/biz/ - Business & Finance

Makes sense since Adelyn is asian and can fit into smaller spaces so it'd be easier for her to hide the coffee than say Rory or his family

>>12918094
Unfortunately Rory's wife doesn't let him anywhere near coffee and gives him cold tea regardless of what he asks for. Thomas said that Adelyn is incredibly adept at sneaking into meeting rooms beforehand to hide the coffee. Sergey knew this and that's why he hired her.

WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER

DO NOT UNDER ESTIMATE THE POWER OF POSITIVE THOUGHT! ESPECIALLY COLLECTIVE POSITIVE THOUGHT!!

THIS SHIT IS GOING TO REACH $1,000 EASILY! HOLD THAT THOUGHT AND VISUALIZE IT IN YOUR MIND EVERYDAY AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE STARTING NOW AND IT WILL MANIFEST INTO REALITY. DO IT! I'M NOT JOKING!

VISUALIZE AS OFTEN AND AS DETAILED AS POSSIBLE!

In the next version of the chainlink white paper, nicknamed the coffee paper, Sergey takes a page out of Joyce's novels and writes coffee standard over and over again. The Coffee Paper is said to be Sergey's last word on the price of link.

>>12918183
Sergey says that tethering the price of link to shitty American coffee is the best way to ensure Americans understand chainlink. During his time in the USA Sergey says that he misses his homeland and feels he must dumb down link for the American audience. Sergey is adamant that if Americans understand they need link just like they need watery coffee twelve times a day, the future of link is secure.

>>12918227
Some of the swift staff are European and find American coffee awful. This is why Adelyn is so important during sensitive meetings. She finds out the nationality of the members and goes to get the coffee ( Sergey can't be seen in public before a meeting as he places his body in a deep state of mediation). Without Adelyn who would get the coffee??? You really think Rory's wife is going to allow him to do something like that? Rory can barely leave the house because his wife has him under virtual house arrest. That's why he took the job of community manager. Adelyns role is much more important of course.

>>12918239
Adelyn has to know what coffees will sell the coffee standard to the executives in the meetings. Sergey sometimes has trouble keeping it together and often nods off during meetings. Thomas told us in slack that Adelyn keeps a small metal pole in her purse to nudge him gently before he starts to snore. If Adelyn isn't paying attention she diverts attention by offering additional coffees that she previously hid around the room. Swift executives are always bemused by coffees appearing from behind pot plants or taken down from the ceiling or sticky taped under the table. The coffees also help to keep Sergey awake enough to continue his presentation.

>>12918132
You're a MANIAC !

>>12918261
>>12918239
>>12918227
Take your meds please

>>12918082
Fuck off, u suck for spreading shit

>this thread

>>12918285
Sergey does need a, according to several leading psychologists, a "wild" combination of psychotics and barbiturates. This keeps his brain slowed down enough to communicate with other humans. The only other human being Sergey has been able to communicate freely with is vitalik. Thomas told us in slack that Sergey finds interactions with normal people frustrating because they can't keep up. The meds help to lower his cognitive processes so he is able to speak at a normal volume and speed. The side effect of course is that Sergey is always incredibly bored. The leading experts have been unable to solve this problem.

>>12918082
BASED AND RED-PILLED

>>12918309
Information at chainlink HQ is strictly controlled. Sergey has installed x-ray machines and has hired several security guards to stand watch over the premises. There are cameras everywhere. Thomas told us in slack that the cameras help keep Sergey calm because he has trouble rotating quickly. The new community leaders also monitor all signals coming in and out of chainlink HQ. Sergey says he feels a watched pot often boils at the same time as an unwatched one and routinely shuts down the break room in order to conduct extensive experiments on this thesis. When Steve asked him one time why doesnt he build something he said that philosophers don't interact with the empirical world at high volume.

>can only attend literal toilet-tier, irrelevant conferences and "fire side chats with "tom"
>sirgay has undoubtedly continued to gain weight, instead of value(not talking value meals)

the only right thing sirgay did last year was announce his freight waves 18 attendance, see he does care about his special little stinkies

>sirgay then finds out a working product and registration fees are required to participate, not to mention room expense (was a 2 day event, 3 if you were bita member, and 4 if you landed any deals from your presentation)
>conference will povide food
>kind of a remote area if you flew in and dont have a car

>sirgay then realizes paying 15buck every time he shuttled to mcdonalds, a 14 mile roundrip, 3 times a day, 90 bucks in shuttle fees just to eat mcdonalds for 2 days
>has a panic attack
>no shows market waves

yikes

>>12918362
>"fire side chats with "tom"
Had to offer Tom a position so he'd even talk to him

>>12918353
The redpill was something Sergey pushed for after six months working on chainlink. Every morning the team visit Sergey in his office and reenact that matrix scene. Sergey winks and tells them they wouldn't like the blue pill. According to Rory the pills are just placebos but Thomas told us in stack that they are really Viagra. The sexual energy apparently makes the team more productive but having a room full of stiff programmers has its drawbacks as there is often a line to use the bathroom. Sergey refused to install more toilets claiming that in his homeland one is enough.

