/biz/ - Business & Finance

>be me
>wasted time online last night after binging on junk food
>slept
>woke up at 10 am
>played an acclaimed video game (maybe most acclaimed of the past 5 years); was entertained for a few hours but it always leaves me feeling empty afterwards
>eat food; no junk food left to eat; yesterday's binge was the big binge to signify no more binges
>waste time online
>go outside for a drive and a walk that feels energising yet pointless while listening to Cum Town
>browse internet in car
>will now go to supermarket and probably buy junk food (unsure what rationalisation I'll use for this; the binge after the last binge ever is usually a blase binge that signifies that the binges have no special significance at all and I'll casually give up junk food afterwards with no effort and become thinner)
>will waste time online then either play vidya or read before sleeping and waking up to my job

I have read about women making money on onlyfans and saw this video by a woman who went from low tier vlogger to an onlyfans that probably makes over 100k a month. Wow, being a woman is life on easy mode.

I listened to the chart on radio 1 and the top two are Drake, who just talks, and a sea shanty song. I don't get it. I browse 4chan all day but the youth are still on more layers of irony than me. I have never thought myself above them from.

It's still over 3 weeks until the wagecuckbux drops but the Covid era savings are great.

I watched videos of a video game I completed in early summer last year and it was so nostalgic. The menus and UI have more SOVL than most games.

It has been almost 6 months since Trump started campaigning. My 20s have been wasted in a fugue of self loathing, demoralisation, and internet timewasting. I remember lying on my bed, watching highlights of his first debate performance, on a sunny and carefree day. And similarly, except in a car on a dark winter 2015 day. I was wasting my life non-stop.

>be me
>work this week started off with almost no work
>weekday nights were particularly wasted and lacked energy or aims
>wake up at 8.45 am on Friday
>start work
>work
>finish work
>lie in bed and browse internet on phone
>sleep for over 2 hours until 11 pm
>watch most of an episode of a TV show I really I liked many years ago but which now feels dated in a 00s way
>waste more time online, sleep
>wake up on Saturday morning
>play an extremely acclaimed modern game; enjoy exploring its world but always feel very empty after playing it
>go jogging
>eat food; have the last bit of junk food left (crisps)
>waste time online
>go driving outside
>go for a short walk that feels pointless
>now browsing internet in car while drinking Costa coffee
>plan to buy junk food, go home, browse internet, play more vidya, read in bed, then sleep

My internet timewasting has become particularly mindless: the minutiae of politics and even some mindless YouTube (I mostly agree with the last psychiatrist's quote: If you're watching it, it's for you).

I am drifting in unspooked nihilism. Even saying nihilism makes it sound too spooky. I started a game that everyone considers to be bad and hard and I got bored after a few hours but then wanted to play it to stop the feeling of failure from giving up. Similarly with a book I consider overwritten and easily summarisable.

I watched some tech YouTubers in the past few days. Americans are gods. They earn over $200k starting salaries in tech companies. It's quite incredible how every Asian American (or really rich Asian in America) on YouTube is very successful in the conventional career track. Some of it is brazenly prestige obsessed but I admire their mentality. I also search for '[Ivy League school] vlog' and feel sad at their idyllic lives.

I have a lot more savings that I did 1 year ago. Feels relaxing to have a lot more more than 0.6x my monthly salary in the bank.

Hopefully I'll start doing anything at all soon.

>be me
>browsed internet on phone in bed late last night
>woke up at 9 am today
>played vidya
>went jogging in daylight (haven't done that often lately)
>read for a short time
>ate food
>had some junk food
>browsed internet
>went for a walk outside in the sun
>ended up walking 7 miles while listening to Cum Town and a rationalist podcast
>winter has definitely ended; saw lots of chad/stacey couples, packs of thots, other sad sack males on their own
>felt sad as my walk was ending as it got dark; having such a leisurely Friday and a potentially busy work week upcoming has made the Sunday evening sadness worse a bit
>came home
>played vidya for almost 3 hours; completed a really long and old game I've been playing over many months (now my life is even more purposeless)
>browsing internet in the dying hours of Sunday
>had some noodles and will browse internet / read in bed soon

I read the phrase "putting on weight" and an associated weight and the phrase "stuffing my face" and I felt so disgusted by that person. Hopefully I can stop eating junk food once I eat all the remaining junk food (around one binge's worth left). I'm hoping to channel my cravings in to some sort of noble suffering but experience has shown me that they only appear as mid-day lethargy and feelings of pointlessness.

