/biz/ - Business & Finance

“President Trump uses the stock market as his score card,” Jerome Powell said while hanging his head in disappointment. “My sole focus is to make the stock market go up. The best way to do this is through quantitative easing. Don’t tell anyone but when those junk bonds we are invested in go bust the Federal Reserve will be the biggest owner of United States equities the world has ever seen. We will be like Black Rock times 100.”

Over the past 50 years the United States has went from being a net saver to a net spender. The average saving rate for most American families is less than 8% per year. “Why should I even save money,” Kelly Watson, 45, said. “The bank I have my money in actually takes money out every month because interest rates are so low. I just spend all of my money on this crap made in China right when I get my paycheck.”

“Kelly is as smart woman,” Jerome Powell stated. “When the U.S. Dollar goes into hyperinflation mode everyone will spend their entire paycheck as fast as they can. Since Kelly already spends her entire paycheck when she gets it, it will be much easier for Kelly to transition into an environment of massive hyperinflation.”

Central Banks across the world have begun stocking up on gold at a record pace. “Oh yeah,” Jerome Powell said smiling. “You betcha I’m long gold. Do you really think I’m dumb enough to keep my savings in U.S. Dollars?”

Thank, just exited all markets and am now sitting in cash

>>18973827
Source???

>>18973827
>>18973828
Time to SELL SELL SELL SELL

>>18973908
Nvm FUck I'm retarded

Sitting on cash 7k USD as I type this out

>>18973827
thx OP, just went long on USD

>>18973827
Sitting on 23k USD. Imagine believing this snake in the grass bastard.

>>18973827
younger generations are fucked hard in the ass with politics of letting no consolidation happen. This is one big scam on young people. In the end you'll have to buy babyboomers inflated stocks and housing when they retire

>>18973827
based

ITT: low IQs who can't even understand it's a joke after the first 3 lines

Thanks just stuffed 100k in my mattress

>>18973919
Kek. But it goes to show, the world is so crazy and central banks are so destructive, that this could easily be something they might say.

The joke article isn't wrong though. Just stuffing your money in your bank account is stupid. You just need to keep enough liquid cash to take care of routine spending and any unplanned expenses that might pop up from time to time. Everything else should be invested in something.

>>18974681
This

>>18974681
>Everything else should be invested in something.
Everything is about to dump hard

>>18974638
No, that just means that you are so fucking out to lunch that you believe the stupid shit that CNN and the Washington Post writes about how Trump is manipulating the markets via the fed for his own political gain.

>>18973827
Onion article? Must be.

>>18974432
except this is 100% the truth but they just wouldn't say it out loud.

>>18974744
Are you retiring tomorrow? No? Then who cares

Just buy gold

If true, this should be a red flag to start saving immediately

Thats why crypto staking and other DeFi projects are important. So the next generation can kick these kikes to the curb and have a real way to invest that isnt controlled by a psychopathic central authority.

>>18973929
Same. What to buy?

>>18973827
Mein kek, that site has some decent shit.

>>18975128
It's satire, of course, but most retards here seem to believe it's a serious article.

>>18975303
We keep telling them but they aren't listening. They get what they deserve....


Also buy some Silver too

>>18974681
>>18975215
This article is trying to be funny by saying the truth in a silly way, but it's the truth. Saving dollars is fucking retarded, and that is what Powell has effectively said. This website needs to get much more ridiculous if it wants to actually be funny, right now it's just depressingly honest about how bad our situation got

>>18973827
Man fuck trump this was our chance and he sided w the ducking boomers. Vote the bastard out of office he fucked us

>>18973827
>the federal reserves sole purpose is to prop up the stock market
Wrong.
The federal reserves soul purpose is to prop up the Eurodollar market.
The Fed holds the fate of global markets in its hands.
Steve Mnuchin is now sovereign over the Fed.
Trump has nabbed the Golden Snitch.
Patriots are in control.

>>18973827
based Jerome tellin it how it is

>>18976947
>Patriots are now in control
I could never argue against the fact that MIGAs do atleast have a sense of humpr

https://thestonkmarket.com/trump-declares-oil-price-40-a-barrel/
This could actually happen given how desperate Trump is to prop up the market.

>>18977054
Is Israel the only thing you shills are able to talk about?
Why not address the Eurodollar market?
Not included in your npc script?
Waiting for the next patch, glownigger?
Eat shit.

>>18977226
ok schizo

bump

>>18977439
Came here to say THIS