/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>13864927
How does the snail cross the ocean?

>>13864927
>cannot be killed
can the immortal snail be trapped? what if I just put a beer glass on top of it

>>13864927
Lock that fucker up in a Tesla and let Elon handle the rest. Shoot the fucker into orbit.

>>13864927
>get it into a glass jar
>put the jar into a safe
>drop the safe into the middle of the ocean

>>13864927
sure. I would just put it in a jar with a lid

Its just a snail? Why not catch it and put it in a container?

>>13864946
4chan : 1
Immortal Snail : 0

>>13864927
I'd take that snail and use its blubber to lube your asshole and fuck to death you absolute faggot

>>13864946
/biz/ avg. IQ = 145

how fast is that snail? just change country once a month. How retarded is this

After you catch it you can sell it to the scientists so they can discover how it is immortal

>>13864943
ocean floor

>>13864946
>>13864950
>>13864951
>>13864955
no, it can move through all objects in its never ending quest to reach you

>>13864946
If it can't be trapped use a shovel to put it on a omnidirectional treadmill

eat him :3

>>13864946
/thread

>>13865004
that's not what the tweet says

>snail cannot be killed
>imprison snail in cage
>rent out to research and goverments for money
>showcase it in "the unkillable snail" show for more money
>burn snail for infinite energy
Sounds like a deal.

>>13865004
>it can move through all objects
Do you realize how fucking retarded this sounds

>>13865004
The tweet doesn't say that

>>13865004
I'd put it on the next spacex rocket

>>13865004
I'd still take it
just have a place on the west coast and a place on the east coast
travel to the opposite location like once a year or some shit

>>13865020
but the immortal snail that kills doesn't sound retarded? kys

>>13864927
>immortal
>knows your location at all times (faster than light data transmission?)
studying that motherfucker might reveal a solution to heat death, its worth way more than 10 million

>>13864955
>Pink wojak snail futilely pressing his snail arms against the glass
>tink tink

I HAVE AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

>>13865040
Plenty of things in nature live longer than humans and/or cause serious or lethal injury in contact. Moving through all solid objects has no basis and is 4th grader comic book bullshit.

fastest snail I could find:
0.0028 m/s

radius of earth
6,378 kilometers

6,378,000 / 0,0028
=2277857142,857142857 s
=37964285,714285714 m
=632738,095238095 h
=26364,087301587 d
=72 y

just fly away every 71.5 years

>>13865077
i see, and the part about hunting you down and knowing where you are at all times is also believable. fucking autist

>>13865039
The snail will eventually figure out your pattern and remain in the home you just left, until you come back from the other home
Then while you're comfortable thinking he's all the way by the next coast heading towards you, he's literally waiting on your property just minutes away from you

>>13865039
This but i'd calculate the time it takes to come to me and move away from it every time it comes closer to me.

>>13864946
Also this but the other anon says it can move through any objects so i'll build a floating house that is made of antigravity material (only worth couple of thousand dollars with latest elon tech) so that the bitch snail wont come to get me.

>>13865145
You’re just proving my point that this topic is retarded. Anything else to say genius?

>>13864927
hell no thats fuckin gay

>>13865111
yeah, fly away around the earth, you won't end up at the exact same spot...
divide that with 2 you nonce

>>13865170
100 points

>>13865160
>insulting me on memorial day
no $10m for you then

>>13865149
Oh, so now it's a sentient snail that has future planning. Look at those goalposts moving!

>>13864993
Legit probably only need to move like 2-3x a year. Can have a perfectly normal lifestyle.

>>13865225
Actually just looked it up you’d have to move like once every 7-8 years or so.

>>13864927
I think I've heard this one before

>>13864927
Can I put the snail on a cubesat?

>>13864927

Is the snail immune to the effects of salt?

>>13864927
Of course, just pour salt in a circle around myself when I go to sleep or when I'm not moving.
Or move to another continent, problem solved

>>13864927
Do I know the location of the snail? If yes, I'd plan my life accordingly but traveling different regions of the world strategy.

If I manage to put more than 10000 km between me and the snail by intercontinental travel it would take the snail more than 20 years to reach me.