Having jogged earlier in the day feels good but nothing beats the post-lifting feeling. I am sure that making the population weak is a goal of the government.

That feeling when I'm walking and I realise that I've had zero adult social life / I'm ugly / I should be doing something useful.

Thinking of 22 year old zoomers who make thousands from youtube just by being cool and extroverted.

>be me
>Friday working was slow paced and I was browsing the internet a lot on my phone
>went driving; went for a walk while listening to an alt right podcast; bought coffee; bought junk food at a supermarket
>went jogging
>browsed internet
>slept at 1 am
>woke up at 8 am
>wasted 2 hours browsing internet in bed
>read non-fiction book
>read fiction book
>morning felt very sunny and idyllic, like summer days past
>ate normal food and junk food
>went for a medium length walk without a jacket; it felt like summer
>listened to cum town and lower midwit BBC podcasts
>went back home, procrastinated jogging and then didn't jog at all
>wasted time online, now in bed

I have almost finished a long videogame. It's dated and has sequels that totally surpass it gameplay-wise. The story/plot is also very barebones and has been overrated online. Its overall atmosphere and music are very evocative and it definitely warrants a modern remake with upgraded mechanics. I don't often think that.

My wagiebux went in to my bank account. Being remote helps me save a lot of money. I am able to put more money than ever in to savings and investments and even crypto. The savings are a pretty good mental cushion.

I think I am starting to feel the effects of binges now that I'm older. The chocolate, sweets, and crisps I had today felt a bit like a chemical slap, when in the past they were nothing. Maybe in 5 years they'll feel like a punch.

All alt right podcasts are seriously boring now. I think things have been articulated well enough and there's little left to discuss. All that's left is watching things progress (obviously no political actors exist except the globalist elite).

There have been a few prototype summer days. Chad and Stacey couples are everywhere. I'm feeling nostalgic for the vidya I played last April to June.

I'm reading an old pseudy fiction book (which has been passable for 30 pages) and a praised modern non-fiction book that is very overwritten and stretched out.

Bros...

>>29405085
It’s over

>be me
>finish a relaxed week at work on Friday afternoon
>go jogging
>do some supermarket shopping in evening; wasn't as good as last week, which wasn't as good as some weeks before
>waste time on internet
>wake up on Saturday morning
>read a non-fiction book
>start reading an old and venerated novel
>eat food and junk food
>go for a drive and then walk outside
>end up not walking much
>go back home
>waste time online
>go jogging
>waste more time online
>apply for a few jobs, mainly to see if I'd get interviews
>read the latest moldbugkino
>sleep at 2 am
>wake up at 8 am
>browse internet instead of sleeping more
>only rest my eyes for 15 minutes before watching tennis at around 9 am
>watch tennis
>go for a walk outside for around 2+ hours
>listen to cum town and a rationalist podcast
>it's much warmer than a week ago ago and feels like summer
>finish walk, buy some chocolate at a supermarket
>feels strange for there to still be daylight and warm weather after 3 pm
>go back home, eat lots of food, feel stuffed
>decided not to eat anything for 27 hours to see if fasting at random times can make me give up junk food or get lighter
>will spend rest of evening playing vidya, reading, browsing internet

Being reminded of summer weather today made me remember how it never made me happy. When it was cold and dark recently I thought sun and warm weather would make life feel like a paradise. But it barely matters. If anything, it feels like, dare I say it, the cold (and age appropriate) light of day, lol. Although being able to finish work at 6 pm, and still go for long walks in the warm daytime feels unreal.

I'm sure any day now I will start working hard on stuff and actually start doing productive things.

I don't want to be fat in the summer again. The gyms are closed so I should at least get lighter. I think of myself as having a 15 kg yellow weight attached to my stomach, and how good it would be to get rid of it.

>be me
>woken up by alarm at 8.45 am
>start work
>not a busy time
>have so much free time I spend almost the whole morning watching the Nadal match
>have lunch
>work more
>finish work
>waste time on internet in bed
>browse silicon valley Twitter and feel subhuman for not being a millionaire
>waste time on internet
>go jogging, then go for a walk, then go to supermarket
>only intended to buy carby food to eat that night but imagine myself during the cold light of day tomorrow, during my lunch break, and realise that junk food makes life worth living
>buy junk food, eat carby food at home
>now lying in bed and browsing internet, sacrificing sleep for internet meme browsing

I'm fairly sure the healthy and hard working rest of my life will start soon. I'm alternately trying to convince myself to do stuff and telling myself the trick is to not try to convince myself.

