/biz/ - Business & Finance

Hello. My name is David Kastin. I’m the Chief Legal Officer, Executive Vice President and Corporate Secretary of Bed Bath and Beyond.
I joined the BBBY team in December of last year. Prior to that, I’ve spent the last 25 years cultivating an impeccable reputation as one of the nation’s top mergers and acquisitions lawyers.
Once I came on board with BBBY (43,000 vested shares later), I familiarized myself with their unique situation, their immediate needs, and their plan for the company’s future. Then I got down to work.
It wasn’t easy, and I relied heavily on my quarter century of M&A experience, but this is the best deal I could come up with:
Find a predatory hedge fund to float some up-front money in exchange for preferred shares and a green light to dilute the company to the edge of insolvency at the expense of shareholders, thereby immortalizing myself and the BOD as the most incompetent business professionals to ever walk the earth.
Postscript:
We’ll probably all be sued, and my vested shares will be worth piss, but even with a valuable asset like Baby and an unused $150 million share offering, I felt this was the best way forward.