>>12918333
This is the real oracle problem right here. Good job anon serving us with the breadcrumps /biz/ deserves

>>12918359
link is becoming like amb
and i loving every minute of it

>>12918397
According to Thomas the breadcrumbs thing started after Sergey would go to the bakery before everyone else came in and sprinkle day old bread over all the keyboards in the office. Then he would leave a trail of crumbs to implicate the alleged. Sergey's office at chainlink HQ is completely glass because "he has nothing to hide" and from his vantage he enjoys watching his team argue and blame each other for the breadcrumbs. after Sergey has finished giggling to himself he goes out and restores calm. After all a good boss knows when enough is enough.

>>12918513

>>12918397
Thomas told us in slack that the reason why vitalik compares link to Toyota is that it's his favorite car. Vitalik loves his old corolla hatchback and refused to sell it to Sergey. Sergey of course is not a man to take no for an answer and would follow vitalik home and ask him about the Toyota. Vitalik's email address was also bombarded with tonnes of emails about when are you selling that car, please I need that car, and answer my previous email. Vitalik eventually had to dissociate himself from Sergey. Sergey still shows up at Eth conferences and according to Rory in telegram vitalik often dangles the keys in front of Sergey taunting the poor man. Thomas told us in slack however that the car is not the issue but wouldn't comment further as to the nature of the disagreement.

>>12918401
Sergey's volume control is not the best. Adelyn said it's like his knob is broken and he can't control the volume. He's always been like that and would sometimes scare people on campus by coming up behind them and shouting their name. Adelyn feels Sergey's little project is good and she doesn't mind working nights and weekends to help out. Sergey wanted her full-time but she said that link isn't that serious but she would be happy to help. This is why marketing is always rushed and sloppy. Adelyn has been too busy waging at another company to really focus on link. English is her second language too so when she wakes mistakes it would be racist to point it out. Sergey likes having her at the office because he gets a two bonuses from the government.

>>12918555
Checked. Also, this is comedy gold. Keep it up anon

>>12918740
Sergey doesn't value gold. When Steve got Sergey a gold ring for hiring him Sergey threw it away in disgust and shouted at him that philosophers don't value material things. Thomas told us in slack that Sergey installed special lockers just outside the office and makes all the team remove any jewelry before they begin work. He even spent some of the ico money getting metal detectors for the guards with special instructions that they were to "pay close attention to any shining metals that would dare enter his sanctuary". Thomas told us in slack that Sergey feels a sense of enlightenment being unadorned by material things because he would rather focus on connecting the value of his "digital internet money cubes" to "warm dark liquid" because that will seal the gap between the ideal world and the material.

If you looked at the pivotal tracker right now you would think the chainlink team have become bug exterminators. The reality at the office for the chainlink team is exactly the same. To motivate the team, Sergey has taken to arriving early to the office before everyone else and releasing a large variety of bugs around the office. When the team arrive for work in the morning they first have to spend about an hour squashing bugs before they can actually begin work. Thomas asked why they have to do this and Sergey became angry with him and said "it's good practice". Thomas still didn't understand and Sergey leapt to his feet and shouted that philosophers waste too much time explaining themselves. Of course Rory doesn't work at the office because his wife makes him stay at home where she can keep an eye on him. Sergey sneaks into his house in the dead of night and does the same thing. Rory says he doesn't mind it but Mrs Pant-Jigaboo has had enough and wants "that strange fat man" away from her home and child.

To keep the team on their toes, Sergey loves trying out his latest theories on them. One of Sergey's theories is that people work less when they know you better. To combat this phenomenon, Sergey disguses himself everyday with wigs from his collection. When Adelyn asked where he got the money for the wigs Sergey snubbed her and said how dare you accused a stranger of wearing a wig. Adelyn didn't understand that Sergey was in disguise until Steve and Thomas told her about Sergey's games afterwards. The rest of the team feel that the surreal environment at smart contract HQ or smart contact as Adelyn likes to call it (an inside joke from when she was interviewed by Sergey) does make for a challenge and they are happy to persist with Sergey's strange behaviour.

>>12918082
I don't even know why I come to this website anymore.

To prepare himself for today's Paris conference the team had to warm up Sergey's water to room temperature with their hands. Sergey refuses to drink bottled water that hasn't been chilled in the refrigerator and then warmed by the hands of his team. Sergey says it makes the water special and drinking it more significant.

>>12918082
based and coffeebeaned

>>12919148
Thomas and Sergey often visit biz together on the share computer in the break room. It's like a normal computer but with a special wider office chair that allows two people to sit and browse at the same time. Thomas probably posts more memes than Sergey and most of them are about funny office injokes. Sergey can't figure out why other people find them so interesting. For example clown posting was started by Thomas after Steve wore a clown suit into work for causal Fridays.

Toasting in epic bread

>>12918681
>This is why marketing is always rushed and sloppy. Adelyn has been too busy waging at another company to really focus on link.

its sirgays fault there is no marketing, there is no marketing with out a product

Haven't been on here in a month. These new Link memes have me feeling like Rip Van Winkle

>>12918082
What a shitshow. Linkies will be btfo.