After the cold week ended on Sunday I woke up on Monday seeing the sun and it now feels pretty much like summer. I have nostalgia for the summer I experienced last year and also summer within a videogame I played last year. There were some fairly kino experiences, I have to admit. Of course I was sad as fuck at the time, but still.

I'm saving the latest Moldbug post for work hours.

My job is so boring. I don't feel like I can move things along with effort. It's like I'm on a track and doing everything provides little challenge.

Something sad is happening irl. Things seem to be improving and the only thing to do is wait. But things are uncertain.

Currently thinking of some recent years where I had so much free time and so little motivation for anything. I didn't even enjoy myself. I wish I had been reclusive and worked hard on stuff. I have never put sustained effort in to anything in my adult life.

I want to lose weight before summer so I'm not sweaty and fat for once. But cookies and crisps are my main source of pleasure.

Being an ugly male (whether I'm fat or not) is living life on very hard mode.

>be me
>wake up at 7.45 am
>browsed internet on phone
>tried to sleep again at 8.20 am and failed to do so
>start work
>work
>some cringey moments but I got through things
>not much to do on a Friday afternoon except send emails I had been putting off all week and sit in a few zero work meetings
>finish work
>go to supermarket; have a small shop (a pale shadow of the Friday night shop I had around five weeks ago)
>haven't exercised for a week because it's so cold
>browse internet
>watch first episode of new Adam Curtis show while eating chocolate, coffee, cola, and a lot of popcorn
>now lying in bed; will read a book (getting near the end of a long one)

There was some development in that really awful thing I had mentioned a while ago. Things are not good but they're a lot less awful and progressing positively.

I think people can sense how uninteresting I am (not just by assuming it due to my ugliness and betaness).

I see so many things all around me that I wouldn't be able to make if you gave me months, e.g., that pillow case, this phone, this keyboard software, fidget spinners.

I sit in my room, manipulating word documents and excel files while communicating solely with people who do the same type of work, and the stuff describes real world things done by real world people. I wonder what they'd think if they examined me working while standing behind my desk for a day.

Last weekend was really wasted but this one already seems like it will be ok.

I thought I was going to give up junk food after binging on each of the past few Sundays. But this was an illusion.

Is there any point buying shake as a poorfag? Without staking (only got $600 so can't afford 1 shake) is there much point in following if I can't shake it till I make it....

>be me
>drank coffee last night
>wasted time online
>felt so fat in evening; weighed myself at night
>decided to stop eating junk food until I weigh around 30 lbs less
>slept
>woke up an hour before work
>browsed internet on phone in bed instead of sleeping
>had a shit; weighed myself and I was 5 lbs lighter than last night
>started work
>worked
>had lunch
>finished lunch
>worked
>finished work
>realised it was too cold to go jogging
>ate some food, drank coffee, read the latest moldbugkino
>haven't had junk food since yesterday afternoon
>retired to bed before 9
>plan to read for a few hours and then sleep

I forgot to mention in one of my weekend posts that I went for a large supermarket shop on Friday evening, similar to that really comfy and cold night a few weeks earlier. But, as always, the second time was a pale imitation of the first time. Less comfy, less stuff to buy, warmer outside, not as bright inside, an all round less memorable time.

I watched videos of Vitalik this morning and felt so inferior. After work I felt like I had no vitality and no hope of doing anything productive. You know that dream where you punch something and your hand slows down as it gets nearer? That's kind of how I see everything while I'm awake. I wonder what life would be like if I started doing productive stuff.

I'm getting demoralised at work because my job is so pointless. There is so little to do. And my manager is in on the charade and only gives me positive feedback.

On multiple occasions in my life, some old normie guy asks me what I want to do with my working life, and every time I say some variation of "I don't know" and they seem to be at a loss. What would happen if I gave some specific answer?