>repeat
>profit

>>13864927
Fuck yeah.

It'd take years for the snail to reach me halfway across the globe. After it reaches me, I'd move again.

>>13865316
Kek

>>13865299

>puts salt circle around bed
>goes to sleep
>snail makes its way onto ceiling above bed
>plops off ceiling onto your face while you sleep

>>13865060

the solution to heat death? /sci/ me please

>>13864927
i take the snail, fuck the money

Okay.. so just move to the other side of the world from where you take the money? I mean it would take probably atleast your lifetime for it to catch up. Not sure what the fuzz is about.

>>13864927
lol ez.
wait for a snail to come.
hire someone to pick it up and put it in a jar.
problem solved.

>>13864927
>lock the snail in an iron box
There you go. Thank me later.

Everyone here acting like the snail has to walk to your location. Can hop on a car to the airport and be in your new country in a matter of days. Or ride a bird and drop in on you.

The grim reaper is always on our heels, i would welcome a snail and 10 big bands instead

>>13865077
>.0028 m/s
its an immortal which CANT be killed.
this is even more retarded than passing through objects.
find me ONE organism that cant be killed.

>>13865215
>t.atheist

>>13865377

OP never mentioned if the snail's name was Speedy. Ya'll done goofed and made a decision without inquiring about more info. Ripperoni

>>13864927
>honey, there is something i need to tell you
>what sweetie, our wedding is tomorrow, are you worried about something?
>i've never told you this, but...
>but what?
>i think our wedding is in danger
>w-w-w-whaaaaat? what's happening, you don't love me anymore? why are you doing this?
>no, i love you, it's... i just realized something and i think we need to postpone our wedding
>you realized what?
>that a snail moves at speed of 0.029 mph and is about to kill me any moment soon
>are you fucking kidding me? a fucking snail what? kill you?
>honey, listen...
>i'm done with your bullshit, im going back to my momma
>waaait
>slams the door, you cry, forgot about the snail and the very next moment it touches you with its tentacles

If you're greedy you wont need that amount of money in order to act like a snail is chasing you. 10 million is already 10 million snails to worry about, what's one more.

>>13865337
It's from thermodynamics. Entropy means the universe will eventually just stop. Particles will stop moving about and everything will be dead.

>>13865256
Does it mean having sex would solve the issue?

>tie snail to power generator
>monetise infinite energy

>>13865007
High IQ post

>>13865478
>tentacles
kek

> average speed of a snail = 0.047 km/h
> distance from london to tokyo = 9,556 km
> snail takes 23.209931507 years to get there
> fuck 50,000 high-class jap escorts with 5 mil
> takes 10 years
> snail is half way across the ocean
> fly back to london
> rinse and repeat

Implying a snail isn't slowly creeping towards us all anyway anon

>>13864927
Easy.

Fly to Brazil.
Wait 6 months.
Fly to Philippines.
Wait 6 months.
Fly to Brazil.
Rinse and repeat

>snail avg speed 0.047km/h
>about 1.13km/day
>about 400km/year
Yeah I'd take the money and move to Australia. In 25 years the snail would have almost caught up so I'd move back.

Put snail on hamster wheel connected to generator inside a sealed metal box.

Unlimited energy? (Even if very little)

>>13865007
4chan can solve riddles like true autists. Come at me

>>13865622
Proof of snail

>>13864927
What’s the snail’s beef?

It would take that dumb fuck snail his whole life to move across the world so I’d just take the money and move to New Zealand or some shit

Is it a smart snake? Like, can it look up my property and see that I am in Russia, but bought a house in Argentina, so it heads there right away?
Is it allowed to use transport like planes and trains?
Is it afraid of salt as any other snail?
Does it reproduce and is its offspring lethal too?

