/biz/ - Business & Finance

>Hello th-
>Hi it's --
>Oh
>...
>Yo-
>You go ah-
>...
>Okay, I'll -
>Alright
>Sorry, y-
>I'll go ahead and start *muffled voice on the other line attempting to speak over current talker*
>*both keep talking over each other until only one voice is left standing*

The majority of "office" work/labor is completely unnecessary and only exists to make useless idiots feel smart and important.

>>11902633
And when crypto goes to zero that's where you'll be if you're lucky.

>If you're the leader, press star now
>*presses star*
>Enter your leader pin
>....leader pin?

>>11902721

>Dial in 5 minutes late
>"The Call Leader has not yet started the conference"
>Cue Elevator Music

>>11902633
Exactly. Like seeing shitskins with horrible aesthetic sense who think they're "respected" (whatever that means), valued, and "brainy".

>>11902576
>>11902614
dolby voicd niggers. name on entry plus multi simultaneous voice capabilities with spacial awareness and background noise reduction. or just use video like a real boss.

>"while we're on this topic lets discuss regulations"
>"well, regulation 1123:3 of the Code of Compliance states that...
>my mind trails off
>minutes pass
>"ANON, would you like to pass comment on this?"
>oh fuck
>"uhhh...."

>>11903534
>*wakes up*
>Hi-i Deb. I have confidence in our compliance section to handle what's required with this issue. I see no reason to comment at this time. Perhaps Todd from Midwest Regional Operations can elaborate on best practices regarding regulation frameworks in their neck of the woods? I'd be interested to hear if any others have thoughts on this as well? Thanks deb.
>*disconnects*

>>11902576
Kinda glad i dont have to deal with any of this shit, but then again im a labourer with little to no chance of career advancement where my pay maxes out at ~42/hr (64 on weekends)

Also is carl the quintessential office name?

>the guy that hangs up 3 times after the call just to make sure the call is actually disconnected just so he can talk shit about the people on the call.

>the guy that tries to mute but hangs up on everyone instead.

>the guy that shares the wrong desktop on screenshare so everyone sees his slack messages.

>>11902576
thanks just bought 1000 shares

>>11903534
>>11903845
What field of work deals with this bullshit? Engineering?

>>11903876
Trust me, you're making more than 95% of those people ever will.

>>11903876
nice, what field desu?
Sounds like a union job but well into journey man. Plumbing?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>11903484
>>11902633
>Seething manual laborers

>>11904170
>>What field of work deals with this bullshit? Engineering?
>All XYZ shall be designed according to section 4.1.42-5 Table II if the following applies
>A. blah blah blah
>B. 1234567
>...
>...
>H. nutoabtaotb
but not while B. and R., or A,B,NN. or X if X is greater than that value calculated according to S. See chapter 34.2.11 in these cases.

>hey IT can you tweak the microphone for the company show and tell we need this ASAP
>slap it hard
>How about now?
>Excellent love your work
Lel 2ez

>>11902576
>Sorry, can everyone please go on mute when they're not talking as we're getting a lot of *beep hoop*...noise on the call hello who is that just joined*has left the conference*

38 years old German boomer here: I can confirm and I repeat I can positively confirm that this>>11902614, >>11902576 and this >>11902721 describes in the most accurate fashion how things really are in corporate banking in Germany. It is pure hell: Brain degrading stupidity everywhere and basically everything that happens painfully reminds one of how useless these jobs are.

I was working in one of the 10 biggest banks in Germany btw.

>>11905437
Kek Insurance here same bullshit.

When you fill a room with 20 employees only 2 of them are of value

>>11902576
I don't get the joke

>>11905437
>>11905489

Kek in consulting here same shit.
Monkeys who care "conference call formalities" are the ones who have no value to add

>>11905489

That makes 10%, mind you! Cannot confirm. Feeling is more like 5%.

>Hey Anon, this is Zoomie, our new intern
>He's very interested in the Data Science/Blockchain/Synergy/Agile space so we thought it would be cool if he could shadow you while we wait for his access to go through

>>11905503
it's not a joke

>>11902576
Nice pasta. Would be a pity if Skype and Gotomeeting existed in the current year.

>>11905892
that's when you teach him the wrongthing

>>11902576
>>11902614
>>11902721
Best thread on /biz/ rn

>>11905924
Seconded.
This is fucking great, OP.
>>11902576

>>11905897
PLS DELET

>Hey Rajesh, I think you're talking on mute

>>11905916
How do you teach him the wrong thing? Got any good examples?

>>11904927
Fucking kek, who else here \devilish\ and purposely doesn't mute?

>>11905437
Where do you work now?

Can confirm.
I got used to being called to help boomers join conference calls, they never wanted to read manuals/guides. Yet I used to be blamed for the slow adoption of the conferencing infrastructure.

>>11906263
He called in... Un-mute it and go through the nearest drive through, then order one of everything over the intercom. After that, dump the call.

>>11905892
fug this used to be me

>>11906263
Everyone in our Lync chat is able to mute others. Without being showed that it was you.

So usually I mute my boss when he have something to say in an important call kek and then fill in.

Job titles serve no purpose 90% of the time other than to inflate the employees ego and make them feel important.

>work in time intensive job
>New regional manager holds a meeting
>Cue 27 employees watching him monologue for over an hour.
>Every single group gets crushed.

>>11902576
Hello this is Rajeesh

>>11902721
>>11903450
>I just wanted to say *arghdjsj loud backgroubd noise, voice incomprehensible*
>awkward long silence
>Jürgen can you add something to this?
>start speaking, can still hear bacjground noise, know listeners wont understand shit
>finish talking
>Alright gentlemen, now that we have put this behind ourselves lets move on
>continuing the same pattern
>*anon anhero*

>>11902576
Is this a new copy pasta? Lol

>>11906759

>beats giving them raises
cuck wagies

This OP is frightingly accurate, im a chemical engineer and i deal with this shit all the time. Especially with conference calls to the middle east (only indians and pakis are actually woring there, so sanjeet amd rakesh)

That's why I always refuse to do conf calls with americans.