/biz/ - Business & Finance

>tfw haven't had a sex in over 10 years

Might as well be a virgin

feels pretty good then u nut and thats nice too but then u kinda dont wanna hang out with women for a while

sounds like pasta bait
the feeling of a vagina isn't too far from a good sex toy, so i'd try that before fucking vacuums and watermelons
ofc a real vagina is warm and wet, fits your cock like a glove and comes with a cute girl moaning exquisitively as you push

it feel like something u wanna poke with ur penis over and over again

How about you buy a fucking fleshlight.

>>10234540
Copypasta.

Salty milk and coins

Keep jerking off and when you finally get the real thing you will barely feel shit. Stop jerking and chase the real thing for a little. Trust me..

>>10234540
It’s lik describing the color blue to someone colorblind. Just got to try it to feel it

>>10234540
Like a warm Apple pie

>>10234540
Bags of sand.

>>10234540
It's sweaty, usually smells kinda bad, and gets uncomfortably hot. I honestly mostly sleep with girls as an ego thing. It reminds me that others find me physically and mentally attractive. Restores my self confidence and makes me more easy going.

If I want to cum easily I'll just jerk off or get head. Actual sex is honestly kind of a pain in the ass OP. Not even joking. You can probably get laid OP, just gotta be confident in your abilities and make good conversation. I'm like a chubby 7/10 at best and it's not that hard.

As proof I'm not bullshitting, pic related is my Tinder, I've got four dates this weekend, one is in an hour.

>>10234790
what's your success rate on tinder dates?

>>10234802
Are you measuring success in terms of getting laid? Usually around 60-70%, and it usually happens on the second date. I always start with a coffee date because it's cheap and a relaxed setting.

The important thing to remember though is at least on Tinder, my actual match rate is maybe 10% of the girls I swipe right on. Can't get discouraged by not matching with that ideal 8/10 you really wanted. Girls can afford to be much more selective with who they go out with than guys can.

That being said I'm fairly excited for this girl. 7/10 cosplayer, has her own apartment (so I don't need to constantly clean mine), watches anime, and plays games. So I'm hoping it goes well, she has a great figure too.

>>10234540
It feels like moist air, dont get your hopes up

>>10234540
Anon fill up a sandwich bag of lotion find a comfy bed mattress...well you know the rest

>>10234540
get a a fucking loan for a hooker

>OP is faggot or bot
>not /biz/
Report this bot lads, and sage if you post.

Not this shit again

This is fairly spot on >>10234571

>>10234540
Anon get a venus real and lube and a warmer, its the closeset thing >>>/jp/ona/ my onahole made me realize condoms suck (was to scared to do it raw with the girl even tho she wanted it as it was my first time (I really dont want kids) )

Onaholes still dont replicate the full experince, yeah it's warm and the same feeling on your dick and you feel it expand around your dick, it feels much bettter and more natural than your hands, but you dont feel the girls warm skin or hear her moan or see her awesome tits bounce or feel her riding you or that feeling of conquest, the feeling that this woman really wants you inside of her, and last but not least that blessful feeling afterwawrds when your both cuddling and she rest her head on your chest (which is awful afterwards, it makes you catch feelings)

Yes you can watch porn but its not the same as sex. Porn is a dollar store bowel of cup ramen you shove down your thorat while hating yourself, porn with an onahole is a big mac combo you eat comfortablly by yourself at home and sex (at least with someone who actually wants to have sex with you) is a great meal at a resturant where you drink champgane and have a fun conversation with a friend. But just becuase you can't go a resturant right now does not mean you have to settle for garbage dollar store ramen, YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT ANON

Should I start an onahole shilling side bisuness?

>>10234571
/thead

>>10234571

Accurate

>>10234571
This.
Sex is overrated.

>>10234928

I've tried this and was awesome m8s

10/10

>>10234571
This is the truth, being horny puts blinders on you that come off the second you nut.

>>10234540
they have these things called condoms now, look in to it. minimizes the risk to almost nothing and the reward is you wont go fucking crazy.

the real reason you wont go to a hooker is because you are afraid of sex because in your head youve made such a big deal about it. i know the feeling

>>10234571
Haha this is me.

>>10234571
Really this is so fucking true. You can literally bed the sexiest woman on the planet, maybe you'll spend months and 1000s of dolalrs trying to woo her, but the minute that you nut you will literally lose all interest in her.

My wife has figured this out. I browse biz all day, then when I want some pussy I start acting nice, The minute I nut I'm right back on the couch with you guys. Younger me would never believe that Ihave a hot wife that will accompany me anywhere so I'm never alone, but in reality I like being alone and shitposting.

>>10234851
70-80%?