>be me
>finish a low work week on Friday evening
>go for a short jog
>spend rest of evening wasting time online, drinking coffee
>sleep at 2 am (got in to bed at 11 am, said I'd browse the internet for a bit on my phone)
>woke up at 9 am on saturday
>browse internet on phone in bed
>watch abroad in japan youtube channel and learned about programme where you can go and teach english in japan for a year
>feel sad at not being the type of person to ever go backpacking or travelling or minimalist travelling
>haven't been outside of UK for 4 years
>go for a short walk in the park immediately, while there's daylight
>listen to cum town
>payday was here
>paying bills, putting money in savings accounts / investments felt kino
>finally (after 6 months of procrastination) put money in to crypto; buying it in the park, from an app, felt kino
>get back home, read book, eat, read the latest moldbugkino
>saving my binge for tonight

This is the stark level of patheticness and delusion a loser can have. I feel kino holding crypto after buying it now and immediately seeing it go down by 6 %. And someone who bought it years ago is a millionaire. I'm not sad at this. I'm just rationally pointing out my delusion.

The episode of Cum Town was really heavy in wallowing in the 90s kid nostalgia. They talked about ball pits.

Being outside in the morning on a Saturday felt strange. I felt so rich now that I have a few thousand in a few places. I felt like a rich NEET. Did everyone else's casual dress sense totally collapse in the early 2010s? Or is that an early 10s thing that I unconsciously chose to do?

Feeling extra blackpilled due to recent events and recently reading Moldbug's open letter. The recent events and Moldbug felt like the final pieces to knowing how the world works.

>be me
>posted a large whine topic last night
>spent rest of evening mindlessly browsing internet, didn't even play vidya or read a book
>woke up this morning
>browsed internet and drank coffee (to make the big Sunday shit come out before my long weekend walk)
>have the shit
>go for 11 mile walk
>listen to cum town, a rationalist podcast, a podcast with moldbug
>see more Staceys and qts than usual and my loserness hit home
>get back home
>eat food and some junk food
>will now drive outside, drink coffee, browse 4chan on my phone
>will buy hopefully the last binge food ever (have enough room left in my stomach for chocolate and possibly a Ben and Jerry's to celebrate my new healthiness, although I had that one or two weeks ago and it wasn't meaningful enough to make me change my ways)

I think I am getting close to convincing myself to doing productive things in my free time. I think tomorrow may be the day.

When my next paycheck comes I plan to buy crypto for the first time since early... 2014. I will hold the good stuff and speculate with shitcoin (stinky linky to start with). I'm n-not a sucker who missed out on the real gains, I'm a sensible value investor. Although the only stock I have bought individually, which was done a few months ago after reading a fluff piece bio of the CEO has since gone up by over 200 % lol. Maybe the YOLO Chad investing style is my true nature. I need to have a steel hand, catch the dead cats, jump off the top of burning peaks, and read the tea leaves through a fundamental bottom-up, values driven, long-short-with-sideways-inbetween heuristics. I now see the cash I'm holding in the bank as pathetic dead weight that's only for emergencies.

I can't believe it has been so many months since I've been in an in-person team meeting at work. I'm thinking about how many levels higher I'd be if I had got a job straight out of university and it makes me feel sad. If I could fake normieness I'd be the boss of my boss's boss right now.

>will never live in 1800s London
>will never live in early 20th century Vienna
>will never live in 50s LA
>will never live in 70s New York
>will never live in 80s Tokyo or today's Tokyo
>will never live in 80s Miami
>will never live in 2010s San Francisco
>will never live in 2030s Shanghai
>will never be an investment banker, working 80 hours a week and making lots of money
>will never be a management consultant, having a career rocket booster while making banal powerpoint slides
>will never work on a bank trading floor
>will never be a san francisco coder who makes $300k a year and who steps over homeless people
>will never go to an Ivy League college
>will never go to Oxbridge
>will never sit the Gaokao
>will never go to an Ecole university
>will never get Bitcoin rich
>missed the dotcom boom
>missed the crypto boom
>missed the venture capital book
>missed the web 2.0 boom
>missed the youtube boom
>missed the esports boom
>missed the soundcloud rapper booom
>didn't read maddox in 2000
>didn't browse something awful in 2001
>didn't listen to pop punk in 2002
>didn't browse 4chan in 2003
>didn't play xbox live in 2004
>didn't blog during 2005
>didn't hate Bush in 2006
>didn't browse twitter in 2007
>didn't browse hacker news in 2008
>didn't browse reddit in 2009
>wasn't an edgy atheist in 2010
>didn't use tinder in 2012 (or could have had any success)
>didn't create a substack in 2020 (and have nothing to say)
>will not have the gumption to use urbit in 2021
>will never have a gf
>will never go on a date or have any girl show any attraction ever
>will never un-blackpill myself about chad/non-chad dichotomy
>will never go to a nightclub
>will never enjoy any social event
>will never be able to go back to my under-/un-employed youth self and tell myself to enjoy it
>will never go to an english public school
>will never go to a kawai as fuck japanese high school
>will never be rich
>will never be hard working
>will never be passionate about anything
>will never fit in