>>13865799
yes
yes
no
no

>>13864927
>"The average speed of a snail clocks in at around 0.03 mph", according to national geographic

>0.03 mph.
>= 33.3 hours per mile.
let's see, a 6 hour flight takes me about 3726 miles away. that would take the snail 125,000 hours to get to me.
that's ~14,3 years
so after 14 years, I can simply move back or move even further away to give me more time

yes, give me my $10 million

>>13864946
kek

>>13865019
>burn snail for infinite energy
based

>>13864927
The real snailpill is to accept the snail and refuse the money xx

>redpill snail about the jews
>snail starts slowly killing them

>>13865671
underrated

>>13865938
very based sir

>>13864946
decoy snail

>take money
>hire 24/7 snailwatch team to keep tabs on the little bastard and foil any quick transportation (ie hopping on a bird or car)
>Live lavish life knowing he can never get near you

>duct tape snail to some object
>just wrap the duct tape around the object and snail, something like an iron bar
>throw iron bar into ocean, the ocean part where shit falls for miles and miles on end where humans haven't been yet


Good luck getting out of there snail.

>>13864927
How do you deal with the fear of every snail you see though? Assuming you don't know the snail's location to trap it in a glass?

>>13865592
>Implying a snail isn't slowly creeping towards us all anyway anon

>>13865827
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Phew...

I guess, Im walking in armor from now on and sleep in a vault

>>13866201
>live in constant snail paranoia
>use newfound wealth to fund snail genocide R&D labs

>>13865304
You also don't know where the snail starts and which snail it is

Pay someone $10 to put the snail in a plastic bin and bury it.
Enjoy my $9999990.

>>13865004
Then that's not a snail, it's a fucking ghost

>>13864927

>posting tweets

go regurgitate

>>13865077
this nigger is genuinely autistic as hell kek

Wouldn't governments be interested in this indestructible, intangible, invincible snail?

>>13864927
top speed for snails: 0.1km/h
distance eu <-> usa: 7,891 km
time for snail to travel from eu to usa: 9 years
+ nobody says i cant have someone put a gps tracker on the snail
so i change location between usa and europe accordingly and have a warning radar with me at all times

>>13864927
it's a fucking snail, i'll take my chances of always outrunning it for the rest of my life

>>13865592
>Implying a snail isn't slowly creeping towards us all anyway
goddammit anon

>>13866603
You are the only person who believes in its existence
> twist
> there never was a snake
> this is an mk ultra special, where they study paranoia and remorse mixture on the rich

>>13864927
>own 2 houses on opposite sides of the globe
>wait until snail is within 100 miles of you
>move to the other house
>wait for the snail to turnaround and start going to your new location, it is now approximately 15,000 miles away
>wait until snail is within 100 miles of you
>move back
EZ

>>13865111
Checked
>>13865170
>what is radius

Take the money and put a giant pint glass over my body forever

>>13865719
link bagholder dumped by sergeys exit scam
10 million dollar receiver is sergey

All the anons who are calculating snails speeds are forgetting fags like me who can touch the snail without dying, and who would pick it up and drive it across the country just to try and find out what "terrible death" really means

>>13865170
>earth is not flat
lol

>>13865332
nice loophole

>>13865004

> moving goal posts
> like you was 5

Wew lad

>>13865030
The snail has cleansed alien worlds of xeno scum and made them habitable for humanity

>>13866779
Ill give you $1m to fuck off

>>13866881
I'll take it, then move the snail anyway

>>13866917
No cool dude.
I hope this snail is as lethal to strangers as it is to me and you die from handling it without caution

>>13864927
Put it in a box.

>>13864927
>it is only purpose

>>13865004
>lure it into a rocket
>go into space with the rocket while being careful to avoid it while you are both on board
>pay richard branson/elon/whoever to shunt the snail out into space
>fly back to earth

>>13864927
Ofc I wouldn't take it, imagine having the stress and cortisol spike from worrying about that thing.

>>13864946
This or salt to dehydrate it
>>13865004
Track it with a gps and move if it gets close

>>13865592
>Implying a snail isn't slowly creeping towards us all anyway

>>13864927
bruh I'd just travel to the farthest place on earth and wait until I die. The snail won't even cross the 10% of the distance in 100 years.

>>13866987
this is a good plan but couldnt you do it without even having to be aboard the rocket?