Nigga please

I am 13/13 with tinder girls. If you meet them and don't fuck them, you are doing it seriously wrong

>>10234540
just go pay to fuck a whore if you're that desperate. they're pros, they've probably dealt with plenty of pathetic fucks like yourself.

Feels good if the girl is tight, different positions feel better. If the girl is loose you gotta slam her for like a hour if your used your death grip jerking because you will have very little sensation on each slam.

>>10234540
Honestly, it's not even the pussy itself. A fleshlight soaked in warm water is a fairly accurate facsimile of an actual vagina. What is hard to recreate is the musky smell of her hole, the taste of the sweat on her cheeks, her delicate golden hair, the heat of her soft skin, her nails digging into your back as you tighten your grip on her neck, the soft murmur escaping her lips as the last breath leaves her body, the terrified look in her doe-like eyes as she comes to the realization that your grip is only getting stronger.

>>10234571
I guess I'm lucky in that I want to cuddle and kiss women

I just need the affection

>>10234540
Feels pretty good but then you have to deal with woman emotions and overanalysis of anything you say or do.

Try a pool cleaner vacuum while underwater, especially with a heated pool, it will give you the best orgasm of your entire life.

The fans rapidly but gently smack the head of your dick while giving really strong suction.

Obviously stick your fingers in first to make sure it's safe, not every pool vacuum is the same.

I've had blowjobs from 3 different women and 4 different men, I've used vacuums, cock-pumps, fleshlights, vibrators... and NOTHING compares to the pool cleaner.

I'm not even fucking kidding right now, if you get the chance, try it.

The only thing that is even remotely close to how good that pool vacuum felt was straight up vaginal sex with this fat chick who had a really warm snatch, it was like sticking my dick into a wet loaf of banana bread straight out of the oven, and yes this fucking pool cleaner vacuum was better than that.

I don't own a pool or else I'd be doing it every day.

Unfortunately the owner of the pool caught me doing it so I'm not allowed to be within 1000 feet of his house anymore but it was so fucking worth it, I'm telling you that fucking pool vacuum is like heaven.

Honestly the only reason I even want to make it is so I can afford my own house with a heated pool and of course a pool vacuum.

I can't wait to buy a dozen different brands and styles of pool cleaners and fuck them all.

I live for that day to come.

>>10234790
Agreed on this, sex is a pain in the ass. I'd rather get head and be done with it.

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Just hire a hooker and get it over with ffs

>>10235768
Do you know the saying "sex is only half as good as you imagine it while youre jerking off?"

Its not. Its out of this world. Its the bomb. Tremendous. Beats every sunset. Imagine a cold night and you have a soft, warm, awesome smelling, tight, hot and wet and horny, energetic, purring, jesus christ, she's moaning and cumming and you can feel it and shes twitching and bam you shoot your load and you both laugh about it oozing out and your sensitive and you close your eyes ans enjoy and youre covered in juices and you come down from the high and that awesome smell and her ass is rubbing against you and you get hard again and shes moaning and you put it in and oh sweet jesus you wont last long but shes fucking herself on your dick and has one hand on your hips, pushing you into her, and the other hand on the wall, pushing herself onto you, and shes working and shes sweating and shes cumming and all you can do is bite her back to slow her down and before you bust she goes down and sucks it out of you and you ask yourself, how? How the fuck did people procreate, how did humanity make it here, when it feels so fucking good to cum in her mouth?

>>10235796
You're fucking glorifying sex too much. Dont.

I treat sex as like getting a haircut or getting a massage. Scratch that itch if you need to and get it from professionals and get it over with

>>10235825
Thats like eating only potatoes because eating is only for nutrition
Enjoy this ride, my friend

>>10234928
the ribbed edges made me cum soooooo hard. the spicy aspect is just that-- a meme. jalaps are the best - microwave it before hollowing for best results. I like to squirt KY in there and leave seeds for texture (vag seeds)

it feels good and all but if you do it daily especially with someone you aren't really sexually compatible with it gets boring really fast.

But when you find that one freak who is into all the same shit you are and is totally what you're looking for, its better than heroin

>>10235365
This is absolutely true. I've ruined myself

>>10234928
>>10235151
>>10236200
why are you guys all conspiring together to make my dick burn

>>10234571

Wisdom

>>10234540
Underside of your tongue but ribbed and more wet.

I started this thread as a joke (it's a copypasta) but honestly I'm sick of this life. Man wasn't meant to live like this.

That's it anons. No more being an incel. No more spending all day online. No more wishing things were different.

Things change now! Goodbye friends. Wish me luck.

>>10235278
How do you guys get girls to meet with you? I match with them but they always back out of the date
>haven’t had a date since February
Please send help

>>10234790
agree with all of this, i'd be content just getting head 99% of the time

>>10236742
I'm unironically going across an ocean tomorrow.