>finish work on friday evening
>had very little work this week
>waste 3 hours on mindless internet browsing in bed; time passed quickly
>went for a joggerino
>read the rest of moldbug's open letter
>slept late (stayed up an extra few hours until almost 3 am watching youtube videos of people more successful than me)
>woke up at 10 am; the latest moldbugkino had dropped
>browsed internet on phone in bed for 30 minutes
>read a few chapters of a long non-fiction book
>played vidya for almost 2 hours
>ate normal food and the small amount of junk food left
>browsed internet, drank coffee
>went for a heckin driverooni
>went for a walk while listening to cum town but it was cold as fuck so I cut it short
>bought starboocks at eets pyoorest, sat in car browsing internet on phone
>bought binge food from supermarket, went home, ate it (thought about watching tinker tonker movie on bbc iplayer but just browsed internet)
>only a few hours left of Saturday before the mournful pre-weekday Sunday blues start after I sleep and wake up

I saw a post from myself from almost 5 years where I said I was sad I had missed the crypto rush... Ethereum has gone up by around 1000 times or something since then. Woops. I've missed it now. Although I would not have put a lot in it.

I wish I was the sort of person who weighed 30 kg less and thought he could eat a lot without getting fat but just had a small appetite. Being fat is a full time job. Hopefully I can stop binging after this weekend.

I may go for my long walk tomorrow but it always feels so pointless halfway through/

I'm still trying to figure out how to make myself do anything productive at all.

I looked up how a britbong could move to Murrika last night. It seems near impossible.

Now that coronachan has allowed me to save lots of money relative to nothing, it feels great. I no longer buy binge food and think to myself 'That's 1 % of my networth gone'.

>be me
>be me yesterday
>slept 8 hours but was somehow still tired
>started work
>worked
>finished work
>mindlessly browsed internet for 3 hours straight
>felt so demoralised for not having the gumption or energy to start doing anything productive without a wagecuck master bossing me about
>went for a short jog
>went to store to buy food
>bought food, including junk food for two days; realised I can't bear to give up binging
>ate some of it
>felt so fat
>realised I need to go for more walks, in addition to jogging; read that PM says lockdown may last until 2nd of April before even being eased
>go to bed; read open letter to open minded progressives
>sleep more than 8 hours before work
>wake up at 5 am, browse internet on phone in bed a little, saw that the latest moldbugkino had dropped, sleep again, woken up with alarm
>start work
>had lots of free time today
>read news about programmer who works on self driving getting pardoned by the eternal god emperor
>read programmer's wikipedia page; realise what he had done at my age and how subhuman I was for not working on hard technical things (or even anything technical at all)
>finished work
>have been browsing internet for an hour, drinking coffee, will go jogging, then probably some walking, then binging, then, ideally, vidya, reading, sleep

I have this strange worry that if I don't walk enough then my body will become wonky in some way, like a character from the Grubhub advert or a typical american.

There is nothing I really want to read. I have seen the epubs of some books I read in 2020 and I barely remember the content of some of them apart from a few sentences (why liberalism failed, democracy: the god that failed, the age of entitlement).

I am still trying to invent some work for myself to do at work. Things are progressing.

I saw a qt stacey hybrid on a work zoom call. She looked like a slightly less slutty version of that celebrity that is so slutty she is almost a porn star but not quite.

>be me
>played vidya and read a book last night
>woke up at 9.30 am today
>browsed internet on laptop for an hour, drinking coffee while waiting to have a shit before going for a walk
>go for a long walk that's almost 4 hours long
>listen to cum town, richard spencer podcast (i.e., FBI podcast), the absolute state of britain, a normie tier bbc podcast (had to constantly skip over parts because I'm becoming totally bored with normcore)
>eat food (no junk food left), browse internet
>wrote a little bit in my long term diary (desu)
>will go and buy junk food despite feeling fat; either today or an appropriate time in the near future will be my last binge ever

Seeing normies outside and chads and staceys that are 10 years younger than me hit hard. I am a loser and always have been.