Like the second it enters the rocket run across to a room and have the thing launch

>>13864927

gtfo with your teaser riddle who gives a *

Wasn’t this a part of Resident Evil 1? If your teammate zombie reached you with the grenades you explode and he always knew where you were

> there is such a snail already chasing you
> you dont know where it is, but you had a revelation it exists
> the only way to stop it is to sell your link stack and never buy back in
Wwyd?

>>13864927
Sure I buy a house in Europe and in America and fly between them every few months

Yes, I live in a house that autonomously moves away from the snail via satellite at the exact pace of the snail. My home can float on water, ice, land anyting.

>>13864927
It will take a snail 30 years to reach me on the opposite side of the world so Yes: I'm taking it

(12,742 km / 0.047kmh)/24/365 = 30 years

>>13864927
Surround my home with a Mobius strip moat

>>13864927
This is so easy, even at 15cm a minute, the Earth's circumference is 40,075km let's say a quarter of that lies between me and sail.

that takes the snail 46383 days to cross if unimpeded in a straight line.

that's 127 fucking years.

Yes i'll take the fuckign deal. All you neets saying dur hur I'll put a jar on it i'll do something clever dur hur. Fucking idiots just take the money and live your whole life worry free.

yes. just put the snail in a thick cast iron box that is welded shut, and kept in my house so i keep an eye on it.

the whole you cant 'kill' the snail thing is retarded. if the snail is in a box without oxygen or food it will not be able to function on any cellular level. i dont give a fuck if its metaphysically 'alive', functionally and practically it is dead.

Get a rocket and launch it into the sun. Even though it is immortal it wouldn't be able to escape the sun's gravity.

>>13867204
How can you be sure you trapped the right snail?

lol all of you fags are not considering that you have to find this snail in the first place?

50/50 chance it kills you while you are asleep

pass

>>13867269
Hire a thot to monitor snail activity nearby.

Speed of a snail is .029 miles per hour.

The distance from New York to LA is about 2800 miles.

Even without stopping it would take the snail about 11 years to make the trek.

So just move 3000 miles every 10 years.

Holy shit of course the money makes sense

>>13865592
This. As a metaphor it isn't horrible. If you have ten million in cash/crypto you are automatically going to be living with paranoia. (unless you are a fool) I like the 'it could be any snail' idea too. IRS. 5 dollar wrench. Some form of 'hack.' Betrayal. Deadly snails everywhere.

>>13867318
Move every 9 years

>>13867194
But the snail can move through objects unimpeded, Anon. This means it can cross through earth, too. The circumference is irrelevant. And I am sure it can move through space, as well. And what if it can move through time unimpeded, too, Anon? What if?

>>13864927

>trying to deposit the $10 million into my bank account
>get instantly arrested for suspected tax fraud
>snail kills me in prison

no thanks

I hope you all realize this is a Reddit meme from a few years ago. AAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>13865398
Muh dik

>>13864927
1. Trap that bitch in a glas.
2. If not allowed, put it on an omnidirectional treadmill
3. If not allowed, a snail travels 0,05 km/h at best. That means:
100 km -> 2000 h
1000 km 20000 h
10000 km -> 200000 h
1 year has 8760 h
That means i just have to be 10000 km away from that bitch and it would take 22 years to reach me.
I'd take the money without hesitation.

>>13865581
That's the actual technical term for the appendages on its head.

>>13865149
Well if you happen to have a very good surveillance you could still detect the snail and then fly to the other coast asap.
Not even a problem.

>>13864946
My sides. Biz absolutely vindicated

Option 2: You are forever capped at making 50k/year for the rest of your life

BUT you gain the telepathic ability to control the immortal snail that can morph through all objects, can see through its eyes, and can assassinate any individual you please.

Take the offer?

>>13867838
decoy snail

>>13867842
Jokes on you.
I make 25k a year and that is considered a lot in my shithole

wtf is your problem with this thread seriously? enough data has been collected (never enough)

>>13867842
Yes. I would kill hundreds of people a day with my demon snail.