>>10236899
Try not being born with autism.

>>10234613
this, i used to have 5 hour edging sessions before i lost my virginity at 23 (lol) and the first time i fucked i literally went 1.5 hrs straight with a girl who was way into me, never nutted and now that ive regularly have sex i nut like 10% of the time

>>10237085
>5 hour edging sessions
dude what the fuck how much of your life have you wasted jacking off

>>10237016
Besides that?

>>10237085
Real Talk, Anon: How big are you and did she like that you've lasted over an hour?

>>10237016
I'm fucked, then. fuck...

>>10237131
Nope. Hookers maybe?

>>10234540
maybe go outside, you dont have to be chad thundercock to get pussy

>>10237168
You're not fucked, which is the problem here.

>>10234540
>>10234571
sex has more in common with shitting and pissing than anything else
read a book

>>10237168
We are. Nature and its shitty byproduct called "life" is nothing but a cruel joke.

>>10235533
>tfw no gf
;_;

>>10236072
what if you usually don't really enjoy eating food?

>>10237201
kek

>>10237226
;_;

>>10237170
It’s illegal here. If I get busted my career is over. Might have to take a flight down to Vegas...

>>10237275
don't be paranoid by retarded laws, it's illegal in a lot of places but people still do it, its not that risky, police aren't spending all their time trying to catch horny autists

>>10234928
Unironically, jerking off after handling mildly hot peppers is MUCH more enjoyable than usual.

>>10237275
don't be a coward

>>10234540
not worth the effort. you spend too much energy moving around trying to look normal while youre just trying not to nut the whole time. stick to using your hand OP.

>>10236988
you mean over - seas

>>10235278
Nigga I said 60-70% and I'm selective.

>>10236899
Tell them how pretty they are and be funny, don't go too hard into the flattery though or you'll look weak and desperate. I'd strongly recommend reading their bios and forming a conversation starter off something in there, and their appearance.

>>10234540
It’s not expressible in terms of another thing you have to experience it anon

>>10237236
Gfs are a pain in the ass, just fuck around. Monogamy is for suckers.

>>10237945
It's not possible to have a conversation with someone about something you have literally ZERO interest in.

>>10237959
Yes it is you're just fucking autistic and don't understand how to feign interest. I work in the hotel biz, I have to have bullshit nothing conversations on the daily. If you wanna get laid either learn to bullshit your way through a conversation or hire a goddamn hooker.

>>10234790
god I fucking miss online dating and laying out a couple random thouts every weekend.

stuck in a boring relationship with a girl who has gained weight

can't break up with her because we have a lease together

God I am fucking going crazy. It's better to have known the wild days I guess, but I feel like having that much freedom for so long ruined my ability to stay both faithful and sane at the same time.

>>10237976
dont you have likes to click on fagbook normie? seems you got lost.

>>10234540
This board is for the discussion of topics related to business, economics, financial markets, securities, currencies (including cryptocurrencies), commodities, etc -- as well as topics relating to starting and running a business.

>>10234540
5. All boards that default to the Yotsuba B or Burichan (blue) themes are to be considered "work safe." Violators may be temporarily banned and their posts removed. Note: Spoilered pornography or other "not safe for work" content is NOT allowed on the work safe boards.

>>10238014
You said something that's objectively wrong and I corrected you, you immense faggot. Just because you haven't developed basic social skills doesn't mean every other anon is some autistic, r9k dwelling permavirgin who staked his future and success with women on becoming crypto rich. Get off my fucking board and go make some >tfw kissless virgin posts.

>>10238009
Get the fuck out of there as fast as you can, anon. Dump her, break the lease and eat the penalty fee. Don't let the guilt about your gf hold you back. This is experience talking, your misery will compound the longer you let it go on.

>>10235578
Lucky that you're a fag kek

>>10238077
her family financially supports her/us and want me to run their family business

on a pure cost/benefit analysis I'm fucking torn

>>10235533
>as the last breath leaves her body
Many will skim this twist in the story.

>>10234540
Pay a whore, then buy an good quality onahole and compare.
The only way sex is better than the onlahole is if the girl is really hot or if you are actually having sex with someone you have feelings for, and even then sometimes the opportunity cost for that stuff is too high.
I'd say that unless you can pick up hot women with ease, sex is not worth the effort.

>>10238081
Its probably because everyone treated him poorly and doesn't have much human contact so now he just wants someone to be nice and comfort him. Pretty sure everyone gets that feeling sometimes.

>>10234540
>90 replies on copypasta
Wow crypto really is done and you are all still virgins. Sad.

>>10234928
I don't think my dick when I was a toddler would've fit inside a hollow jalpapeno.

