listening to the retarded HR women talking about stuff.