/biz/ - Business & Finance

Consensys 2019. A crowd gathers around an empty stage, growing more anxious by the minute. The chatter of the audience is abruptly drowned out with the abrasive whine of heavy machinery. The room fades to darkness while a massive tank of water affixed to multiple 18 inch diameter steel cables is lowered into center stage. The stage floor creaks and buckles as the immense payload lands, splashing water over the edges. A gargantuan, bulbous dark silhouette can be seen writhing about within the tank. Suddenly it is illuminated by the gentle glow of LEDs around the tank perimeter, revealing a grotesque recombinant sea creature with flippers, fins, and the head of a man. Myriad imperfections in the skin bulge, each casting a dancing shadow into the bouncing waves of refracting light. Marbling lumpy fat pockets and rippling rolls in the beasts flesh stretch and contract with the momentum of the sloshing water. Slowly, the abominable creature raises his head to peer out at the crowd. The monster is part whale, part manatee, and all Sergey. Several staff members appear from behind the tank, each tossing several big macs into the water. Sergey's eyes bulge almost completely out of their sockets as he gapes his mouth open like an anaconda, inhaling each burger whole as it sinks toward him, producing sickening, deep, wet sounding esophageal noises. His chest and belly violently contract as each swallow tympanically shakes the floor like beating war drums, spilling more fluid about the tank. Finally, the last burger is consumed, and after a minute or so of Sergey settling his belly and reattaching his lower jaw to his skull, he is ready to speak. With a booming voice, he says...