>tfw the thoughts that make me the happiest are the ones where I imagine reading in bed or watching a film in bed at night next to a loved one

it's wholesome to the point where it's sad

>>10234540
That's a dude.

>>10234790
Not my experience at all. A good healthy pussy doesn't smell bad and if a girl does her kegels, it's better than any sex toy.

If having sex is a pain in the ass, get in shape and find a better girl.

>>10238077
I'm in a similiar situation without the lease. I enjoy my safe girlfriend, but i feel at 25 i should still be out bucking random sloots.

>>10237085
I laughed at 5 hour edging sessions then I remembered that I used to have at least 2 hour wank sessions daily for many years. Shit...

try going from having sex several times a week, to never because you had to move to a small town in the middle of nowhere that is full of old people

at least I can grow pot

if I couldn't get blasted out of my mind on thc I would have killed myself by now

>>10235533
Nice one.

>>10234571
Not with me!

>>10238065
This. All of these pathetic incels should get the fuck back to r9k

>>10239995
You're not into GILFs?

>>10234540
Is this r9k now? When did the influx of neets begin?

>>10234565
I know this feel.

>>10237085
my longest edging session was 11 hours. from 11pm to 10am. then went to work at 11am.

>>10237085
>>10239915
>>10242158
Wtf i thought i was weird. Fucking sex addicted freaks.

>>10234540
Sex is the most overhyped vaporware to ever exist on this planet
Seriously, the desire to have it is greater than the actual pleasure itself that comes from it, and you’ll be left disappointed that jacking off feels better than a vagene

>>10234540
Hear me OP.

I know it's hard to get laid as a virgin, it's because of your mentality. You have to start with 4/10 girls and fatties, that's your option for now. Try tinder or facebook or whatever works in your area, talk with ugly women and don't show signs that you are a virgin. Eventually you will get laid.

2nd option is an escort. They are easy to find and affordable. You need to go to a few escorts before you find one or 2 that don't hurry you and lets you do whatever you want.
The thing is that people say hookers don't count, but who knows maybe it will boost your confidence maybe not, maybe you will start having feelings for one...who knows.

TL;DR Just find a fatty bang her

>>10242299
My short story how i lost my virginity:
>be my 20yr old manlet
>6/10 girl from my last job message me on fb
>went to a date with her
>talk about boring things
>says she broke up with her bf
>she depressed because of him and her parents etc
>after few days she come to my place(i live with my parents)
>we talk and watch youtube
>we talked very little about sex ofc because i was a virgin
>she says something like "i feel like a connection between us" or some sht
>she came close to me and we kiss
>she locked my door
>big boner.jpg
>we both got undressed slow
>she had a petite body/skinny
>she touched me down
>boner gone and don't know why
>ashamed af
>we watched youtube again like it's no big deal
>forward a few days later she says it's no problem and we can do it another time
>that time came
>she says she has something special just for me
>again to my place
>hottest underwear ever
>instantboner.jpg
>finally she blows me
>now we are getting on
>40-50 min of fucking
>can't cum
>seems like i have delayed ejacuation from too much porn
>she gave me a handjob but still can't cum
>i had to jerk off like a monster to end

That's it. We fucked like 6-7 times after that.
She wanted someone else because I was too fking short for her.
She downloaded tinder and some other bullshit.
She started to talk with other guys because she is so easy. I started to care for her but she was dating other guys and she wanted to be just friends now. Took me few moths to get over it.
She was my only one because I'm an ugly manlet.
Now every month I get an escort and I don't deal with women/realationships anymore.

>>10242570
imagine being this emotionally scarred because you got laid

>>10242570

how tall are you?

fellow 5'9 manlet here

>>10242179
This. Once you do it you'll just be like "Oh, so this is it." and you'll consider yourself retarded for obsessing over it so much previously.

>>10242671
Please I'm 5.7 and ugly af

>>10234540
>mfw this 18 year old girl I'm tutoring comes to class all dressed up with bright red lipstick and is smiling about everything

If I just weren't an autistic boomer..

>>10242717

>>10235254
Are you me?

>>10242717
Is that an escort that you've fucked?

I'm 5'10 and can get girls, but they're almost always 7/10's or below. I feel like my only chances with actual "hot" girls are escorts

>>10234540
like warm apple pie

>>10242776
>meninisttweet
>sounds like a fun account
>suspended
>mfw

Sex is the strongest force/energy in the universe. This thread proves it

>>10234540
My friends at /jp/ with the help of a Chad had concluded that the venus real onahole in soft is as close to a real vagina as possible.

>>10235679

Lost my shit. Thanks dude.

>>10236742
Nobody gives a shit fuck you
What the fuck is up with these threads on /biz/? You know, /BUSINESS/.