I had this memory of a sunny day appear in my head while walking and I realised it was almost 8 years ago. I remember it because it was the day Nadal and Djokovic played in the French open in 2013. I have other random nostalgiacore memories which stuck in my head because of memorable tennis matches on the same day.

I watched the video of moldbug explaining Urbit and I felt so subhuman.

You're not going to believe this but around half of my job provides no value to the company. I am worrying because I have to construct an arbitrary schedule of work to do and pretend it will help. I know they won't say the stuff I'm doing is useless. It will merely be cringeworthy.

>finish work on Friday evening
>had been looking forward to an evening as comfy as the previous Friday
>knew it was a failed hope because there was no large shop to do and it wasn't as cold and I hadn't been working as hard that day
>spent around 3 hours lying in bed, browsing internet on phone
>got out of bed, browsed internet on laptop, went to shop, bought carby food, ate the food, went to bed, read a book, slept at 1 am
>woke up at 6 am
>browsed internet on phone for 1 hour, slept
>woke up at 11 am
>browsed internet on phone for 1 hour
>read a book for a while, went for a joggerino
>ate food, plus all the remaining junk food
>feel so fat, know that giving up junk food will be necessary because the gyms are fucking closed
>read a bit, now browsing internet, will read some more, then play vidya
>savouring the Saturday night no work tomorrow feels

Does anyone else get that "you need to go back to school to re-do your exams" recurring dream?

I am reading moldbug's open letter and it's all so blackpilling.

A large part of my job is literally BS makework. It's so embarrassing. I wish I could tell my manager it's pointless but if he disagrees then he won't see me as a "team player". My manager relies on that as a major team function, so it's not like he'll be pleased.

Hopefully I wake up early enough tomorrow to go for a long walk and see daylight.

Feels bad that Murrika is openly a one-party state.

Feels sad that I have never made money on the internet. I don't feel good for not having a tiktok or twitch etc., account. I don't cope. I know it's because of my lack of attractiveness and charisma. I feel jelly of kids who stream to thousands and make money.

I'm 30 now. I remember when I thought I "had time" 6 years ago. How the time flies by and is wasted.

This morning I watched scenes of the movie The Beach. I don't care if it has a dark twist and is a searing critique blabla, I am sad I have never done that. Every other youth did.

>be me yesterday
>wake up at around 6 am
>browse internet on phone until almost 9 am
>lie in bed, trying to sleep, realise I can't and there's not enough time anyway, get out of bed and start working
>work
>finish work
>go to lie in bed and read chapter of letter to an open-minded progressive before jogging
>realise I'm too tired to go jogging
>decide to rest my eyes at 7 pm
>sleep and wake up at 9.40 pm
>extended daytime napping always feels like time travel in to a time period that I haven't quite adapted to or belong
>skip exercise, go to shop, buy almost healthy food
>eat a lot of normal food while browsing internet; feel fat
>lie in bed, read a chapter of a book, sleep
>be me today
>wake up at 5 am (not GOOD)
>woke up from a believable dream where I woke up at noon and missed my work meetings (dream likely caused by high salt in the food)
>browse internet for almost 2 hours on phone in bed
>sleep for around 2 hours
>start work
>work
>work goes ok overall, despite a few cringey moments; trying to figure out how to tell my manager that half of my assigned duties are worthless (think he knows)
>finish work
>drink coffee, browse internet on laptop
>go jogging
>start jogging for my "long" jog (35 minutes); decide to keep going
>end up jogging for 1 hour straight, the longest I've ever done
>go to store, buy carby food
>eat while browsing internet, don't feel fat
>now typing this
>plan to retire to bed, read the latest moldbugkino, then another book

I'm realising more and more how I will never amount to anything. I am thinking of writing the definitive summary of my pathetic life and drawing a line under it. But I worry that if I sat down to write, I would run out of things to say by page 34 or something. If it was by page 3 then I could tell myself I am some sort of zen minded intellect but I know it would be something very pathetic and dull like page 34.

If Trump had any fucking power as president then people should be terrified that he's invisible now.

>be me
>played vidya last night
>slept
>woke up this morning
>browsed internet on phone in bed
>got out of bed, read book, drank coffee
>went for a joggerino
>had a big shitterino
>ate some fooderino (no junk food binge)
>browsed internet
>went for a drive, drank coffee, browsed internet on phone
>back home
>browsing internet on laptop, will play vidya in a bit

I googled "linkedin hedge fund london" and felt sad at the profiles. And not just the people younger than me. There are so many people making more than I'll ever make.