>>13867492
no no thats small as a snail..not immortal

snail speed is about 50 meters per hour
which is less than a mile per day, for burgers
so
>take money
>move from america to europe, or from europe to america
>stay there about 3-4 years, snail ends up at the middle of the ocean
>move between america and europe every year
>snail will be forever pacing back and forth at the bottom of the ocean

>>13864927
Pay someone to lock it up in a box and bury it. Problem solved

>>13868099
decoy snail

>>13867334
This

>>13864927
i would take it snails are slow as fuck

>>13865004
can it follow you into space? to mars say...

>>13864927
Yes of course
By the time the fucker gets near me it'll probably be because I'm already an old fuck that my only thought is to kms myself 24/7

>>13867750

>snail surveillance

top jej

>>13868601
paint it with radioactive isotopes

>>13868578
That said I'd also probably add some will or hidden saying "I saw X raise a deadly snail, that motherfucker, we both hate each other I'm sure that bastard will use that to kill me somehow" X being some faggot that fucked me in my 50s probably

>>13866366
Oh fu

>>13864927
Id take it.
I'm in Australia and if i just flew to Europe it would take 36 years to reach me, but seeing as it would have to go over many obstacles like mountains, and going to the ocean floor and back up, it could be much longer, probably 40+

Obviously yes, buy the 2d treadmill so wherever it moves its always on the center (like the ready player 1 treadmill)

>>13868845
Also, cheaper then the rocket solution.

Talking about a snail


Yeah, biz is gonna make it...

>>13865111
literal 360 and fly away

>>13868841
yeah but you don't know where the snail starts, maybe it's in the town you fly to.

>>13864927
Donate the snail to NASA and have them shoot it into space.

Make friends with the snail, keep it as a pet. Soblem prolved.

>>13869084
yeah, all these faggots never gave a snail a plate of beer. Just watch the homicidal hermaphrodite catch you after that

>>13869084
200 IQ

>>13867842
>can assassinate any individual you please
The ability to rule the world is better than $10 mil, how is that even a question?

just keep salt in your pocket and sprinkle it between you and the snail every chance you get.

>>13865344

kek i know

>>13865077
which animals cause lethal injury in contact?

>>13867334
Im living in paranoia already with my 4k link stack

>>13865215
What goalposts were moved?
There's nothing in the original scenario that indicates that the snail ISN'T sentient or able to plan a future action
And there's nothing unrealistic about an animal figuring out human routines and reacting a certain way in anticipation as a result. Ever heard of Pavlov's dogs?

>>13864927
I HOLD CHAINLINK AND DO NOOOOT

>>13869885
sneks, anything australian

>>13864927
Just catch the snale and put it in a box

This is the absolute normie test. Only a normie would say no to this risk/reward ratio, even if the snail can't be trapped.

>>13867842
hmm, so it's like deathnote, but with a ghost snail.

>178 posts about the immortal snail
>many of them are funny

This is why I still come here.

>>13870203
decoy snail

I'll just buy a lake and a yacht and sleep there from now on.

>>13865020
>Do you realize how fucking retarded this sounds
You're on a board that trades fictional digital moneys in the hopes of becoming rich

>>13864946
It's a magic ghost snail retard.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5ipinn/you_and_a_super_intelligent_snail_both_get_1/

Old meme

>pay a guy 100k a year to hang around you and fling snails away

I'm sure there have been weirder rich person requests

>>13865111
Just turn 360 degrees and moonwalk away from it.

>sleep in a latex suit
>snail can never touch me
>walk away during the day

>>13870331
death snail will hide in your supplies when they get delivered. as soon as you reach in to grab your rolls of fap paper you’re ded.

Being wealthy would be a very unfair and COMPLEX matter with that snail following you around. I'm not doing this

>>13864927
It's easy, just do the math on how fast it is while living simultaneously in 2 spots on the earth.

Still can’t believe you’re all circlejerking over a years old reddit meme. How far 4chan has fallen.

>>13870727
Anything on reddit originally came from 4chan at one point. We are recycling it.

You on the other hand, are probably the fucking snail trying to get us to drop our guard. I have one thing to say to that, sir, and that's fuck you.