I randomly came across a video of a guy younger than me talking about a cool looking indie video game he made. Life is over.

I saw a topic about house prices in the UK. Brexit is kino but the lack of housing supply, plus parasites (poor, refugees, old, young, corporations, students, public sector) getting millions in handouts still need to be solved.

Hopefully this 30 hours without junk food can be continued. Maybe only one KFCerino every week or two would be acceptable.

Everything is imploding and tonight is the Saturn-Jupiter conjunction; a meme date for both linkies and zerps.

>be me
>Christmas holidays started recently
>days consisted of vidya (a fun new one and the one I'm 60+ hours in to), reading (two non fiction books, one a midwit book, another upper midwit / lower topwit), drinking coffee, giving up binging on junk food, binging 2 days later
>feeling sad at doing nothing productive
>looked at crypto / startup / silicon valley Twitter and felt so inadequate

Driving around feels extremely pointless when it's not after work.

I had another epiphany about how all encompassing and important fitting in and social skills are in the workplace (not good for my future prospects) but I then had the full epiphany: No matter how important I think normieness, looks, fake enthusiasm, and extroversion are in the working world, I'm still underestimating it.

My loserdom is hitting home (see above epiphany but slightly adapt it). The blackpill is now common knowledge (looks are everything, 80/20, most men are doomed, ugly people live lives on hard mode), even on Reddit. My 20s are gone and I enjoyed none of it. It was a fugue of sadness, regret at time wasted, inability to muster any motivation, and other negative emotions. I had no social life at all.

I went for a really long walk recently and listened to cum town, a rationalist podcast, and an alt right podcast. Cum Town has not been that good recently. I can't really give a crap about these alt right podcasts when they just gawk at the inevitable. I have enjoyed the Moldbugnaissance but I have no interest in his current more theoretical work behind the paywall. My approach to news is like my approach to food. I only really live for the binges / happenings.

One actual goal I have: I really want to lose 10 kg, at least, by next summer.

Reading books is pure consumercuckoldry. I get not a lot out of it.

I have no expertise and there's nothing I can talk about at length or in depth.

I am hoping being an ugly loser can motivate me to do anything but sadly that hasn't worked so far.

>be me
>finish work on Friday
>go to gym but weights are too crowded so I use the cardio machines
>sleep
>woke up
>browse internet on phone in bed
>went outside to do chores
>went driving, drank coffee, read a non-fiction book
>ate food, plus binge food
>play vidya
>go to gym
>decide I've left it too late to go to gym so don't go
>drive around; almost got another coffee but just browsed internet on phone
>played vidya at home
>now tired and lying in bed, will sleep soon

Just a few more working days until the Christmas holidays.

I am feeling particularly at not being a top 0.1 % genius today. I watched some George Hotz videos and felt so sad. I think I've lost the will to do anything productive.

I feel like the past week has further redpilled me on how everything at work is related to social skills and networking. Not due to any significant negative consequences for me, it was just triggered by a few small things. My job is also very BS and unnecessary.

I thought the vidya I'm playing through would feel more rewarding but it's feels like a brainless and moderately fun distraction.

Also feeling sad at how ugly and charismaless I am.

>be me
>wake up an hour early
>browse internet on phone instead of sleeping
>start work
>finish work
>will now go and drive around and drink coffee and browse internet on phone
>will go to gym for cardio instead of jogging in the cold (first time I've done this since last winter)
>will then go home, have some sort of binge, play vidya, read, sleep

During the morning of work, as it was cloudy and damp outside, I had this flashback of myself in a minimum wage retail cuck job, sitting on my break, as it was dark and damp outside on a weekend evening, laughing at the shitposts on /biz/. I looked at the prices of BTC and ETH then and now and I realised how much I could've made (that was pre/during-literally blowing my entire savings on junk food (I've since built it all up)). It's not really the lack of the money that's bad, it's knowing that that period of loserdom wasn't redeemed in any way and as purely a waste of time.

If it wasn't for that very sad thing I won't talk about on here, life would be comfy right now.

I saw some blog posts claiming the great stagnation is over. Woops, I didn't make money back when you needed no skills. Now you need either a 180 IQ or specialised technical skills to be rich